Doctor tales...

It was maybe me dancing the chacha or really it was a brush with dengue or I will never know if it really was an allergic reaction to the antibiotics I was taking right after the op?! But me much better now. Feeling very much myself over the sun, moon and stars thanking Him for another day to be breathing. It was supposed to be a rock and rolling weekend with the terrors and my ex school mates whom I so so much dearly miss but oh my god! I was in so much pain. The never ending fevers through the nights and the ache in my bones finally breaking out in rash all over. My face was all blotchy, you wouldn’t have recognised me. I was also teary…I kept crying and thinking if this was ‘the end’. *hehe* yeaps…me the sick wimp. I was thinking about my will of debts :p but most of all my loved loved ones *snnnnIFFFFFFFsnoort*

So with all I’ve got plus a helping hand from a concerned one, I took the trip to the docs and hurray! The doc confirmed nothing cept for the leftover cyst to be smaller *saysmuchthankyoutoHim* then prescribed me more meds for the combo of fever and rash. I still saw the terrors last weekend but I think I freaked them out because I distinctly remember the 3 terrified terrors all around me telling me not to die *bawlseeyesout* and there I was not being able to move or say much cept to calm them down and tell them that mama’s going to be ALLRIGHT so keep praying hard. Hats off to Sham when I think of the times she was down and still had to cook, clean and care for the boys. Gosh! I felt so helpless and aha, nanin and lindot, “I heart you guys so much and thank you for the bbq we didn’t manage to attend! The food looked yummylicious and you guys were picture perfect as usual!” I never want to be sick ever again! Kak tina and Guy were so accomodating, they made sure I had the support when needed, the coconut juice was refreshing ;) The kids roamed around freely and did complain that this was the most boring weekend evar! A short stint lighting lanterns and then fireworks at the corridor. Best was that, terror 2 scored major points when he refused to go bazaar a walking to take care of me at home. We watched Harry Potter, then he tucked me in, rubbed calamine lotion all over my red hot body and told me how much he loved me. THAT is my hero in the making. Nope! Hands of all those girls out there, this is here mama’s BOY! :P I.just.can’t.forget. HOW.so spaced out by the drugs I was! The weekend was like a really bad trip or when tempered down, a cool pink floyd clip *muehehee* I thought of what shikino must have gone through while doing radiotheraphy and school! Wahlau! She deserve those 2 gold medals man! Give my sis in law a baby already! :) so please take care of yourselves peeps…morbidity in small doses can be really painful and when escalates! *gahhhhhhhhhh!* like me…turn into such a baybeee!

Maybe it could be seen still from my entry today? So scatterbrained still. so many conversations to pick up from where they have been shelved for time outs. Nazi concetration camps that’s one. Is humiliating another the worst thing you can do to someone? Is revenge the sweetest when its right on the jugular and more? On sanity versus madness, that’s another one. On why a certain someone says no to a perfectly planned day out, that’s another good one. On doing the dissapearing act and go ‘tata…goodbye and so long’ that’s another good one. On cheating tales! Wah very juicy *winkwink* and for the rest that I can’t really remember cos my arms so very the ache now and I don’t know why. So its to pen and paper till I can properly type again :)

Stay sane, <---- that’s another one! What is the meaning of being sane??
Jahatamyemeelea

ps: salam ramadhan to all...although i haven't been able to fufill my ends very well. Salam Nuzul Al Quran to those who are a looking :) May the night of all nights be yours for the taking..

from the harem network..*cough*

Spent the day at work yesterday walking around like a zombie and actually took a 1 hour lunch nap in the office toilet. I was feeling dat bad from the flu and mounting fever. Towards the end of the day, felt better and managed to get through social psychology mcq test :) it wasn’t so bad so I took heart and rest. I had thought that the small day op for the cyst might not have been able to go through but with His grace, I mananged fine this morning, the fever came down and all went well. I think it was the shock of it all, my exams, new job sucks, new colleagues suck, lady boss is a *ho-hum* and to know that my grogginess and bouts of flu and all was about this rambutan tree growing in my stomach was a bit too much. After my last few skrimishes with all manner of growth from neck down, of course I didn’t want to take any chances so opted for the fastest way to get things done. Way more expensive if you ask me! >( but better now then say when medical expenses in singy start to really be the biggest bugger of all. This was all a bit last minute in informing the office though so da boss was very sceptical about my sick leave. Especially when I told her that I was going to do this small op and will be knocked out for 2 days. Her reason was that her friend went for this op too and got sick leave for 1 week so ‘how can she only get 2 days’, also heard through the grapevine *whywhycan’theysayittomyface* that she isn’t too happy about me being sick cos its unfair for the rest of the staff. Seeing that I’m new and everything. Well, I think it is because she’d rather have me infect the whole office with my blues *theflu!too* and have a slumping, do it for the company kinda very loyal work till I die type of employee than someone who is conscientious about her health and wellbeing hence taking time of to rest and generally only give off good vibes at the office. Arghhh! What we all do for money ehk? :)

Ramadhan is here again, and the weather has been very cool and forgiving. I don’t think I can start fasting soon enough because I have to take my antibiotics *amust!* for at least 5 days. Lets see how well I can juggle that. The two bright spots of my day came from biksetan and wombatman! Who took the blues away with simple smses *hehe* i want your breakfast ah!!!! and then the other was very kind to pick me back home to make sure I have enough rest from the op. At home, Bobby was bright and cheery! He has finally decided on a degree course at SIM and hopefully will get that scholarship to start his semester in january 2008. I have been thinking about that Specialist diploma too and thinking if it would be better for me to go straight for my degree in Psychology by just adding a few bit more to my current study loan *shivers* but other was right. Concentrate on my current responsibilities and don’t stretch myself too thin.

Health is IMPORTANT! And good friends, family and close loved ones. Life is not all about MONEY, STATUS and leading a company. No matter how much you think you are giving back to society by paying us salary, its not the dollars and cents at the end of the day that makes you a good boss. A respected and look upon leader as someone whom you can emulate must be able to connect and integrate positive values with the company’s goals and vision to grow. And its rewards are rarely short-term. A company with a leader, all at once who is compassionate and who can provide meaning to the core work being done daily will not have to worry about having staff with the wrong attitude. They will simply just ‘attract’ the right people and these people will be loyal and hardworking after working out the pros and cons. The office is your 2nd home is it not? Or maybe you do not have a home? Or never knew what and where home is and will be for you? :( are people to you another set of values in numbers? Have we no pride that you can scream, “I am going to kill you!!!” at the top of your lungs and take it that you have pms? Well, there is something about you that I can’t put my finger on but let time tell.
You may pride yourself for being “right” all the time, but such inflexibility does not always guarantee a future. What about conscience and morality? “Man is not a moral animal in the sense of possessing a special trait or virtue; he has built a kind of social enviroment which induces him to behave in moral ways” wrote B.F Skinner as he once observed in his book about how, like all animals, humans are creatures shaped by their environment – but we also have the ability to adjust or create new environments. So if you want to built a successful company with a loadful of self motivated employees, think about the culture and environment that YOU are building and projecting yourself. WE can’t change a mind. WE can only change the environment that may prompt someone to act differentl... so think about it boss! Your irritability and many faced attitudes are making frankensteins out of us. Or haven’t you realised that already maybe thinking that its all just a touch of side effects to your midas touch? For now, after 3 weeks, I am merely an observer. Thinking what have I gotten myself into for a jump up of 300 bucks to my end month pay packet. Of course I owe you my gratitude for bringing me on board to maybe and hopefully share and be able to create a difference. But seriously ah….I rather be wise and compassionate than another Sir Napoleon Bonarparte! Be how like God rather How like Dog!

so its another roll in the hay for me while i look over yonder for much much greener pastures *blueeeeeek!* see you in the office tomorrow! with a huge smile on my face that says i am thankful i have sooooOoooo many people concerned about my health and wellbeing which is why this skip in my walk, whereas you have only profit and loss to balance your love and concern chequebook *ouch!*

stay sane,
amyemeelea

Another wedding!

Interesting…

“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations” – Khalil Gibran

Two of my nephews finished their Al Quran studies and so my elder bro; the fourth in the family decided to have a prayer session to give thanks for their achievements. My sister-in-law’s niece was getting married so they had both events together last weekend. It was somewhere in Jurong as usual under the voideck, yet another opportunity for all of us, close cousins and family to get together. ALL of my siblings were present except for my dear sis in states and I felt so girly out of a sudden to be the only girl flanked my 3 elder bros and bobby. We ate and sat around catching up after hearing the careful renditions of the surahs by both Zulfikar and Luqman to mark end their studies while congratulations were offered all around. Its not easy okay to actually read the Al Quran in front of soooooo many people! Zulfikar the older one, faltered and looked so tense while Lukman was confident and managed to carry a tune even. Nevertheless, we were very proud of both of them. I for one, can't read the Al Quran *blush* but learnt the surahs by memory so this was another reason to buck up! The dais was then taken up by the bride and groom who hogged the limelight. The family taking the opportunity to take pictures and we were just basking in good company when my aunt broke the reverie by asking my elder bro to find a girl for my cousin. She wanted him to act as matchmaker! *gasp* for her eldest son who is still single. She specifically asked for a ‘good girl’ and we all knew what that meant. The intended girl must fulfil all the basics and even more. Isn’t that all we mothers hope for our sons one day? To marry an honourable, virtuous, graceful and beautiful woman? My bro replied that no mother will get what she asks for to the incredulous looks around him. And for maximum impact he added that no mother in law will get a kind daughter in law. I could see the contorted faces and I pressed closer to dare ask my bro to explain.

It is simply difficult my brother said because of the following reason :-

“that the girl was brought up and fed by another family so how can what we deem as good and kind as a family be ever the same?”

BUT as long as these basics were fulfilled then chances are that the daughter in law will be the best that she can be for her husband, her children and family. Which is:-

1) she has the blessing of both her in laws to be part of the family. They too must like, respect and honour her as a person.
2) The husband is willing to act as guide and not fail to fulfil any one of the basics that is to provide her with her basic needs for food, shelter and protection.
3) And to not stop ‘hoping’ (to pray ler) to be blessed and fulfilled with a girl who is able and willing to be part of the family. Even after the wedding okay…

so many fulfillments siak, i felt full full *hehe* but this was no time to be joking around so very serious looking elders. ... but in all the full fulls...i know it is for the greater good ;)

Basically, he didn’t want the family to worry about my cousin. No intrusion needed was what he tried to emphasise. SUKA-SUKA or willing-willing errr….happy-happy? But I think it was brilliant! Why add the pressure right? My aunts then went to pick on the rest of the girls from his last relationships. One didn’t want to convert to be a muslim. Another went on ahead to marry another but still wants to be ‘friends’ and bla bla bla when suddenly as they turned the question to me. When was I getting married?! “If He wills” was all that I could reply. My recently widowed cousin who lost his wife to cancer became my scapegoat and add, “I’m actually waiting for him to remarry!” but he said he’s afraid that his wife will haunt him from the grave if he ever did and we all laughed it away. He whispered that, it’d be easy then for my future husband because he doesn’t have to worry about the blessing part from my parents as both of them have passed on but then there is a question about my siblings ;) to which shikino exclaimed bobby’s importance in my future union. Somehow, his whisper managed to move around the table. Yeaps, bobby vowed to check his account balance and whatever before my intended could ever get approval *prrft* with support from kak fatimah, who said it is imperative for our siblings to final aprrove my choice. Arghhh! That’s what usually happens at weddings isn’t it? Whose getting married next is always a very popular question.

So just remember folks….the key is “Spiritual affinity”. And to the mothers out there, imagine if it was your daughter being put under scrutiny. I am not saying to pick any minah, jambu or manis but it will be suffice that your son raise up to the plate; have the courage to court a suitable girl and prove to himself to be the leader that he should be, rather than have his mummy, daddy or whoever pick his other half for him. Wives....DO NOT DROP OUT OF THE SKY and DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MATCHMADE? >) If either side takes on the same stand then wouldn’t it be all just made in heaven just as it is intended to be?

Stay sane,
Amyemeelea

hmmm.......choosing the lesser of two evils? does that always work? *ponder ponder ponder*

my catharsis...

Reality started to sink in while we did that goal setting practical for emotion, cognition and motivation class today. Also, the dateline to submit our assignments kept ringing in my ear making it hard to concentrate on everything else. I took a power nap of 5 mins tops before I could focus on the mechanics of goal-setting in the middle of somewhere. Consciousness slowly tried to keep its grip on me while whatever amount of motivation I felt slowly ebbed away as I could feel myself listlessly trying to follow what was being said by mr. Lam. We had to lists our extrinsic and intrinsic to dos and my heart pounded as the words leaped out at me with a huge boo!

Class ended early as I finalised the last of the questions on what exactly motivates a person with a loose strategy somehow reminding me of spaghetti al dente lost deciding between trying to immerse itself in delicious cream sauce or tangy tomato sauce laced with a good dose of Tabasco. I packed and focused on trying to make my way towards mr. Lam crowded by others. Maybe it was my empty stomach I mused as I overheard mr. Lam mentioning my name to another student. Their conversation stopped abruptly when I approached making my entry into their personal space a little too creepy even for me. was it something good or bad that thought flicked away by a casual sweep of my hands to steady my sunglasses resting lopsided on my head.I quickly mentioned I needed time to see him on Thursday to discuss or rather get tips for writing that essay on learning before I start social psychology with ms. Hope. done! And I triumphed at the thought of getting that struck of my list. A hand shot out to reach my shoulder and ms.librarianmar announced that she wanted to hook up on Thursday too but I quickly cut her off saying that I needed the hour fully and hands off my booty! *hehe* I did not detect any hurt feelings there so we filed out of class, a few of us moaned at the thought of having to write and write somemore but soon it will be over and normal life or whatever is left of it can resume after the end of the semester. I needed a fag like i needed a shot of morphine or so I tried to pull myself back with a shot of extremism but I needed to pee even badly. Campy humour didn’t work with no one to share. A whole hour discussing goals! And I can’t dispel the disappointment I felt when the words ran into a blur right before my eyes. Was there a frog hiding in my throat? At least I got ryan and deci’s self determination theory right *haha* seconds after being blasted off for rattling to it as ‘that theory’ earlier on.

A sweet soul offered 2 sticks of pure manna as we sat to round up the night after pee break. Cool! I could already feel my muscles again and before the heat of the lighted second last tip could touch my fingers, it was goodbyes till hello. I speed read angela davis, her autobiography on the way back. the coursing hate she wrote about growing up among fearful aryans fuelled her need to pick up arms. She chose education as weapon and as I speed read through the passages, all I could think of was my bed :P closed the page and I let memory of terror 1 calling me from school this afternoon, she was very proud to report she used part of her pocket money to call me *tugsatheart* and that she was all dirty from doing painting in art class. She had to go before the 3 minutes were up because bibik was already waving her goodbye so before class I called her again this time at home and she continued happy stories about sleepwalking and promised to meet this weekend. It was a hasty call but the sound of her laughter brought the spring back into my steps. Ahhh….the bus jolted to a stop and i was finally home. a quick wash and quickly gobbled microwaved food and then decided that I didn’t want to get even more distracted by the show brothers & sisters on teevee, which I found very amusing, so I switched it off once I stubbed the last of my after dinner stick. Oh well….

Back to the drawing board and tap tap tap I worked on the keyboard. The words references, explain, critical, discuss just didn’t want to get pass introduction so aha! A light bulb flashed and zapped quite a few brain cells into shock when I realised that its only here that I could; to bleed my veins of toxic Monday blues out of my system and damn if I could get any work done tonight!

Sleep tight don’t let the bed bugs bite : )

Stay sane,
Amyemeela

Ps: tomorrow red!! In celebration of the blood moon *aaaaaaauuuUuuuuu*

the blue screen....

Better..i need to write better…

But my mind is blank. Fingers jammed.

Where is maria hertogh now. Google failed me yet again.

I have seen guys with better skills and more feel for color. Much is over-rated. Save for one very talented artfakeme.

National day rally, it will be fun to count the number of friends I have who actually watched. OR cared about what was being said.

I do not think that fashion is only for the rich. So I’ll bloody well buy that trench coat and wear it to work if I want!

All the literature I have is on social politics to get away from schoolwork. I like it better when I can talk and discuss about it BUT who wants to for fear of the ISA or ISD. Whatever! Anything! I love that ad on teevee *heheheh*

I can’t show YOU my true feelings and you know why. I’m such a bitch that’s why.

H.P Lovecraft sounds interesting.

I need to renew my premium membership at the library. 4 books to go really sucksssssssssssss.

I am so bored I can eat my shoe.

Lunar eclipse tomorrow! Blood moon…somehow the one person I would love to share my enthusiasm with doesn’t think it’s a big deal at all *bahhh!* go go go biksetan! Makes me think if these peeps have any sense of fun at all!! *go look for fake fangs*

My ciggs ration is running low. Please donate generously...

passion is now froot-tea?!

Not that I hate weddings but I overdosed on the many updates on multiply. I’d rather go to a real one. Invites puhlease!!! Maybe like powwster said, da hilang steam ah *phoooot* it’s like a really weak fart that doesn’t give you any satisfaction.

Writers block. I really think I have writer’s block.

Why didn’t odex run after the people who ran the sites to download from instead chased after the end users? You mean like what they did to napster?? Because the ones that run these websites are based overseas? Not traceable so they fine the end users using the same universal principle which is to teach by example. Err… so others will think twice about illegal downloading. But that’s what I think; you can go ask someone you TRUST for answers that would satisfy you. boy am I so glad I am not a singnet user. U go pacnet!!! *nods at wombat for the irony* ;)

“Kak miiiiiii~~~~~ no more youtube!” heart my shikino for the gentle nudges. For I need to finish my assignments!

“Figaro! FigarooooooOooo! Figaro..figaro!!” *chuckles* a big hug for bobby for making fun of my mood music and making me feel lighthearted. Suddenly the mountain of school work feels lighter.

*focus on happy tots happy happy tots happy happy tots happy tots happy happy tots*

stay sane,
amyemeelea

!! I do not understand what you are saying at all !!

Articulate is not a vegetable....

"As is all that stirs our soul, mine I stoke with my pointy thrusting curiosity. It is rare do I find another's as lucious as the sown fruits they speak of those grown on the tree of paradose, but when I spy one, this self sidles up nochalantly and gaze upon your subtle reflections. The slow stir begets a quick strike. The sting of my curiosity tears the hymen of your soul, to mark you forever with the stain of your blood on the tip of my hardened shaft. Our lips unlock, your eyes open in shock at the sweet obscenities while I langourly revel in the nakedness of your form. No passionate lovemaking should be bare in silence! Higher and deeper ring the octaves, we want to drown the deafening inane idle chatter. In full bloom kaledescopic color each our heady orgasms unfolds, the waves each taste of heaven. The is air heavy and humid as we both float above unbearably light cojoined, simply two beings caught in the act of ripe pickings. Our bodies bear witness in quiet harmony as the winds of fate blow gentle lullabies of farce realities below. Whispers of wonder and shyly bowing to amazement; we found each our truths. While the rest of the world grows weary of endless trysts, smilling we let them blissfully rest in ignorant satiety."

Artichoke is a vegetable.....

"I repeat...one is a word and the other is a vegetable that is also considered a sensuous vegetable."

*sniff* in point form it will go like this * courtesy of merriam websters online* emphasis all mine.

word 1 ) ar-ti-cu-late

1 a : divided into syllables or words meaningfully arranged : INTELLIGIBLE b : able to speak c : expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively ; also : expressed in this manner 2 a : consisting of segments united by joints : JOINTED b : distinctly marked off

and then we have *ahemsssssss*

word 2) ar-ti-choke

1 : a tall Mediterranean composite herb (Cynara scolymus) resembling a thistle with coarse pinnately incised leaves; also : its edible immature flower head which is cooked as a vegetable2 : JERUSALEM ARTICHOKE

so i'd rather be not understood then be a vegetable comprehende? pahe? tak pahe?!!! tak pahe tido! *understand? no understand? go sleep!* or have i just wasted your time? *glares* because I am AGAIN being long winded and could never keep it simple? What?! Pardon me, it is too difficult to understand? You couldn't make any meaning of it? *prfft*

What comes to mind is the irrepressable Oscar Wilde who said, 'It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.' I will not stop you if you prefer to 'read' others more coherent and those who can keep it simple for you to understand.

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

After a long hiatus..

Work at the new office is slow as compared to the last but not less scary. The guys warm up pretty good after a week ;) except for Ms. DA-accountant. Office is very DA open with everyone looking into my 15” LCD screen and no matter how I shifted the screen, its still visible dar! As wombatman remarked after I sent them a pic of the new office, “open is an understatement…” err….yes….my mouth was open *hehe* Am trying to be as low key as possible and lurk under the radar but that’s always hard to do being moi :P so, this ms. DA-accountant has been giving me the attitude but I’m just keeping it cool. She gives me orders and expects me to fulfill them without giving me guidelines or take into consideration that I am new to her environment. She evens end marks her requests with a glare that looks like, “you just do as I say and you’d be fine. Don’t ask too may questions or else!” *ho-hum* I just and have never clicked well to those of the i-feel-inferor-i-need-to-talk-you-down-types. Which reminds me; I haven’t changed a bit as I’m still as fiery as ever but experience has taught me not to try fight on every front – just pick those worth fighting for. So I avoid ‘un-winnable’ battles, still for fun (with those who can appreciate it) I still do as a form of sparring. And everything I do, I do it with love *saaaap* Says much about my submissive attitude :) *to me, I still win nyah nyah nyah* too cool to care :D

Reminds me of an incident about managing my own expectations…..

The birthday girl refused to mingle with her party guests and I nagged and told her that I expect her to bear with it and to please leave her presents and come into the living room. I must have looked to her just like ms.DA-accountant is to me right now *maybe* She threw me such a mighty blow of attitude by brushing me off and had the cheek to sulk away. Who likes to be commented on in public so I took her away to the park to have a heart to heart talk. I asked why she was being how she is and she said, “Why did you scold me? Why must I always do what you say?" And I replied, “If you don’t want me to care or have expectations of you…its fine by me. You can do and think of whatever; and act on anything whenever and it’ll be okay for me. I’ll still love you as you are.” I painfully *with halted tears* explained to her why I insist on my ways is because i have expectations. It could be according to situations sometimes I might be jealous, it could be for selfish reasons and of course I’d always be questioning her every move and eventually we’ll have those spot on arguments because of my expectations. It is with that very reason that I care and i warned that my expectations could even rival those of famous lovers!…..only because I do love her and care. She sulked and refused to speak to me so we sat on that park bench till I made the decision for her and said from her actions, I think she’d be happier I didn’t have any expectations from her. I was crestfallen but I’d try anything to work things ‘our way’. And to prove it, I smiled and wiped those tears away from my eyes, picked up the cheeriness in my voice and told her to let’s walk back home. She doesn’t have to do what I tell her to do and I try my damnest not to even scold her for anything. IF that is what she wants. Or she could put up with my bluntness and oft-handed comments on my expectations as to how she should behave, think and feel because this relationship is going long term. Better set the perimeters down now before something bigger than either of us crops up.

It then rained and I took off my sweater to cover her pretty little head and I think that, that did it for her. Glad to report my 7 year old was smart *ENOUGH* and showed how much maturity she had by picking the other and said, “I want you to scold me mama. I don’t want you not to care.”

Wouldn’t a relationship without expectations be riddled with many doubts? Does she love me or not? Does she even care or not? But if that is so how you want it, I’d gladly oblige as who am I to say your point of view is anymore less right than mine :) why should such a small imperfection be the wedge of tension between us when its much better for the whole good that we try to accommodate and work out our differences *touché* I just ‘prefer’ a relationship with expectations as markers to guide us together and reach for the highest top of infinity together, rather than walk the plains of a soulless plateau to find out that its vastness will finally reach an end and then what’s left? Another oasis? Multiple orgasms are always better than phantamogarsmic ones init? >)

So thank you for appreciating my expectations for those who have, I will try to limit them to achievable ones and we’ll match it to your capabilities *its’ only right* and we’ll learn of each our limits together yes? All the while we shall have fun with stretching the short and long ends of our goals *claps hands* Back to now, so maybe this ms.DA-accountant is also setting her expectations of me as a new colleague? *heheheh* but I doubt so lar…people who have much fear face you with ultimatums. They give you no leeway for mistakes and have no room for discussions because they have stunted their own growth. They don’t like feedback either because it makes them seem weak rather than compassionate. So pay head peeps, the next time you have expectations from another, pay attention to exactly what you want and how you ask for it.

When someone tells you they are fine with NO EXPECTATIONS in your relationship, it could well be the sword that rips you in half. Or maybe not ;) it could just be that they are self flagellators! They have no expectations from you but only on themselves, the sight of their bloody pulp of a beaten heart at every not met request is proof of their love of you…….*gah!!!* and then they die a slow painful death smiling and what do you have left? If not just blood on your hands too.

I would really like to indulge in much more forlorn images of loneliness and isolation but life is already as drabby as it is so I’ll hold it in for those who matter :P

“To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.” Jean Paul Sartre.

Stay sane peeps!!!
Amyemeelea

Another Glimpse..

I once earned the label an idealistics ass *keldaiIdealis* from few back while we harp on the pangs and sweetness of LOVE. So I take offence when faced with someone..goes on to have an opinion like this….

“My opinion TRUE love no more longer exist coz we don't even know how to love ourselves. You, ME, THEY all of us are only making use of one other this is the fact.Like what you said, people need "companionship, to be supported & especially the need of lust". Fallen in love or to be loved are gone what you can see & find is SELFISHNESS hahahahahh........”

The question to the above was ‘Why do we love when we know it hurts so much? Here comes my opinion.

"Shit you if Love does not exist. Bull shit if you do not know how to love yourself. You will not know stupid shit from good shit if you do not make use of others. Silly kau shit if you tag love to just another need. Pity shit if you have gave up falling in love. Hard ego shit when you are not loved and do not want to be loved. Damn hell shit if love is gone! U cannot shit shitte if you cannot handle selfishness. TRUE shit is you know nothing about Love. "

To realize Love is to joyfully discern its subtleties. To idolize Love is to make truth its highest pinnacle. To honor Love is to make war and taste its blood. To fulfill Love is to never fear folly capriciousness. To bind Love is to fill an ocean of tears with hopes. To have peace in Love is to respect merciless pain. To eternally be in Love is to be trusted to see your beloved through the veiled and unveiled.

*brainfreeze* but what do I know ;)

Newsflash! Singapore’s top most used word is……LOVE :) *ehehehehehe*

On the other side of things, I have finally relocated to the new office at Keppel Distripark. It has been two whole weeks and I have yet to settle down. I receive static reception on mental floss like above on and off but usually I completely slip into oblivion after work. The terrors lost their grandfather early last week and my weekend with them was somber but still fruitful. I went to pay my respects but was literally asked to leave by his son and lost my composure when I tried to explain how I still felt for the family and the man *alfatehah* but losing one's parent is always hard.

The books are stacking up on the sofa in my room, all read and waiting to be return. But not yet because I have loads to pick from the books and stash somewhere in my ever growing collections of writings to me, myself and…*kelipsatbiksetan* My bag is full of scribbled loose notes, an unfinished letter from March 07 to Susan *whoifinallyemailedtosayashorthi*, an unfilled journal for at least 3 weeks, half written blog posts!!!, post it reminders of things to do from god knows when and what manner of leftover bits from work and my rat race life. I will not mention the state of my room or the amount of laundry I have to do for obvious reasons. The good news is that I would be moving on to greener pastures, made the decision based on the chase for higher pay. I could be sentimental but I feel good about the move but also maybe because the boss man asked me today in attempt to hold me back, what is my designation at work *duhhh* I finally registered for the new semester and listed out the papers I have to hand in prompt! Met my ex classmates who are now doing their Specialist Diplomas!! *jealous* but I’ll get there *yeeehaaaa!* My lecturer actually thought I graduated already *muahahah* and good to know that I could book them for one on one sessions for when I can’t gatecrash class. The new campus at Bugis looks ORANGE and surprise, surprise it was the former police station beside Shaw Towers. A new phone!!! The N80 Interneck Edition, courtesy of a blessed soul *mayHereturnyouthefavourmanyfold* which will enable me to BLOG via wifi ler!! *drools* which I have yet to hook up to my pc anyway to synchronize and add songs for on the go *blastoff!* but will need BIGGER memory card. I really need a laptop and may one fall from the sky *haha* which is just wishful thinking on my part. So will have to stick to the traditional way of doing my assignments, WHICH means having to retype, edit and can only review on the pc at home. So yeaps…I really do not know what the heow am I busy with >)

Happy birthday YUNIS! Guapunya Pte Ltd! Ayincurrent! Sham! In addition, the many more I forgot about ;p I want to go CHO LON!! I miss the elegies gang very much much! Hope to meet wombatman soon! Lunch! Breakfast! Dinner! Mummy I want to see you too! I am dreaming of archery lessons and the scenes of the Lourve. I want to BUY books on sale at the substation! The new novel by Paulo! The whole MPH...TIMES...KINOKUNIYA! and last but not least Borders :p oh! congrats norticataitai for getting that jimmy choo bag though i wish you had gotten the jimmy choo shoes AND a chanel handbag :p

But now…its sleep :)

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

The decline of desire…

Shikino and bobby were looking through the papers for school project work last night and asked me nonchalantly what I thought about the prime minister’s pay of 3million and the question ended with a full stop of a ‘I don’t think its too much for a person managing country!’. Adding fuel to the fire was the fact that we had a *iforgot* percentage increase in the number of millionaires in Singapore as of to date. Do the math; it’s all the ministers’ lerrr. My opinion is simple, “And look at what, where and when policies did he and his compatriots think and execute for the people? For the country?” *nuffsaid*

Yes, I do agree..he is managing the WHOLE country! And that itself is a HUGE task. Bigger than say USA? Switzerland? Germany perhaps? Or what about Malaysia, Indonesia? China? And why shouldn’t our government is paid as well as those from the commercial, industrial or financial institutions? ;) Why not indeed. But are we really attracting the right mix of people for our government? Are the academic and scholastic types really better than those poorly educated candidates like Mr. Chiam See Tong?

From an open letter to the government written by Yeo Toon Joo, Peter, 61 an Ex-news editor for the Straits Times from http://www.littlespeck.com/content/politics/CTrendsPolitics-070504.htm- I would like to quote….
“Do not intimidate or beat down all dissenters or those with alternative views, but judge them on their integrity, and do not swamp and swallow up those with potential for leadership into the PAP and high ministerial salaries. You end up with many ‘yes’ men.”
For all fellow dissenters, haven’t you been challenged with a direct “What then is the solution?” or “Why don’t you pick up arms and join the party?” What I do not understand is this; is our discussion done? Have we exhausted ourselves with the question already that you throw me a dare and another question?!! *blinks* or is that merely and exasperated attempt to quit the topic and move on to another? Like I have mentioned…the art of conversation is DEAD and lesser still the people who appreciates the little nuances of a discussion.
On a lighter note; while waiting for dinner to be delivered and over dinner itself we talked about the many sales going on, holiday trips and generally caught up on each our lives. It’s rare to be sitting over dinner with my siblings :p and when I am quite used to huge family, rowdy but fiercely intimate dinners with my loved ones. Last night was nice. I missed the outing with another set of loved ones. Namely biksetan, powwsters, sham and naza and could have only imagined the ruckus they created along jalan sultan. Earlier I missed dinner with my loved ones from years past namely aha, lindot and nanin. My absence from that dinner outing was glossed over with the fact that titot and Adrian was missing in action too. Still I missed the laughs over silly memory details from school days. My reasons most very cliché and most times irrepressibly dejavu-istic :p but!! The DESIRE is not lost, just wavering gently in life’s breeze, taking care it will never be snuffed out by materialism, ageism and what isms exist now. Eh! More places now are clamping down on smokers and booby said a club was only giving free drinks to those under 35 *muahahah* In the very least I hope not to lose the bit of integrity I hold close to my names. May it be the naughty but nice jahatism of jahat, or the flighty distracting amyism of amy, I hope searching essence of emeelea-ism will stick if not convincing enough for date picks? :D

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

ps: so who wants to be a millionaire!!!!

Dismabiguate…

“The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.” – Betrand Russel

Much philosophy *modern* in this period concerns itself with explaining the relation between the theories of the natural sciences and the ideas of the humanities or common sense. Very much like how I like to keep on thinking all day without stop and am able to incoherently at all times come up with the most irritating, nonsensical mumbo jumbo when you have a conversation with me. questions come fast and the conversation flows like fast like an engaging river. Or they float like foam on the edges of the waves only to evaporate under the heat of the rays. It could also envelope the whole you in solitary muteness that could only mean…..i’m thinking about greek words!

Sophia

name, gender female, origin greek meaning wisdom. Also title of my favourite book ‘Sophie’s World’ by Jostein Gaardner. A tale about her journey looking for her truths. She is my all time fave Alice in Wonderland. and so now you know why its 'looking for sophie'. i am looking for a lost book of mine and *ahems* lost truths along the way?

Philo

friend or lover. Usually paired with sophia to form ‘philo-sophy’. Altohugh it is very difficult to put single definition to the word ‘philosophy’, it is generally agreed that philosophy is a method, rather than a set of claims, propositions or thoeries. One sets on an inverstigation based on reason, always careful not to make sure no butt cheeks are left unexamined and lest you make the jump based on faith and pure analogy and therefore look, sound like a donkey. Although all lovers of wisdom will naturally dance the tango with reason once awhile and eventually step on each others toes. As long as you find meaning in the dance, there is no saying where you’d end up.

Logos

word or logic if you must. This refers to the internal consistency of the message – the clarity of the claim, the logic of its reasons, and last but not least the effectiveness of its supporting evidence. The impact of logos on an audience is sometimes called the argument’s logical appeal. *younotalklogicmehaverightdon’twanttounderstand* not to be confused with the word loco which means crazy in mexican? Or was it spanish?

Ethos

character or one’s code of ethics? Ring a bell? This refers to the trustworthiness or credibilty of the writer or speaker. So can you trust your lawyer? Your doctor? Your family, friends or lover?!!! Just play attention to the tone ans tyle of the message and through the way they refer to differing views. Google them, buy them dinner, ask them out for a movie, flirt!! As their reputation can exist independantly from the message – his or her expertise in the field, previous criminal records maybe :p

Pathos

suffering or experience, very often associated with emotional appeal. a highly emotional word for those already diagnosed by whomever to appeal to the audience’s sympathies and imagination. Through narratives or stories, an appeal to pathos causes an audience not just to respond emotionally but to identify with the writer’s point of view. Stories of broken hearts, betrayal, infidelity, forms of selfishness, power and life works turn abstarctions of logic into something palpable and present. Pathologically power!

no.dramas.no dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.

how boring, how stale, how ugly, how plain, how irksome, how silly, how slutty, how whorish, how incorrigible, how much more can one be?!!!!!! If my life was to be rid of no.dramas. but just this no.dramas persona that I am eyeing, just with the slit from the corner of my hearts eye, your no.dramas has set my zealous fire aplomb silently. And you know what that means….may you rise form the brashness of heat not as the ashes of the dead but the longed for phoenix once you and I set a date, time and place for the END. DRAMAS.

Stay sane, amyemeelea

Quaestio crocodilina…

‘A crocodile stole a child from its mother. On being asked to give it back to her, the crocodile replied that he would grant her wish if she could give a true answer to his question, “Shall I give the child back?” If she answers. “Yes.”, it is not true, and she won’t get the child back. If she answers “No.”, it is again not true, so in either case the mother loses the child.’

Moral of the story… stay away from ALL gender of crocodiles that talk!!! Lest they steal away your child from you.

And now how will I end this story?

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Nuff said..

Bimbang – Melly Goeslaw

"Pertama kali aku tergugah

Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap

Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah

Namun bagiku ini menyiksa

Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu

Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega

Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku

Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus

Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa namun ada yang hilang separuh

diriku"

I finally got round to register myself with you tube in my hunt for music and am reading neatorama for mental floss. I wanted to translate the above lyrics to english but it doesn’t have the same feel. I can get the humor of having it grossly multilated at babel but nah…the feel of loss of this magnitude does not deserve slapstick humor or cheapthrills of any kind. The words heavy burden is carried light by melly’s vocals as they skip and do pirouettes on the lazy acoustic jazzy feel that the song has. I feel like death in my deck of cards and listening to Melly with the image reminds me how important it is to try to look at Death "in context", taking everything that surrounds the change into account. A broader view can help us alter our perspective of something that at first seemed threatening.

The King of Death is smiling, “His stance is somewhat tentative, as if he might begin to dance at any moment. Death does not want to be feared, for he stands for transformation, re-birth and renewal and for the end that comes to all things." The card represents profound change — change that may be painful — the overriding message is one of liberation and release. Only by destroying old patterns can we reveal a new, more rewarding path. Of course transition can be hard to deal with, and many times we try to resist change, especially if it seems to us that we stand to lose from it rather than gain. However, in some cases, change is inevitable. It is merely a question of how we will react or respond, and that is up to us. "Death walks in a universal garden of vibrant, fiery flowers. Next to a life-giving stream under a sky whose stars are linked together, by their common fate." the deck's creators point out. "

My punishment and my imminent remorse is everytime I lost you. Unchain my fear of unfairness by telling me that the past of 3 will never repeat itself. Promise me equality and honesty that will forever bind me faithfully to you for eternity. Love's still reflections of you keeps anxiety fooled as I fervertly pray, "May each our loses liberate us. " - me my monologues

Stay sane,

amyemeelea

Excerpts..

Of days past and the situations we get ourselves into and trying to find the answers to how and when I found your quirky characteristics turned into enduring traits led me to work it this way:-

You and I are prisoners in a given time, place and current situation. Serving our joined jail term and the classic prisoner’s dilemma game presents itself. Where as a pair, we could choose to cooperate and treat it as ‘win-win’ game or compete and treat it as a competitive ‘I win you lose’ game.

The logical and often cited endings of either picked scenario is simple. If both parties were honest and cooperative, both were rewarded well and equally. If both were competitive, then both will get screwed *haha* with a low score. If one person competed and the other cooperated, then the competing person will have the huge scores wihile the other eat/hit the shits. Then we are also told that people who don’t cooperate in prisoner’s-dilemma situations often lie, telling their partner that they are going to cooperate but then turning agaisnt their partner in the end, grab all of the goodies for themselves.

Win – win result is always best! But to come to that it takes a lot of superhuman effort. Lose-win result is always mediocre but satisfying if the agreement was reached in all fairness of competition but all goes to hell when there’s any evidence of non-cooperation. Prisoner’s-dilemma situations have been used in thousands of experiments and mathematical simulations, including work done by several Nobel Prize winners but can someone !”$%&^&)&_* please tell me why we can’t even bring ourselves to acknowledge that we are prisoner’s in the first place?

Must it always be about gender? about rank and file? about why my grandmother married again or why dogs like to eat homework and alarm clocks? >( must I be the one to tell you that it is all play pretend. Role playing helps us come to decisions, scenarios make it easier for us to see things as they are, as they is. Don’t you want to make this world a better place to live in for you and me? *saaaap* or would you understand if I were to simply tell you the ultimatum is, “Discuss and commit” *already!!!!!!!!!* stop being such a !£%*^*)(*)(*_(_*)&*%^$%£!

FRAGER!! FRAGER!! FARK DA FRAGER!!! We are ALL THE SAME even after all the labels and false assumptions. Must you annoy me still by being such a jerk and treat me like I am non existent? Is being a rude as*hole necessary to put your points across? Do you think provoking envy and hostility is really ‘just’ another way reliable way of testing means and consistency? Must you wear me down with your insistent whining to do things your way all the time and then tell me that I’m stale and boring after? Will you finally turn me into the asshole you have been dreaming to turn me into, by constantly reminding that I have my imperfections?!

*burp*

I just like spinning stories. And burping and farting ;P

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Note: the book, ‘The No Asshole Rule – Building a Civilised Workplace and Surviving One that Isn’t’ by Robert Sutton is a MUST read which I highly recommend for those of us perpetually suffering from repressed pain being just human, people like ourselves. Thoughtful insights and a riot considering the use of language contained, guaranteed to illuminate the darkest and bleakest of futures at work, in love or life by simply reminding ourselves that ‘you are allowed to walk out’.

My melon collie

“the unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

Versus

“if you don’t use your head, you might as well have two as*es. "– Someone’s Father

*hiccups*

@------&---------

Ku harus menemui cintaku Mencari tahu hubungan kita Apa masih atau telah berakhir
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana Kasih…Sampai kapan kau gantung Cerita cintaku memberi harapan Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang Teganya kau menggantung cintaku Bicaralah biar semua pasti Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu Membuat ku sakit Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu

_ .._.._

And reading the link biksetan passed me on msn brought a tweak of a smile to my face. I also chatted with my niece about her hypnotherapy experiments on her tuition students. Then I noticed that I wiped out 95% of the music that had been passed on to me since I hooked up to the internet seriously 10yrs ago *bummer* so I am listening to whatever is left and all of em *dehem* good :) trying very hard NOT to grind my teeth *noamNOTonmdma* the world IS not looking so fine right now. Another line from the comments left at the page biksetan makes me giggle before I go back to ‘One Hundred years of Solitude’ by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And stilllllllllllll the numbers 13 and 14 separated by 1000 zeros from lunch date today refuses to leave me in peace.

Obat nya melly! *thumbsUP*

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

another dotty *pottu* connected...

"There are three kinds of intelligence: one kind understands things for itself, the other appreciates what others can understand, the third understands neither for itself nor through others. This first kind is excellent, the second good, and the third kind useless. – N. Machiavelli"

Me at home now. Quickly emailed this so that I can finish it at home. While at the office, I flipped through and fro pages *workrelatedplusthispage* to ease the monotony of boredom. I very much wanted to write last night but I flipped open the thriller novel “The Insider” to fall asleep to. Millions have always fascinated me too; Gordon Gecko ‘was’ my idol :P so it was to be that I could not really sleep as the storyline was gripping my eyelids apart for the next page. My fingers itched to sms the lost soul but I told myself the last sms clearly stated that he’s not lost now so what will my reason be, to jolt him with another cloyingly sweet sms of encouragement? Hope tickled my fingers again but instead of receding to impetuosity, I tossed to my left and buried myself deep to try to see if I could entice mr. sandman for a bit of much needed happy dreams. HE was funky so no sleep for me. I ended up drinking redbull at work today. Anyway, I finished the book today on the way back. Worked until I can’t work no more and i could have went on until ms. kakakku2, who drove today; asked if I wanted to hitch a ride back and of course! Needed to get home fast and finish this entry before it starts to eat away more sleep time. I FEAR insomnia so it was tense waiting abated by loads of work and a breezy easy way home so that I can just drop dead at smell of my blankie.

Earlier on last night, I had dinner and finally met wombatman! The coquettish bikbayu was present of course and sorely missed was the wonderdiva powwsters. She had to give us a miss because family duty beckons. I got lost on the way to dinner at bugis. Partly because another half of me was with lost soul but the other part of me was, firmly bent on trying to get my way to dinner without being late. Plans for tonight were made way in advance and a promise is a promise. I even stated disclaimers to avoid misunderstandings should the need to cancel arose; should it be that I needed to cancel, it must be that the terrors needed me or I had a serious case of the runs :p I was experiencing major dis-EASE but it soon settled far back into the darker recesses of my shadow self. We had to switch to a smoking table because I had to smoke. Then the table was shaky so we switched seats again. However, we had to move the table because it was not in the smoking area! :P we started on dinner, ceasar salmon and then the seafood platter for two *ahemsthree* utensils went missing but all in all the experience at fish & co, bugis was all right. It was then full steam ahead with much laughter and get to know me and you strings of conversation. Yes, politics included *muehehe* Steamy!! My armpits were dripping wet hehehe…and I was just glad that wombat and bikbayu played cool and along with my antics. The tempo to the night’s concerto was just picking up.

*burp* it was change of venue for laterssssssss.

Wombatman the gentleman that he is, picked up the tab and they both made me seriously blush when they insisted that dinner was on them. *aaaarghhhh!soflatteredmeguestofhonour* and we made our way to the secret garden. The start of our next adventure was when bikbayu suddenly exclaimed she forgot where the secret garden was! So I called the restaurant to ask for directions and boy was Ronnie *theheadwaiterithink* very good at giving very precise directions. After chasing after buses and looking out for a small very intimate crook nestled comfortably hidden in between two buildings, we finally arrived at our coffee and deserts place. Red walls lit by framed candles, their flickering light dancing flirtatiously set the mood for our second session. We were served by shhh! :p and we all had coffee and shared ice cream. The Ronnie guy totally flipped me when he asked if I went to this primary school and that secondary school. I was of course shell-shocked. For *once* I was really caught speechless. Then he went away, the hoots around me coming from bikbayu and wombat familiarly turned into the theme song twilight zone. I was convinced someone somewhere recognizes me from school but I did not see anyone familiar. I did not think so much about it and continued our tete a tete. BUT!!! Creepy Ronnie coolly came back for returns abit later, probably having to much fun seeing me squirm in my seat to ask me if I was a girl guide in school and if I was a bad student *gahhhhhh* but I was too engrossed already lost myself in the camaderie to give any conspiracy theories any attention *hehe* we did got to know each other better and I read wombat’s cards. We were shooed away at 11pm because they had to close and the night soon ended with all three of us taking the walk back to the train station. I found a neat surprise of a napkin, a fork and a knife courtesy of fish & co *hahahaah* while rummaging through my bag for my ezlink card. We all took the same train and bikbayu left for home at jurong while wombat and me took another train back up north. Bikbayu sent me an sms to make confirm I did not get lost and wombat sent me an sms to meet again *blowskisheslikems.universe* Pleasure was all mine guys, free food *nexttimeonme*, good laughs and meaningful conversations plus the on and off the cuff remarks is always fun.

The train was nearly empty by then when wombat alighted at kranji for some quiet :D I was tired happy but my DIS-eased heart was nagging me groggy. The DIS-ease in stealth mode came back and my thoughts fly over the cloudless sky. Its nice to feel understood : ) Even nicer to finally able to ‘get’ someone. We live with constant contradictions and it is hard to hear yourself over the din sometimes. The din in your head when let loose and the din combined with the ruckus always going on in your hearts can be deafening. Then when it gets to heave heavy; you just react. Classic cases of fight or flight instincts and then you just have to deal with the leftovers. Sometimes its yummilicious to the soul and maybe at times cuts it to pieces till all bloody and gory and it will be painful to even swallow a mouthful of spit. Does your soul crave for understanding? Do we need exceptional intelligentsia to be understood and to understand? On the other hand, maybe a sense of humility can do wonders in pursue of getting that attention and focus we crave for? Humor is always good to add to anything but I know that mule stubbornness will not get you anywhere. Often I just have to be everywhere at the same time, never taking the time to connect the dots. So, patience then is the key?! *nodsnods*

Eh?! Isn’t this supposed to be a happy entry? With me calm and collected at the end? well, I did my best and sometimes my best is just not enough, not even for me.

I think therefore I am. I see therefore I think I understand. I know therefore I must understand. I feel therefore it will be understood.

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Ps: biksetan! I will survive clip was a riot :P and thank you. Truly.

Buat Putera Ku....

Ucapan syukur dan selamat hari jadi mama hadiahkan
Buat penyejuk dendam rindu membara putera kesayangan
Bisikan darimu tercungkil bibit memori mama menunggu kelahiran mu
Angan angan tiap guggurnya pahlawan zuhud mama layangkan
Sehalus sutera tenunan selembut kasih jiwamu mama idamkan
Seputih salju kulit mu biar cerah cahaya sayang tiada tertara
Kucupan bibir mu merah kelopak mawar harum syurga
Tiap gerakan zahir mu biar tanpa ragu penuh damba rindu pada Satu
Susunan hak hukum tak terlepas dikepal erat genggaman kiri dan kanan mu
Tiap ungkapan dari mu sayu memukau indah dicorak alunan kalimah syahdu
Julungan harapan suci mama menjadi detik tiap degupan jantung mu
Tepat pada hari yang di janjiNya utusan tanggung jawab berdengus memerih
Nama mu dipilih penuh bermakna biar besar jasa mu di rasakan bersama
Putera Emir Hafeez di bendung manja tiada sedikit pun tertanda cela
Tiap hari silih berganti pergi, biar ia pergi bersamanya gugur benci
Namun janji tetap janji akan mama berpegang teguh tak gentar caci maki
Tiada yang dapat merangkul pergi bahagia tiap corak senyuman mu dari ku
Walau memori tinggal memori, tetap tiap hari jadi mu mama jadikan tanda
Kerana tiap doa diberi seorang pembela yang nama mu Putera dimabrulkan

Selamat Hari Jadi yang ke enam sayang…yang ini dari hati ke hati....nanti yang jam transformer ke spiderman tue mama carik kan otey :)

kishes,

your SECRET mama *shhhhhhhh*

it’s a SIGN!

mack *waves* was asking if I was rapper or a poet :P I guess my answer to that will have to be that I am one and I am all >p I think is was ayincurrent who at one time pissed I was so into personalities and archetypes shut me up with the rationale above. Of cause lar!! *DUHslapsforehead* but how then brown cow do you explain our each uniqueness and sense of individuality? Che.ayincurrent can’t be bothered to argue with me anyway which is why the conversation did not continue. What use is a cobbler’s tools to a carpenter? :P

I came staggering back home after all the bad negative air at the office started to eat into myself. I dumped myself willingly into comfort routines. A comfort call to a loved one to announce my homecoming and a flip to heat the water before I dozed off to the soft whirr of the pc so that I could check on my emails. The rumble of my tummy woke me up and the thoughts of watching deal or no deal on teevee soothed my ragged nerves. I finished whatever I needed to on the computer while my short snips with powwsters on msn perked me up. Then I headed to the bathroom for a hot shower. Bobby and shikino will be back soon so I cleared the kitchen up and heated some food in the microwave. Another short call to the 3 terrors and especially to speak to birthday boy lit me up :) he whispered his wish to have a watch and I reminded myself to look around for that very special one when I go around on my jaunts and held on tight to the tears that threatened to fall. I closed my eyes and let my wish to be there travel down the telephone line. Terror 2 said he had to go because he didn’t know what else to say, so to avoid sleepless nights I said my goodbyes to all 3 *click*

*thoughts trail to last nights events at home*

So last night, I received my gst rebate package letter and they found that I am eligible for a rebate sum of $100/-. Bobby came home with his spanking new wakeboard and excitedly asked how much I received. Ripping the envelope open, I lied and said I got $700 to which he bombarded me with why? why? why? when he saw for a fact that I only will be receiving $100 bucks, he laughed *yesgleefullygloated* and at first wondered why before jumping the gun to point out that it must be the fact that I am REALLY a commie and that the gahmen IS somehow punishing me. He joked that he HAD to give me away because the gahmen threatened to take away all he had *hahaha* shikino said if I didn't want the give out from the gahmen I could just donate the amount away *itishighlyrecommendedyoudoso* another I asked also gave me the same reason, I am getting less because I complain too much about the gahmen. So serve me right, serve me cold.

I can’t tell you how many have repeatedly told me that the reason why I get myself into these funny situations is because of my rants about the way things just are in Singapore. Indignant curiosity saved the cat nine deaths and mine lead me to www.gstoffset.gov.sg where I found out that I fell into the category of earning an assessed 100k per annum!! I laughed my head off and I can’t wait to tell snotty bobby of my snooping. I already sent an email to ask for clarification and why not?! I don’t earn 100k per annum and I don’t even own a property dar so why not ease my finances a wee bit more and GIVE me the extra 100 credits *prrrft* finally the eventful knock on my bedroom door came and after small banter I told Bobby of the reason to his incessant whys; the look was priceless of course! With me laughing away but I missed the crucial moments of the end of deal or no deal! *dehem* they just don’t get it do they?

I watched American idol while I quelled my giddiness down by trying to settle down amidst the mess called my bed. With my books, letters, all manner of personal significance and my life hanging on the other line doused me sleepy, but my need to say hello to 17th May acted as toothpicks to keep those eyelids open just for a little bit more. My head was throbbing by then, hungry for rest. And as the sudden tick of the clock struck midnight, the engaged tone from a dead line jolted me awake from my slip into slumber. My fingers worked the lighted pads on my phone and typed that special wish and pressed send. I tried after to put this heavy shell to rest by weaving through the sticky web of the today’s residue into dreams. Tossed and turned but Mr. sandman refused my pleas for seconds and left; I wide eyed looking at the ceiling sulking in the dark.

Do your dreams mean anything to you?

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Belated Obstreperous!!

Aha!

No. I am not a teacher *whyshouldtheyknowALLthebigwords* No. I am not a communist *whataboutprogressivesoacialist?* No. I am not really a rat *ifeellikeonesometimes* No. I do not wear only black. *ilikeredtoo* No. I do not think going cold turkey will stop me from smoking. *beingpregnantdoeshehe* but YES! I am loud AND boisterously defiant. *orusually*

I left the office nearly 9pm today because the auditors are coming on Monday and I had to make sure everything was filed and bla bla bla…I surprised even myself by not kicking up a fuss when I was told to do this and that and was given dirty looks that read, “you are so incompetent and lazy” when I questioned shitte-o-tub on how exactly does she want her files to be filed. I knew she was bitching behind my back to anyone who was willing to hear and it didn’t get any better when as I just about to leave for lunch, I found my handphone missing! I called my phone from my desk and it rang and I could faintly hear surprise by radiohead from somewhere in the office so I went to hunt for it. Of course it stopped ringging soon after and knowing how careless I can be with my things sometimes, I really thought I misplaced it somwhere. The second time I rang, not surprisingly I got my voicemail instead. I tried a few times and went around the office to give everyone the evil eye but no one gave a shit. So, I shrugged my shoulders and called the people to immediately disconnect my line just in case it was really stolen. I didn’t want anyone calling long distance but I secure the phone with a security code so I didn’t worry too much. Then I changed my voicemail to annouce that my phone was stolen and to reach me at the office instead. I didn’t really have the mood to eat any lunch soon after but I couldn’t refuse free food :p and the fact that I had a mountain work to plough through later at the office so I will need the carbo to burn. It turned out, my phone quietly lay in switched off mode when I came back from lunch. I just opened my drawer and there it was. Apparently, someone thought it would be funny to hide my phone or maybe the intendee wanted to teach me to be more careful with my belongings I don’t know.

I am just glad to have it back. Right about now, I should have been with the 3 terrors but last minute the green eyed monster wanted to bring the kids out. Maybe to celebrate an early mommy’s day with new mommy but terror 1 wasn’t sulky or pouty about having to cancel our date today so I hope they enjoy themselves. We’ll just have to make do with whatever’s left of the weekend to celebrate terror 2 and 3’s birthday. Terror 3 is going to turn four this Sunday! And terror 2 is turning six the following Wednesday! It is also mommy’s day! So it is going to be busy, busy, busy and I am so looking forward to receive my prezzies. I already know what they are, my prezzies. They each come tagged as terror 1, 2 and 3 :) I already received mommy day’s wishes from friends, some early but all so drippingly sentimental sweet. The wallet I bought for one special mommy was refused so it is going to be given to another special mommy. I probably could guess why it was refused, but I shall not dwell on it. One’s lost, is another’s gain I firmly believe so all is still going to be well.

I miss my mom. And I wish she was still with me so that I could go about fussing around her. I think I saw that small wooden plaque I had made for her for mommy’s day once lying around somewhere. I had it say, ‘World’s Best Mom’ and gave it to her because it was so difficult for me to say it to her. She has mantle where she collects her oddities of china and rocco and stuff, so how better than to remind her of how much she means to me than have it up where she could be reminded of my feelings while dusting her favourites! :D but now, I can only hope my shout will reach her wherever she is.

“HAPPY MOMMY’S DAY MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I hope you’d be proud to know that I am now a mama myself and that I have the highest respect for everyone who is, are and will be once and always a mother. No. I don’t make plaques for everyone *hehe* but yes! I’d be obstreperous! I’d shout over the highest mountain to make it known and make sure she’s right there beside me to make sure the police don’t catch me and put me in IMH otey ;P

stay sane,
amyemeelea
ps: think about someone you care about, and do something about it :)

hmmm.....

testing....

Obstreperous!!