when the axe falls.

i voted once and then it was a walkover. the feeling of minute power immense as i held tight on my polling slip and queued patiently in line to mark the X on where i thought will mark changes into the future. not only my future but that of my family, my kids. not bad at all i kept telling myself and looked around to see others keeping to themselves. the amount of people that morning was a lot. the queues went right around the block and it seemed like they pulled out even the most seniors from the civil service closet on standby.

no dramas ensued of course. we are singaporeans afterall but at second glance i wondered if everyone felt that much in them other than 'voting is compulsory'. i sensed some simmered with the need to make a difference somehow. even if it means voting for someone we hardly knew. damn! i couldn't even explain what democracy means then! its not much of a secret to many where my X was going to be. i knew we needed 'alternative voices' and i still needed to stay a rebel somewhat :p

tomorrow is nomination wednesday. election fever has reached new highs if i base my own experiences from the past. i still feel pissed i didn't get to vote on the recent 13th but it has since subsided the last 4-5 years or so. seeing that nothing much have changed, in fact its gotten a bit stale and worse, i realised that of course there'll be trash and mumbo-jumbo shit floating around. as it is in the realm of politics and politicians, its one huge drama. we get tired of being boring one party ruled state. the opposition is there but have they achieved much or have they been just 'noise'?

i enjoy malaysian politics and of course the taiwanese actually fight in parliment hehe. they draw arms and shoot people elsewhere in the world. reading about these going ons in the political world make me appreciate 'boring one ruled state'. BUT! up to date, we have singaporeans going into details about the candidates looks, sexual orientations and beleive it or YET again the issues of identity. all race based of course. wowwEEEeeee! so sexciting. NOT. what else can be put into the spotlight ehk?

well, i'll know for sure if i do get to mark that X this year by lunchtime tomorrow? we'll all be given the day off on may 7th and the consolation for me is that there'll be a party later that night. i made kama promise to go with me even though i'm still unsure where should i put my mark that day. or what to expect truly from all the excitement which looks like its stemming much from anger and discontentment.

BLEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

checking on the fundamentals now and erasing the hoopla of political hubris so that i can make an informed choice. i want strength and honesty to be my basics *gulps* and it sheepishly looks like it spells PAP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls hair* OR OR ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....the axe falls again on my instincts to put in the vote for the rebels. JUST cause........

they might trace my doodles on that poll slip and ban me forever from voting.

pensive,

j.amyemeelea

ps: i know what VAPID means weird uncle.

involuntary dreams..

why should good news hurt my feelings? especially now? *sigh* i can't stop dreaming and who knows why i do but good or bad, i'd find a way to tell it to you. anyway i know you mean well. so i'll just keep that in mind.

even though it hurts again to know that i'll be ALWAYS last to know if you can ever help it.

anyway, no one ever believed me so why should you hehe....

never sane,
amy

ps: congratulations! don't faint *lolol*

somethings broken and its YOU

..were you even born!

so i did rent that dvd of the 3 idiots for ditto boy. he asked why i wans't home but thats beside the point isnt it? he wanted to have movie night but couldn't rent the dvd because of his foreign talent status. apparently he doesn't want to cough up the 50 security deposit. me being nice and actually feeling his sad lonely nights went ALL the wayyyyy out to rent that dvd so that he can gather the rest and watch that movie. also, i felt guilty because he bought garrets popcorn for the intended movie night but didn't promise to watch it with them. he got pissed but he didn't say much so that was that. that was SUNDAY.

today is THURSDAY.

dvd is not returned! )**&^&%^$&&(*_)(+)+__*()(^

i'm heading back tonight and WILL have to return the dvd and pay the fine. which is fine because i need to run errands too BUT still anger-anger with his farkendooodoo reply of my request to help return the dvd. his exatc reply for ALL of facebook to see is:

ditto asshole :- Okay, for one thing, why the hell are you asking me? I can't be at 2 places at once y'know. Ask Gail. Or if for once she actually comes home to stay, ask Eeqa.
57 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person <-- i liked this immediately.

of course he didn't take it as sarcasm OH-BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...he's a piece of shit. THERE! and yes ditto..i really mean it and when i GET the opportunity to tell it to your FACE. I'll slap it like wet undies over your crapdoodle face a gazillion times. i wish you could never FART douchebag! ninano!!!

well, he's going away for the weekend back to his home country so tonight will be sweet respite. i wonder what i can 'do' *evilgrin* to make him NOT come back or at least get into trouble at the airport :p TSSSK.

so before i spoil my weekend mood...i shall inhaleeeeeeeee and exhaleeeeeee. hopefully this feeling of giving you a MAHA-ENEMA up yours will abate.

get out of my uncaring heartlander face!

j

weekend roll

<-- jogja's oldest surviving kopitiam at malioboro street. as taken by mr. wunderkind who really likes it when i laugh and crinkle my eyes. i think i look still very much my cheshire self :D

the meeting at work just ended and everyone has left. i'm supposed to meet the terrors at kak tina's but now they are out for some ice cream. i am sure they blackmailed her to get them out of the house using my failed promise of mcdonald's delivery. i don't think we can make it for movie night at the loft now. since its already 8pm and am not sure if the rental place will stay up. i'm not sure WHY i even agree on doing this. only because i pity poor ditto who couldn't rent a dvd UNLESS he puts in a security deposit of 50 dollars. anyway i'm going to RENT the thing once and for all so that he'd stop bugging me about it. the movie is so 2009 and he can't seem to get it out of his head. URGHHHHHH. i could get an ulcer just thinking about him going on and on and ONNNNNNN.

for now, its getting the kids back the loft to stay the night. and then to deal with their complaints about terror 3 and their boring, awful few weeks at home. then its a rush tomorrow to send them back home before 3pm because they have thier tuition in the afternoon. apprently thats reasonable to the kids and i don't want to argue or fight it. i need the rest. of course there are other tons of stuff i could do like laundry and clean the house :p i might just trawl some hobby & crafts places to source for my pet projects. i intend to make a few birthday presents. namely for terror 2 and 3 whose birthday is in may. kama's as well. not forgetting...its bobbys birthday in a few days time too. he's turning 32.

AHA! best thing to happen today is that i have figured out a way to get internet connection!! its the wire around the house solution again. tried it out before i left this morning and it worked! just need to get the internet cable. just need it to be long enough so that i could surf in my room and not in the living room. hellOOOoooo movies *ahems* or rather more reading and of course writing :D

the not so good stuff but quite relieved that it didnt fully materialise was when lindot told me she wants to go ahead with a much more conventional aprroach to getting rich. its been 2 months of talking but its not good enough progress for lindot. i can understand why she wants it to fly so there is no reason why she should wait. its her dream anyway and like biks said, why wait on someone else to realise your dreams. i'm not arguing that at all. it just makes me now wonder if i've met all my goals and objectives this year?

frankly, i'm happy with myself. gosh...i sound so lifeless and boring :p BUT! i know i must lose weight muahahaha. i can't fit into my jeans today. trip to jogja was a nice respite. we ALMOST went skinny dipping at the pool but our sensibilities made us brake at the front door. i went with no expectations (as always) and so the surprises came easy. the only purchase was for biks lil something. which i'm going to work on too.

dehemit.

why do i choose sleep over eveything?!

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea.

post its

- lack of jealousy only means double the securities and NO it does not mean he doesn't love you. UNLESS you've been cheating, then try not to quack in your pants every time he asks questions :D orh~ disclaimer : a bit is still needed but its called compersion.

"Right inside the jealous episode is a fiery core of erotic passion. It may surprise you how good it feels, and if you get there, you can be sure you're stepping right into compersion." - in other words, tread carefully.

- buy rope. its for the idiots to hang themselves. che. michelle, please go first.

- FTW. means = For The Win ps: those who often use this loves RPG :p

- your vote is important which is why i'm sleeping in on that day.

- its not generation gap between you and me. i wasn't paying attention. yes, you caught me. HAPPY NOW?! *smirk*

- not writing down stuff BACKFIRED major!

another wall!

terror one just called. very bad reception am not sure why. i tried calling back but there wasn't any answer. she sounded sad and hesitant. only because she wanted my reply to be "YES! LETS!!" no questions asked.

obviously i told her i already have plans for this weekend. assumed that they'd be busy with their dad.i do the assuming only when i'm tired. it sucks. i feel very SUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

before she crackled off, i TOLD her that it was the promise to call me by friday night. every friday night, she has to tell me IF we'd meet for the weekend. so i'd know and arrange my time to go and pick them up. her excuses or rather explanation was, "i got back late and couldn't call you." i told her off, couldn't, wouldn't shouldn't..which is it?

the line broke off before we could say goodbye. i imagine her hanging by the phone. trying to make sense why her mum had to be so brusque. the rest will ask why and then shrug to mean 'yeah, your not THE favourite now.' or something else. the dad and stepmum will of course use this as another example of my lack of love to the terrors.

tsk.

annoyed,
j.amymeelea

the writing on the wall

i finally know how to hide my wall from others today!

so far i can hide from individual people because i DO NOT want to express my interests and experiences and connect with people who do not like the same things as i do.

and i believe i can ALSO hide it from a WHOLE group of people if i wanted to. that's what the friendlists are for.

SO FAR i have only blocked completely people who i do NOT want to connect at all from my facebook. its a total 14 peeps i personally found distasteful in character and behavior.

now i am seriously rethinking if i want to extend that list to include minority groups. to maybe look like :-

1) those who can see my wall posts but not my photos
2) those who can comment on my posts but not on my wall
3) those i call my friends but do not ever want to meet them in person
4) those who are family but are so far removed from my reality that they must not see my tagged photos. to avoid gossips at family events you see

.........

BLEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why the hell is this totally bugging me? privacy settings are FARKING bugging me!!! how in heaven's name do you people do it man *lips quiver*


stay sane,
j. amyemeelea

plugging it

its back to land of shadows next week before a short stint in bongoland aka kay el, malaysia. i wish to be anywhere BUT here after the recent fiasco but i bit my tongue at simply blowing wishes. simple ones at least. i don't want to end up in shadowland while there's another quake OR how gross will it be that the ride up to bongoland be on a bus full of roaches.

i tried to think, feel and work on the details once again. my mind drew blanks and the scratches on paper illegible.

NUMB.

yeaps, some travel should do it. IT BETTER!

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

hard decisions

you asked me if i have given up. why don't i fight hard enough. how could i not want to push a little harder for your sakes. will it be difficult to stop smoking, cover up and basically do everything you say.

YOU SAY!
YOU SAY!!!
YOU ALL SAY!!!

i must do this, that and a whole thousand little must must musttttttttttttttttttt to prove that i care. i love you. i really do.

sacrifice. do it for us! US! US!!!

it got very emotional for me. even though its really nothing new. i have these face offs with your dad and your stepmom and the rest of the world out there for yonks = close to 8 years in fact. it shouldn't have been too difficult for me to laugh it off. scoff at the stories and flip them away as sillyspeak and then skip alongside with you to dinner.

why?

because it still hurts.

why?

am i not human?

ultimately..it just crossed my mind.

i am your MOTHER!!!

you know it, they know and i can definitely confirm that fact but....WHY?! WHYYYY?!!! must they keep you away from me unless i do as YOU SAY. THEY SAY.

its not so much the you says that blows my short fuse but its the : WE say because THEY told us to say that i cannot..simply cannot tolerate anymore.

so there.

i'm going to take my time again with this issue but am going to give it till end of this year. i will do what i need to do and can do for you with NO ONE to TELL me what to do.

not even you terrors.

this is hard and i cannot even fathom how i am going to do it. everything i did, i had to do was for the 3 of you. as the 3 of you have been my meaning to life, my sanity. but i guess...i'll be alright. mama will always be steady.

how did i get this numb?

j.amyemeelea

irrefutable.

friends in need are friends indeed and then right after that, the maxim 'no news is good news.' :p

i need to build up my contact base again, reconnect with a lot more than just a few but don't worry mates! no obligation...i won't sell you something OR am i??? chillax ok..i just lost my phone what :D so expect the unexpected!

*cue freaky music*

to the hombre who got a parking ticket yesterrday at kampong glam cafe because he was too busy ogling the girls across the table. you gave me a GOOD bellyful laugh hehehehehe...and massacre angel, it was the bomb seeing you again. glad we still think of each other fondly. i like that we can still finish each others sentences and yar..nonit to talk already. just see me soon! even if its for a dastardly run. remember buddy...i DON'T DO early sunday mornings if you don't matter!!!!!!!!

i hoping the terrors will be in and seriously...if tonight dito is going to ask me to speak SOFTLY i'm going to box him in the ears. biar baru betul-betul PEKAK kau duh~

kama come backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!

its all about timing

plans were already in place. i was stalking for a new one. it needn't be flashy but at least of the right size. of course i couldn't decide whether it should have a touch screen or just a normal keypad. i have my eyes on the E7 but it looked too bulky for me. also i've gotten used to the bangla kesian hand me down. it was useful and helped loads while the last Ding-aling reamins dead. unrevived.

well, the unnamed bangla phone has gone back to yindia or wherever it wants to roam. i was left clueless because i only realised it went missing after 1 whole night. i didn't even mourn or grief. it was just meant to be but i do regret not saving the smses. there were about 2000+ from kama that i couldn't bear to delete. i had wanted to print them out and make them into a wrapping paper for a non existent gift come his burstday. well, now i could just count on the inbox messages from facebook then hurhurhur.

i've got a nifty new fone. its a nokia 1800 courtesy of kama who didn't panic or made a big huge fuss of me losing bangla. it doesn't have a camera but it has a flashlight! and a talking clock!!! *muahahaha* we got it right after confirming the loss and poor kama, he had to use the last of his emergency cash to get me nifty. we had to trawl jaypoint even though kama has agoraphobia *patpat* :D finally after hunting down the cheapest one (ok there was another cheaper version, diff of 3 bucks) i chose nifty because its purplish. box said its RED anyway.

so new number, new phone and finally its got a name. hello nifty ;) you're such gem because you remind me that everything is broken, everyone gets lost but it only matters how you pick up the broken pieces and want lead it home. great timing! so now you can TELL TIME to meeeeeeeeeeee :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: iphone tue best? pakai tak ALL the FEATURES yang ada? but it is said lar, you just got to get use to model-model baru nie. tak pakai maka tak tahu ehe ehe ehe ehe...

on patience.

naturally as a social butterfly with extreme introvert sensitivities, i'm bubbly and calm whenever in company. afterward, once done with the brouhaha of the festivities and connections made i sneak away to hibernate. the length i need to reflect and replenish my energy (like a bear) has a wide range. sometimes, i could take days before i make another appearance and hopefully sane but usually a good work out (BEDminton anytime! :p) or a long slow walk to nowhere brings me back to my sensibilities.

i'm a single mom for a total of 8 plus years now. in between i was a hanger-on closet bridezilla wannabe. thanks to the ex lebabi, i have lost all the need to be bridezilla plus! now i am convinced that marriage is over-rated. at best, all that connects to being a wife and a mom...is bittersweet.

my friends do worry and my loved ones (hopefully) have since given up trying to guide me. as i firmly mould and shape me by my own experiences. some may call me a cynic, stubborn and more than often they simply ignore my confounding replies. who can blame me for having free will and freedom of choice right? >)

today after another dashed weekend with the terrors, i find myself questioning my own free wheeling way i accept my stumbles. i miss them but at the same time, i understand and accept why they are not with me. it dawned on me that they CHOSE to be with their father instead of me.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

this blog doesn’t dream

the main theory about dreams is how the brain tries to purge and categorise our thoughts as we dream. Where it rejects the bad and then put in the memories into place. Dreams serve as a defragmentation process of sorts. Of course this is just 1 of the many theories out there.

during dreamtime, i apparently snore and kama has to tickle my nose to make me stop but i swear i don’t unless i’m totally whacked :p

i like dreaming whether awake or in sleep and i have been a serious recorder of my dreams at least those vivid ones. Recently i’ve been dreaming a lot more at the new place. The saddest ones will be those where my late parents show up and take on a role. Usually during those dreams, i’d wake up crying. It’s the wetness on my cheeks that wake me up as that’s the only way you could wake me anyway :p of course you can tickle me angry but beware i will scratch, kick and punch. Hence they all hate to wake me up IF i do wake up at all.

Then there are those scary nightmares of monsters or ghosts that leave me exasperated. But those i’ve managed to overcome by actually taking control and they actually turn comedic. This was weird but such a relief! Recurring dreams could also be that i have loads on my mind or just an adjustment to new surroundings. I’ve dreamt of LKY before. He opened the door all smiley and waving like ms. Universe to a horde of people and THEN suddenly YANKED the closest guy to cobble him on the head *lololol* that was after we had this very funny conversation about politics over dinner.

With all these dreams, i would have thought my brain will do the processing faster and coherently right? WRONG. Its Friday and i’m freaking tired. Too tired to think and hopefully tonight too fucking tired to dream as well.

WORST is..................i on farkendoodoo WORKING tomorrow.

Rant list for this week:-
1) Debts are hiking up and i’m beginning to HATE paying rent.
2) The only way i can really tidy up my room is to burn everything or! To hell lar with charity..i’m throwing away all those clothes!
3) The next time you ask me to copywrite, i’m going to charge you! And i don’t care if you’re going through a hard time. Your whining is seriously turning me off. And its not funny how you try to engage me into your small talk by taking advantage of my sweet nature. Babi siak.
4) I want to go kay el with kama! Why can’t money fall off from the sky? I threw mariam out the window already what : ( ooPs...err..okay i shall not go there *gulps*
5) Why do you even ask philosophical questions when all that you want to hear are the echoes in your hollow mind? Don’t get me started on the state of your soul because TALK to the HAND! The opposite of justice is INJUSTICE where i believe your actions truly show where you firmly stand on right now. Yes, you can do injustice to yourself by ONLY wanting to listen to praise. Wah! Yourre so AWESOME~ when in fact you make me PUKE.
On a good note, i saw mew by chance when i met the girls yesterday. We air kissed and glad she looks and feels just like the kittyspit i know. Miss that wisecracking bitch, her self depreciating humor i do so miss and I do so wish your ‘trying’ will bear fruit : )

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: i WILL erase you from my dreams just like i killed those really scary momoks. they are SOoOOoo sad!!!! and those are reseve for the late dada and mama. At best, try to lean more on on kasos okay? Has she seen you cry? I trust it will help unless she truly is the super lembek nak mampos type and cries even more than yours truly. This time, you are on your own buddy.

going on forward.

i'm still stuck in the office when i need to get out and drop by bobi's place to pick up my mail and then handover his keys. apparently he's not even the least curious or interested to know where i live and maybe the last sms about mail was to check whether i am dead or alive. my mail must be POURING in and taking up the whole living room space hence the sms.

but thats bobi for you. he's blunt and terse. as much as i can be verbosely scathing with my words.

i'm just in a bad mood. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

march madness

its only the beginning of march and i can't wait for APRIL 2011. nothing more depressing than looking at your bank balance TSK...MAJOR TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKK...i need to seriously look into my finances again. yeaps, the brunt of paying rent has bitten my ASS big time and i'm getting the jitters.

please school, DO not take my money NOoOOooow! i wants to go holiday bohoooo hooo hooooooooooooooooooooooo~ *chokes*

the days of spending what i have and not spending when i don't must cease immediately if i want to have some semblance of normalcy being a working rat. the taxi uncle was right when he said singapore is paradise when you have money but paralyse when you don't. I can actually see bobi in my head doing a whoopeedo, cartwheels and all dance while chanting serve you right! Serve you right jig *shoOOOoo!*

thinking about this is NOT helping GAHHHHHHHH..but issues as such need a wee bit attention lest i slip into dreaded procrastinations. Now wishing for the general elections to come sooner *hehe* so that we could already enjoy the 800 bucks dished out. Like PRONTO..as you note my sentiments for the upcoming elections too have underlying ulterior motives. I’m Singaporean and SHOULD be apathetic mah *sigh*
i got excited about the showdown on television where it was billed as opposition battling tongues with reigning pappies and blabbed it to kama.BUT! i missed it over the weekend. there's links on youtube though so will check it out later. OI! just because its rare and why 2 pappies?? why must EXCLUDE chee soon guan! he's in jail already ehk?

I remembered the last time i got to vote we still had them rallying around on lorries! Those were days when i went around the house with nothing but my undies. Ehk! I still do *snigger* and even less when....*coughTOOMUCHINFOcough* i’d look out the windows and be thinking its the ice cream man! Or the durian seller! But nope..its them people shouting for changes! More power to the people! So exciting *hehe* but terror 1 saw those long ago clips on teevee last weekend and laughed at them. She can’t figure out why these ministers or politicians could go on lorries to rally. See! Even an 11 year old can’t justify your salaries! >p i don’t think they can or DO the rallies anymore. The last public rally held last year *??!!* in hougang gathered so MANY people hungry to listen out what these leaders of the future had to say. jam hor! don't play play.

Noting here that the terrors need to feel that their votes count and why it matters. Will add a sidenote about ‘walkovers’ *muahahaha* just so they don’t get disappointed when suddenly your right to vote doesn’t matter. LIKE MINE! But at least i did manage to tick the poll papers ONCE in my lifetime *prrrft* i would rather draw stars and stickmen in mine for future IF i ever get to do it one more time.

Hrmm...on a parting note yagog and magog are Chinese! :p

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: therapy tonight is laundry *GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!* and also smelling and rolling about in 'dirty laundry' *snifffffffffffffffffffINHALE*

ignorance is dangerous.

another soulful conversation with karna :)

some people avoid big words.even bigger issues and of course everyone hates the sad stories. you baby...LISTEN and doing what you do best....make me think. and i don't believe its a job hazard :p

OOpps~ did i just refer you to 'baby'? *gulps*

maybe its the synchronized smses or it could be the tingles you make me feel. you DO kiss like a woman! hehehe..but yeah...

the soul, it doesn't want to stay quiet, silent. happy is as happy does baby. ignorance is bliss only when its other people haha! okay..certain people then!

counting the hours love *okay please hurl now* TILL your bongo shift is over~ *sniffsniff*

stay sane,
kittykat

ps: err~~..i'd pass you the biggest bag to throw up into okay? :D SO LOMENTIK buay tahan siak *lolol*

it IS of course inching closer..

whats happening in mid east to home. the lining up of the crazies and stacking up of the demented!

SHITTE!!!!

how many years before sillypore sinks ehk?

wait?!!

didn't i preach always have plan b?

what the HELL is mine?!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

mork & mindy..hey! jet li now singaporean you know

Ditto smsed me last evening about the flood in the laundry room. We’re playing guess who opened the back windows wide before leaving home game :p i don’t think i did open any windows except for the ones in the balcony because that’s the smoking area. Both gail and ditto is trying to FREAK me out!! The house is immense and could get echo-ey when you’re all alone doing nothing. I’d have the tv on and ditto will have his blackberry on full blast. Just to fill in the void.

The framed picture of the 3 cats on the front door fell off and revealed a small wooden ganesh. We left it off but i noticed it took a LOT of blue tack and black tape to secure the frame over it in the first place. The unit number sums up to 6 and i don’t know what went on in my brains to settle it down on 3?!! Both ways 6 is a mathematically perfect number, and 3 is a prime number? But according to others 7 is the perfect number? Well it’s the damn perspectives again at chaos.

Bongoland news is about bulus (pubic hair found and stated as evidence in the anwar case) and i had to chuckle when i heard about it. At times it can be funny but stretched too long it loses its novelty and becomes truly stupid. I can understand why karna hates to go back there and stay over more than 48 hours. In sillypore, another toddler of 3 died recently from a head butt from unemployed mom’s boyfriend. She vomited on the guy. I see a trend here forming. Ziezie updated facebook with a status about a naked man acting dead on bus no. 170 this morning and i had to recall the naked cleaner from few weeks back. The crazies are stacking up. Then there is the matter of fluff from the recent Sillypore Budget 2011. YEAY! We might not have to pay for TV & radio license fees anymore and i support to boot Ministry of Information, Communications & Arts. Or completely revamp their policies man. Think of the mayhem that will cause haha! More power to the underground arts scene ;) more independents!! Surely Singapore with our size can manage the flow of creativity right? Somehow, i don’t see that happening because where would our art degree holders DO when they graduate? *gulps* just check the vacancies open at www.mica.gov.sg and BEHOLD! More jargon bureaucratic titles and responsibilities:-

e.g :- Job Description : SENIOR MANAGER / MANAGER / ASSISTANT MANAGER (RESEARCH)
Your role will focus on economic research, which includes statistical data collection, analysis and research to support the formulation and review of policies and initiatives in the economic and social sectors under MICA’s purview. You will undertake the design of data collection tools such as surveys, derive implications for MICA’s business areas, and apply statistical methods for modeling and simulating policy impacts. You will also provide guidance and advice to MICA HQ Divisions and Statutory Boards, in areas such as performance measurement and international benchmarking. Your role will involve facilitation of MICA’s strategic planning process and the formulation of annual strategic plans.

But we can’t all be celebrities and the performers lah. And for a bit ‘modeling’?? or is it ‘modelling’? damn it! What about yodelling?! That i can understand. This is what we sillyporeans do best. Think and THINK and thought somemore. THEN let the foreign talents DO *hehehe* nermind if get spelling, grammar all wrong. Its okay because its singlish mah! Unlike you peoples from united world of elsewhere...all rubbish only. England also cannot speak then how am i suppose to order my KFC chicken!

Then i find more and more of us speaking about feeling alien here but at home elsewhere (like Australia!) ehk? Then there it goes again the old adage: the grass is always, ALWAYS GREENER elsewhere. Maybe not bongoland *muehehe* but if you think renting a 2 storey terrace in johor bahru which includes security guards for just RM1200/- as compared to being pigeon-holed here in sillypore as ‘more worth it’. Who the hell cares? Maybe your kids will swear and scream at you for having to wake up at 4am to make it in time for school BUT we have each our own poison. Or try to limit our intake of mild forms of vitriol somehow.

I’m still on a hunt for couplings! But yeah...benny will have to do for now.

Stay sane,
J.amyemeelea

Ps: "We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him."~ Napoleon Bonaparte – MUAHAHAHA! *chokes*

failed at chicken

Cooking didn’t happen yesterday and the almost crawling taxi ride back home in the hard drizzle only made the pounding in my head grow harder *gah!* the windows to the loft was all shut so i’m guessing no one is back yet. I decided to walk up and buy dinner instead. Chicken something my tummy growled so i walked towards the coffeeshop to decide. Then i heard someone calling out for me only to glance at my cousins or are they my uncles? Hrmmm...but i recognised the faces immediately and went up to say hello. Turns out extended family from dad’s side is LIVING UPSTAIRS. It hit me that i’m surrounded by family. It felt quite odd actually.

Haste exit lead to me staright to the western kitchen and ordered half a chicken with sides. It was French fries (soggy and stringy), egg salad that smelt funny with coleslaw which was at best thick with mayonnaise. The girl behind the counter asked if i wanted the roasted or fried chicken and wanting to keep down the fat intake i chose roasted.

BAD BAD BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD choice. The chicken smelt funky but i thought it was the humidity and my lost appetite from the ride home. The door was wide open but gates locked ofcourse. The three stone angels kept the heavy doors open. Spunky has a new playpen! And i said a loud hello and heard ditto messing around in the kitchen. He was making noodles with the frozen mix veg from the fridge.

lesson tow self remidner ultimate : DO NOT EAT EVAR AGAIN AT THAT STALL

We both plunked ourselves in front of the huge tv and he recounted the okto shoot at the loft last Monday night. I was away *ahems* for the night but what i heard from diot was they DID shoot through the wee hours of the morning. Ditto counted about 20 people who stared at him throughout till they finally settled on the assumption that he actually LIVED there. the little nyonya dubbed in malay was showing on tv but we had it changed to evening news on cna before settling on a documentary dribbling about on the life of Australian sea lions.

So we had ‘the talk’. It was mostly about how he got his American accent and his family back home. It felt nice to hear him speak so freely even with the drone from the HUGE teevee was blasting away. I shall induct the boy into dinner with no teevee soon enough thats my goal! The hammering in my head subsided in the hot shower that followed and while we both continued later about superman vs batman (very very geeky convo) gail had already came back. He joined us to add on to the geek factor before we took timeout for another episode of ‘how i met your mother’!!

I think my books were MOLESTED! Yet i don’t see any missing SO FAR. There were gaps where books should be and they were all neither here nor there. i note that they fingered my historical romance books most. Hope it was a girl hurhurhur...i reread brida and then the witch of Portobello to sleep. Kama had good news about being in a panel for the UN. On that note plus parting goodnight from ditto that went ‘thanks for being mom amy’ i slept and didn’t want to wake up!

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: you’re cool amerindo boy. I bet you have superpowers! GO READ AYN RAND LARGH! :p

People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk.
Ayn Rand

masak gasak day!

whenever overseas and being asked who and what i am (includes the where), i'm inclined to introduce myself as singaporean first and then malay second. i don't get sentimental listening to majulah singapura now but i can name more or less 80% of the so called celebrities who sing ‘this is home’?? on local tv! dick lee, rahimah rahim, sheikh haikal and Jacinta! :p well, this is a born and bred sillypore gal/guy *teeeheehee* mah~

but recently after gail asked me what is singapore’s national food/local food (ROJAK!? Chillicrab!!) and numerous other encounters with taxi drivers asking where i am from got me to rethink how i should introduce myself. Have i started to be more ‘others’ than just Singaporean? We do have an identity crisis amongst us actually ehk? What truly is being Singaporean when even our local patois of singlish is quite common heard in Malaysia? Where there they call it manglish!

This is where the sitcom at the loft gets interesting because the guys round up as a mix of one plus whatever. We have a malay gal who thinks she’s Spanish but actually Indonesian Chinese. Cue in her boyfriend who is Australian but speaks singlaish/manglish perfectly! And his Italian is perfecto as well. Apprenlty where he grew up in perth has much entrenched intalian influence. The Indonesian speaks like a true blue American and a smattering of german to boot besides slipping into pitch perfect street bahasa when we trade recipes. I can safely say the only Gail sounds Filipino still and actually slipped into Filipino while we watched American idol last week. He forgot we were NON Filipinos, yeaps...go figure.

Besides rethinking my intros, i’m less attached to anything or anyone now. I want to feel anchored and have sense of belonging but i trail at nothing. I looked around at my belongings spread across the room and to think years have passed and i’m still a hermit crab or sorts. Perhaps, the only thing of any permanence is just my blood ties to the 3 terrors where i’d always be mama ehk? Will it be so bad not to ever own a house? A car? dare i say even think about being married so i could ‘belong to someone’??? should we separate the intangibles from the desires of a bred materialist to understand who we are?

Wokay! Times up~...going home to cook lemak cili padi chicken and be merry :p wonder what the guys at home been up to.

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: what makes me...moi?