tired rant..

"The human heart has hidden treasure,
In secret kept, in silence sealed." ~ Charlotte Bronte, "Evening Solace"

i try to create a little changes when i can. me who is addicted to cheap thrills and all things nonsensical and usually pretty rude hehe....it helps keep routine at bay, inject a wee bit of disorder in my already disorganized life. but i can't complain because who would want to listen to the same rant over and over again. work, love and more mindless irritating bigots to deal with. some people can really write humour but mine i think is so dry even i can't swallow powdered snot *bleargh* eeeeeeeeeeeeeew~ otey that's just too difficult to even imagine.

so i joined a soccer team. i wanted to manage a band. helped to glamorise my girlfriend's events and then i am writing a novel. which incidentally is still in the works. the only solid support i have lately is myself. and ever so often, a good hearty hello or prod from the bestest muses i could ever have *nugdebiksetans* the terrors have finished their exams and it seems that they have outgrown the i-need-to-sleep-with-a-teddy-bear phase. again, i got sick and its ALL my fault for not taking any precautions *cough* :p or rather i am thinking i should be going around wearing a mask. for a while i think i did rid of the toxins draining me but i have a knack of sniffing them out in another form and go right ahead and shoot them up my nose. but kudos to me, i have managed to expel the facebook addiction *somewhat* muahahaha.

the songs i have saved in my playlists are still very sappy and i haven't gotten round to changing my screensaver or fiddled major with lapicits in any way *gah!* so much for my dreams of becoming a raod warrior. lapicits hasn't gotten around to lee kong chian yet. maybe as far as woodlands regional library where i managed to surf free! at least i MANAGED...such a tech dumb ass that i am. so looking back, i can change and am able to create that tiny drivel of creative vertex i so crave. yet like a top i soon, very soon lose steam again unable to spin again. i realise yet again, and clearly see my mistakes but am so prone to depend on others for validation. its seems that loyalty binds me to the most uncompromising beings. none too valuable if you ask me but why oh why do i bother as much *clutchesheart*

another bout of hibernation planned. not much to brag about but i am in hopes that change in the air will bring with it; gentle breeze of inspiration. soulful meanings once lost hopefully will make its scent tickle these numb nosey senses of mine to a life going forward a bounty more fruitful. ah *sigh* the optimism of youth *LOL* you fall and if you are lucky, you'll look up to an offered hand. if you're not, a slap perhaps. either way be thankful that you are alive to feel the warmth of a firm soulful grip. if not the smart sting of a reminder that its nothing personal, just another bitchslap to wake up and smell the bloody shit hell hole that you have actually managed to fall into. maybe you deserve it because you keep falling into the same hell hole again and again.

i shall let my secrets lie safe for the moment as i have released it. with hope and trust that it shall lead to forgiveness and turn into good. like shit turning into manure hehehe...have i hit my head somewhat or had the hits in the futsal cage zonked my already singed marbles? well, god knows.

till then, stay sane if not as sane as you will ever can and will be. nothing feels more sane that to laugh and cry at the same time.

toddles.....till the next ramble ;)

amyemeelea