Incredible India - en amore eternum

These palaces once belonged to the kings and rulers from all over india. They were  used  as holiday homes and  one can imagine how opulent it could have been then. I spied parrots too in the towers on the right. Now these place are used for a myriad of things from temples to hotels and cafes. 

boat ride along the ganges and i spied buffalos! no sight of body parts but we did catch the cremations at the Harichandra ghat. Of course permission was sought.

Kaligat temple In Kolkatta where we braved the crowd and Pooja Saturday to offer our blessings. It was a heart stopping moment as we literally bribed our way through a maze of people to the centre of the main hall to say hello to the Goddess herself. The high priests grabbed each one of us and spoke hindi much to our bewilderment. i was quite appalled when they put a price on the offerings but kept my motuh shut. no translation was given but we understood,. later when i asked karna about it his reply was that all the religions of the world are just that. awkward!!! Check out the angle its the same on in wikipedia hahaha. 

Kitty trails - a map he picked up in london to mark our journeys to India. The places circled are those he has covered these past 10 or more years doing research and he still hasn't covered ALL of India yet. My humble beginnings are marked in red. Not bad to cover almost 2,200km on a single trip. The blue bead are special because i got them from an industrious gypsy girl in delhi as a gift.  She couldn't be any older than 9. I had wanted to take a photo with her but i guess her smile shall stay in my memories for now. 

streets of  varanasi/benares in search for the boat. the streets were narrow and only accessible by foot. varanasi is also known as city of temples as many hindus, jains and also buddists come to do their pilgrimage here. while we were on the boat, they asked why had we come? we said the same thing to them which was to bathe in the ganges! however, only bits of 'us' did it and we took some water back for the temples. random fact: some kids asked to take a photgraph with me along the steps of the ghats, karna said to them i was goodluck? which was kinda unbelieveable *spotcheck if nippies were showing* 

I wished time could have stood still but the 2 weeks went passed like a dream. What started out to be plans for a backpacking journey turned out to be the sweetest ever surprise. Karna planned the whole Indian trip without much help from me save for suggestions on the things to do and see. We planned the trip early in the year and chose India because I've never been there and Karna had the most amazing adventures doing research and soul search which made him the best guide ever! So it was off to Kolkatta - Varanasi - Agra -Delhi on the bus, plane and not forgetting my plea for a train ride where I left not just footprints but my bits of my heart over the deccan dust, where it never settles. 

Kali Ma! Kali Ma! Kalimaaaa~! *in my head is that scene in India Jones* 

We arrived at Kolkatta airport in the late evening from Kuala Lumpur and I wasn't told of the hotel stays for the whole trip. Karna wanted to surprise me but at the airport he had to give it away when I left the hotel address blank. The customs officer raised an eyebrow when I told him it was 'The Grand'. I couldn't figure if that was a good or bad omen. Reality check - from where I stood I could already smell the loo and behind me was a nepalese looking boy about 4 years old in a spiderman suit :D how can you not LOVE Incredible India or okay...travel ;) It was the last day of Deepavali here and end of Kali pooja. We both agreed to check out the ghats along Hoogly River in the car ride to the hotel. Our driver kept on a lookout for 'beautiful buildings, made by the british - bild to LAST!' to point out to us but i was more interested in the cows on the road hehehe.  

The hotel was GRAND indeed because it was  The 'Grand Dame of Chowringhee' smack in the middle of the City of Joy. Reading the guide I was happy if we stayed in the mid-range hotels where hot water will be brought of in buckets. But Karna insisted for my introduction to India should start on a nice note. I think it was also the coincidence that this trip was also to mark our first year together *awwwwokbarf!* We could hear the cricket game between India and Pakistan while having dinner at the hotel. The rest of the trip was to walk the streets of all over Kolkatta on foot. The cahndi chowks, the Indian Museum  and then Victoria Memorial. Bless the boyfriend who convinced me on wearing practical shoes when I wanted to wear ballet flats instead. What I liked was the fact that here in India they had a very strong reading culture. There bookshops in every corner and on the streets too! Just like the ones I saw in Vietnam. For both of us bibliophiles, it was too much to bear. We could have just shopped for books and nothing else. Must check out the leather bound books to buy! 

Bad that my E71 has gone kaput for now but i managed to grab a few unfocused shots on my own which will be added later if its not cranky. From Kolkatta we went up to Varanasi to bathe in the ganges *notME!* via train. The hotel managed to booked us 2 first class sleeper seats tickets on the overnight coach to varanasi. I havene't been on an actual train for ages and now that tanjong pagar has closed down, it was now or never. I didn't expect it to be orient express of course and yeaps - loo stop for me was ONLY ONCE. We took the train twice and i didn't eat or drink much afraid that i'd have to go :p 

the canera was in good hands obviously :) 

 Next stop from Varanasi was Delhi by train again. Another overnight sleeper and karna had to squeeze in the same bunk because i was such a scaredy cat.  

View from our room at the oberoi amarvillas after midnight. this was taken on our LAST night in in Agra after he did the unthinkable! *oOoO* not telling YET. 

A teardrop in eternity - as once described by a poet of the Taj Mahal's beauty and rightly so as it stood solemn and still. The throng of people (an estimated of 25,000 everyday) walked around to bask in its majestic shadows, many local tourists and the ubiquitous travelers from all over the world come to Agra to visit the - "huge, giant graveyard." as karna simply put. My hopes to visit the Taj was of one mild ambition, which was to at least tick of one from the list of of the Wonders of the World. SO YEAY! i was given more than i could chew for now to keep me content and be on a high at least for a few months *hicc* 

somethings in life can't be rushed. 

 last leg of the trip was back to delhi to fly back to kuala lumpur and say hi to aunty in ampang. load of goodies as well as to rest up for the last bus ride back to singlalaland. what was initially thought to be a trip on a road less traveled with a backpack turned out to be the most meaningful journey with another fellow backpacker. who taught me to trust again in the good even though they come in tough little packages with unraveled, knotted ends. Odd is the easy camaraderie of best friends that sometimes just explode into tenacious *ahems* energy. i fell in love with India and needless to say in India yet again. to many more bursting into a million stars! to karna who made it all possible - the taste of tears is salty but with it i hope the sweetness of my whispered 'yes' lent it sweetness. Bitter was none except when i realise eternal love is only possible when you're as rich and a megalomanic like Shah Jahan :p even then..could enigmatic love ever be a logic problem dear sexy professor?

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

Emmeleia – The theatricality of greek tragedy.

Ayong introduced me to Dead Can Dance over facebook and the CD is on my bucket list of things to buy. This is in addition to the bath bombs from LUSH, new underwear and books for the terrors. In retrospect, I have also cleaned up my room at the loft and separated my lists to be clearer. I’m still hounded by the thoughts of having filling up ONE lack trash bag of my life; all thanks to biks of course.

The terrors got much of my old stuff but not too many books back to their place and the ladies at work are wearing my old clothes. I’d rather give away as opposed to selling away my past baggage anyway.

So while we were cleaning up and packing my past away, I had the time to share with the terrors some clips from youtube of Dead Can Dance and i chanced upon a song titled ‘Emmeleia’. The terrors didn’t really like it and biks said it made her sleepy . I listened to it on loop over rainy days in the office and i of course I really liked it.

Lisa Gerrad sings in tongue or idioglossia – she developed this since age of 12 and they mean nothing but sound like a language spoken. It is really the babble of the unknown in you and i really like it. Another round of googling *ahemsresearchahems* brought me to books and how the song was inspired. What was interesting was that I found the origins of the word Emmeliea to describe a sacred dance in ancient greek. In the book Graham Ley of the above title, its characterised by the term as “the tragic dance”, in contrast to the two other dance performed satirically – sikinis or comically – kordax.

Needless to say I’m fascinated!

So in goes the hunt for the book and the MUST to get the CD. The room is less cluttered now and somehow I feel lighter. Although I still need to figure out a comfortable sleeping arrangement for all of us because it is now the girls on the top bunk and the fat boy at the bottom. Mind you, its two single beds *urgh* and i end up achingly cranky after every weekend with the terrors. The satisfaction of time well spent with them is felt surely but at a sore price. It shall be better of course if I could just damn well save enough to buy my own place *tskkk*

I bet i'd be unconsciously humming this all over India teehehehehehe.

stay sane,

J.amyemeelea

Ireplacerble I remember the very fisrt day you were right beside me laughing, you smiled at me you showed me the way you are so inspiering and selfless you taught me right from wrong Life is full of test I have to be strong so I thank you, so i thank you.

 It's 13th of January a very special day for you and me us to rememberr You taught me life is good I should I should be grateful as often as I could so i thank you, so I thank you

It's September almost a year has gone by the knowledge I gain from you is priceless you taught me not to lie I should be truthful as often as I could so I thank you, so I thank you

 A day without you is undisireble, a week without you its just unthinkerble, A week without you I can go mentel And a year without youI can get...stroke! With todays tegnolergy nothing seems impossible but no one can deny, that you are irreplacerble that you are irreplacerble...padappa

written by Emira Natasha Bte Hazlan 10th September 2011 with lots of love to Mama
................................................................................................................................................................

AND OF COURSE I TEARED! even after the warnings heh. i tried to hide it by just rubbing my eyes and blamed the light in the room but they caught me still. they told me its not entirely an original but borrowed the song from school and rewrote the lyrics for me. i complain a lot about how they push me away and harp them about non calls and what not so they decided the best to placate mama terror was TAH DAH! **cue the terrors beaming with monkey grins saying 'are you happy now?! why you crying!! *poke poke*

they didn't want to record the song and dance but i convinced them i could at least get a sound recording of their singing. a bit later i got them to sing and do their thing (shy terrrors really) and video it with kak tina's phone. so YES! a proud mama albeit very teary and touched with the effort. nifty doesn't record :p so its emoley to the rescue where i got a signed copy from all 3.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: terror 3 asked if she can use emoticons instead when she can't spell :p hahahahahhahaha

TERRORIFIC.

cute, creepy, sad and happy.
a surrealist dream this could be.
too long, too deep and way too many to think.
i'm happy tonight is going to be just terrorific!

yeaps..i'm seeing the kids tonight after a month long nada-zilch-nothing and they've just called sexcited as can be. they've even planned a performance for me! which i said i must tape and save for prosperous proprietary. terror one of course said NO! because she knows it could be used against her in future hehehe. alas, nifty can't tape anything dehemit!

well its jalan raya for the terrors and me to say hello to those who matter. i don't even care if bobi's acting weird because its been weird for always anyway. just thankful he drives and we can hop on finish visiting the mostest important-EST people called my family.

not to late to wish all a happy eid and may it have been a meaningful one for everyone. my sincerest please forgive me to all 'lahir dan batin'.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

juno holidays

the terrors finally got a break and i will be picking them up after work tomorrow. i lost my phone again,yes NIFTYYYYYY! gahhhhhh so i'm really wishing for no glitches. how the hell are they going to call me? YET AGAIN...tsk tssssK.

yeaps, late movie nights, long walks and endless conversations are what i'm looking forward to and i know i'll have to choose between NOT letting the kids do what they want and they end up hating you but i really have to figure the part where i let them do things that they'll regret later :(

wise i want to be but clueless i am.

as a parent i believe i have the experience, i have what it takes to guide the kids. i so want to set the correct example but yet, i make mistakes too. like losing my phone when i had all the intention to KEEP it by my side all the times. take care of it and be responsible and all. what do i do? end up losing it for the umpteenth time. what was my reason? why did i fail in such a simple task? can i ever be a good role model for my kids??

sheesh~ some mom i am..not taking care if i wear matching underwear or any underwear even *hurhurhur* and the fact that i enjoy my smokes. my freedom to never have a day set out for laundry and eat only when you're hungry rule makes me a misfit mum. not to mention, i won't blink a eye if they roll about in mud, go to a rock concert and generally misbehave. i'll nag though and make sure the kids are never rude to anyone. do not steal, never lie and thou shall not kill unless in self defence *cough*

i wonder why the kids even love me or sometimes i know why they don't miss me. they don't call, they hardly have a routine to ask if i'm alive. makes me wonder if i'll ever get it right what it means to be a mom right?

wrong....because i was brought up to mind and make sure i leave nothing to chance. depend on anything but myself to get by. and so thats how i'm going to raise my kids. make mistakes, wander and ponder knowing that i'll always back you up and love you to bits. life is never about regrets, well sometimes but to always believe in greater good. the journey never ends and destinies never met. we love, we hate and we end up somewhere never just anywhere without willing ourselves to find meaning in all that we think and do.

much of a mouthful and even more so a headache to run through it all in my head. but i know, the terrors will have fun and know love. as how i'll show and tell in all my honesty. be rsponsible for all your actions and never back down a dare. espescially from yourself. and the rest....leave it to faith.

have faith, never falter.

well terrors, mama's ready for the rumble ahead. i'll jump up with joy, shout my excitements and never leave a moment unturned. to hell with the skeptics and being safe. you're never going to be a fighter or a lover if you don't or won't take risks.

i'll be here. i promise. and when i don't or can't (being morbid) never i won't...know that your mama never fit but i never quit.

:D

see you soonest!

stay sane,
emeelea

ps: its been a long time since we played in the rain and panadol works! or maybe its about time i tell you exactly what skinny dipping means >D

ave atque vale

its been interesting to watch the reactions i get after i installed the 'who isn't my friend' application on facebook. it wasn't a spam and fairly works well. useful especially to track friends who changed their names on facebook and *evilgrin* nice to know whose been cleaning up their friends list too hehehehe...

one time i had this ex schoolmate add me back again the very next day when others commented on her deleting me. she was having an affair with another friend of ours but in unfavourable light because technically she's still married. they asked why the hell would i get deleted since i've never say nay or aye about the whole fiasco. err..maybe in confidence but since she's way of the 6th degree anyway, our mere mention and discussion was purely for self-reflection.

then my housemate as well did the deed and cut me off the page. he was angry at something random..like i was totally dissing him with smart comebacks on his status updates. it was fun for a while but i knew that it ticked him off so i stopped. needless to say after a few days i was back on as a friend. BUT, nothing was the same agian between us at home. i try as much as i can to ignore him. since he's sensitive anyway :p

a few of my workmates have barred me from their wall. that was when i clumsily pointed out their blatant work skiving moments. AS IF i wasn't guilty too!!! but i saw the logic of that and blocked them from my wall updates. i just learnt that about 90% of my colleagues do not genuinely want to be friends. its purely work so hell yes, i'm okay with that too. its a highly competitive (read fake) environment property management. everyone thinks they are better than the next guy and we are work at different sites :p azrullah, a workmate will be quiting in a few months, he couldn't stand the environment he said. too much work stress where even during bonding time (fully funded by company) we'd all speak, talk about work anyway. i totally get him. unlike the last company i worked for. when we dine and during parties, its informal and we do enjoy ourselves.

a few friends i hold very dear to myself too have did that. we are still friends but i get it they do not want to share their wall with me. well, point taken. i just reach out to them in other ways. on msn, via emails and calls. and slowly, my family, mostly my nieces and cousins are blocking and deleting me from their pages too. thankfully, my nephew in states didn't decide to cut me off because it was through his updates that i got the hints that my sister has been terribly sick :(

well, the terrors used to be active on facebook until thier dad and stepmum came onboard. terror 2 had to create another account just so he can add his dad and i had to block completely the green-eyed monsters because the terrors said they have been spying and hate it when it becomes conversation topics. i tell the kids the same thing i tell myself, if it bugs you much do something about it but facebook is generally about connecting. allabout communication so you have to be smart about it.

i learnt much about myself through my interactions online as much as i do offline. sometimes it sucks but more often than not its been an awesome experience. way before it was guapunya.com, then mric before i tested out frenster! all those have since long faded into the past. now at present is my love hate relationship with facebook *sigh*

of course, kama sends me nice long updates via facebook now while he's in paris. so, its here to stay for awhile more hehehehehehe...

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: to sha~ was it me liking your bikini photos? did you really think i'd be such the tattle tale and tell your mum? TSSSK...slightly annoyed but its okay. we all need the privacy we crave and entitled to.

its the rain..

angry loud knocks today woke me up and i completely forgot i had a date in batam. it was raining hard and so shiok was my bed. i figured if it was anyone of the guys, they would have called my mobile if they were stuck without their keys. i never found out who it was because by the time i got to the door there wasn't anyone. i felt quite scared actually and funny that neither dito or gail heard the knocks.

spent the day reading and then cooked dinner. watched teevee and logged off with a salute to the besties. i got teary when i saw photos from yesterdys footie birthday bash for aqil who turned 7. i was the guest referee haha for the boys and games marshall. of course, i was missing the terrors too. it was madagascar the animated movie and the lines reminded me of the kids. espescially the part when alex when "boo~!" hehehehe...terror one likes to say that :D

then kama called to tell me about his adventures in paris. its expensive to call but he does it anyway to check on my shoe size :p ahh...absence does make the heart grow fonder.nuff said already *zippinit*

while munching on dinner i also watched this reality show where where top bosses (COOs, CEOSand the likes) go undercover and do a little spy workon their employees. it piqued curious nature so i watched as this COO of a horse racing company work a day in entry level jobs in company. he turned up as a guy doing a documentary on entry level jobs. so for a week he traded his ties and suits to learn about working as a horse trainer, a cleaner doing the night shift and then also a jockey valet. its was funny when he was described as too slow and aslo teased about not making it by his colleagues. he noted that it was hard workand theseemployees stay on and slug it out for more than just to put food on the table.

most touching part where i cried was when he was learning the ropes to be a valet and had to keep trackof the races reading of the list on a clipboard. it was taking the laundry, polishing boots and then cheering on the jockeys kinda list. then all the while on the clip there was a photo of a young girl on the clip board. mr COO didn't ask who the girl was until at the end of the day the former jocket turned valet told him that it was a picture of his 20 year old daughter who died of a heart complication. he keeps her photo to remind himof her love for horses and dream to be a jockey but died without fufilling her wishes. he said she's his angel now and i bet he had dreams about becoming her valet.

mr. coo then later realised that he was so caught up about the job and was looking at the clipboard all the time without realising that the photo also said, in memorium and listed her birth and death dates. mr. COO regretted very much he didn't notice that something personal about the person he was working with. i obviously by then had snot dripping from my nose.

the show ended on happy notes. all of them received something in return for their show of kindness. the trainer got new stalls for more horses. the front office girl got transferred to marketing to learn the ropes and then the cleaning lady got a raise. ultimate was the valet guy who got a race day named in her memory. the lucky guy will get to award the champion trophy to the race champion *sniff*

so yeah~ my teevee session was sweet.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: i want my kitty pelok back soon.

wth

i just realised the title for the last entry was not meant or intended for the content at all.

WTF major.

as quietly as falling leaf

"Live a good life. If there are gods and they are just, then they will not care how devout you have been, but will welcome you based on the virtues you have lived by. If there are gods, but unjust, then you should not want to worship them. If there are no gods, then you will be gone, but will have lived a noble life that will live on in the memories of your loved ones."
-- Marcus Aurelius

wanted to post the surprise kitty video that the terrors enjoyed over the weekend and also links to stuff over the internet that really tickled me BUT apparently i'm still go-blog (read: goblok = indonesian for stupid) and unable to work how to insert links and such. TSK. i DID it before in other entries but haven't been able to repeat the process.

since we celebrated the terrors may burstdays waaaAAAY before, this time it was just small tiny cakes for terror 2 and terror 3. the gal got a melody rabbit cake and the boy got cookie monster haha! i sang happy birthday to each of them and that was all. i apologised about the simplicity of it all. but the boy didn't want to hear any of it. he insisted it is the thought that counts and i remembered. putera emir hafeez is perfect 10 today and the teeny wee no. 3, emira natasha turned 8 last friday. terror 1 talked to me about her secret crush and then gossiped about school friends.

best is the girls each made me a mommy day card and i got presents! a flower and a bookmark. the boy of course told me he's been too busy to think about mommy day. later that night after our trek to nowhere, we made sock cats. it was kama's birthday in between the two terrors and yes, mama terrors beleive in menaingful presents. we made him a sock cat, one that he can reheat during winter. we all contributed to the making of the cat and of course in due course we made the living room a total mess. we stayed up till wee hours of the morning to finish it. okay so terror 2 and 3 gave up at 130am because they were dead tired. only terror 1 managed to open her eyes up till 5am before succumbing to snooze. needless to say, i crashed and left the last bits of wrapping and making the card the next day. it was a good simple weekend where i turned naggy terrorist mum at least for 24 hours. such bliss! :p

kama liked his presents :) we included sweets too. i couldn't make the card as elaborate as i wanted too. there is still time i figured because bestdays burstdays are a WHOLE MONTH yeay! also, i got him tickets to watch macbeth at fort canning. i wanted it to be a nice picnic but yeah...i didn't have time to do everything properly. better luck next time. we enjoyed ourselves and i'm glad everyone had fun.

well, its the hols tomorrow and i just googled what is vesak day muahaha..and i got it right. at least close! i said its to celebrate buddha's enlightment and merging at one with the whole conciusness. simply put - The festival celebrated with great ceremonial ritual by Buddhists is Vesak Day, which commemorates the birth and enlightenment of Buddha and his entry into Nirvana. see! all that civic and moral class did some good hehe.

to do tomorrow: write letter to susan! meet lina and write letters to the children. i feel guilty that i have never written anything for terror 3. original that is, so yes...tomorrow i'll take some time and let it flow.

now need to rush off! kama's going to be on tv and i need to pick up a wedding invite.

bestest,
j.

ps: I AM GOING to get it right for future entries! need to master the art of blogging properly!!! TSKKK...

burstdays.

13th 15th and 16th may. okay if i add mama it will be another early may birthday last 2nd. i knows biks birthday is this month but i forgot which date it is. but i caught remie's birthday belatedly and remember vaguely that they might be celebrating anniversary too! okay shitte...it is makji's birthdayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy as well!! GAH~

its definitely time to catch up with everyone next week before its off again to shadowland. today, i need to brace myself up for a day with the terrors and terror 1 has suggested a picnic up in the hills for all of us. weather looks okay so far and they love rain anyway so we'll be good. she invited her school friends as well i believe, which is good so that i could spend more time with 2 and 3. force them to cough up a belated happy mommies day for me >)

which reminds me...i'm a cool mum.

just that i don't want to be dito's mum hurhurhur...

insane,
j.

ps: back to the loft for the weekend where there's no room for annoyance or angry words in my room. JUST laundry and birthday bursts!

post election.

the plan was to write an entry about the elections but i just got majorly stumped by a new label.

you see, i'm a big collector of labels and its been quite a few years since i've had any new ones. TODAY.....i was supliseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed...

because the latest label to describe me is.....

LOST MUSLIM.

not extreme, moderate, secular or deviant HOKAY.

but LOST.

wow~ that is something to think about :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea.

ps: penyakit lebabi ini ketularan tak ehk?

confirm confirmed = is that double confirm?

ladida lunchtime photo reminder by a pap supporte >P she shall remain anoynomous for very obvious reasons. and its right on the money. some games are fun. some aren't.

and TRIPLE confirm when you're losing! it really sucks when you're losing money, beauty, votes *ooopss* TRUST and if you're xiaXu* losing FRESH ideas!, playing games with no sense of the rules will hurt you bad.

i'm really enjoying the roller cosater ride this election week and good to note, many are taking the cooling time off to ponder to be wise. unlike the stupid mensa bitch currently on my fuck off list is of course xiaxue. but it will be acting out the decision on who to vote for tomoorow will be hard i'm sure. should i go for breast size? how they speak on tv or maybe just rely on this very good guide - http://knowyourmps.blogspot.com/. *LOLOL*

my participation in this election is very minimal and closed within a select few. i found myself missing powwsters again yesterday while i had another rousing talk with kama. and then i laugh at bobby's sms to tell me i HAVE to vote for PAP. the most interesting is that i've managed to turn into a decent PAP supporter muahahahaha. my vote is quite set for tomorrow.

and on a very sly note..i'll like to plug this article on the recent osama/obama detah news going on viral for the boyfriend *cough*
http://www.nst.com.my/nst/articles/TerrorindustryalivedespiteOsama__8217_sdeath/Article/index_html by kama lar!

*ahems* shameless ehk? its my shameless xiaxue side that i'm showing >)

stay sane,
J.amyemeelea

when the axe falls.

i voted once and then it was a walkover. the feeling of minute power immense as i held tight on my polling slip and queued patiently in line to mark the X on where i thought will mark changes into the future. not only my future but that of my family, my kids. not bad at all i kept telling myself and looked around to see others keeping to themselves. the amount of people that morning was a lot. the queues went right around the block and it seemed like they pulled out even the most seniors from the civil service closet on standby.

no dramas ensued of course. we are singaporeans afterall but at second glance i wondered if everyone felt that much in them other than 'voting is compulsory'. i sensed some simmered with the need to make a difference somehow. even if it means voting for someone we hardly knew. damn! i couldn't even explain what democracy means then! its not much of a secret to many where my X was going to be. i knew we needed 'alternative voices' and i still needed to stay a rebel somewhat :p

tomorrow is nomination wednesday. election fever has reached new highs if i base my own experiences from the past. i still feel pissed i didn't get to vote on the recent 13th but it has since subsided the last 4-5 years or so. seeing that nothing much have changed, in fact its gotten a bit stale and worse, i realised that of course there'll be trash and mumbo-jumbo shit floating around. as it is in the realm of politics and politicians, its one huge drama. we get tired of being boring one party ruled state. the opposition is there but have they achieved much or have they been just 'noise'?

i enjoy malaysian politics and of course the taiwanese actually fight in parliment hehe. they draw arms and shoot people elsewhere in the world. reading about these going ons in the political world make me appreciate 'boring one ruled state'. BUT! up to date, we have singaporeans going into details about the candidates looks, sexual orientations and beleive it or YET again the issues of identity. all race based of course. wowwEEEeeee! so sexciting. NOT. what else can be put into the spotlight ehk?

well, i'll know for sure if i do get to mark that X this year by lunchtime tomorrow? we'll all be given the day off on may 7th and the consolation for me is that there'll be a party later that night. i made kama promise to go with me even though i'm still unsure where should i put my mark that day. or what to expect truly from all the excitement which looks like its stemming much from anger and discontentment.

BLEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

checking on the fundamentals now and erasing the hoopla of political hubris so that i can make an informed choice. i want strength and honesty to be my basics *gulps* and it sheepishly looks like it spells PAP?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *pulls hair* OR OR ORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR....the axe falls again on my instincts to put in the vote for the rebels. JUST cause........

they might trace my doodles on that poll slip and ban me forever from voting.

pensive,

j.amyemeelea

ps: i know what VAPID means weird uncle.

involuntary dreams..

why should good news hurt my feelings? especially now? *sigh* i can't stop dreaming and who knows why i do but good or bad, i'd find a way to tell it to you. anyway i know you mean well. so i'll just keep that in mind.

even though it hurts again to know that i'll be ALWAYS last to know if you can ever help it.

anyway, no one ever believed me so why should you hehe....

never sane,
amy

ps: congratulations! don't faint *lolol*

somethings broken and its YOU

..were you even born!

so i did rent that dvd of the 3 idiots for ditto boy. he asked why i wans't home but thats beside the point isnt it? he wanted to have movie night but couldn't rent the dvd because of his foreign talent status. apparently he doesn't want to cough up the 50 security deposit. me being nice and actually feeling his sad lonely nights went ALL the wayyyyy out to rent that dvd so that he can gather the rest and watch that movie. also, i felt guilty because he bought garrets popcorn for the intended movie night but didn't promise to watch it with them. he got pissed but he didn't say much so that was that. that was SUNDAY.

today is THURSDAY.

dvd is not returned! )**&^&%^$&&(*_)(+)+__*()(^

i'm heading back tonight and WILL have to return the dvd and pay the fine. which is fine because i need to run errands too BUT still anger-anger with his farkendooodoo reply of my request to help return the dvd. his exatc reply for ALL of facebook to see is:

ditto asshole :- Okay, for one thing, why the hell are you asking me? I can't be at 2 places at once y'know. Ask Gail. Or if for once she actually comes home to stay, ask Eeqa.
57 minutes ago · Unlike · 1 person <-- i liked this immediately.

of course he didn't take it as sarcasm OH-BECAUSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...he's a piece of shit. THERE! and yes ditto..i really mean it and when i GET the opportunity to tell it to your FACE. I'll slap it like wet undies over your crapdoodle face a gazillion times. i wish you could never FART douchebag! ninano!!!

well, he's going away for the weekend back to his home country so tonight will be sweet respite. i wonder what i can 'do' *evilgrin* to make him NOT come back or at least get into trouble at the airport :p TSSSK.

so before i spoil my weekend mood...i shall inhaleeeeeeeee and exhaleeeeeee. hopefully this feeling of giving you a MAHA-ENEMA up yours will abate.

get out of my uncaring heartlander face!

j

weekend roll

<-- jogja's oldest surviving kopitiam at malioboro street. as taken by mr. wunderkind who really likes it when i laugh and crinkle my eyes. i think i look still very much my cheshire self :D

the meeting at work just ended and everyone has left. i'm supposed to meet the terrors at kak tina's but now they are out for some ice cream. i am sure they blackmailed her to get them out of the house using my failed promise of mcdonald's delivery. i don't think we can make it for movie night at the loft now. since its already 8pm and am not sure if the rental place will stay up. i'm not sure WHY i even agree on doing this. only because i pity poor ditto who couldn't rent a dvd UNLESS he puts in a security deposit of 50 dollars. anyway i'm going to RENT the thing once and for all so that he'd stop bugging me about it. the movie is so 2009 and he can't seem to get it out of his head. URGHHHHHH. i could get an ulcer just thinking about him going on and on and ONNNNNNN.

for now, its getting the kids back the loft to stay the night. and then to deal with their complaints about terror 3 and their boring, awful few weeks at home. then its a rush tomorrow to send them back home before 3pm because they have thier tuition in the afternoon. apprently thats reasonable to the kids and i don't want to argue or fight it. i need the rest. of course there are other tons of stuff i could do like laundry and clean the house :p i might just trawl some hobby & crafts places to source for my pet projects. i intend to make a few birthday presents. namely for terror 2 and 3 whose birthday is in may. kama's as well. not forgetting...its bobbys birthday in a few days time too. he's turning 32.

AHA! best thing to happen today is that i have figured out a way to get internet connection!! its the wire around the house solution again. tried it out before i left this morning and it worked! just need to get the internet cable. just need it to be long enough so that i could surf in my room and not in the living room. hellOOOoooo movies *ahems* or rather more reading and of course writing :D

the not so good stuff but quite relieved that it didnt fully materialise was when lindot told me she wants to go ahead with a much more conventional aprroach to getting rich. its been 2 months of talking but its not good enough progress for lindot. i can understand why she wants it to fly so there is no reason why she should wait. its her dream anyway and like biks said, why wait on someone else to realise your dreams. i'm not arguing that at all. it just makes me now wonder if i've met all my goals and objectives this year?

frankly, i'm happy with myself. gosh...i sound so lifeless and boring :p BUT! i know i must lose weight muahahaha. i can't fit into my jeans today. trip to jogja was a nice respite. we ALMOST went skinny dipping at the pool but our sensibilities made us brake at the front door. i went with no expectations (as always) and so the surprises came easy. the only purchase was for biks lil something. which i'm going to work on too.

dehemit.

why do i choose sleep over eveything?!

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea.

post its

- lack of jealousy only means double the securities and NO it does not mean he doesn't love you. UNLESS you've been cheating, then try not to quack in your pants every time he asks questions :D orh~ disclaimer : a bit is still needed but its called compersion.

"Right inside the jealous episode is a fiery core of erotic passion. It may surprise you how good it feels, and if you get there, you can be sure you're stepping right into compersion." - in other words, tread carefully.

- buy rope. its for the idiots to hang themselves. che. michelle, please go first.

- FTW. means = For The Win ps: those who often use this loves RPG :p

- your vote is important which is why i'm sleeping in on that day.

- its not generation gap between you and me. i wasn't paying attention. yes, you caught me. HAPPY NOW?! *smirk*

- not writing down stuff BACKFIRED major!

another wall!

terror one just called. very bad reception am not sure why. i tried calling back but there wasn't any answer. she sounded sad and hesitant. only because she wanted my reply to be "YES! LETS!!" no questions asked.

obviously i told her i already have plans for this weekend. assumed that they'd be busy with their dad.i do the assuming only when i'm tired. it sucks. i feel very SUCKYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!

before she crackled off, i TOLD her that it was the promise to call me by friday night. every friday night, she has to tell me IF we'd meet for the weekend. so i'd know and arrange my time to go and pick them up. her excuses or rather explanation was, "i got back late and couldn't call you." i told her off, couldn't, wouldn't shouldn't..which is it?

the line broke off before we could say goodbye. i imagine her hanging by the phone. trying to make sense why her mum had to be so brusque. the rest will ask why and then shrug to mean 'yeah, your not THE favourite now.' or something else. the dad and stepmum will of course use this as another example of my lack of love to the terrors.

tsk.

annoyed,
j.amymeelea

the writing on the wall

i finally know how to hide my wall from others today!

so far i can hide from individual people because i DO NOT want to express my interests and experiences and connect with people who do not like the same things as i do.

and i believe i can ALSO hide it from a WHOLE group of people if i wanted to. that's what the friendlists are for.

SO FAR i have only blocked completely people who i do NOT want to connect at all from my facebook. its a total 14 peeps i personally found distasteful in character and behavior.

now i am seriously rethinking if i want to extend that list to include minority groups. to maybe look like :-

1) those who can see my wall posts but not my photos
2) those who can comment on my posts but not on my wall
3) those i call my friends but do not ever want to meet them in person
4) those who are family but are so far removed from my reality that they must not see my tagged photos. to avoid gossips at family events you see

.........

BLEARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

why the hell is this totally bugging me? privacy settings are FARKING bugging me!!! how in heaven's name do you people do it man *lips quiver*


stay sane,
j. amyemeelea

plugging it

its back to land of shadows next week before a short stint in bongoland aka kay el, malaysia. i wish to be anywhere BUT here after the recent fiasco but i bit my tongue at simply blowing wishes. simple ones at least. i don't want to end up in shadowland while there's another quake OR how gross will it be that the ride up to bongoland be on a bus full of roaches.

i tried to think, feel and work on the details once again. my mind drew blanks and the scratches on paper illegible.

NUMB.

yeaps, some travel should do it. IT BETTER!

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

hard decisions

you asked me if i have given up. why don't i fight hard enough. how could i not want to push a little harder for your sakes. will it be difficult to stop smoking, cover up and basically do everything you say.

YOU SAY!
YOU SAY!!!
YOU ALL SAY!!!

i must do this, that and a whole thousand little must must musttttttttttttttttttt to prove that i care. i love you. i really do.

sacrifice. do it for us! US! US!!!

it got very emotional for me. even though its really nothing new. i have these face offs with your dad and your stepmom and the rest of the world out there for yonks = close to 8 years in fact. it shouldn't have been too difficult for me to laugh it off. scoff at the stories and flip them away as sillyspeak and then skip alongside with you to dinner.

why?

because it still hurts.

why?

am i not human?

ultimately..it just crossed my mind.

i am your MOTHER!!!

you know it, they know and i can definitely confirm that fact but....WHY?! WHYYYY?!!! must they keep you away from me unless i do as YOU SAY. THEY SAY.

its not so much the you says that blows my short fuse but its the : WE say because THEY told us to say that i cannot..simply cannot tolerate anymore.

so there.

i'm going to take my time again with this issue but am going to give it till end of this year. i will do what i need to do and can do for you with NO ONE to TELL me what to do.

not even you terrors.

this is hard and i cannot even fathom how i am going to do it. everything i did, i had to do was for the 3 of you. as the 3 of you have been my meaning to life, my sanity. but i guess...i'll be alright. mama will always be steady.

how did i get this numb?

j.amyemeelea

irrefutable.

friends in need are friends indeed and then right after that, the maxim 'no news is good news.' :p

i need to build up my contact base again, reconnect with a lot more than just a few but don't worry mates! no obligation...i won't sell you something OR am i??? chillax ok..i just lost my phone what :D so expect the unexpected!

*cue freaky music*

to the hombre who got a parking ticket yesterrday at kampong glam cafe because he was too busy ogling the girls across the table. you gave me a GOOD bellyful laugh hehehehehe...and massacre angel, it was the bomb seeing you again. glad we still think of each other fondly. i like that we can still finish each others sentences and yar..nonit to talk already. just see me soon! even if its for a dastardly run. remember buddy...i DON'T DO early sunday mornings if you don't matter!!!!!!!!

i hoping the terrors will be in and seriously...if tonight dito is going to ask me to speak SOFTLY i'm going to box him in the ears. biar baru betul-betul PEKAK kau duh~

kama come backkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk!!

its all about timing

plans were already in place. i was stalking for a new one. it needn't be flashy but at least of the right size. of course i couldn't decide whether it should have a touch screen or just a normal keypad. i have my eyes on the E7 but it looked too bulky for me. also i've gotten used to the bangla kesian hand me down. it was useful and helped loads while the last Ding-aling reamins dead. unrevived.

well, the unnamed bangla phone has gone back to yindia or wherever it wants to roam. i was left clueless because i only realised it went missing after 1 whole night. i didn't even mourn or grief. it was just meant to be but i do regret not saving the smses. there were about 2000+ from kama that i couldn't bear to delete. i had wanted to print them out and make them into a wrapping paper for a non existent gift come his burstday. well, now i could just count on the inbox messages from facebook then hurhurhur.

i've got a nifty new fone. its a nokia 1800 courtesy of kama who didn't panic or made a big huge fuss of me losing bangla. it doesn't have a camera but it has a flashlight! and a talking clock!!! *muahahaha* we got it right after confirming the loss and poor kama, he had to use the last of his emergency cash to get me nifty. we had to trawl jaypoint even though kama has agoraphobia *patpat* :D finally after hunting down the cheapest one (ok there was another cheaper version, diff of 3 bucks) i chose nifty because its purplish. box said its RED anyway.

so new number, new phone and finally its got a name. hello nifty ;) you're such gem because you remind me that everything is broken, everyone gets lost but it only matters how you pick up the broken pieces and want lead it home. great timing! so now you can TELL TIME to meeeeeeeeeeee :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: iphone tue best? pakai tak ALL the FEATURES yang ada? but it is said lar, you just got to get use to model-model baru nie. tak pakai maka tak tahu ehe ehe ehe ehe...

on patience.

naturally as a social butterfly with extreme introvert sensitivities, i'm bubbly and calm whenever in company. afterward, once done with the brouhaha of the festivities and connections made i sneak away to hibernate. the length i need to reflect and replenish my energy (like a bear) has a wide range. sometimes, i could take days before i make another appearance and hopefully sane but usually a good work out (BEDminton anytime! :p) or a long slow walk to nowhere brings me back to my sensibilities.

i'm a single mom for a total of 8 plus years now. in between i was a hanger-on closet bridezilla wannabe. thanks to the ex lebabi, i have lost all the need to be bridezilla plus! now i am convinced that marriage is over-rated. at best, all that connects to being a wife and a mom...is bittersweet.

my friends do worry and my loved ones (hopefully) have since given up trying to guide me. as i firmly mould and shape me by my own experiences. some may call me a cynic, stubborn and more than often they simply ignore my confounding replies. who can blame me for having free will and freedom of choice right? >)

today after another dashed weekend with the terrors, i find myself questioning my own free wheeling way i accept my stumbles. i miss them but at the same time, i understand and accept why they are not with me. it dawned on me that they CHOSE to be with their father instead of me.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

this blog doesn’t dream

the main theory about dreams is how the brain tries to purge and categorise our thoughts as we dream. Where it rejects the bad and then put in the memories into place. Dreams serve as a defragmentation process of sorts. Of course this is just 1 of the many theories out there.

during dreamtime, i apparently snore and kama has to tickle my nose to make me stop but i swear i don’t unless i’m totally whacked :p

i like dreaming whether awake or in sleep and i have been a serious recorder of my dreams at least those vivid ones. Recently i’ve been dreaming a lot more at the new place. The saddest ones will be those where my late parents show up and take on a role. Usually during those dreams, i’d wake up crying. It’s the wetness on my cheeks that wake me up as that’s the only way you could wake me anyway :p of course you can tickle me angry but beware i will scratch, kick and punch. Hence they all hate to wake me up IF i do wake up at all.

Then there are those scary nightmares of monsters or ghosts that leave me exasperated. But those i’ve managed to overcome by actually taking control and they actually turn comedic. This was weird but such a relief! Recurring dreams could also be that i have loads on my mind or just an adjustment to new surroundings. I’ve dreamt of LKY before. He opened the door all smiley and waving like ms. Universe to a horde of people and THEN suddenly YANKED the closest guy to cobble him on the head *lololol* that was after we had this very funny conversation about politics over dinner.

With all these dreams, i would have thought my brain will do the processing faster and coherently right? WRONG. Its Friday and i’m freaking tired. Too tired to think and hopefully tonight too fucking tired to dream as well.

WORST is..................i on farkendoodoo WORKING tomorrow.

Rant list for this week:-
1) Debts are hiking up and i’m beginning to HATE paying rent.
2) The only way i can really tidy up my room is to burn everything or! To hell lar with charity..i’m throwing away all those clothes!
3) The next time you ask me to copywrite, i’m going to charge you! And i don’t care if you’re going through a hard time. Your whining is seriously turning me off. And its not funny how you try to engage me into your small talk by taking advantage of my sweet nature. Babi siak.
4) I want to go kay el with kama! Why can’t money fall off from the sky? I threw mariam out the window already what : ( ooPs...err..okay i shall not go there *gulps*
5) Why do you even ask philosophical questions when all that you want to hear are the echoes in your hollow mind? Don’t get me started on the state of your soul because TALK to the HAND! The opposite of justice is INJUSTICE where i believe your actions truly show where you firmly stand on right now. Yes, you can do injustice to yourself by ONLY wanting to listen to praise. Wah! Yourre so AWESOME~ when in fact you make me PUKE.
On a good note, i saw mew by chance when i met the girls yesterday. We air kissed and glad she looks and feels just like the kittyspit i know. Miss that wisecracking bitch, her self depreciating humor i do so miss and I do so wish your ‘trying’ will bear fruit : )

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: i WILL erase you from my dreams just like i killed those really scary momoks. they are SOoOOoo sad!!!! and those are reseve for the late dada and mama. At best, try to lean more on on kasos okay? Has she seen you cry? I trust it will help unless she truly is the super lembek nak mampos type and cries even more than yours truly. This time, you are on your own buddy.

going on forward.

i'm still stuck in the office when i need to get out and drop by bobi's place to pick up my mail and then handover his keys. apparently he's not even the least curious or interested to know where i live and maybe the last sms about mail was to check whether i am dead or alive. my mail must be POURING in and taking up the whole living room space hence the sms.

but thats bobi for you. he's blunt and terse. as much as i can be verbosely scathing with my words.

i'm just in a bad mood. GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

march madness

its only the beginning of march and i can't wait for APRIL 2011. nothing more depressing than looking at your bank balance TSK...MAJOR TSSSSSSSSSSSSSSKKKKKKKK...i need to seriously look into my finances again. yeaps, the brunt of paying rent has bitten my ASS big time and i'm getting the jitters.

please school, DO not take my money NOoOOooow! i wants to go holiday bohoooo hooo hooooooooooooooooooooooo~ *chokes*

the days of spending what i have and not spending when i don't must cease immediately if i want to have some semblance of normalcy being a working rat. the taxi uncle was right when he said singapore is paradise when you have money but paralyse when you don't. I can actually see bobi in my head doing a whoopeedo, cartwheels and all dance while chanting serve you right! Serve you right jig *shoOOOoo!*

thinking about this is NOT helping GAHHHHHHHH..but issues as such need a wee bit attention lest i slip into dreaded procrastinations. Now wishing for the general elections to come sooner *hehe* so that we could already enjoy the 800 bucks dished out. Like PRONTO..as you note my sentiments for the upcoming elections too have underlying ulterior motives. I’m Singaporean and SHOULD be apathetic mah *sigh*
i got excited about the showdown on television where it was billed as opposition battling tongues with reigning pappies and blabbed it to kama.BUT! i missed it over the weekend. there's links on youtube though so will check it out later. OI! just because its rare and why 2 pappies?? why must EXCLUDE chee soon guan! he's in jail already ehk?

I remembered the last time i got to vote we still had them rallying around on lorries! Those were days when i went around the house with nothing but my undies. Ehk! I still do *snigger* and even less when....*coughTOOMUCHINFOcough* i’d look out the windows and be thinking its the ice cream man! Or the durian seller! But nope..its them people shouting for changes! More power to the people! So exciting *hehe* but terror 1 saw those long ago clips on teevee last weekend and laughed at them. She can’t figure out why these ministers or politicians could go on lorries to rally. See! Even an 11 year old can’t justify your salaries! >p i don’t think they can or DO the rallies anymore. The last public rally held last year *??!!* in hougang gathered so MANY people hungry to listen out what these leaders of the future had to say. jam hor! don't play play.

Noting here that the terrors need to feel that their votes count and why it matters. Will add a sidenote about ‘walkovers’ *muahahaha* just so they don’t get disappointed when suddenly your right to vote doesn’t matter. LIKE MINE! But at least i did manage to tick the poll papers ONCE in my lifetime *prrrft* i would rather draw stars and stickmen in mine for future IF i ever get to do it one more time.

Hrmm...on a parting note yagog and magog are Chinese! :p

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: therapy tonight is laundry *GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!* and also smelling and rolling about in 'dirty laundry' *snifffffffffffffffffffINHALE*

ignorance is dangerous.

another soulful conversation with karna :)

some people avoid big words.even bigger issues and of course everyone hates the sad stories. you baby...LISTEN and doing what you do best....make me think. and i don't believe its a job hazard :p

OOpps~ did i just refer you to 'baby'? *gulps*

maybe its the synchronized smses or it could be the tingles you make me feel. you DO kiss like a woman! hehehe..but yeah...

the soul, it doesn't want to stay quiet, silent. happy is as happy does baby. ignorance is bliss only when its other people haha! okay..certain people then!

counting the hours love *okay please hurl now* TILL your bongo shift is over~ *sniffsniff*

stay sane,
kittykat

ps: err~~..i'd pass you the biggest bag to throw up into okay? :D SO LOMENTIK buay tahan siak *lolol*

it IS of course inching closer..

whats happening in mid east to home. the lining up of the crazies and stacking up of the demented!

SHITTE!!!!

how many years before sillypore sinks ehk?

wait?!!

didn't i preach always have plan b?

what the HELL is mine?!

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

mork & mindy..hey! jet li now singaporean you know

Ditto smsed me last evening about the flood in the laundry room. We’re playing guess who opened the back windows wide before leaving home game :p i don’t think i did open any windows except for the ones in the balcony because that’s the smoking area. Both gail and ditto is trying to FREAK me out!! The house is immense and could get echo-ey when you’re all alone doing nothing. I’d have the tv on and ditto will have his blackberry on full blast. Just to fill in the void.

The framed picture of the 3 cats on the front door fell off and revealed a small wooden ganesh. We left it off but i noticed it took a LOT of blue tack and black tape to secure the frame over it in the first place. The unit number sums up to 6 and i don’t know what went on in my brains to settle it down on 3?!! Both ways 6 is a mathematically perfect number, and 3 is a prime number? But according to others 7 is the perfect number? Well it’s the damn perspectives again at chaos.

Bongoland news is about bulus (pubic hair found and stated as evidence in the anwar case) and i had to chuckle when i heard about it. At times it can be funny but stretched too long it loses its novelty and becomes truly stupid. I can understand why karna hates to go back there and stay over more than 48 hours. In sillypore, another toddler of 3 died recently from a head butt from unemployed mom’s boyfriend. She vomited on the guy. I see a trend here forming. Ziezie updated facebook with a status about a naked man acting dead on bus no. 170 this morning and i had to recall the naked cleaner from few weeks back. The crazies are stacking up. Then there is the matter of fluff from the recent Sillypore Budget 2011. YEAY! We might not have to pay for TV & radio license fees anymore and i support to boot Ministry of Information, Communications & Arts. Or completely revamp their policies man. Think of the mayhem that will cause haha! More power to the underground arts scene ;) more independents!! Surely Singapore with our size can manage the flow of creativity right? Somehow, i don’t see that happening because where would our art degree holders DO when they graduate? *gulps* just check the vacancies open at www.mica.gov.sg and BEHOLD! More jargon bureaucratic titles and responsibilities:-

e.g :- Job Description : SENIOR MANAGER / MANAGER / ASSISTANT MANAGER (RESEARCH)
Your role will focus on economic research, which includes statistical data collection, analysis and research to support the formulation and review of policies and initiatives in the economic and social sectors under MICA’s purview. You will undertake the design of data collection tools such as surveys, derive implications for MICA’s business areas, and apply statistical methods for modeling and simulating policy impacts. You will also provide guidance and advice to MICA HQ Divisions and Statutory Boards, in areas such as performance measurement and international benchmarking. Your role will involve facilitation of MICA’s strategic planning process and the formulation of annual strategic plans.

But we can’t all be celebrities and the performers lah. And for a bit ‘modeling’?? or is it ‘modelling’? damn it! What about yodelling?! That i can understand. This is what we sillyporeans do best. Think and THINK and thought somemore. THEN let the foreign talents DO *hehehe* nermind if get spelling, grammar all wrong. Its okay because its singlish mah! Unlike you peoples from united world of elsewhere...all rubbish only. England also cannot speak then how am i suppose to order my KFC chicken!

Then i find more and more of us speaking about feeling alien here but at home elsewhere (like Australia!) ehk? Then there it goes again the old adage: the grass is always, ALWAYS GREENER elsewhere. Maybe not bongoland *muehehe* but if you think renting a 2 storey terrace in johor bahru which includes security guards for just RM1200/- as compared to being pigeon-holed here in sillypore as ‘more worth it’. Who the hell cares? Maybe your kids will swear and scream at you for having to wake up at 4am to make it in time for school BUT we have each our own poison. Or try to limit our intake of mild forms of vitriol somehow.

I’m still on a hunt for couplings! But yeah...benny will have to do for now.

Stay sane,
J.amyemeelea

Ps: "We must laugh at man to avoid crying for him."~ Napoleon Bonaparte – MUAHAHAHA! *chokes*

failed at chicken

Cooking didn’t happen yesterday and the almost crawling taxi ride back home in the hard drizzle only made the pounding in my head grow harder *gah!* the windows to the loft was all shut so i’m guessing no one is back yet. I decided to walk up and buy dinner instead. Chicken something my tummy growled so i walked towards the coffeeshop to decide. Then i heard someone calling out for me only to glance at my cousins or are they my uncles? Hrmmm...but i recognised the faces immediately and went up to say hello. Turns out extended family from dad’s side is LIVING UPSTAIRS. It hit me that i’m surrounded by family. It felt quite odd actually.

Haste exit lead to me staright to the western kitchen and ordered half a chicken with sides. It was French fries (soggy and stringy), egg salad that smelt funny with coleslaw which was at best thick with mayonnaise. The girl behind the counter asked if i wanted the roasted or fried chicken and wanting to keep down the fat intake i chose roasted.

BAD BAD BADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD choice. The chicken smelt funky but i thought it was the humidity and my lost appetite from the ride home. The door was wide open but gates locked ofcourse. The three stone angels kept the heavy doors open. Spunky has a new playpen! And i said a loud hello and heard ditto messing around in the kitchen. He was making noodles with the frozen mix veg from the fridge.

lesson tow self remidner ultimate : DO NOT EAT EVAR AGAIN AT THAT STALL

We both plunked ourselves in front of the huge tv and he recounted the okto shoot at the loft last Monday night. I was away *ahems* for the night but what i heard from diot was they DID shoot through the wee hours of the morning. Ditto counted about 20 people who stared at him throughout till they finally settled on the assumption that he actually LIVED there. the little nyonya dubbed in malay was showing on tv but we had it changed to evening news on cna before settling on a documentary dribbling about on the life of Australian sea lions.

So we had ‘the talk’. It was mostly about how he got his American accent and his family back home. It felt nice to hear him speak so freely even with the drone from the HUGE teevee was blasting away. I shall induct the boy into dinner with no teevee soon enough thats my goal! The hammering in my head subsided in the hot shower that followed and while we both continued later about superman vs batman (very very geeky convo) gail had already came back. He joined us to add on to the geek factor before we took timeout for another episode of ‘how i met your mother’!!

I think my books were MOLESTED! Yet i don’t see any missing SO FAR. There were gaps where books should be and they were all neither here nor there. i note that they fingered my historical romance books most. Hope it was a girl hurhurhur...i reread brida and then the witch of Portobello to sleep. Kama had good news about being in a panel for the UN. On that note plus parting goodnight from ditto that went ‘thanks for being mom amy’ i slept and didn’t want to wake up!

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: you’re cool amerindo boy. I bet you have superpowers! GO READ AYN RAND LARGH! :p

People create their own questions because they are afraid to look straight. All you have to do is look straight and see the road, and when you see it, don't sit looking at it - walk.
Ayn Rand

masak gasak day!

whenever overseas and being asked who and what i am (includes the where), i'm inclined to introduce myself as singaporean first and then malay second. i don't get sentimental listening to majulah singapura now but i can name more or less 80% of the so called celebrities who sing ‘this is home’?? on local tv! dick lee, rahimah rahim, sheikh haikal and Jacinta! :p well, this is a born and bred sillypore gal/guy *teeeheehee* mah~

but recently after gail asked me what is singapore’s national food/local food (ROJAK!? Chillicrab!!) and numerous other encounters with taxi drivers asking where i am from got me to rethink how i should introduce myself. Have i started to be more ‘others’ than just Singaporean? We do have an identity crisis amongst us actually ehk? What truly is being Singaporean when even our local patois of singlish is quite common heard in Malaysia? Where there they call it manglish!

This is where the sitcom at the loft gets interesting because the guys round up as a mix of one plus whatever. We have a malay gal who thinks she’s Spanish but actually Indonesian Chinese. Cue in her boyfriend who is Australian but speaks singlaish/manglish perfectly! And his Italian is perfecto as well. Apprenlty where he grew up in perth has much entrenched intalian influence. The Indonesian speaks like a true blue American and a smattering of german to boot besides slipping into pitch perfect street bahasa when we trade recipes. I can safely say the only Gail sounds Filipino still and actually slipped into Filipino while we watched American idol last week. He forgot we were NON Filipinos, yeaps...go figure.

Besides rethinking my intros, i’m less attached to anything or anyone now. I want to feel anchored and have sense of belonging but i trail at nothing. I looked around at my belongings spread across the room and to think years have passed and i’m still a hermit crab or sorts. Perhaps, the only thing of any permanence is just my blood ties to the 3 terrors where i’d always be mama ehk? Will it be so bad not to ever own a house? A car? dare i say even think about being married so i could ‘belong to someone’??? should we separate the intangibles from the desires of a bred materialist to understand who we are?

Wokay! Times up~...going home to cook lemak cili padi chicken and be merry :p wonder what the guys at home been up to.

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: what makes me...moi?

the loft, a sitcom - scene 1

clockwise startingwith the white guy please : rob, dito, moi and eeqa. missing in peek is gail and his girlfriend whose going to move in 1st week march.

dito's caption for the above peekture is : My new roommates...the Singaporean sitcom begins w/ God as our producer.
19 January via Facebook for BlackBerry® smartphones · Like · OR NOT :p

i didn't want to be the party pooper and spoil his fun by mentioning that He is all seeing, ever present hehe..my load have all been moved into my room. gone is the purple boudoir look dehemit! because its an odd room to even begin with. i just noticed i don't have proper windows and yes, its the smallest room with the biggest door. plus! the painted dinosaurs are still there. well, beggers can't be choosers because i'm loving the house and the roomies. the chemistry amongst all of us is flowing and we even have a PET guinea pig! she's called spunky.

the housewarming party date is set for 1st week of march with already 100 invitees from eeqa alone. i'm sure dito will be very happy to know they'd be loads of chicks. its been a good week hanging out with the gang while i've been at home resting. i got 2 weeks HOSPITAL LEAVE BuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuTttttttttttttttt...here i am at work &^#@*^@$@&$@&$@$@*...and no guessing that i've only been able to update because the internet connection is still funky at best. eeqa left her mac for use in the living room and i tried playing with it. ugh~! no serious reading/work could be done at all so dito, gail and me took it to the balcony to watch funny jap pranks :D

caught up with reading - finished neverwhere by neil gaiman and then some why zebras don't get ulcers. yeah i need to laugh..and i have been laughing. much actually. never been happier. just that, write i haven't done much. will like to be inspired to write about the sitcom in times to come. that should be happy stuff to write and update the self about?

i.dare.myself.to.shut.self.down.

who wants to bet if i will really do it this time? :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

flesh GOD..or not

crazy guy ran amok naked in the carpark of block b yesterday. he was screaming for all to worhisp him and actaully did quite a bit kung fu fighting hehe. it broke the monotony of work for me. a week before that it was the case of a bully and all hell broke loose, the parents of the traumatised young uns then wanted to band together and EVICT the family of the bully boy. he didn't show remorse they said and they spoke of him as if he was damien! just before that was the case of RAT in my grill!!! yeaps, thats all in a days work for me. other than that its all pretty quiet and routine admin work to handle. thank god (not naked guy) for the Internet.

dinner last night was another fantastic one and i had the pleasure of meeting trish. she reminds me of the fool on a start of a journey when she spoke about work, life and simply catching up. no guessing, kama was there ler. trish is afterall his 'sister' lain mak lain pak :) we went to original sin at holland village for vegan food that is out of this world! this is one terror 2 can definitely appreciate. maybe all the terrors.

mumi caught up with me again and of course she had to stick it to me about ALWAYSSSSSS being with kama :p errr...how can i say no to fantastic dinner ler! hahaha..but i couldn't lie mah. she wasn't too happy about how things were at the office and ranted much. she poked me again whats for dinner (as if i didn't get the snicker) so i told her, must meet kama herself soon and we'll do a proper introduction. could do something at the new place. she nagged about being more disciplined and of course saving more more more money instead of having nights out *prrrft*

tonight, joto's having his mum and sister over for a visit from jakarta tonight so i must be sure to be on best behavior. i think gale (its a guy not girl) is also moving in officially tonight so best as well to start unpacking and try to sort out the post-move mess. am not sure if kiki and kaka the couple will be at home tonight but i think there's still leftover fried rice in fridge that i could heat up. or i could always have cereal hehe.

i've been feeling lazy and not about to start on anything productive since the move! i moved the study table closer to bed so that i could place lapicits on it. i couldn't tap into the loft's (they call it that not me) wifi thingy unless i stand right beside it &#&@($@(&^(@*%(*@^ so i gave up and fluffed my pillows to read. the sun gives off a warm glow and the fluorescent one glares plus it buzzes like it contained a thousand bees *chets* but i still don't like the feel of the room yet.

its top half blue and bottom half some stripey something but its the damned framed cartoon dinosaurs that bug me most. they. are.just.too.cute. it used to be a study room for kids so i'll have to live with it till i figure how to make the room my boudoir den. i can't even decide how to move the creaky (plus wayyy scary) 2 door cupboard and dresser around the room tsk!!!!!!! i kept seeing figures sitting on top of it nabeh! so now its tugging at seriously annoying because its just a simple rectangular room will ill fitted everything. each corner i turn, the room keeps rejecting me somehow. worst come to worst..i'd change the theme to mad patchwork and see if i could live in the madness :p

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: facebook is seriously getting on my nerves or i'm so damned jealous of good ART that i see made effortlessly by others lately. gahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

by the way..

over last long weekend i finally moved to the new place. has it really been more than 3 years at bobi's? wow~ i seriously can't remember that. bobi smsed a day later to ask if i was coming back to his place. naturally i filled in the blanks and said yes, maybe over the week to hand him the keys and also clean up the dusty room which now only has the ikea bed he bought waaaaAAAy back when he bunked with Mrs. me. i could hear he feels lighter by the 'macam ali baba' joke i made when he remarked how fast it all happened that saturday. and! i surprised myself too when we managed to bring down everything and load it up within an hour! it was just comat and me hokay~ no joke..i almost broke my back. i had to dump the dresser and side tables though, plus the wardrobe because gawddddddddddddddddd help us if we had to lug it back up to the new flat 3 floors up. i already regretted the fact that i didn't place my books into smaller boxes. bobi reminded me i had another load of books in his storeroom which i asked to kindly leave out and will lug back when i go over.

we had plans for the terrors but somehow my intuition won again and the kids are held hostage by green-eyed monster. terror three was in tears BUT! there was nothing i could do. then, that is. push forward, its back to che. halijah the famous lawyer for advise. this time...i GET IT FOR FREE *choke* thanks to karna. lining up my questions and will follow them through with a lot more steam :p

speaking.of.which.

i've been told lately that i don't speak too much of myself but rather all about karna. making me wonder if i've turned the typical 'gal with boyfriend and identity-less' that we so hate. where everything starts and ends with the boyfriend. its like those annoying engaged or married couples that have his and hers albums in facebook SHARING 1 account yo! or those smug married with babies and kids peoples, where updates and conversations start and end with inclusion of 1 FAMILY/LOVED member. but wait~....sometimes it can be pets too hehehe...so really? what makes us? each and our individuality? or personality? WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT! *prrft*

in action-reply : i'm going to quit karna. i'm NOT going to even mention he exist with all yous who highlighted. sorry mumi, i know its only because you have my interest at heart lar and don't want me to turn minahkumari *gulps* but hurts my feelings you know to have you insinuate that i could EVAR BE someone like that. as much as i can, i don't really talk personal here or elsewhere. and even if i do, i shy away from using real names then tweak the stories a bit. i'm like that in real life too. sometimes i think i get too real that my friends hate my blunt self. they ask me to shut up and keep my opinions and what have me to myself :D even you! but but BUT...i share these details with you because i want to and i have always thought i can! i don't just want to share my angst with you nor just my asinine rants *sniff* so NOW i merajukkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk LARGH! >)

so when all of yous peoples ask me now, how's karna or anything skirting close to my relationship with the opposite sex, you're all going to get NADA-ZIP! *throwsawaykey* you get same 'lebabi treatment' >) it will be as if that part of me has never existed and will not be a subject at all. i'm over reacting i know hehe but yeah i get IT. we don't want to hear sappy, i-love-yous for far too long a-OKAY. or is this really a postsecret moment????????? *GASPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP*

actually this brought to mind *jengjengjeng* something ms. pinkfloyd mentioned before, she loves me best when i'm not attached to anyone and anybody because i'd always be busy dating or ever so often off to Zimbabwe and the likes. she'd allow me my time for my books, my hobbies and the terrors but anything more than that she's hates it. usually when i'm into an overdrive of something even as benign as soccer she'd sulk haha! so i avoid talking about soccer, books or the terrors with her unless she asks genuinely. managing perceptions mah~ i will be who you want me to be as a pat on the back for her honesty :) so i'd be sure to mark the day in march to be with her and the rest. its a tea-party dmu event methinks where the star will be...no guessing...her ler.

its okay...i know about abandonment issues. i'm taking psychology remember? the terrors are experiencing them too. i can't do much to assure yous peoples but...i'd keep my love private for now till when you're ready okay? no hard feelings ya... especially from me. just a tinge of sepia sad. which is beautiful too when you look at it from a titled enough angle.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: another ghost from the blasted past made an entry via msn. dia pon kena flying kick sebab berbaur crapdoodle *TSK*

a good trip without mariam

it was to jogja and back, a birthday treat from karna. five fufilling days of my wishes fufilled no questions asked nor planning needed. i just took care of the tickets and it was free sailing all the way. fantastic couldn't justify the trip nor could the word awesome fill the gaps of the smallest experience. food was dirt cheap and we ate simply. if you count steaks and nasik gudeg the local speciality simple. we swam and and laughed a lot. i nodded to sleep in between rest time and marvelled at sights i only had to wish aloud. karna made it all possible. even the terrors were not left out of the experience as we trekked sights and sounds to record for them. i left the phone switched on but it wasn't brought on the road. all the photos taken were by karna, the most poignantly delicious left imprinted in our memories. i was a very happy hippie kitty in old soul jogja.

one irritating thing was the fact that i couldn't go! i ate all the fruits and veges i could get my hands on but no solid waste wanted to flush out. slightly bloated, i sucked in my tummy for bikini shots hehe. the trek up the mountains left me bretaheless and i saw rabbits skinned to be eaten as satay *bleargh* karna joked if i wanted to buy the skins back as rugs when he saw my scrunched up face at the thoaught of furry little things being eaten. well! he ate bats for godsakes!! i'd do the disgusting when there is no other alternantive on the principle of surviving of curse *gag* still it will be hard to eat anything so cute!

we got back and its been mad to say the least. cathing up on work and then trying to co-ordinate the move at the same time. bobi was surprisingly nice last night when i asked for an extension. he probably felt embarassed withmy outburst via sms. i just didn't get the numerous questions of when. yes, we do have a problem showing shreds of affection we have left for each other but usually we cover up our gaffes with good humour. that is more than enough for me at least. blood will always be thicker than water but that doesn't mean it couldn't thin at all. asparin will do just nicely if you ask any heart patient.

while we were gone the dear old mentor for singlalaland launched a book. karna was called right after for his comments. he was cooking soup hehe. we didn't entertain any work while in jogja yet his pulse on the undercurrents of his pet subject was impecable. the dutch radio took all of 15 minutes and then it was over. i was listening hard but i couldn't realy guess what it was. it was only the next day at work that i found out the source of recent minister lee's brouhaha. the racket online and amongst friends were about his book and HE had to say something quite discrimantory about the malay muslims in singapore. obviously whenever he opens his mouth, many sinagporeans, even those who don't know if they can vote sit up and pay attention.

no one in the community dared to speak up agaisnt the old man. he is the all powerful afterall. here was the guy attacking the malay muslims in sinagpore for being exclusive and now more strict with their beleifs. he proposed that muslims in singapore should be LESS strict with our practices and try to live to be more secular *jeng jeng jeng* he noted that the ministers of the past used to fish and drink with him but now, they ask if the food is prepared halal. wokay..the man was walking down memory lane lar. so give chance? turns out now between the two senile men of bongoland and singlaland is trying to best each other whose more bonkers in the head :p

stay sane,

j.amyemeelea

whats your worth? i mean POINT!

from ghostly whispers, a question was raised. do we compare currents with our exes? i believe its inevitable as we're comparing all the time and base our actions on decisions and more decisions. an ex *ahemssssssssssssharkpTUiii* (you don't have to guess WHICH one) told me recently that he made his choice between his wife and me based on 'the road that he want to follow'. i assumed he was speaking about the highway road to heaven when he decided on her and since he didn't elaborate, i shut my trap from further pick-your-brain follow up questions BECAUSE........>)

I DON'T CARE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

every time i do compare i say a prayer for the dead and leave it to rest. its like how you throw salt over your shoulders to avoid bad luck for some. i think its to blind the devil or something. it just means that i don't like to bring up the dead and IF they do so come up in my consciousness, it means that either soul is restless. what else can one do but say a prayer right? as compared to you who then placate yourself with 'not everyone is perfect and since i'm married now so i must be content' thoughts and mode of action. you're right, YOU made that choice and you CHOSE her. the best woman won i said to be polite *hurrayyyyyyyyy* BUT no....you have to point out that she isn't best. you added that, i was in comparison to her much better in some aspects but not others. of course THIS was WHEN you were still comparing kasos to moi~ i didn't FIT ler obviously as i'm not something your wear on your feet you know! *faceplam*

again....i bit my fingers before i could type I DON'T CARE!!! only to have you ask me *coughscover!coughsss* curious questions about the my sex life and if karna believes in God?

*doublefaceplam* but i forgive you for your bouts of 'curiosity', maybe not forgive but bley layan ah.

does it make you feel better that i'm happy? are you really glad that things are going well for me? do you really believe its your wishes for me that made me happy now? it was really hard for you too you said? and at least you were honest to me about kasos right? you ONLY did what was best for you and her at the time. you both decided that THIS is best and errr...where did all the above leave me? wait!!! are you insinuating that you're just 'making do' with wifey? settling for second best? and believe love will come later?

i believe you told me in addition to above, no no no..REMINDED me to not compare especially AFTER the 'i do, till death do us part' vows. *ARGHHHHHughhhhhhhhhh* at that moment, it still didn't occur to you that, I'M NOT into comparing at current and exes at all. i couldn't even bring MYSELF to date another while i was busy making a fool out of myself with you. all those wasted years (okay~~~ i was still the willing party no doubt) i still cuckolded myself to believe that i WAS the better woman. it was only after you finally, FINALLY...OWN up (yeaps, red handed buddy~) 1 month before getting hitched that i hit myself in the head and told myself to kick the bucket.

i mean....do we really need to go through this all over again? why the @*!&*&^$*(&#(!^#$*%$@* is my block and delete not working when its supposed to be working. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! *pushkick*

*burp*

okay, i feel much better.

stay away,

emeelea

ps: we have expressed our gratitude and accepted the path forward to live with each our conscience. nie kes sua macam rekord buruk tau, silap hari bulan betol peh kena humban.