i gate crashed cita yesterday after work and was just in time to watch an angklung performance. the main intention was to touch noses with 3 interesting ladies i met last year and hopefully whisk them away for a personal tete a tete afters.
the afters didn't happen because the girls had to do a de-brief and main macha woman che. anna was battling the flu while hosting the gig and stuff. all my hat-tips to this woman. while at it, i realised that it was a year ago maybe not exactly, that i was at the same event. coincidently again it was its second last instalment. i met some new people but some others from the last year, one of whom had a 12 month old baby!! she was pregnant the last time and teacher of the group of boys performing dikir barat. she remembered me maybe faintly from the last time and i wondered, did i make any impression at all from besides my common face.
i realised that i wore a similar strapless black dress. only this time, i had over my shoulders kama's stunning chikan shawl in black and hues of burnt ochre and reds. last year i had an antique kebaya with my dress. both are black and if last year was shiny stain, this year it was black mute velvet with a laced cut border at the bottom. BOTH dresses inherited from shikino. a fleeting moment of coincidences.
i didn't want to crash their debrief and traipsed off to meet che. lebabi incarnate fig2. the initial plan was to drag him to meet the girls and ease him (rather informally) back into the dating scene. i wanted him to know that women don't live in your heads. idealised person don't naturally materialise in reality. you got to reach out and feel and think around these ideals and form an opinion. the girls were told of my impromptu plan and they were excited about meeting a new face. they didn't like the fact it was only ONE guy (maybe not enough to go around) but i argued, it was NOT a date - date. or even a debutante ball. it was just coffee and dinner if all were game.
anyway, the girls promised to text later after their debrief and round up if time permits and i went over to drag mr. lebabi incarnate fig2 off for dinner. we had chicken rice and we argued about sharing a plate of liver. mr. fig2 told me of another engagement invite that he didn't want to go to and i told him why go if you don't feel like it AND i am not going to be his tag along friend for this. i had in mind to dish up sambal sardine and crispy prata at home. so it was settled then. we'd have dinner and hang out to catch up with the boys at pondok before we end saturday. he was to drop me off and then see his mom for late night grocery shopping and thought of heading into jb later tonight to top up petrol. i told him just call if he needed company but no way am i going to meet him mom and his aunt in my strapless dress. he already SAID i was naked. i didn't need that affirmation from makciks.
sneak peek away from work a done deal for this Saturday we both agreed.
i came back to an empty home and kama texted to say he blew up a land filled mine with bombs in Cambodia. he must be at the killing fields. i wish he did find that sweet spot to meditate. i ate and mr. fig2 texted later to say night into jb was off and he'd go tomorrow with his mom and aunty. the matchmaking streak by parents is strong with this one but i didn't want to say it. it worked for many and why not him? i just wish he'd laugh a lot more.
i cleaned up and happy that i don't have to worry about cooking tomorrow with the sambal sardine ready on the stove. i could just cook some rice and fry some veges for late lunch. as usual i'd talk to the plants and potter about settling the house. domesticated me to bring on theraphy always is lovely. a leisurely weekend sounds like bliss. kama said goodnight and just one more day from welcoming him home. I've always liked that we can each go on in seek of our own to come back again and seek comfort and love in our togetherness.
sleep and then late morning sunday morning brekkie done.
che. anna just sent her thank you for showing up yesterday and another big reason to catch up was to celebrate completion of he MA in malay studies at the NUS. next year she will be moving to another school to head the malay department! i just want her to get well and i know i will put in that effort for that spa weekend with her soon. too bad she has switched off from FB because that is how i tend to catch up with people now.
that realisation left me sad.
it is 3pm and i need only to prepare dinner for myself and sort the laundry. i'm going to pop in a movie and miss kama. i will renew my license and BOOK those DAMN lessons this evening. if ms. softie darlie can make changes for the unknown then i can to.
mantra for this week - be the change you want to see.
stay sane,
j.amy
ps : although i can't see myself quitting the fags just about now :p sorry terrors!
Sunday, October 20, 2013
Friday, October 11, 2013
work notes.
i overslept and reported late to work. on the way at 11am my phone beeped and was told that a security officer called one of our residents an asshole this morning and she threatened to quit volunteering her time as a council member if the officer was not removed. the manager had asked me to handle the problem because i was in charge of security. as the team was very shorthanded today and after hearing what went on, I told the guys to hold on to the officer until a replacement was called in. i told the supervisor to keep him under the radar because we couldn't run the show with just 3 men. that was half the manpower needed.
of course no replacements were called in and she had to bump into the officer still on duty just after lunch. she went pass the office and said again she is really going to quit the council. i made the call and asked the said officer to leave immediately and thought nothing of it. i'll deal with the security company where it hurts i thought. i'll just charge them a fine over the incident.
hell broke loose at 4pm when she came down to the office to send in her resignation letter to the management citing 'not respected' as reason. apparently she was promised that the officer will be sent packing and he was still there.
I practically had to grovel and beg for her to stay and said the officer has since left the building. i rationalized that the only reason he stayed on was because we didn't have enough men to go around. in the end, of course she said she is so upset with ME because I didn't go up to apologise on behalf of the officer. then ranted on about how the manager and myself is not communicating. which is obvious because i wasn't there when it happened and IF the manager was already there to handle the matter, why should i suddenly bump into the picture and kiss her ass?
it was verbal abuse. no one likes to be called an asshole and yes, the officer went out of line BUT come on..............*speechless* so she liked my grovelling and the letter was thrown in the trash. we were saved from losing a resident volunteer. i sent in the email to the service provider and told them not to send him back. they also had to mind the fine of $500 due to the incident. its end day and i don't want to dwell on it anymore.
i feel empty and dirty. on that thought, she'll never have haemorrhoids. she's such a perfect asshole.
strained,
J.
of course no replacements were called in and she had to bump into the officer still on duty just after lunch. she went pass the office and said again she is really going to quit the council. i made the call and asked the said officer to leave immediately and thought nothing of it. i'll deal with the security company where it hurts i thought. i'll just charge them a fine over the incident.
hell broke loose at 4pm when she came down to the office to send in her resignation letter to the management citing 'not respected' as reason. apparently she was promised that the officer will be sent packing and he was still there.
I practically had to grovel and beg for her to stay and said the officer has since left the building. i rationalized that the only reason he stayed on was because we didn't have enough men to go around. in the end, of course she said she is so upset with ME because I didn't go up to apologise on behalf of the officer. then ranted on about how the manager and myself is not communicating. which is obvious because i wasn't there when it happened and IF the manager was already there to handle the matter, why should i suddenly bump into the picture and kiss her ass?
it was verbal abuse. no one likes to be called an asshole and yes, the officer went out of line BUT come on..............*speechless* so she liked my grovelling and the letter was thrown in the trash. we were saved from losing a resident volunteer. i sent in the email to the service provider and told them not to send him back. they also had to mind the fine of $500 due to the incident. its end day and i don't want to dwell on it anymore.
i feel empty and dirty. on that thought, she'll never have haemorrhoids. she's such a perfect asshole.
strained,
J.
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
escaping the stereotypes.
“I’d entered the city the way one enters any grand love affair: with no exit plan.” ~ Joan Didion.
how wonderful it is to live like that everyday!!
....and I try to keep that positivity, the feel wonder at very turn but when one is in the service line then it is very hard to do. today was easier to feel joy like that because it I didn't have to deal with complaint after complaint.
but one complaint did strike me as superfluous via email. I was quite familiar with this saralee cake because she has a seepage problem in her apartment. clearly after inspections done at her apartment it was suspected that the leak came from the unit above. this is what I do everyday, tell people we suspect it is coming from upstairs but besides writing to tell the neighbours upstairs to fix the problem we don't do much else. our jurisdiction is the common area and not private space *cartwheels*
of course by now, saralee cake knew enough to hanker us for a resolution but after hitting a tough wall of non committals from me she had nowhere else to turn to but the authorities. in this case it is the building authorities via email to demand that they help her force repairs by the neighbour. she copied us in her email to keep up with a semblance of keeping things in order but her objective was clear. she was going to COMPLAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN until someone actually does the work for her.
she even quoted minister mentor in her email and threatened the officer with fobbing her off. she challenged the officer to keep fobbing her off and said she will take it to the higher authorities (maybe via the courts or something) if she didn't get a person, a real person to hold her hand and guide her through the process of lodging this complain. she didn't want links! what the hell could url links do?!! the atrocity of replying with links indeed!!! *prrft*
i didn't feel like telling her or helping her when all that it takes was to fill in some forms online and making payment of $500/- to make it legit. anyway i was just copied in the email *hehe* but she did send a side copy to request that i forward her email to the manager because it bounced. i did just that and tskked as i ended my reply. i can understand that she's angry and probably just lost in trail of formalities BUT come on....all you need is to look into the other corner and see if there is another way out.
i know that this problem will fall into my lap to resolve sooner or later but i was too swamped today in my own reverie of wanting to escape. this reminded me that as soon as we fall into the trap of a stereotype of any kind, in this case of an angry and frustrated neighbour with no means of wanting to just deal with it; then there is no way out. no one cares really, which is scary.
it is just you and your solipsism of truth. also, it doesn't help when all you want to do is shoot the messenger with another angry email. or just taichi the problem onto someone else's lap with a lot and i mean a LOT of hot air. too bad in my own escapes today i managed to stay cool. well, till saralee storms over to the office in person to demand someone (me?? *gulps*) to tell her like it is.
damn..when the hell are they going to install that camera over front desk?
stay sane,
J.
how wonderful it is to live like that everyday!!
....and I try to keep that positivity, the feel wonder at very turn but when one is in the service line then it is very hard to do. today was easier to feel joy like that because it I didn't have to deal with complaint after complaint.
but one complaint did strike me as superfluous via email. I was quite familiar with this saralee cake because she has a seepage problem in her apartment. clearly after inspections done at her apartment it was suspected that the leak came from the unit above. this is what I do everyday, tell people we suspect it is coming from upstairs but besides writing to tell the neighbours upstairs to fix the problem we don't do much else. our jurisdiction is the common area and not private space *cartwheels*
of course by now, saralee cake knew enough to hanker us for a resolution but after hitting a tough wall of non committals from me she had nowhere else to turn to but the authorities. in this case it is the building authorities via email to demand that they help her force repairs by the neighbour. she copied us in her email to keep up with a semblance of keeping things in order but her objective was clear. she was going to COMPLAINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN until someone actually does the work for her.
she even quoted minister mentor in her email and threatened the officer with fobbing her off. she challenged the officer to keep fobbing her off and said she will take it to the higher authorities (maybe via the courts or something) if she didn't get a person, a real person to hold her hand and guide her through the process of lodging this complain. she didn't want links! what the hell could url links do?!! the atrocity of replying with links indeed!!! *prrft*
i didn't feel like telling her or helping her when all that it takes was to fill in some forms online and making payment of $500/- to make it legit. anyway i was just copied in the email *hehe* but she did send a side copy to request that i forward her email to the manager because it bounced. i did just that and tskked as i ended my reply. i can understand that she's angry and probably just lost in trail of formalities BUT come on....all you need is to look into the other corner and see if there is another way out.
i know that this problem will fall into my lap to resolve sooner or later but i was too swamped today in my own reverie of wanting to escape. this reminded me that as soon as we fall into the trap of a stereotype of any kind, in this case of an angry and frustrated neighbour with no means of wanting to just deal with it; then there is no way out. no one cares really, which is scary.
it is just you and your solipsism of truth. also, it doesn't help when all you want to do is shoot the messenger with another angry email. or just taichi the problem onto someone else's lap with a lot and i mean a LOT of hot air. too bad in my own escapes today i managed to stay cool. well, till saralee storms over to the office in person to demand someone (me?? *gulps*) to tell her like it is.
damn..when the hell are they going to install that camera over front desk?
stay sane,
J.
dealing with it.
the tennis coach remarked over the counter that i was giving a discourse instead of advise to the designer i was talking too. i ignored her and gave her a death stare as i went on with ms. kan-sheong at my desk because it always happens that when i keep it simple they look at me as if i'm speaking in another language! so of course i have to expand it and expound on the subject what!!
but rants about work can be staved off till next time. i was thinking it can be snippets that i can pretend to be drafts for an actual book. i feel the sudden urge to write and update because it that time of the year again! it is nanowrimoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
i believe it has been 5 years of nothing and blah. i can't even put it off to losing my muse too. its all over nada. and if its angst to churn on the creativity juices, then work gives me an overload of pain in the ass and everywhere! i got weened off from jewel (my tablet) from its beepings. its shiny appeal now stale. i haven't been tapping furiously on my simpsons game. thank god that has eased too and i've begun to read on the train again. the terrors lost my earpiece YET again so that could also be a contributing factor. although the last anne rice paperback i picked up was too awful. it is now in the will-read pile but i have a feeling it will be thrown back into never shelf at work.
more so, i think my last brush off with kama (not of the nice kind) woke me up from my routine reverie. our talk reminded me that there is always so much more to hanker for. the drive to try something new and adventure did dim. *gasp* i became boring! i guess i was really into talking to the plants too much. i shunned those who didn't reach out to me preferring the comforts of the swamp as a safe cocoon. it was too easy to switch off completely after every end day.
so its going to be stories.
stories.
i promised myself stories.
if no stories then its....death.
death of the soul and lost of more muses.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...don't want!
stay sane,
j.
ps: i have tried to tinker with jewel to blog but to no success. also, i still want a semblance of anonymity when i write about work or people. go-blogging with jewel gives me more ease to tag real time photos to my entries which would make it more appealing but no. it is just too risky and won't be funny at all if i can't fuck up your mind with a little tweak to your imagination.
pps: out.of.practice.
but to hell with it.
but rants about work can be staved off till next time. i was thinking it can be snippets that i can pretend to be drafts for an actual book. i feel the sudden urge to write and update because it that time of the year again! it is nanowrimoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.
i believe it has been 5 years of nothing and blah. i can't even put it off to losing my muse too. its all over nada. and if its angst to churn on the creativity juices, then work gives me an overload of pain in the ass and everywhere! i got weened off from jewel (my tablet) from its beepings. its shiny appeal now stale. i haven't been tapping furiously on my simpsons game. thank god that has eased too and i've begun to read on the train again. the terrors lost my earpiece YET again so that could also be a contributing factor. although the last anne rice paperback i picked up was too awful. it is now in the will-read pile but i have a feeling it will be thrown back into never shelf at work.
more so, i think my last brush off with kama (not of the nice kind) woke me up from my routine reverie. our talk reminded me that there is always so much more to hanker for. the drive to try something new and adventure did dim. *gasp* i became boring! i guess i was really into talking to the plants too much. i shunned those who didn't reach out to me preferring the comforts of the swamp as a safe cocoon. it was too easy to switch off completely after every end day.
so its going to be stories.
stories.
i promised myself stories.
if no stories then its....death.
death of the soul and lost of more muses.
eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee...don't want!
stay sane,
j.
ps: i have tried to tinker with jewel to blog but to no success. also, i still want a semblance of anonymity when i write about work or people. go-blogging with jewel gives me more ease to tag real time photos to my entries which would make it more appealing but no. it is just too risky and won't be funny at all if i can't fuck up your mind with a little tweak to your imagination.
pps: out.of.practice.
but to hell with it.
Saturday, August 17, 2013
longing for the lost.
“Sometimes when I look at you, I feel I'm gazing at a distant star.
It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.
Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything."
Haruki Murakami - South of the border, West of the sun.
dear son,
i miss you. i love you. i need you forever and ever and ever and ever.
faithfully yours,
mama terror.
It's dazzling, but the light is from tens of thousands of years ago.
Maybe the star doesn't even exist any more. Yet sometimes that light seems more real to me than anything."
Haruki Murakami - South of the border, West of the sun.
dear son,
i miss you. i love you. i need you forever and ever and ever and ever.
faithfully yours,
mama terror.
Monday, August 12, 2013
the Eid 2013.
I have extended the holidays and used up all my leave in the process.
Today, having used up all my excuses to procrastinate any longer, I set myself to go-blog as I had mentally flogged myself with so often recently. I really do not know where to start but here and now. the fact that the last few days have been draining. it was not so much different and it stays the same that I have yet to see the terrors. terror 1 made it better by slipping in a song on whatsapp and wished me selamat hari raya.
here's the song :-
http://youtu.be/3KbSC5GMAYI
she is learning the chords to this song from mr google from the company internet as she says. yeaps, my eldest is ms. smartypants. I listened to the song and was at once reminded of school days where the girlfriends and your truly would skip school to go jamming with the guys. I never really learnt to play an instrument but more or less just sang along haha! they were all at their auntie's for this hari raya since their dad and stepmum are doing their umrah in mecca. they are already back as I am writing this and that is the last I have heard of them.
maybe I will be seeing them soon, maybe not but I do hope not the latter.
so I continued my hari raya celebrations being the sweet dutiful fiancé to an awesome partner in kuala lumpur. his nephew and niece are back with us and his mum having made all the way from Scotland so it was very special. There was ms. panpretty and mister. hammessy lolling about in the apartment with mak and of course, choucou the cat. It was a heartwarming picture as it is the first time in over 8 years or more that the family has been together. Now also plus one that is myself thrown into the mix. my bittersweet albeit awesome raya was just beginning.
mak did not cook but outsourced the raya goodies. kama and myself helped to pick up the goodies from the nearby neighbourhood and of course we got lost. she ordered biryani and various rendangs for 15 people. they were packed in Tupperware and didn't look enough to feed 6? but of course the food lasted 3 days before finally binned. we managed photo sessions and also swims in between the visiting to and fro. the kids wore a bewildered look as they were handed small packets of money but of course happy to wish everyone selamat hari raya in their best malay. I poured my heart to the kids because I missed the terrors. I made ms. panpretty up in the prettiest colours and played with her hair.
mister. hammessy showed me how he played stickman war 2 and together we all swam and played badminton downstairs.
so yes, I had fun and ate a lot.
I didn't send out any raya messages so of course I did not have any back. except from very random people. it is nice to know maybe in small ways I made an impression to this people. so thank you mr. ezeunicorn (I know you will be reading this) and also yanto my talented young friend. even my security supervisor sent me a short meaningful message :)
of course the emotional bit got steep for a bit this raya when I took the opporturnity to wish mak a selamat hari raya that morning. she told me she loved me and that I was a daughter. she whispered to care for kama when she is gone. I freaked a bit and replied how I wont let that happen as she will always be with us. of course I realised this is a bit too dramatic even for me but I don't do well with surprises. I scooted off to the kitchen right after to care for my swollen eyes. thank god for water proof mascara and spied kama kneeling in solemn embrace of mak's knees. gah!! tears threatened to run amok again so I ran after the kids to wai. also I knew the brother might want a private moment too. I also overheard cheng's voice ovr Skype wishing mak a selamat hari raya. left me to wonder how mak is really taking in this raya. it just felt surreal in some ways.
so that's my raya story.
hopefully this long draught will soon pass I will start go-blogging regularly again. I guess the long hiatus is enough of a mourning period of a lost muse.
selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin.
xxxx
j.amyemeelea
Today, having used up all my excuses to procrastinate any longer, I set myself to go-blog as I had mentally flogged myself with so often recently. I really do not know where to start but here and now. the fact that the last few days have been draining. it was not so much different and it stays the same that I have yet to see the terrors. terror 1 made it better by slipping in a song on whatsapp and wished me selamat hari raya.
here's the song :-
http://youtu.be/3KbSC5GMAYI
she is learning the chords to this song from mr google from the company internet as she says. yeaps, my eldest is ms. smartypants. I listened to the song and was at once reminded of school days where the girlfriends and your truly would skip school to go jamming with the guys. I never really learnt to play an instrument but more or less just sang along haha! they were all at their auntie's for this hari raya since their dad and stepmum are doing their umrah in mecca. they are already back as I am writing this and that is the last I have heard of them.
maybe I will be seeing them soon, maybe not but I do hope not the latter.
so I continued my hari raya celebrations being the sweet dutiful fiancé to an awesome partner in kuala lumpur. his nephew and niece are back with us and his mum having made all the way from Scotland so it was very special. There was ms. panpretty and mister. hammessy lolling about in the apartment with mak and of course, choucou the cat. It was a heartwarming picture as it is the first time in over 8 years or more that the family has been together. Now also plus one that is myself thrown into the mix. my bittersweet albeit awesome raya was just beginning.
mak did not cook but outsourced the raya goodies. kama and myself helped to pick up the goodies from the nearby neighbourhood and of course we got lost. she ordered biryani and various rendangs for 15 people. they were packed in Tupperware and didn't look enough to feed 6? but of course the food lasted 3 days before finally binned. we managed photo sessions and also swims in between the visiting to and fro. the kids wore a bewildered look as they were handed small packets of money but of course happy to wish everyone selamat hari raya in their best malay. I poured my heart to the kids because I missed the terrors. I made ms. panpretty up in the prettiest colours and played with her hair.
mister. hammessy showed me how he played stickman war 2 and together we all swam and played badminton downstairs.
so yes, I had fun and ate a lot.
I didn't send out any raya messages so of course I did not have any back. except from very random people. it is nice to know maybe in small ways I made an impression to this people. so thank you mr. ezeunicorn (I know you will be reading this) and also yanto my talented young friend. even my security supervisor sent me a short meaningful message :)
of course the emotional bit got steep for a bit this raya when I took the opporturnity to wish mak a selamat hari raya that morning. she told me she loved me and that I was a daughter. she whispered to care for kama when she is gone. I freaked a bit and replied how I wont let that happen as she will always be with us. of course I realised this is a bit too dramatic even for me but I don't do well with surprises. I scooted off to the kitchen right after to care for my swollen eyes. thank god for water proof mascara and spied kama kneeling in solemn embrace of mak's knees. gah!! tears threatened to run amok again so I ran after the kids to wai. also I knew the brother might want a private moment too. I also overheard cheng's voice ovr Skype wishing mak a selamat hari raya. left me to wonder how mak is really taking in this raya. it just felt surreal in some ways.
so that's my raya story.
hopefully this long draught will soon pass I will start go-blogging regularly again. I guess the long hiatus is enough of a mourning period of a lost muse.
selamat hari raya, maaf zahir batin.
xxxx
j.amyemeelea
Friday, March 22, 2013
empowerment camp.
terror one is second from left and that is my eldest for you, tongue sticking out happy that she is now officially part of the girl's brigade.
nothing can describe how proud i am of you so let's keep it at that. it doesn't matter that no one understands (right now anyway) because you are going to do what you want and believe in anyway so....keep it up munchkin!
enjoy your teenage years and stay happy my present, because no one has the power but YOU to make the difference that you need.
i'm happy to see you happy :)
proud mama terror,
j.amyemeelea
Sunday, March 10, 2013
a jolt of reality...
i caught up with two of my awesome buddies this week who've been out of the radar for quite sometime. i've been feeling blue over my own realisation for not making the efforts in making time for those who matter. i met che. commando over drinks at holland village last thursday and had a 4 hour conversation on the phone today with che. ndot. in between last friday, i managed to squeeze dinner at causeway to meet the 4 other girls going to cambodia with me to plan for the upcoming trip this april.
che. commando had been to prison for a week before start of university and is serving probabtion time now for a stupid gungho mistake. che. ndot been battling with home woes and is 10 weeks pregnant, expecting her third child and her hormones are out of whack. the ladies planning the trip are going crazy trying to get everyone together to 'do something' or contribute to the trip.
me?
I just finished my 3 month probation and enjoyed my first saturday off on my own this weekend at home doing nothing. kama will be back tonight to fill in details about lahad datu and his endless discussions about the upcoming malaysian elections.
all is well and now on to priorities next week....that must be of personal nature instead of letting work rule over me :-
MAKE MORE DATES FOR THOSE WHO MATTER.
it could be a simple meet up after work or that hours long conversation on the phone or even random updates on facebook. it is most important is to keep the communication going in person. nothing beats that one on one experience with another.
so thank you terror one who said please take time to enjoy my first saturday off!! i promise to make it to your parade next weekend because this weekend, i really had to make time for che. commando, aunty ndot and also my girl buddies for the cambodia trip. i needed the time as well with kama at home because he needs an assuring hand at dinner to cuddle.
ultimately you know that you are the best daughter i could ever ask for because all in all i need the time for myself to reflect and set my priorities going on ahead. thank you sweetheart for not insisting i must be mom first and foremost because the reality is......i am more than a mom to you.
so yes!!! at your parade next weekend...i am going to be the best MOM ever and make my presence with you count because.....
i do care :)
love mama terror,
j.amyemeelea
che. commando had been to prison for a week before start of university and is serving probabtion time now for a stupid gungho mistake. che. ndot been battling with home woes and is 10 weeks pregnant, expecting her third child and her hormones are out of whack. the ladies planning the trip are going crazy trying to get everyone together to 'do something' or contribute to the trip.
me?
I just finished my 3 month probation and enjoyed my first saturday off on my own this weekend at home doing nothing. kama will be back tonight to fill in details about lahad datu and his endless discussions about the upcoming malaysian elections.
all is well and now on to priorities next week....that must be of personal nature instead of letting work rule over me :-
MAKE MORE DATES FOR THOSE WHO MATTER.
it could be a simple meet up after work or that hours long conversation on the phone or even random updates on facebook. it is most important is to keep the communication going in person. nothing beats that one on one experience with another.
so thank you terror one who said please take time to enjoy my first saturday off!! i promise to make it to your parade next weekend because this weekend, i really had to make time for che. commando, aunty ndot and also my girl buddies for the cambodia trip. i needed the time as well with kama at home because he needs an assuring hand at dinner to cuddle.
ultimately you know that you are the best daughter i could ever ask for because all in all i need the time for myself to reflect and set my priorities going on ahead. thank you sweetheart for not insisting i must be mom first and foremost because the reality is......i am more than a mom to you.
so yes!!! at your parade next weekend...i am going to be the best MOM ever and make my presence with you count because.....
i do care :)
love mama terror,
j.amyemeelea
Monday, February 25, 2013
the long awaited update.
this is more for myself. you guys realise that by writing i am trying to neutralise or balance my libido and mortido tendencies right?
so anyway, my birthday passed in January and I've got a new job. i love it of course but its getting on my nerves a tad bit. especially today i i had a warning from my vendor about taking care to avoid a certain someone because he's exclaimed he wants to hex me somewhat. leaving all the details behind, i am happy to report that I'm in a very solid position to hold on and stay positive.
I'm wasting a lot of water though, by taking a lot of hot baths! although, i must say it is ACTUALLY making me lose weight. i am at 45. 1kg currently so please hate me. i do have a slight muffin top but it takes very little to correct that with controlled breathing and the right sense of fashion.
i watched women's MMA take a revolutionary turn this morning with the first ever women's UFC bantam weight championship and boy~ was the world glad the straight woman win. i had this irksome feeling while i watched the primetime preview for the match. these women are world class athletes and to use their private inclinations to draw the crowd to watch the match didn't rest well with me. although, i must say, the fight between rowdy rousey and girlrilla liz was TIGHT.
i actually wanted terror 1 to watch the fight with me on sunday morning but she told me she's more into wrestling *sigh* i rationalised WWF was too emotionally driven and the moves were just too showy and violent. you wanted clean moves, strategy and serious good cardio to last in a mixed martial art showdown. these women were professionals. i love the fact that the ultimate champion works seriously hard and enforces strict discipline to excel in her 'art'. yeah...its physical alright but HEY~ wake up...we do need to value women who are born this way, and i mean the physically strong women who actually 'fight' for a living.
so anyway, terror 1 is not convinced *bleargh* maybe another time then.
besides the fact that fatboy aka terror 2 has avoided seeing me for the past 2 months or so, i'm content to say that my girls are as normal as can be. one is worried about being called 'esbok bergerak' or *'moving frideg'* for some of you and then the other worried about getting the one direction tumbler. the fatboy is dealing with denial issues and stealing in school and with family. by family i mean by stealing from us. i have in mind to give him a good wallop but i'm glad we are taking the loving and assertive parenting style instead. he must try to get restitution for his actions without violence.
bo said i should kidnap terror 2 by staking outside school but i think we'd manage to find time and sit him down. the good news is bo's getting a daughter whom i hope will be as trying as the terrors hehehehehehe...besides serious talk about marriage and what entails after, i am glad that at least...for this moment, kama has not set his ideals on more kids. i love them but i can't deal with the diaper changes and sleepless nights.which goes on for quite forever when you've been sleep deprived nursing at least 4 hours interval until you wean the baby off.
yet the best news is bo and kin saying yes to dinner here in the swamps this weekend. he had some reservations about us serving alcohol. which i admit can be trying but i told him like seriously, don't be such an ass. i know we are already in sin but where's the love and encouragement with reminders to spur on for a more muslimmah code of life? you can't deny me the leeway no matter how small the window of opportunity; to make good by your standards can you?
all in all....i'm grateful and count my blessings. we have the right support in times of self delusional needs.
so yeah...
i might not mind when i'm not aware and i'm counting on reminders of small miracles in signs of hope and understanding. it is my time i'm working against so if i have been a bad sister, the wrost kind of mom and totally insensitive prick of a friend. i beg you to mind me graciously. life is too precious to count on hate and bitterness. i just want to get along and inspire to be as good as it gets ;)
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: i know i'm such the hijacker when all you need for me as a friend is to listen. i don't mean to relate every of your concern to my own experiences hence 'hijacking' your rants. at times, i pull other experiences from people close to us to prove a point but i digress. my point is i never intended to be such a bad person. i just need to liseng...liseng....liseng.
so anyway, my birthday passed in January and I've got a new job. i love it of course but its getting on my nerves a tad bit. especially today i i had a warning from my vendor about taking care to avoid a certain someone because he's exclaimed he wants to hex me somewhat. leaving all the details behind, i am happy to report that I'm in a very solid position to hold on and stay positive.
I'm wasting a lot of water though, by taking a lot of hot baths! although, i must say it is ACTUALLY making me lose weight. i am at 45. 1kg currently so please hate me. i do have a slight muffin top but it takes very little to correct that with controlled breathing and the right sense of fashion.
i watched women's MMA take a revolutionary turn this morning with the first ever women's UFC bantam weight championship and boy~ was the world glad the straight woman win. i had this irksome feeling while i watched the primetime preview for the match. these women are world class athletes and to use their private inclinations to draw the crowd to watch the match didn't rest well with me. although, i must say, the fight between rowdy rousey and girlrilla liz was TIGHT.
i actually wanted terror 1 to watch the fight with me on sunday morning but she told me she's more into wrestling *sigh* i rationalised WWF was too emotionally driven and the moves were just too showy and violent. you wanted clean moves, strategy and serious good cardio to last in a mixed martial art showdown. these women were professionals. i love the fact that the ultimate champion works seriously hard and enforces strict discipline to excel in her 'art'. yeah...its physical alright but HEY~ wake up...we do need to value women who are born this way, and i mean the physically strong women who actually 'fight' for a living.
so anyway, terror 1 is not convinced *bleargh* maybe another time then.
besides the fact that fatboy aka terror 2 has avoided seeing me for the past 2 months or so, i'm content to say that my girls are as normal as can be. one is worried about being called 'esbok bergerak' or *'moving frideg'* for some of you and then the other worried about getting the one direction tumbler. the fatboy is dealing with denial issues and stealing in school and with family. by family i mean by stealing from us. i have in mind to give him a good wallop but i'm glad we are taking the loving and assertive parenting style instead. he must try to get restitution for his actions without violence.
bo said i should kidnap terror 2 by staking outside school but i think we'd manage to find time and sit him down. the good news is bo's getting a daughter whom i hope will be as trying as the terrors hehehehehehe...besides serious talk about marriage and what entails after, i am glad that at least...for this moment, kama has not set his ideals on more kids. i love them but i can't deal with the diaper changes and sleepless nights.which goes on for quite forever when you've been sleep deprived nursing at least 4 hours interval until you wean the baby off.
yet the best news is bo and kin saying yes to dinner here in the swamps this weekend. he had some reservations about us serving alcohol. which i admit can be trying but i told him like seriously, don't be such an ass. i know we are already in sin but where's the love and encouragement with reminders to spur on for a more muslimmah code of life? you can't deny me the leeway no matter how small the window of opportunity; to make good by your standards can you?
all in all....i'm grateful and count my blessings. we have the right support in times of self delusional needs.
so yeah...
i might not mind when i'm not aware and i'm counting on reminders of small miracles in signs of hope and understanding. it is my time i'm working against so if i have been a bad sister, the wrost kind of mom and totally insensitive prick of a friend. i beg you to mind me graciously. life is too precious to count on hate and bitterness. i just want to get along and inspire to be as good as it gets ;)
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: i know i'm such the hijacker when all you need for me as a friend is to listen. i don't mean to relate every of your concern to my own experiences hence 'hijacking' your rants. at times, i pull other experiences from people close to us to prove a point but i digress. my point is i never intended to be such a bad person. i just need to liseng...liseng....liseng.
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