new toy!!!

registered and proudly named : le kinks or as nicknamed Ah Keen.

j@e at work trying to wave away work tediousness.

one can only plan..

che. markedi has gone for about two months now and since then we've been adjusting to a new boss. a lean snarling 62 year old tiger who snaps just because he can. the changes he made around was swift. he just had to say go and he'd expect things to just fly themselves into place. needless to say i hate his guts but at the same time admire his balls haha!

jokes aside, its been a tough few weeks. i'm pretty drained.

consider this as a list of things i've been up to lately:

1) drag my feet back home everyday afetr wrok feeling like hot steaming fresh shit.
2) entertained with those who matter :- movie, diner, drinks, 5-6 longish phonecalls, ciggreate breaks, playing host to weekend sleepover, weddings, saved kicked-out kids (which resulted to a scuffle between thier father in a police station), swam at the pool and yes many many msn chats with biks too.
3) saw a physical meltdown and doubted myself if i really had nursing abilities. poor kama had to deal with a chick on domesticity overdrive.
4) bought a kinldle! and won the office raffle becoming the proud owner of a toshiba regza at1s0 tablet!!!! \YEARGHHHH!/
5) battling with loading my vpn installer at the workdesk and tablet so that i can surf on amazon in peace! damn you U.S my ASS stupid capitalistic aims!
6) in despair over the measly 19 titles (it seems suspicious that it says 23 items on my kindle now) that i have on my kindle:-

• The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes, Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, 1859-1930
• Alice's Adventure In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
• American Gods, Neil Gaiman [reading : so far so good first base in protagonist in prison] 
• Vikram and the Vampire; Classic Hindu Tales of Adventure, Magic, and Romance, Richard Francis Burton [read: sneaky cheeky stories ala 1001 tales] 
• An Ideal Husband, Oscar Wilde 
• Household Tales by Brothers Grimm, Jacob Grimm (1785-1863) and Wilhelm Grimm (1786-1859) 
• The Idiot, Fyodor Dostoyevsky 
• The Prince, Niccolo Machiavelli 
• The Illiad, Homer 
• A Scarlet Bride, Slyvia McDaniel [read: it was bad that i kept asking myself why the hell do i read thrashy novels like this]
• Whispers in the Sand, Barbara Erskine 
• Kindle User Guide, Amazon [read for about 5 times: i still haven't mastered the shortcuts]
• Welcome amyemeelea [read: IT"S TALKING TO ME!!]
• Oxford Dictionary of English 
• The New Oxford American Dictionary 
• Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children, Ransom Riggs [read: verdict is AWESOME. scenes are actual old photographs]
• My Clippings [reading: updating with cliff notes. i'm thinking of also clipping stuff from my amazaon online acct?]
• The Night Circus. Erin Morgenstern [read: magic circus love drama set in the early victorian times. stuck it to must buy for terrors]
• YOU ARE NOT SO SMART. - Why You Have Too Many Friends on Fcebook, Why Your Memeory Is Mostly Fiction, and 46 Other Ways You're Deluding Yourself., David McRaney [reading: while furiously nodding away and clipping notes to my clippings. ]

7) gained a wee little brother in getting to know mr. comando the intern at work. 

8) really in awe of the humourous and happy people on g+. they puctuate my work days with mirthful laughter and make it bearable (urgh!) 

9) working my ass off with biks at the gym and yoga mats, of which i've missed the last 3 classes and managed to lose 1kg in 2 months. heh. 

10) watched tons of cat videos, gifs, notes and every what have yous memes online. 

so simply tired and in need of a head to toe treatment of the only kind from the tomcat but i'd settle for an overnight stay with at least 6 hour long spa treat in batam! *le sigh* well respite is at least this weekend where its no work, no terrors and hello~~ bongonia. plan is to sleep, play with cats and seek a spot of sun. hopefully we can both will the strength (please weather be fair) to commit fully to doing nothing at all. 

bestest sane, 

j.amyemeelea 

work woes..

so che. markedi left due to depression last march and i have a new boss. obviously i didn't get a promotion let alone increment because i saw my last appraisal's score. it panned lowest among all my colleagues but still NO CHANGE in responsibilities.

^!*#!&)!*$@(%@*&%^)@(&^)@&%)@8578105

i'm trying to focus on the perks of the job which are (in no order) :-

1) people and service orientated. the percentage between the good and nasty is on a scale of 60 : 40. what can i say but that's my challenge smack there. you can't please everyone at the end of the day but every thank you and a smile makes my day.

2) the greenest surroundings ever in my professional life. i'm surrounded by green and quiet MOST of the time and nothing beats fresh air to industrial pollution. smoke break is looking out to birds fucking in the tree and squirrels playing tag on the grass grounds.

3) small and supportive team makes it easier to manage and heightens productivity. its a very family like atmosphere and the bitching we leave to the residents to do hehehe.

4) dress code in office is more relaxed. i can wear cargo pants and a shirt with boots or flats and no one would  bat an eyelid. woohooo!!!

okay but i'm not feeling better about today's run in with my new boss who i shall call. che. edtiger. his simple mistake was to pass me a set of documents that HQ requested to despatch over. HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! do i look like the despatch guy? i told him that he should just put in in the tray assigned for the despatch guy that comes in every Wednesday and Friday. he doesn't have to pass it to me. also, i'm tired of having to fend off people in HQ badgering me about there must be semblance of order now that he is on board. che. edtiger said THEY can speak to him about their unhappiness and the previous manager left a load of mess for him to deal with. to which he got my blunt reply - "its YOUR shit now so DEAL with it."

i then arranged for our guy to send over some urgent document and will include this in my errand call on his behalf. che. edtiger didn't blink and went back to do his work.

10 mins later he called me into his office to talk about 'admin stuff' to which i obliged and sat down in all seriousness his 'revelations'! i was prepared to jot it down because i already know he has the tendency to repeat himself.

yeaps, just as i expected - HE DID.

his 5 min meeting was how i should set up my filing, be more organised, follow up closely with feedback and last but not least punctual. all of which he has told me about FIVE TIMES already. my pose in reply was indifferent but in concurrence that its noted down. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! don't you think i know this is just a ploy for you to get your honour back? after i blasted you this morning about how you might even ask me to wipe you ask if i didn't lash out at you.

tsk!!!

from a month grace, my patience for mr. edtiger has shortened down to TWO WEEKS tops. after that, its no mercy - you walk as you talk and no bullshit about how the previous guy fucked up big time. he's long gone now hombre - you are the head honcho now.

stay sane *breathesintopaperbag*

j@e

ps: so i blew my top off because of something simple. suck.it.up. i'd remember to show you nicely how things are done by patting a seat next to my table and do a little demonstration of how things get done ehk?

its been a cathartic birthday.
i don't know what to make out of it.
slow was the start, the day hazy at best
that didn't stop me from seizing the day
ended up in the hot tub listening to Lars von Tier.

not too bad, 1 year to 35 and at 34
the past plays out tiresomely
of many episodes, telling broken hearts
nothing etched to out last evermore
i still slough on, at times the future foreboding

then in a moment creeps a sly smile,
an acknowledgement; a heed to past sacrifices
a toast to worth over many seasons of pain
i cry
relived...

wishes do come true, prayers answered
a heartbeat sings of an epiphany
i bow to accept this moment
of content, of much acceptance
in awe i submit to  love

pulse, at the edge of yet another birthday...
fear is conquerable, love ever lasting.

xxx,
emeelea
.

3 days to 34.

time seemed to have flown past and boy am i glad that i've always been the pilot. to a certain extent maybe because i'm much a rider, a floater and hanger-on than a pilot. i just like to THINK i am the pilot, it gives me a little peace of mind.

in 3 days time, terror 1 and me will again share a birthday. she's hitting 12 and i'd be 34. this 2012, we'd both be 1234 :D she wanted a masquerade party and i was happy to oblige but there is also a matter of logistics. my stint at the loft has come to an end but there will always be mama tina's to hold the party but...as it turns out (and always be for a bit  more) her papa green eyed-mongstar said no to parties.

the sadness has ebbed so much i'm dry. my hopes and wishes still high though;on a very selfish slant that is. i've got a solid, honest to goodness all to myself den to seek solace and refuge in this birthday. i've learnt that we outgrow our friends and that i could be called sentimental - to things and mostly people. i've never denied being emotional but i've always thought i had what you would term an elephant's memory. it fills the room with its austere white presence. always there to remind me of its whiteness and nothingness. well better a white elephant than white walls i say.

the end year was spent in the land of the shadows where we watched the fireworks but didn't fire off any. swam in chalky, cloudy water treated to rid of its biting clorine and watched the spider care for it eggs in the nearby shrubs. i kissed the blooming lotuses every morning and spoke to many familiar and friendly faces at jalan tirtodipuran. we held hands everywhere and spoke about everything, laughed at sheer spontaneity. the bad and the heaviness of the past slowly shed away and crept into the shadows. i've always liked jogja and will always have a soft spot for the place.

a white carnation, or is it? awaits me as i got back home to the swamps. with the sweetest note to remind me how much i am loved. karna is now chilling out at the departure lounge but he's travelling business class today so he won't be complaining hehe but his note hints of already coming home. as i always say: birthdays last for A MONTH so he's going to be back in time. i could see the terrors soon enough so i'd be chilling in the meantime.

first up...give thanks for the good humour i've received last year and ongoing  now. wish more blessings for the weird and eccelectic to surprise me like no other. happy 34th birthday jahatamyemeelea!!!

love,
me

Incredible India - en amore eternum

These palaces once belonged to the kings and rulers from all over india. They were  used  as holiday homes and  one can imagine how opulent it could have been then. I spied parrots too in the towers on the right. Now these place are used for a myriad of things from temples to hotels and cafes. 

boat ride along the ganges and i spied buffalos! no sight of body parts but we did catch the cremations at the Harichandra ghat. Of course permission was sought.

Kaligat temple In Kolkatta where we braved the crowd and Pooja Saturday to offer our blessings. It was a heart stopping moment as we literally bribed our way through a maze of people to the centre of the main hall to say hello to the Goddess herself. The high priests grabbed each one of us and spoke hindi much to our bewilderment. i was quite appalled when they put a price on the offerings but kept my motuh shut. no translation was given but we understood,. later when i asked karna about it his reply was that all the religions of the world are just that. awkward!!! Check out the angle its the same on in wikipedia hahaha. 

Kitty trails - a map he picked up in london to mark our journeys to India. The places circled are those he has covered these past 10 or more years doing research and he still hasn't covered ALL of India yet. My humble beginnings are marked in red. Not bad to cover almost 2,200km on a single trip. The blue bead are special because i got them from an industrious gypsy girl in delhi as a gift.  She couldn't be any older than 9. I had wanted to take a photo with her but i guess her smile shall stay in my memories for now. 

streets of  varanasi/benares in search for the boat. the streets were narrow and only accessible by foot. varanasi is also known as city of temples as many hindus, jains and also buddists come to do their pilgrimage here. while we were on the boat, they asked why had we come? we said the same thing to them which was to bathe in the ganges! however, only bits of 'us' did it and we took some water back for the temples. random fact: some kids asked to take a photgraph with me along the steps of the ghats, karna said to them i was goodluck? which was kinda unbelieveable *spotcheck if nippies were showing* 

I wished time could have stood still but the 2 weeks went passed like a dream. What started out to be plans for a backpacking journey turned out to be the sweetest ever surprise. Karna planned the whole Indian trip without much help from me save for suggestions on the things to do and see. We planned the trip early in the year and chose India because I've never been there and Karna had the most amazing adventures doing research and soul search which made him the best guide ever! So it was off to Kolkatta - Varanasi - Agra -Delhi on the bus, plane and not forgetting my plea for a train ride where I left not just footprints but my bits of my heart over the deccan dust, where it never settles. 

Kali Ma! Kali Ma! Kalimaaaa~! *in my head is that scene in India Jones* 

We arrived at Kolkatta airport in the late evening from Kuala Lumpur and I wasn't told of the hotel stays for the whole trip. Karna wanted to surprise me but at the airport he had to give it away when I left the hotel address blank. The customs officer raised an eyebrow when I told him it was 'The Grand'. I couldn't figure if that was a good or bad omen. Reality check - from where I stood I could already smell the loo and behind me was a nepalese looking boy about 4 years old in a spiderman suit :D how can you not LOVE Incredible India or okay...travel ;) It was the last day of Deepavali here and end of Kali pooja. We both agreed to check out the ghats along Hoogly River in the car ride to the hotel. Our driver kept on a lookout for 'beautiful buildings, made by the british - bild to LAST!' to point out to us but i was more interested in the cows on the road hehehe.  

The hotel was GRAND indeed because it was  The 'Grand Dame of Chowringhee' smack in the middle of the City of Joy. Reading the guide I was happy if we stayed in the mid-range hotels where hot water will be brought of in buckets. But Karna insisted for my introduction to India should start on a nice note. I think it was also the coincidence that this trip was also to mark our first year together *awwwwokbarf!* We could hear the cricket game between India and Pakistan while having dinner at the hotel. The rest of the trip was to walk the streets of all over Kolkatta on foot. The cahndi chowks, the Indian Museum  and then Victoria Memorial. Bless the boyfriend who convinced me on wearing practical shoes when I wanted to wear ballet flats instead. What I liked was the fact that here in India they had a very strong reading culture. There bookshops in every corner and on the streets too! Just like the ones I saw in Vietnam. For both of us bibliophiles, it was too much to bear. We could have just shopped for books and nothing else. Must check out the leather bound books to buy! 

Bad that my E71 has gone kaput for now but i managed to grab a few unfocused shots on my own which will be added later if its not cranky. From Kolkatta we went up to Varanasi to bathe in the ganges *notME!* via train. The hotel managed to booked us 2 first class sleeper seats tickets on the overnight coach to varanasi. I havene't been on an actual train for ages and now that tanjong pagar has closed down, it was now or never. I didn't expect it to be orient express of course and yeaps - loo stop for me was ONLY ONCE. We took the train twice and i didn't eat or drink much afraid that i'd have to go :p 

the canera was in good hands obviously :) 

 Next stop from Varanasi was Delhi by train again. Another overnight sleeper and karna had to squeeze in the same bunk because i was such a scaredy cat.  

View from our room at the oberoi amarvillas after midnight. this was taken on our LAST night in in Agra after he did the unthinkable! *oOoO* not telling YET. 

A teardrop in eternity - as once described by a poet of the Taj Mahal's beauty and rightly so as it stood solemn and still. The throng of people (an estimated of 25,000 everyday) walked around to bask in its majestic shadows, many local tourists and the ubiquitous travelers from all over the world come to Agra to visit the - "huge, giant graveyard." as karna simply put. My hopes to visit the Taj was of one mild ambition, which was to at least tick of one from the list of of the Wonders of the World. SO YEAY! i was given more than i could chew for now to keep me content and be on a high at least for a few months *hicc* 

somethings in life can't be rushed. 

 last leg of the trip was back to delhi to fly back to kuala lumpur and say hi to aunty in ampang. load of goodies as well as to rest up for the last bus ride back to singlalaland. what was initially thought to be a trip on a road less traveled with a backpack turned out to be the most meaningful journey with another fellow backpacker. who taught me to trust again in the good even though they come in tough little packages with unraveled, knotted ends. Odd is the easy camaraderie of best friends that sometimes just explode into tenacious *ahems* energy. i fell in love with India and needless to say in India yet again. to many more bursting into a million stars! to karna who made it all possible - the taste of tears is salty but with it i hope the sweetness of my whispered 'yes' lent it sweetness. Bitter was none except when i realise eternal love is only possible when you're as rich and a megalomanic like Shah Jahan :p even then..could enigmatic love ever be a logic problem dear sexy professor?

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

Emmeleia – The theatricality of greek tragedy.

Ayong introduced me to Dead Can Dance over facebook and the CD is on my bucket list of things to buy. This is in addition to the bath bombs from LUSH, new underwear and books for the terrors. In retrospect, I have also cleaned up my room at the loft and separated my lists to be clearer. I’m still hounded by the thoughts of having filling up ONE lack trash bag of my life; all thanks to biks of course.

The terrors got much of my old stuff but not too many books back to their place and the ladies at work are wearing my old clothes. I’d rather give away as opposed to selling away my past baggage anyway.

So while we were cleaning up and packing my past away, I had the time to share with the terrors some clips from youtube of Dead Can Dance and i chanced upon a song titled ‘Emmeleia’. The terrors didn’t really like it and biks said it made her sleepy . I listened to it on loop over rainy days in the office and i of course I really liked it.

Lisa Gerrad sings in tongue or idioglossia – she developed this since age of 12 and they mean nothing but sound like a language spoken. It is really the babble of the unknown in you and i really like it. Another round of googling *ahemsresearchahems* brought me to books and how the song was inspired. What was interesting was that I found the origins of the word Emmeliea to describe a sacred dance in ancient greek. In the book Graham Ley of the above title, its characterised by the term as “the tragic dance”, in contrast to the two other dance performed satirically – sikinis or comically – kordax.

Needless to say I’m fascinated!

So in goes the hunt for the book and the MUST to get the CD. The room is less cluttered now and somehow I feel lighter. Although I still need to figure out a comfortable sleeping arrangement for all of us because it is now the girls on the top bunk and the fat boy at the bottom. Mind you, its two single beds *urgh* and i end up achingly cranky after every weekend with the terrors. The satisfaction of time well spent with them is felt surely but at a sore price. It shall be better of course if I could just damn well save enough to buy my own place *tskkk*

I bet i'd be unconsciously humming this all over India teehehehehehe.

stay sane,

J.amyemeelea

Ireplacerble I remember the very fisrt day you were right beside me laughing, you smiled at me you showed me the way you are so inspiering and selfless you taught me right from wrong Life is full of test I have to be strong so I thank you, so i thank you.

 It's 13th of January a very special day for you and me us to rememberr You taught me life is good I should I should be grateful as often as I could so i thank you, so I thank you

It's September almost a year has gone by the knowledge I gain from you is priceless you taught me not to lie I should be truthful as often as I could so I thank you, so I thank you

 A day without you is undisireble, a week without you its just unthinkerble, A week without you I can go mentel And a year without youI can get...stroke! With todays tegnolergy nothing seems impossible but no one can deny, that you are irreplacerble that you are irreplacerble...padappa

written by Emira Natasha Bte Hazlan 10th September 2011 with lots of love to Mama
................................................................................................................................................................

AND OF COURSE I TEARED! even after the warnings heh. i tried to hide it by just rubbing my eyes and blamed the light in the room but they caught me still. they told me its not entirely an original but borrowed the song from school and rewrote the lyrics for me. i complain a lot about how they push me away and harp them about non calls and what not so they decided the best to placate mama terror was TAH DAH! **cue the terrors beaming with monkey grins saying 'are you happy now?! why you crying!! *poke poke*

they didn't want to record the song and dance but i convinced them i could at least get a sound recording of their singing. a bit later i got them to sing and do their thing (shy terrrors really) and video it with kak tina's phone. so YES! a proud mama albeit very teary and touched with the effort. nifty doesn't record :p so its emoley to the rescue where i got a signed copy from all 3.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: terror 3 asked if she can use emoticons instead when she can't spell :p hahahahahhahaha

TERRORIFIC.

cute, creepy, sad and happy.
a surrealist dream this could be.
too long, too deep and way too many to think.
i'm happy tonight is going to be just terrorific!

yeaps..i'm seeing the kids tonight after a month long nada-zilch-nothing and they've just called sexcited as can be. they've even planned a performance for me! which i said i must tape and save for prosperous proprietary. terror one of course said NO! because she knows it could be used against her in future hehehe. alas, nifty can't tape anything dehemit!

well its jalan raya for the terrors and me to say hello to those who matter. i don't even care if bobi's acting weird because its been weird for always anyway. just thankful he drives and we can hop on finish visiting the mostest important-EST people called my family.

not to late to wish all a happy eid and may it have been a meaningful one for everyone. my sincerest please forgive me to all 'lahir dan batin'.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

juno holidays

the terrors finally got a break and i will be picking them up after work tomorrow. i lost my phone again,yes NIFTYYYYYY! gahhhhhh so i'm really wishing for no glitches. how the hell are they going to call me? YET AGAIN...tsk tssssK.

yeaps, late movie nights, long walks and endless conversations are what i'm looking forward to and i know i'll have to choose between NOT letting the kids do what they want and they end up hating you but i really have to figure the part where i let them do things that they'll regret later :(

wise i want to be but clueless i am.

as a parent i believe i have the experience, i have what it takes to guide the kids. i so want to set the correct example but yet, i make mistakes too. like losing my phone when i had all the intention to KEEP it by my side all the times. take care of it and be responsible and all. what do i do? end up losing it for the umpteenth time. what was my reason? why did i fail in such a simple task? can i ever be a good role model for my kids??

sheesh~ some mom i am..not taking care if i wear matching underwear or any underwear even *hurhurhur* and the fact that i enjoy my smokes. my freedom to never have a day set out for laundry and eat only when you're hungry rule makes me a misfit mum. not to mention, i won't blink a eye if they roll about in mud, go to a rock concert and generally misbehave. i'll nag though and make sure the kids are never rude to anyone. do not steal, never lie and thou shall not kill unless in self defence *cough*

i wonder why the kids even love me or sometimes i know why they don't miss me. they don't call, they hardly have a routine to ask if i'm alive. makes me wonder if i'll ever get it right what it means to be a mom right?

wrong....because i was brought up to mind and make sure i leave nothing to chance. depend on anything but myself to get by. and so thats how i'm going to raise my kids. make mistakes, wander and ponder knowing that i'll always back you up and love you to bits. life is never about regrets, well sometimes but to always believe in greater good. the journey never ends and destinies never met. we love, we hate and we end up somewhere never just anywhere without willing ourselves to find meaning in all that we think and do.

much of a mouthful and even more so a headache to run through it all in my head. but i know, the terrors will have fun and know love. as how i'll show and tell in all my honesty. be rsponsible for all your actions and never back down a dare. espescially from yourself. and the rest....leave it to faith.

have faith, never falter.

well terrors, mama's ready for the rumble ahead. i'll jump up with joy, shout my excitements and never leave a moment unturned. to hell with the skeptics and being safe. you're never going to be a fighter or a lover if you don't or won't take risks.

i'll be here. i promise. and when i don't or can't (being morbid) never i won't...know that your mama never fit but i never quit.

:D

see you soonest!

stay sane,
emeelea

ps: its been a long time since we played in the rain and panadol works! or maybe its about time i tell you exactly what skinny dipping means >D

ave atque vale

its been interesting to watch the reactions i get after i installed the 'who isn't my friend' application on facebook. it wasn't a spam and fairly works well. useful especially to track friends who changed their names on facebook and *evilgrin* nice to know whose been cleaning up their friends list too hehehehe...

one time i had this ex schoolmate add me back again the very next day when others commented on her deleting me. she was having an affair with another friend of ours but in unfavourable light because technically she's still married. they asked why the hell would i get deleted since i've never say nay or aye about the whole fiasco. err..maybe in confidence but since she's way of the 6th degree anyway, our mere mention and discussion was purely for self-reflection.

then my housemate as well did the deed and cut me off the page. he was angry at something random..like i was totally dissing him with smart comebacks on his status updates. it was fun for a while but i knew that it ticked him off so i stopped. needless to say after a few days i was back on as a friend. BUT, nothing was the same agian between us at home. i try as much as i can to ignore him. since he's sensitive anyway :p

a few of my workmates have barred me from their wall. that was when i clumsily pointed out their blatant work skiving moments. AS IF i wasn't guilty too!!! but i saw the logic of that and blocked them from my wall updates. i just learnt that about 90% of my colleagues do not genuinely want to be friends. its purely work so hell yes, i'm okay with that too. its a highly competitive (read fake) environment property management. everyone thinks they are better than the next guy and we are work at different sites :p azrullah, a workmate will be quiting in a few months, he couldn't stand the environment he said. too much work stress where even during bonding time (fully funded by company) we'd all speak, talk about work anyway. i totally get him. unlike the last company i worked for. when we dine and during parties, its informal and we do enjoy ourselves.

a few friends i hold very dear to myself too have did that. we are still friends but i get it they do not want to share their wall with me. well, point taken. i just reach out to them in other ways. on msn, via emails and calls. and slowly, my family, mostly my nieces and cousins are blocking and deleting me from their pages too. thankfully, my nephew in states didn't decide to cut me off because it was through his updates that i got the hints that my sister has been terribly sick :(

well, the terrors used to be active on facebook until thier dad and stepmum came onboard. terror 2 had to create another account just so he can add his dad and i had to block completely the green-eyed monsters because the terrors said they have been spying and hate it when it becomes conversation topics. i tell the kids the same thing i tell myself, if it bugs you much do something about it but facebook is generally about connecting. allabout communication so you have to be smart about it.

i learnt much about myself through my interactions online as much as i do offline. sometimes it sucks but more often than not its been an awesome experience. way before it was guapunya.com, then mric before i tested out frenster! all those have since long faded into the past. now at present is my love hate relationship with facebook *sigh*

of course, kama sends me nice long updates via facebook now while he's in paris. so, its here to stay for awhile more hehehehehehe...

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: to sha~ was it me liking your bikini photos? did you really think i'd be such the tattle tale and tell your mum? TSSSK...slightly annoyed but its okay. we all need the privacy we crave and entitled to.

its the rain..

angry loud knocks today woke me up and i completely forgot i had a date in batam. it was raining hard and so shiok was my bed. i figured if it was anyone of the guys, they would have called my mobile if they were stuck without their keys. i never found out who it was because by the time i got to the door there wasn't anyone. i felt quite scared actually and funny that neither dito or gail heard the knocks.

spent the day reading and then cooked dinner. watched teevee and logged off with a salute to the besties. i got teary when i saw photos from yesterdys footie birthday bash for aqil who turned 7. i was the guest referee haha for the boys and games marshall. of course, i was missing the terrors too. it was madagascar the animated movie and the lines reminded me of the kids. espescially the part when alex when "boo~!" hehehehe...terror one likes to say that :D

then kama called to tell me about his adventures in paris. its expensive to call but he does it anyway to check on my shoe size :p ahh...absence does make the heart grow fonder.nuff said already *zippinit*

while munching on dinner i also watched this reality show where where top bosses (COOs, CEOSand the likes) go undercover and do a little spy workon their employees. it piqued curious nature so i watched as this COO of a horse racing company work a day in entry level jobs in company. he turned up as a guy doing a documentary on entry level jobs. so for a week he traded his ties and suits to learn about working as a horse trainer, a cleaner doing the night shift and then also a jockey valet. its was funny when he was described as too slow and aslo teased about not making it by his colleagues. he noted that it was hard workand theseemployees stay on and slug it out for more than just to put food on the table.

most touching part where i cried was when he was learning the ropes to be a valet and had to keep trackof the races reading of the list on a clipboard. it was taking the laundry, polishing boots and then cheering on the jockeys kinda list. then all the while on the clip there was a photo of a young girl on the clip board. mr COO didn't ask who the girl was until at the end of the day the former jocket turned valet told him that it was a picture of his 20 year old daughter who died of a heart complication. he keeps her photo to remind himof her love for horses and dream to be a jockey but died without fufilling her wishes. he said she's his angel now and i bet he had dreams about becoming her valet.

mr. coo then later realised that he was so caught up about the job and was looking at the clipboard all the time without realising that the photo also said, in memorium and listed her birth and death dates. mr. COO regretted very much he didn't notice that something personal about the person he was working with. i obviously by then had snot dripping from my nose.

the show ended on happy notes. all of them received something in return for their show of kindness. the trainer got new stalls for more horses. the front office girl got transferred to marketing to learn the ropes and then the cleaning lady got a raise. ultimate was the valet guy who got a race day named in her memory. the lucky guy will get to award the champion trophy to the race champion *sniff*

so yeah~ my teevee session was sweet.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: i want my kitty pelok back soon.

wth

i just realised the title for the last entry was not meant or intended for the content at all.

WTF major.

as quietly as falling leaf

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
-- Marcus Aurelius

wanted to post the surprise kitty video that the terrors enjoyed over the weekend and also links to stuff over the internet that really tickled me BUT apparently i'm still go-blog (read: goblok = indonesian for stupid) and unable to work how to insert links and such. TSK. i DID it before in other entries but haven't been able to repeat the process.

since we celebrated the terrors may burstdays waaaAAAY before, this time it was just small tiny cakes for terror 2 and terror 3. the gal got a melody rabbit cake and the boy got cookie monster haha! i sang happy birthday to each of them and that was all. i apologised about the simplicity of it all. but the boy didn't want to hear any of it. he insisted it is the thought that counts and i remembered. putera emir hafeez is perfect 10 today and the teeny wee no. 3, emira natasha turned 8 last friday. terror 1 talked to me about her secret crush and then gossiped about school friends.

best is the girls each made me a mommy day card and i got presents! a flower and a bookmark. the boy of course told me he's been too busy to think about mommy day. later that night after our trek to nowhere, we made sock cats. it was kama's birthday in between the two terrors and yes, mama terrors beleive in menaingful presents. we made him a sock cat, one that he can reheat during winter. we all contributed to the making of the cat and of course in due course we made the living room a total mess. we stayed up till wee hours of the morning to finish it. okay so terror 2 and 3 gave up at 130am because they were dead tired. only terror 1 managed to open her eyes up till 5am before succumbing to snooze. needless to say, i crashed and left the last bits of wrapping and making the card the next day. it was a good simple weekend where i turned naggy terrorist mum at least for 24 hours. such bliss! :p

kama liked his presents :) we included sweets too. i couldn't make the card as elaborate as i wanted too. there is still time i figured because bestdays burstdays are a WHOLE MONTH yeay! also, i got him tickets to watch macbeth at fort canning. i wanted it to be a nice picnic but yeah...i didn't have time to do everything properly. better luck next time. we enjoyed ourselves and i'm glad everyone had fun.

well, its the hols tomorrow and i just googled what is vesak day muahaha..and i got it right. at least close! i said its to celebrate buddha's enlightment and merging at one with the whole conciusness. simply put - The festival celebrated with great ceremonial ritual by Buddhists is Vesak Day, which commemorates the birth and enlightenment of Buddha and his entry into Nirvana. see! all that civic and moral class did some good hehe.

to do tomorrow: write letter to susan! meet lina and write letters to the children. i feel guilty that i have never written anything for terror 3. original that is, so yes...tomorrow i'll take some time and let it flow.

now need to rush off! kama's going to be on tv and i need to pick up a wedding invite.

bestest,
j.

ps: I AM GOING to get it right for future entries! need to master the art of blogging properly!!! TSKKK...

burstdays.

13th 15th and 16th may. okay if i add mama it will be another early may birthday last 2nd. i knows biks birthday is this month but i forgot which date it is. but i caught remie's birthday belatedly and remember vaguely that they might be celebrating anniversary too! okay shitte...it is makji's birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy as well!! GAH~

its definitely time to catch up with everyone next week before its off again to shadowland. today, i need to brace myself up for a day with the terrors and terror 1 has suggested a picnic up in the hills for all of us. weather looks okay so far and they love rain anyway so we'll be good. she invited her school friends as well i believe, which is good so that i could spend more time with 2 and 3. force them to cough up a belated happy mommies day for me >)

which reminds me...i'm a cool mum.

just that i don't want to be dito's mum hurhurhur...

insane,
j.

ps: back to the loft for the weekend where there's no room for annoyance or angry words in my room. JUST laundry and birthday bursts!

post election.

the plan was to write an entry about the elections but i just got majorly stumped by a new label.

you see, i'm a big collector of labels and its been quite a few years since i've had any new ones. TODAY.....i was supliseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed...

because the latest label to describe me is.....

LOST MUSLIM.

not extreme, moderate, secular or deviant HOKAY.

but LOST.

wow~ that is something to think about :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea.

ps: penyakit lebabi ini ketularan tak ehk?

confirm confirmed = is that double confirm?

ladida lunchtime photo reminder by a pap supporte >P she shall remain anoynomous for very obvious reasons. and its right on the money. some games are fun. some aren't.

and TRIPLE confirm when you're losing! it really sucks when you're losing money, beauty, votes *ooopss* TRUST and if you're xiaXu* losing FRESH ideas!, playing games with no sense of the rules will hurt you bad.

i'm really enjoying the roller cosater ride this election week and good to note, many are taking the cooling time off to ponder to be wise. unlike the stupid mensa bitch currently on my fuck off list is of course xiaxue. but it will be acting out the decision on who to vote for tomoorow will be hard i'm sure. should i go for breast size? how they speak on tv or maybe just rely on this very good guide - http://knowyourmps.blogspot.com/. *LOLOL*

my participation in this election is very minimal and closed within a select few. i found myself missing powwsters again yesterday while i had another rousing talk with kama. and then i laugh at bobby's sms to tell me i HAVE to vote for PAP. the most interesting is that i've managed to turn into a decent PAP supporter muahahahaha. my vote is quite set for tomorrow.

and on a very sly note..i'll like to plug this article on the recent osama/obama detah news going on viral for the boyfriend *cough*
http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/TerrorindustryalivedespiteOsama__8217_sdeath/Article/index_html by kama lar!

*ahems* shameless ehk? its my shameless xiaxue side that i'm showing >)

stay sane,
J.amyemeelea

when the axe falls.

i voted once and then it was a walkover. the feeling of minute power immense as i held tight on my polling slip and queued patiently in line to mark the X on where i thought will mark changes into the future. not only my future but that of my family, my kids. not bad at all i kept telling myself and looked around to see others keeping to themselves. the amount of people that morning was a lot. the queues went right around the block and it seemed like they pulled out even the most seniors from the civil service closet on standby.

no dramas ensued of course. we are singaporeans afterall but at second glance i wondered if everyone felt that much in them other than 'voting is compulsory'. i sensed some simmered with the need to make a difference somehow. even if it means voting for someone we hardly knew. damn! i couldn't even explain what democracy means then! its not much of a secret to many where my X was going to be. i knew we needed 'alternative voices' and i still needed to stay a rebel somewhat :p

tomorrow is nomination wednesday. election fever has reached new highs if i base my own experiences from the past. i still feel pissed i didn't get to vote on the recent 13th but it has since subsided the last 4-5 years or so. seeing that nothing much have changed, in fact its gotten a bit stale and worse, i realised that of course there'll be trash and mumbo-jumbo shit floating around. as it is in the realm of politics and politicians, its one huge drama. we get tired of being boring one party ruled state. the opposition is there but have they achieved much or have they been just 'noise'?

i enjoy malaysian politics and of course the taiwanese actually fight in parliment hehe. they draw arms and shoot people elsewhere in the world. reading about these going ons in the political world make me appreciate 'boring one ruled state'. BUT! up to date, we have singaporeans going into details about the candidates looks, sexual orientations and beleive it or YET again the issues of identity. all race based of course. wowwEEEeeee! so sexciting. NOT. what else can be put into the spotlight ehk?

well, i'll know for sure if i do get to mark that X this year by lunchtime tomorrow? we'll all be given the day off on may 7th and the consolation for me is that there'll be a party later that night. i made kama promise to go with me even though i'm still unsure where should i put my mark that day. or what to expect truly from all the excitement which looks like its stemming much from anger and discontentment.

BLEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

checking on the fundamentals now and erasing the hoopla of political hubris so that i can make an informed choice. i want strength and honesty to be my basics *gulps* and it sheepishly looks like it spells PAP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls hair* OR OR ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....the axe falls again on my instincts to put in the vote for the rebels. JUST cause........

they might trace my doodles on that poll slip and ban me forever from voting.

pensive,

j.amyemeelea

ps: i know what VAPID means weird uncle.

involuntary dreams..

why should good news hurt my feelings? especially now? *sigh* i can't stop dreaming and who knows why i do but good or bad, i'd find a way to tell it to you. anyway i know you mean well. so i'll just keep that in mind.

even though it hurts again to know that i'll be ALWAYS last to know if you can ever help it.

anyway, no one ever believed me so why should you hehe....

never sane,
amy

ps: congratulations! don't faint *lolol*

somethings broken and its YOU

..were you even born!

so i did rent that dvd of the 3 idiots for ditto boy. he asked why i wans't home but thats beside the point isnt it? he wanted to have movie night but couldn't rent the dvd because of his foreign talent status. apparently he doesn't want to cough up the 50 security deposit. me being nice and actually feeling his sad lonely nights went ALL the wayyyyy out to rent that dvd so that he can gather the rest and watch that movie. also, i felt guilty because he bought garrets popcorn for the intended movie night but didn't promise to watch it with them. he got pissed but he didn't say much so that was that. that was SUNDAY.

today is THURSDAY.

dvd is not returned! )**&^&%^$&&(*_)(+)+__*()(^

i'm heading back tonight and WILL have to return the dvd and pay the fine. which is fine because i need to run errands too BUT still anger-anger with his farkendooodoo reply of my request to help return the dvd. his exatc reply for ALL of facebook to see is:

ditto asshole :- Okay, for one thing, why the hell are you asking me? I can't be at 2 places at once y'know. Ask Gail. Or if for once she actually comes home to stay, ask Eeqa.
57 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person <-- i liked this immediately.

of course he didn't take it as sarcasm OH-BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...he's a piece of shit. THERE! and yes ditto..i really mean it and when i GET the opportunity to tell it to your FACE. I'll slap it like wet undies over your crapdoodle face a gazillion times. i wish you could never FART douchebag! ninano!!!

well, he's going away for the weekend back to his home country so tonight will be sweet respite. i wonder what i can 'do' *evilgrin* to make him NOT come back or at least get into trouble at the airport :p TSSSK.

so before i spoil my weekend mood...i shall inhaleeeeeeeee and exhaleeeeeee. hopefully this feeling of giving you a MAHA-ENEMA up yours will abate.

get out of my uncaring heartlander face!

j