proof yet again me dumbo..

Warning :- Loads of Self depreciating humour because Trump did win! And someone did win his bet haha. Upon reflection if I was American then I am a dumbo too for not voting with my vagina. It just shows that when one is not informed of the facts (political and social policies) and its serious repercussions on society as whole then this is what you get. A reality tv has been for President. Well I admire his guts anyway for actually running for President but with that said it is time for me once again to get on sharpening my brains. Why the hell did I even think I would even vote for him!? Even if hypothetically voting!

Since then I caught up with the nephew in California and at least he was optimistic about the changing times in US. I can't say much then since I absolutely know nothing about US politics anyway besides what I have read on facebook and elsewhere. I find myself reading about the news more so on facebook than anywhere else. No BBC no CNN no other verified sources of news and it scares me. Recently facebook told me that I liked about 8,775 items I perused in 2016 ALONE. That scares me too. These were not even proper comments but simply likes or at least now you can choose from an array of emoticons.

I kid myself when I say I am actually topping up my knowledge base when I am simply dumb-ing down my experience by not participating in any conversation at all. No one is allowed to post anything on my page either since that little tiff I had with Kama. I have grown inwards since forever I feel and that is not healthy. Even my reading at leisure has stopped drastically since we got married. Of late I find myself more glued to the tablet for the games.

Bath time has even changed to watching killer documentaries instead of reading but to my defense, I have consciously been trying to amend that; refusing to alter my sense of me time and zen in the bathtub. Looking back 2016 has consisted of too many fluid changes although non abrupt. Routines have a sense of consistency but none that adds to the foundations of my idea of self. Yes I have had more time to connect with people who matter but not many would have been my first choice. Overall it all feels imposed and hollow. The feel of genuine meeting of minds and an intuitive connection of camaraderie has been tense.

Terror one has become my shadow for almost everything and Kama won't even trust me to cross the road hehe. Whatever is left of 2016 now is more leaning to please end already and spare me this restlessness. The good thing is we are finally starting on the archiving project at least. A simple offer of conciliation maybe to prove myself to be more than I am. More to put on the plate in addition to minding the house et all and prove that me, myself and I could not just be simply - a homemaker or housewife.

I still like 'professional bummer' or to update this tag I shall amend it to 'pro idler'. I think it sounds more polished for polite company or rather the intellectual set. I don't think I can bear hearing Kama trying his damndest to introduce me as his research assistant while in fact I research nothing but recipes and also home crafts. I sometimes try to imagine myself to be as fierce as Martha Stewart just to keep up the positive vibes but it hurts to keep up with false pretenses. Maybe because I couldn't care less about plating every dinner and I truly can't go beyond decorating past clean and comfy. Okay so I am anal about organizing our home but yes, these past few months I have to agree that stay at home moms and wifeys never deserve truly any credit in general.

At least the main reasons to stay at home now has since abated. Terror one has gone over her major exam and we are hoping that she gets to her school of choice. Kama has gotten his promotion and can only go higher from here. Well he can choose to slow down a bit if so he chooses but I guess this now will not be an option because suddenly the idea of family and the responsibilities to provide will be his only aim to murder next year and all the years ahead.

Well now it is just left with me. What will this self set to do in 2017?

Stay sane,

j@e

ps: terror one just peeked over my shoulder and exclaimed horror when she found out that I have a blog *rollseyes*

alarm!

Post US elections and really thinking hard about my own choice 'if' I was an american and sadly - I would actually vote for trump because I won't want to vote with my vagina. 

Besides the sad rhetoric thrown into the campaign etcetera, I imagined that if I had to switch that election into the local context then there is no two way about it - all elections (political) will play on the heartstrings. 

Oh how it sings! 

Now...onward to the next horrible thing to happen in 2016! 

Ragged, 

J@e

ps: next presidential election in singapore 'reserved' for malay only. 

Binge on hope.

Dear Mama,

I have been told by you-know-who to 'know my place'. It was not literal but she kept reminding me to do this and do that. To act like this and then to act like that. You know I don't like to be explicitly told right Ma so this is a problem. The major problem being she is who she is and I DO know my place in relation to her.

So Ma...please help me remain strong and remind me to curb my temper and not retaliate in defense of my ego. I believe you will tell me to keep myself in place and in check whilst I MUST throw out my ego (temporarily) to keep the status quo. The toughest part will have to be following your footsteps Ma! Your patience knew no bounds and you always had hope.

Me?

I will never be like you Ma but I can only try. You knew your place and you always kept it above everyone else and that is exactly what I will try to emulate. I'll try to keep the conversations light and happy and center it around food :p

I miss you so much Mama.

a long lunar retrograde

The retrograde ended last January 25th but the after effects and shake ups is trailing me to no end till today. I have always said that I write when I am most depressed and I guess after such a long time from my last entry - today is the day. 

I cried at the stroke of midnight in the arms of the beloved and the only reply to "Why." was "Because you know me, I cry when I am happy." Truth be told, I was as much as shocked as him when the tears decided to come. The dreams that came right after were blurry and tinged with much grey. Of course the sun came and the shadows disappeared the next day. 

It is the New Year. "Please let me have a kitten." I wished aloud to nothing. 

Nope, Godly Kitten did not appear and show no signs of making an appearance except for in cute meme. I iz sad no haz point in goiiiiiiinggggg onnnnnnnnnn. I take a grip of myself and remind the self to loosen the grip a bit. Hopefully this will help me breathe a little bit easier to prepare for what is coming - the onslaught of reflections and introspection over the horizon.

I can't help the feeling of tristfulness and blame it all on Mecury in retrograde.

Stay sane,

Jamymeemelea

PS : I feel the funnies are marching soon to the pages ahead. Till then tooodleloo!