what's the point of goodbyes when you only want to justify why?
that's why goodbyes are hard innit? nothing you could say or do will be able to change that goodbye. you agreed to its truth but yet why still hanker for another goodbye to say so long, tata...laters...see you when i see you.
whats the point of saying the truth when the truth is another lie? truthful words are beautiful, beautiful words are not truthful. ah the irony and the double edged tinge beauty of opposites!
seal it with a K.I.S.S *waves*
my lastest stab at keeping it simple sie. chediambunuh.
i may not be simple, balanced neither will i be plain *hurhurhur* because i am JUST as I AM. you have made it very, very CLEAR where, what, what, why and WHO it is you want HER to be.
and it is NOT me.
it will NEVER be me.
...my past is too incriminating for your FUTURE. so my prayers is for you to be safe and stay sane with your :
she who is ONLY beautiful in your eyes
has the balanced qualities that YOU seek
understands NOT TO ASK questions
holds the virgin KEY to your need of progeny
action SIMPLY to your needs
in AWE of who you are and hopeful of who you will be
lastly...
altruistic by YOUR ACCOUNTS...
there...that's perfection by your so high expectations ;)
ps: honestly and faithfully will be here as promised, nothing more nothing less as and when NEEDED.
pps: you're sacked dear axed >p at least i have the courage to ask 'sampai biler'.
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
Another Great Monday~
i survived my first agm today *phew* and now still working off the effects of redbull, 3 cups of coffee and a 'few' fags in between. and OF ALL the days..i forgot to pack in perfume..not that i stink but my armpits were WET yoho! and have always been a concious smoker while on duty. you really don't want to be smelling of ash when sitting down with *ahems* peeps that sign your paycheck *hurhurhur*
meeting ended just before 830pm and the bus ride home was sans music and words. my brains were frazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzled! currently ripping the 3 cds lent to me by che.dol and empod will be stuffed with rocking new sounds. ungu will still be there and maybe if they still fit in my teeny empod, i could still hang on to ekan tracks featuring songs from bubbledays of doom :) so tracks from one giant leap and some lenny kravits, cranberries, sade and georgie mickey could still be songs of choice for lull-brainwaves moments.
the bestest thing about weekend was meeting the terrors. yeah, they had to follow me to work even on sunday where i played the role of cleaner cum pacifier mediator to 2 residents and had to forcefully leave me alone to chill before we went on our raya rounds BUT....
all is good when i see this peekture. how they have grown aye?
weekend for moi starts TOMORROW! :p
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: cepat masok ah pengundang mariammmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!!
Saturday, September 18, 2010
to whom it may concern the last 17th
"I am much too alone in this world, yet not alone
enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.""
~~ Rainer Maria Rilke,
I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone, st. 1
(as translated by Annemarie S. Kidder)
i cannot answer your questions simply enough (cos i am complicated remember). now skip along and don't ask me anymore. we've had enough suka-suka moments to last a lifetime right? so run along now...and remember...
...the keyword is,
NEED.
best regards,
yayang~
ps: strains of annie lennox "no more i love yous" paling best accompany above :)
enough
to truly consecrate the hour.
I am much too small in this world, yet not small
enough
to be to you just object and thing,
dark and smart.
I want my free will and want it accompanying
the path which leads to action;
and want during times that beg questions,
where something is up,
to be among those in the know,
or else be alone.""
~~ Rainer Maria Rilke,
I Am Much Too Alone in This World, Yet Not Alone, st. 1
(as translated by Annemarie S. Kidder)
i cannot answer your questions simply enough (cos i am complicated remember). now skip along and don't ask me anymore. we've had enough suka-suka moments to last a lifetime right? so run along now...and remember...
...the keyword is,
NEED.
best regards,
yayang~
ps: strains of annie lennox "no more i love yous" paling best accompany above :)
Thursday, September 09, 2010
Salam Lebaran, Eidulfitri and Hari Raya..
eversince mama died, my hari rayas have been of broken tradtions and the scrambling of order. my recent of the happy family (complete with car, cash and keeping up with the joneses suspenders) hari raya moments must be those when i was a wife. i got to cook, clean and also decorate much like every mrs out there. always happy to make all the encessary arrangements to have the house and its immediate members are ready to welcome the rest of the family. could be deadly when including extended members.
before that i will be found working. at least i had bobi with me those hotelier days :) we'd be at work and the 1st takbir we hear will be cming from the mosque Al-Falah next door. i think its usual to find the older, unfortunately single (for whatever reasons) to be found working as well. but rare to have 'young' (late teens for both of us) pair of orpahns working. so we became pretty popular :p
i've had also woken up alone in the very recent past. these past few years, the look of anticipation for hari raya has fh. i usually sleep in :) before maybe painting the town red with whoever is available. yet....i swear i've never felt so alone today, almost choking on my pent up tears. my eyes sting while i fought back teras and my face cracked a painful smile. i was eating sambal goreng pegantin, a goodie mix of beefy offal *lol* in chilli paste laced with spices and coconut milk. on the side i scooped a healthy portion of serunding which is fried ground coconut, fragrantly fried dry to perfection with a mixture of spices and also bits of meat *yums* plus...to mash everything together we had the softest lontong evar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the while i felt so fake.
towards the end of thier conversations, while i look on and concentrate of food, we came upon the tpic of cleaning. i already had in mind to help and even asked way last wekk if there should be anything he wants me to help with. to which i never had a reply till....just now *badabing* where bobi rattled to proclaim my share of to do. i let him go on and take in the feel of inflated ego. he doesn't get to impress so often (maybe too often i feel) that he felt so freely to remind me of washing the toilet and mop the floors. i just got off the phone with bobi. at least we agreed that the stuff he buys to clean shall be 'nice smelling'.
*sigh* this is depressing.
but i'm doing well so far. they will be back so detergent for the toilet floors which are now soaking with bleach. i always do it the old school way for dumping on all and swipping off slowly. confirm got peeled of skin but it shall be worth it. this ill be my last raya here. i have it all together to go through it and refuse all sympathy. i still can't say if it has any meaning for me anymore. at the very least i will say my thanks for my grace this eidulfitri whose soon to be a stranger to boot. for you ensured i paid my zakat this year just in the nick of time *sniff* there you go sir. tubitot, my salutations and farewell this hari raya! may we never exchange Salam lebarans hereinafter.
why?
to arrive at destiny is to start at the very begining..
i cannot remember where i read that. to anon (or shall i take the credit :p) my apologies. it doesn't make sense you say but i believe somethings are best left unspoken....till never. ideally. i won't hope for you to understand but as you beleive. i'm complicated.
everyoneis deliciously simple.
salam eid all. forgive me of all, please.
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
before that i will be found working. at least i had bobi with me those hotelier days :) we'd be at work and the 1st takbir we hear will be cming from the mosque Al-Falah next door. i think its usual to find the older, unfortunately single (for whatever reasons) to be found working as well. but rare to have 'young' (late teens for both of us) pair of orpahns working. so we became pretty popular :p
i've had also woken up alone in the very recent past. these past few years, the look of anticipation for hari raya has fh. i usually sleep in :) before maybe painting the town red with whoever is available. yet....i swear i've never felt so alone today, almost choking on my pent up tears. my eyes sting while i fought back teras and my face cracked a painful smile. i was eating sambal goreng pegantin, a goodie mix of beefy offal *lol* in chilli paste laced with spices and coconut milk. on the side i scooped a healthy portion of serunding which is fried ground coconut, fragrantly fried dry to perfection with a mixture of spices and also bits of meat *yums* plus...to mash everything together we had the softest lontong evar!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
all the while i felt so fake.
towards the end of thier conversations, while i look on and concentrate of food, we came upon the tpic of cleaning. i already had in mind to help and even asked way last wekk if there should be anything he wants me to help with. to which i never had a reply till....just now *badabing* where bobi rattled to proclaim my share of to do. i let him go on and take in the feel of inflated ego. he doesn't get to impress so often (maybe too often i feel) that he felt so freely to remind me of washing the toilet and mop the floors. i just got off the phone with bobi. at least we agreed that the stuff he buys to clean shall be 'nice smelling'.
*sigh* this is depressing.
but i'm doing well so far. they will be back so detergent for the toilet floors which are now soaking with bleach. i always do it the old school way for dumping on all and swipping off slowly. confirm got peeled of skin but it shall be worth it. this ill be my last raya here. i have it all together to go through it and refuse all sympathy. i still can't say if it has any meaning for me anymore. at the very least i will say my thanks for my grace this eidulfitri whose soon to be a stranger to boot. for you ensured i paid my zakat this year just in the nick of time *sniff* there you go sir. tubitot, my salutations and farewell this hari raya! may we never exchange Salam lebarans hereinafter.
why?
to arrive at destiny is to start at the very begining..
i cannot remember where i read that. to anon (or shall i take the credit :p) my apologies. it doesn't make sense you say but i believe somethings are best left unspoken....till never. ideally. i won't hope for you to understand but as you beleive. i'm complicated.
everyoneis deliciously simple.
salam eid all. forgive me of all, please.
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
Tuesday, September 07, 2010
break! 20 questions
1) i just noticed that the fbt shorts we all favor look like those short shorts that apeks like to wear! *muahahaha*
2) yes, i do look like demi moore (asian version ijit?) *lol* but can you tell me which movie please? :p maybe not striptease BUT charlie's angel? wah! that one..me likeys..
3) before i read dan brown (book loaned to me by the unkel selling kopi at tg pagar market), i am into umberto eco *nyeh* i have the name of the rose, foucault's pendulum and baudolino that you can borrow.
4) good intentions do not cancel out bad actions \m/
5) the ex boss stays where i work and he cramps up when he sees me >) i think its guilt for laying me off or the fact that he still believes i'm incompetent..a good looking one *lol*
6) the indian caste system is alive and thriving in singapore as recently witnessed by myself! *ugh!angeranger*
7) i like new words. NEW words are being made up EVERYDAY so quit pushing the dictionary over to me. FINE! no new words during scrabble.
8) a-MUSE me please, i'm quite jaded. didn't laugh much during despicable me
9) so? i read a lot and smoke a hell lot more, and yes my terrors (read: my kids) know of my habits. i.do.not.hide.to.smoke. *prrft*
9a) unless requested..i'm nice wot!
10) i have a major crush on dr. farish noor (for now :p). saw him at a recent book thingy AND first i tried to CUT his queue then upon realising that it IS truly him : hello/intro was "i should have brought your book for a signature!" *arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* no...i didn't get a response *sigh* just a weird look and lots of head shaking *likeduh*
11) some spoke to me just ONCE (otey..a few times) way back in school BUT requested to add them on facebook. told ya its a weird place. BEST for people watching \m/
12) i indulge my solipsist side much more often nowsadays, out of POLITENESS obviously *geddit?*
13) please!!!! let HIM *akafarishnoor* accept me on facebook so that i could read his notes *sob* -------------- YESH!! he did woohoo!!! i'm reading his notes *nosebleed*
14) *dehemit! no lola no more~ but i still have "pah~" *romoshromosh* that lola is one shexay being :) ----------------- woohoo!~ lola just did a backflip and i'm estatic *fornow*
15) i've got 5 more questions to go and i was typing this from yesterday.
16) half dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy today!!! which means i have to do cleaning for eid festivities? i wonder if i will get to go geylang tonight.
17) i just remembered i need to send all the terrors new clothes for eid to the be altered! mine included. adus...peh malas nyer.
18) if i don't get to eat lontong, ketupat and lodeh tomorrow...at least i'd be having japanese in the evening *hurhurhurhur*
19) i've started to shorthand my text even while writing and i'm worried that i cannot seem to be able to read my scribbles after sometime.
20) otey...i'm just stumped and don't want this entry to backlog in my draft tray :P
stay sane,
laters........
j@e
2) yes, i do look like demi moore (asian version ijit?) *lol* but can you tell me which movie please? :p maybe not striptease BUT charlie's angel? wah! that one..me likeys..
3) before i read dan brown (book loaned to me by the unkel selling kopi at tg pagar market), i am into umberto eco *nyeh* i have the name of the rose, foucault's pendulum and baudolino that you can borrow.
4) good intentions do not cancel out bad actions \m/
5) the ex boss stays where i work and he cramps up when he sees me >) i think its guilt for laying me off or the fact that he still believes i'm incompetent..a good looking one *lol*
6) the indian caste system is alive and thriving in singapore as recently witnessed by myself! *ugh!angeranger*
7) i like new words. NEW words are being made up EVERYDAY so quit pushing the dictionary over to me. FINE! no new words during scrabble.
8) a-MUSE me please, i'm quite jaded. didn't laugh much during despicable me
9) so? i read a lot and smoke a hell lot more, and yes my terrors (read: my kids) know of my habits. i.do.not.hide.to.smoke. *prrft*
9a) unless requested..i'm nice wot!
10) i have a major crush on dr. farish noor (for now :p). saw him at a recent book thingy AND first i tried to CUT his queue then upon realising that it IS truly him : hello/intro was "i should have brought your book for a signature!" *arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* no...i didn't get a response *sigh* just a weird look and lots of head shaking *likeduh*
11) some spoke to me just ONCE (otey..a few times) way back in school BUT requested to add them on facebook. told ya its a weird place. BEST for people watching \m/
12) i indulge my solipsist side much more often nowsadays, out of POLITENESS obviously *geddit?*
13) please!!!! let HIM *akafarishnoor* accept me on facebook so that i could read his notes *sob* -------------- YESH!! he did woohoo!!! i'm reading his notes *nosebleed*
14) *dehemit! no lola no more~ but i still have "pah~" *romoshromosh* that lola is one shexay being :) ----------------- woohoo!~ lola just did a backflip and i'm estatic *fornow*
15) i've got 5 more questions to go and i was typing this from yesterday.
16) half dayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy today!!! which means i have to do cleaning for eid festivities? i wonder if i will get to go geylang tonight.
17) i just remembered i need to send all the terrors new clothes for eid to the be altered! mine included. adus...peh malas nyer.
18) if i don't get to eat lontong, ketupat and lodeh tomorrow...at least i'd be having japanese in the evening *hurhurhurhur*
19) i've started to shorthand my text even while writing and i'm worried that i cannot seem to be able to read my scribbles after sometime.
20) otey...i'm just stumped and don't want this entry to backlog in my draft tray :P
stay sane,
laters........
j@e
Thursday, September 02, 2010
its a LONG weekend!...soon that is
i woke up late today. very late. but!! i had to go to the bank so i had a legitimate reason *coughcough* to stroll in much later than usual. bank trip went well but was quite surprised i coldn't do cash deposits into dbs via posbank? are they not borther and sister ah?
instead of tunes from empod, i dragged a book along today. its radiohead & philosophy. i spied tags already in my half read book but i didn't think i finished it at all. che.diambunuh started me heavy on radiohead and i kinda got hooked. powwsters ahd a thing for thom yorke *hurhur* and i knew of his voice which pulls you into trajectory dimensions from her past pokes. besides, i was da damn grunge posuer lerr who thought CREEP was damn pengsi before i pledge more allegience to the written word before songs. i think its her birthday looming (or past)hence i miss her. over lunch *jelings* i told che. diambunuh a wee gist of the topics discussed in the book. the themes, music progression..thier show of 'art'. listening to them, i too could feel the loss, despair, alienation, anger and more often tumulous anxiety.
really, i'm trying to stay away from UNGU :p
after this weekend, i could cross out che. swede. he's settling in perfectly and who would have thought....he's doing a PHD (yes..permanent head damage) in 'neural' pyschology at NTU *gasppppppppppppp* he was soooOooo hesitant to tell me and he actually gulped visibly when he had to fess up :p che. jahat4slalu and che. jahat4sekejap tagged along but were major distractions throughout. they chattered in tongues and laughed a lot but i got my fun too at thier expense right afters *hehe* jahat4sekejap is obviously degsinated driver. her inate sense of direction can still manage to amaze me at times. so we gals rocked for a bit more before calling it a night.
che. quetee invited me over anytime to grab stuff and i'm holding on to che. hiphopcina's book. looks like quetee wins this round due to his travel commitments and i should have bought that damn book that he wants when it was on OFFER at borders *chets* now i'd have to face him empty handed? *bleargh* i'm still planning my exit for this one *gulps* and i truly hope i don't trip on my feet. WHY?! do you make me feel like this?!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm supposed to feel cool, detached and aloft..yet....there is something about quetee that i can't quite place. mengidam ke sayer? *muahahahaha*
then of course i got to see the terrors last weekend too. we spent the day in geylang to buy raya stuffs. new cothes, shoes, acessories and whatever took our flight and fancy (within budget!) i couldn't help go slightly OVER but mama terror is content. at least this year we'd still be mismatched somewhat yet reek a bit of the 'curtain fashion' that afflicts ALL our fashion sense during eid festivities in singapore. families here like to dress all of the same color and fabric (economical wot~!) so we kinda got sucked in too *hehehe* its green and blues, shots of pink here and there with a clash of malay and indian influences.
otey lar, simply...terror 2 and 3 got to wear the malay kurungs but terror 1 and mama terror opt to go INDIAN and wear coli-kutas? (alar..punjabi suits!) this year. terror 1 insists she wants to wear pants so OFF da rack~..thats what you get. no such thing as baju kurung pakai seluar ler. where got jalan! well, we at least managed to find a compromise. i am not sure why this year everyone seems to wants to turn me into a kawaii-doe-eyedpwinncess ah! the kids chose this very LIGHT colors for my set. yar i know, i didn't have to go with thier taste BUT...i was already getting a huge headache with all the crowd, hunger and also color choices. if its not purple or black..then i won't care lar whatever color it is then. as long as everyone can get along aye?
sent them back and now regurgitating my thoughts. i could sense emoley's loneliness from lack of attention but i can't deny my frazzled nerves. i haven't been able to scribble much. maybe AFTER eid :p but my househunt is taking a back seat too this week *dehemit* so expect me to go riding high next week mabuk on rendang or everything equally sinful before i force myself into perspectives again.
stay sane,
j@e
instead of tunes from empod, i dragged a book along today. its radiohead & philosophy. i spied tags already in my half read book but i didn't think i finished it at all. che.diambunuh started me heavy on radiohead and i kinda got hooked. powwsters ahd a thing for thom yorke *hurhur* and i knew of his voice which pulls you into trajectory dimensions from her past pokes. besides, i was da damn grunge posuer lerr who thought CREEP was damn pengsi before i pledge more allegience to the written word before songs. i think its her birthday looming (or past)hence i miss her. over lunch *jelings* i told che. diambunuh a wee gist of the topics discussed in the book. the themes, music progression..thier show of 'art'. listening to them, i too could feel the loss, despair, alienation, anger and more often tumulous anxiety.
really, i'm trying to stay away from UNGU :p
after this weekend, i could cross out che. swede. he's settling in perfectly and who would have thought....he's doing a PHD (yes..permanent head damage) in 'neural' pyschology at NTU *gasppppppppppppp* he was soooOooo hesitant to tell me and he actually gulped visibly when he had to fess up :p che. jahat4slalu and che. jahat4sekejap tagged along but were major distractions throughout. they chattered in tongues and laughed a lot but i got my fun too at thier expense right afters *hehe* jahat4sekejap is obviously degsinated driver. her inate sense of direction can still manage to amaze me at times. so we gals rocked for a bit more before calling it a night.
che. quetee invited me over anytime to grab stuff and i'm holding on to che. hiphopcina's book. looks like quetee wins this round due to his travel commitments and i should have bought that damn book that he wants when it was on OFFER at borders *chets* now i'd have to face him empty handed? *bleargh* i'm still planning my exit for this one *gulps* and i truly hope i don't trip on my feet. WHY?! do you make me feel like this?!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm supposed to feel cool, detached and aloft..yet....there is something about quetee that i can't quite place. mengidam ke sayer? *muahahahaha*
then of course i got to see the terrors last weekend too. we spent the day in geylang to buy raya stuffs. new cothes, shoes, acessories and whatever took our flight and fancy (within budget!) i couldn't help go slightly OVER but mama terror is content. at least this year we'd still be mismatched somewhat yet reek a bit of the 'curtain fashion' that afflicts ALL our fashion sense during eid festivities in singapore. families here like to dress all of the same color and fabric (economical wot~!) so we kinda got sucked in too *hehehe* its green and blues, shots of pink here and there with a clash of malay and indian influences.
otey lar, simply...terror 2 and 3 got to wear the malay kurungs but terror 1 and mama terror opt to go INDIAN and wear coli-kutas? (alar..punjabi suits!) this year. terror 1 insists she wants to wear pants so OFF da rack~..thats what you get. no such thing as baju kurung pakai seluar ler. where got jalan! well, we at least managed to find a compromise. i am not sure why this year everyone seems to wants to turn me into a kawaii-doe-eyedpwinncess ah! the kids chose this very LIGHT colors for my set. yar i know, i didn't have to go with thier taste BUT...i was already getting a huge headache with all the crowd, hunger and also color choices. if its not purple or black..then i won't care lar whatever color it is then. as long as everyone can get along aye?
sent them back and now regurgitating my thoughts. i could sense emoley's loneliness from lack of attention but i can't deny my frazzled nerves. i haven't been able to scribble much. maybe AFTER eid :p but my househunt is taking a back seat too this week *dehemit* so expect me to go riding high next week mabuk on rendang or everything equally sinful before i force myself into perspectives again.
stay sane,
j@e
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