Nuff said..

Bimbang – Melly Goeslaw

"Pertama kali aku tergugah

Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap

Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan

Kata orang rindu itu indah

Namun bagiku ini menyiksa

Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu

Namun sulit ku membenci

Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega

Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku

Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus

Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa namun ada yang hilang separuh

diriku"

I finally got round to register myself with you tube in my hunt for music and am reading neatorama for mental floss. I wanted to translate the above lyrics to english but it doesn’t have the same feel. I can get the humor of having it grossly multilated at babel but nah…the feel of loss of this magnitude does not deserve slapstick humor or cheapthrills of any kind. The words heavy burden is carried light by melly’s vocals as they skip and do pirouettes on the lazy acoustic jazzy feel that the song has. I feel like death in my deck of cards and listening to Melly with the image reminds me how important it is to try to look at Death "in context", taking everything that surrounds the change into account. A broader view can help us alter our perspective of something that at first seemed threatening.

The King of Death is smiling, “His stance is somewhat tentative, as if he might begin to dance at any moment. Death does not want to be feared, for he stands for transformation, re-birth and renewal and for the end that comes to all things." The card represents profound change — change that may be painful — the overriding message is one of liberation and release. Only by destroying old patterns can we reveal a new, more rewarding path. Of course transition can be hard to deal with, and many times we try to resist change, especially if it seems to us that we stand to lose from it rather than gain. However, in some cases, change is inevitable. It is merely a question of how we will react or respond, and that is up to us. "Death walks in a universal garden of vibrant, fiery flowers. Next to a life-giving stream under a sky whose stars are linked together, by their common fate." the deck's creators point out. "

My punishment and my imminent remorse is everytime I lost you. Unchain my fear of unfairness by telling me that the past of 3 will never repeat itself. Promise me equality and honesty that will forever bind me faithfully to you for eternity. Love's still reflections of you keeps anxiety fooled as I fervertly pray, "May each our loses liberate us. " - me my monologues

Stay sane,

amyemeelea

Excerpts..

Of days past and the situations we get ourselves into and trying to find the answers to how and when I found your quirky characteristics turned into enduring traits led me to work it this way:-

You and I are prisoners in a given time, place and current situation. Serving our joined jail term and the classic prisoner’s dilemma game presents itself. Where as a pair, we could choose to cooperate and treat it as ‘win-win’ game or compete and treat it as a competitive ‘I win you lose’ game.

The logical and often cited endings of either picked scenario is simple. If both parties were honest and cooperative, both were rewarded well and equally. If both were competitive, then both will get screwed *haha* with a low score. If one person competed and the other cooperated, then the competing person will have the huge scores wihile the other eat/hit the shits. Then we are also told that people who don’t cooperate in prisoner’s-dilemma situations often lie, telling their partner that they are going to cooperate but then turning agaisnt their partner in the end, grab all of the goodies for themselves.

Win – win result is always best! But to come to that it takes a lot of superhuman effort. Lose-win result is always mediocre but satisfying if the agreement was reached in all fairness of competition but all goes to hell when there’s any evidence of non-cooperation. Prisoner’s-dilemma situations have been used in thousands of experiments and mathematical simulations, including work done by several Nobel Prize winners but can someone !”$%&^&)&_* please tell me why we can’t even bring ourselves to acknowledge that we are prisoner’s in the first place?

Must it always be about gender? about rank and file? about why my grandmother married again or why dogs like to eat homework and alarm clocks? >( must I be the one to tell you that it is all play pretend. Role playing helps us come to decisions, scenarios make it easier for us to see things as they are, as they is. Don’t you want to make this world a better place to live in for you and me? *saaaap* or would you understand if I were to simply tell you the ultimatum is, “Discuss and commit” *already!!!!!!!!!* stop being such a !£%*^*)(*)(*_(_*)&*%^$%£!

FRAGER!! FRAGER!! FARK DA FRAGER!!! We are ALL THE SAME even after all the labels and false assumptions. Must you annoy me still by being such a jerk and treat me like I am non existent? Is being a rude as*hole necessary to put your points across? Do you think provoking envy and hostility is really ‘just’ another way reliable way of testing means and consistency? Must you wear me down with your insistent whining to do things your way all the time and then tell me that I’m stale and boring after? Will you finally turn me into the asshole you have been dreaming to turn me into, by constantly reminding that I have my imperfections?!

*burp*

I just like spinning stories. And burping and farting ;P

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Note: the book, ‘The No Asshole Rule – Building a Civilised Workplace and Surviving One that Isn’t’ by Robert Sutton is a MUST read which I highly recommend for those of us perpetually suffering from repressed pain being just human, people like ourselves. Thoughtful insights and a riot considering the use of language contained, guaranteed to illuminate the darkest and bleakest of futures at work, in love or life by simply reminding ourselves that ‘you are allowed to walk out’.

My melon collie

“the unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates

Versus

“if you don’t use your head, you might as well have two as*es. "– Someone’s Father

*hiccups*

@------&---------

Ku harus menemui cintaku Mencari tahu hubungan kita Apa masih atau telah berakhir
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana Kasih…Sampai kapan kau gantung Cerita cintaku memberi harapan Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang Teganya kau menggantung cintaku Bicaralah biar semua pasti Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu Membuat ku sakit Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu

_ .._.._

And reading the link biksetan passed me on msn brought a tweak of a smile to my face. I also chatted with my niece about her hypnotherapy experiments on her tuition students. Then I noticed that I wiped out 95% of the music that had been passed on to me since I hooked up to the internet seriously 10yrs ago *bummer* so I am listening to whatever is left and all of em *dehem* good :) trying very hard NOT to grind my teeth *noamNOTonmdma* the world IS not looking so fine right now. Another line from the comments left at the page biksetan makes me giggle before I go back to ‘One Hundred years of Solitude’ by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And stilllllllllllll the numbers 13 and 14 separated by 1000 zeros from lunch date today refuses to leave me in peace.

Obat nya melly! *thumbsUP*

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

another dotty *pottu* connected...

"There are three kinds of intelligence: one kind understands things for itself, the other appreciates what others can understand, the third understands neither for itself nor through others. This first kind is excellent, the second good, and the third kind useless. – N. Machiavelli"

Me at home now. Quickly emailed this so that I can finish it at home. While at the office, I flipped through and fro pages *workrelatedplusthispage* to ease the monotony of boredom. I very much wanted to write last night but I flipped open the thriller novel “The Insider” to fall asleep to. Millions have always fascinated me too; Gordon Gecko ‘was’ my idol :P so it was to be that I could not really sleep as the storyline was gripping my eyelids apart for the next page. My fingers itched to sms the lost soul but I told myself the last sms clearly stated that he’s not lost now so what will my reason be, to jolt him with another cloyingly sweet sms of encouragement? Hope tickled my fingers again but instead of receding to impetuosity, I tossed to my left and buried myself deep to try to see if I could entice mr. sandman for a bit of much needed happy dreams. HE was funky so no sleep for me. I ended up drinking redbull at work today. Anyway, I finished the book today on the way back. Worked until I can’t work no more and i could have went on until ms. kakakku2, who drove today; asked if I wanted to hitch a ride back and of course! Needed to get home fast and finish this entry before it starts to eat away more sleep time. I FEAR insomnia so it was tense waiting abated by loads of work and a breezy easy way home so that I can just drop dead at smell of my blankie.

Earlier on last night, I had dinner and finally met wombatman! The coquettish bikbayu was present of course and sorely missed was the wonderdiva powwsters. She had to give us a miss because family duty beckons. I got lost on the way to dinner at bugis. Partly because another half of me was with lost soul but the other part of me was, firmly bent on trying to get my way to dinner without being late. Plans for tonight were made way in advance and a promise is a promise. I even stated disclaimers to avoid misunderstandings should the need to cancel arose; should it be that I needed to cancel, it must be that the terrors needed me or I had a serious case of the runs :p I was experiencing major dis-EASE but it soon settled far back into the darker recesses of my shadow self. We had to switch to a smoking table because I had to smoke. Then the table was shaky so we switched seats again. However, we had to move the table because it was not in the smoking area! :P we started on dinner, ceasar salmon and then the seafood platter for two *ahemsthree* utensils went missing but all in all the experience at fish & co, bugis was all right. It was then full steam ahead with much laughter and get to know me and you strings of conversation. Yes, politics included *muehehe* Steamy!! My armpits were dripping wet hehehe…and I was just glad that wombat and bikbayu played cool and along with my antics. The tempo to the night’s concerto was just picking up.

*burp* it was change of venue for laterssssssss.

Wombatman the gentleman that he is, picked up the tab and they both made me seriously blush when they insisted that dinner was on them. *aaaarghhhh!soflatteredmeguestofhonour* and we made our way to the secret garden. The start of our next adventure was when bikbayu suddenly exclaimed she forgot where the secret garden was! So I called the restaurant to ask for directions and boy was Ronnie *theheadwaiterithink* very good at giving very precise directions. After chasing after buses and looking out for a small very intimate crook nestled comfortably hidden in between two buildings, we finally arrived at our coffee and deserts place. Red walls lit by framed candles, their flickering light dancing flirtatiously set the mood for our second session. We were served by shhh! :p and we all had coffee and shared ice cream. The Ronnie guy totally flipped me when he asked if I went to this primary school and that secondary school. I was of course shell-shocked. For *once* I was really caught speechless. Then he went away, the hoots around me coming from bikbayu and wombat familiarly turned into the theme song twilight zone. I was convinced someone somewhere recognizes me from school but I did not see anyone familiar. I did not think so much about it and continued our tete a tete. BUT!!! Creepy Ronnie coolly came back for returns abit later, probably having to much fun seeing me squirm in my seat to ask me if I was a girl guide in school and if I was a bad student *gahhhhhh* but I was too engrossed already lost myself in the camaderie to give any conspiracy theories any attention *hehe* we did got to know each other better and I read wombat’s cards. We were shooed away at 11pm because they had to close and the night soon ended with all three of us taking the walk back to the train station. I found a neat surprise of a napkin, a fork and a knife courtesy of fish & co *hahahaah* while rummaging through my bag for my ezlink card. We all took the same train and bikbayu left for home at jurong while wombat and me took another train back up north. Bikbayu sent me an sms to make confirm I did not get lost and wombat sent me an sms to meet again *blowskisheslikems.universe* Pleasure was all mine guys, free food *nexttimeonme*, good laughs and meaningful conversations plus the on and off the cuff remarks is always fun.

The train was nearly empty by then when wombat alighted at kranji for some quiet :D I was tired happy but my DIS-eased heart was nagging me groggy. The DIS-ease in stealth mode came back and my thoughts fly over the cloudless sky. Its nice to feel understood : ) Even nicer to finally able to ‘get’ someone. We live with constant contradictions and it is hard to hear yourself over the din sometimes. The din in your head when let loose and the din combined with the ruckus always going on in your hearts can be deafening. Then when it gets to heave heavy; you just react. Classic cases of fight or flight instincts and then you just have to deal with the leftovers. Sometimes its yummilicious to the soul and maybe at times cuts it to pieces till all bloody and gory and it will be painful to even swallow a mouthful of spit. Does your soul crave for understanding? Do we need exceptional intelligentsia to be understood and to understand? On the other hand, maybe a sense of humility can do wonders in pursue of getting that attention and focus we crave for? Humor is always good to add to anything but I know that mule stubbornness will not get you anywhere. Often I just have to be everywhere at the same time, never taking the time to connect the dots. So, patience then is the key?! *nodsnods*

Eh?! Isn’t this supposed to be a happy entry? With me calm and collected at the end? well, I did my best and sometimes my best is just not enough, not even for me.

I think therefore I am. I see therefore I think I understand. I know therefore I must understand. I feel therefore it will be understood.

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Ps: biksetan! I will survive clip was a riot :P and thank you. Truly.

Buat Putera Ku....

Ucapan syukur dan selamat hari jadi mama hadiahkan
Buat penyejuk dendam rindu membara putera kesayangan
Bisikan darimu tercungkil bibit memori mama menunggu kelahiran mu
Angan angan tiap guggurnya pahlawan zuhud mama layangkan
Sehalus sutera tenunan selembut kasih jiwamu mama idamkan
Seputih salju kulit mu biar cerah cahaya sayang tiada tertara
Kucupan bibir mu merah kelopak mawar harum syurga
Tiap gerakan zahir mu biar tanpa ragu penuh damba rindu pada Satu
Susunan hak hukum tak terlepas dikepal erat genggaman kiri dan kanan mu
Tiap ungkapan dari mu sayu memukau indah dicorak alunan kalimah syahdu
Julungan harapan suci mama menjadi detik tiap degupan jantung mu
Tepat pada hari yang di janjiNya utusan tanggung jawab berdengus memerih
Nama mu dipilih penuh bermakna biar besar jasa mu di rasakan bersama
Putera Emir Hafeez di bendung manja tiada sedikit pun tertanda cela
Tiap hari silih berganti pergi, biar ia pergi bersamanya gugur benci
Namun janji tetap janji akan mama berpegang teguh tak gentar caci maki
Tiada yang dapat merangkul pergi bahagia tiap corak senyuman mu dari ku
Walau memori tinggal memori, tetap tiap hari jadi mu mama jadikan tanda
Kerana tiap doa diberi seorang pembela yang nama mu Putera dimabrulkan

Selamat Hari Jadi yang ke enam sayang…yang ini dari hati ke hati....nanti yang jam transformer ke spiderman tue mama carik kan otey :)

kishes,

your SECRET mama *shhhhhhhh*

it’s a SIGN!

mack *waves* was asking if I was rapper or a poet :P I guess my answer to that will have to be that I am one and I am all >p I think is was ayincurrent who at one time pissed I was so into personalities and archetypes shut me up with the rationale above. Of cause lar!! *DUHslapsforehead* but how then brown cow do you explain our each uniqueness and sense of individuality? Che.ayincurrent can’t be bothered to argue with me anyway which is why the conversation did not continue. What use is a cobbler’s tools to a carpenter? :P

I came staggering back home after all the bad negative air at the office started to eat into myself. I dumped myself willingly into comfort routines. A comfort call to a loved one to announce my homecoming and a flip to heat the water before I dozed off to the soft whirr of the pc so that I could check on my emails. The rumble of my tummy woke me up and the thoughts of watching deal or no deal on teevee soothed my ragged nerves. I finished whatever I needed to on the computer while my short snips with powwsters on msn perked me up. Then I headed to the bathroom for a hot shower. Bobby and shikino will be back soon so I cleared the kitchen up and heated some food in the microwave. Another short call to the 3 terrors and especially to speak to birthday boy lit me up :) he whispered his wish to have a watch and I reminded myself to look around for that very special one when I go around on my jaunts and held on tight to the tears that threatened to fall. I closed my eyes and let my wish to be there travel down the telephone line. Terror 2 said he had to go because he didn’t know what else to say, so to avoid sleepless nights I said my goodbyes to all 3 *click*

*thoughts trail to last nights events at home*

So last night, I received my gst rebate package letter and they found that I am eligible for a rebate sum of $100/-. Bobby came home with his spanking new wakeboard and excitedly asked how much I received. Ripping the envelope open, I lied and said I got $700 to which he bombarded me with why? why? why? when he saw for a fact that I only will be receiving $100 bucks, he laughed *yesgleefullygloated* and at first wondered why before jumping the gun to point out that it must be the fact that I am REALLY a commie and that the gahmen IS somehow punishing me. He joked that he HAD to give me away because the gahmen threatened to take away all he had *hahaha* shikino said if I didn't want the give out from the gahmen I could just donate the amount away *itishighlyrecommendedyoudoso* another I asked also gave me the same reason, I am getting less because I complain too much about the gahmen. So serve me right, serve me cold.

I can’t tell you how many have repeatedly told me that the reason why I get myself into these funny situations is because of my rants about the way things just are in Singapore. Indignant curiosity saved the cat nine deaths and mine lead me to www.gstoffset.gov.sg where I found out that I fell into the category of earning an assessed 100k per annum!! I laughed my head off and I can’t wait to tell snotty bobby of my snooping. I already sent an email to ask for clarification and why not?! I don’t earn 100k per annum and I don’t even own a property dar so why not ease my finances a wee bit more and GIVE me the extra 100 credits *prrrft* finally the eventful knock on my bedroom door came and after small banter I told Bobby of the reason to his incessant whys; the look was priceless of course! With me laughing away but I missed the crucial moments of the end of deal or no deal! *dehem* they just don’t get it do they?

I watched American idol while I quelled my giddiness down by trying to settle down amidst the mess called my bed. With my books, letters, all manner of personal significance and my life hanging on the other line doused me sleepy, but my need to say hello to 17th May acted as toothpicks to keep those eyelids open just for a little bit more. My head was throbbing by then, hungry for rest. And as the sudden tick of the clock struck midnight, the engaged tone from a dead line jolted me awake from my slip into slumber. My fingers worked the lighted pads on my phone and typed that special wish and pressed send. I tried after to put this heavy shell to rest by weaving through the sticky web of the today’s residue into dreams. Tossed and turned but Mr. sandman refused my pleas for seconds and left; I wide eyed looking at the ceiling sulking in the dark.

Do your dreams mean anything to you?

Stay sane,
amyemeelea

Belated Obstreperous!!

Aha!

No. I am not a teacher *whyshouldtheyknowALLthebigwords* No. I am not a communist *whataboutprogressivesoacialist?* No. I am not really a rat *ifeellikeonesometimes* No. I do not wear only black. *ilikeredtoo* No. I do not think going cold turkey will stop me from smoking. *beingpregnantdoeshehe* but YES! I am loud AND boisterously defiant. *orusually*

I left the office nearly 9pm today because the auditors are coming on Monday and I had to make sure everything was filed and bla bla bla…I surprised even myself by not kicking up a fuss when I was told to do this and that and was given dirty looks that read, “you are so incompetent and lazy” when I questioned shitte-o-tub on how exactly does she want her files to be filed. I knew she was bitching behind my back to anyone who was willing to hear and it didn’t get any better when as I just about to leave for lunch, I found my handphone missing! I called my phone from my desk and it rang and I could faintly hear surprise by radiohead from somewhere in the office so I went to hunt for it. Of course it stopped ringging soon after and knowing how careless I can be with my things sometimes, I really thought I misplaced it somwhere. The second time I rang, not surprisingly I got my voicemail instead. I tried a few times and went around the office to give everyone the evil eye but no one gave a shit. So, I shrugged my shoulders and called the people to immediately disconnect my line just in case it was really stolen. I didn’t want anyone calling long distance but I secure the phone with a security code so I didn’t worry too much. Then I changed my voicemail to annouce that my phone was stolen and to reach me at the office instead. I didn’t really have the mood to eat any lunch soon after but I couldn’t refuse free food :p and the fact that I had a mountain work to plough through later at the office so I will need the carbo to burn. It turned out, my phone quietly lay in switched off mode when I came back from lunch. I just opened my drawer and there it was. Apparently, someone thought it would be funny to hide my phone or maybe the intendee wanted to teach me to be more careful with my belongings I don’t know.

I am just glad to have it back. Right about now, I should have been with the 3 terrors but last minute the green eyed monster wanted to bring the kids out. Maybe to celebrate an early mommy’s day with new mommy but terror 1 wasn’t sulky or pouty about having to cancel our date today so I hope they enjoy themselves. We’ll just have to make do with whatever’s left of the weekend to celebrate terror 2 and 3’s birthday. Terror 3 is going to turn four this Sunday! And terror 2 is turning six the following Wednesday! It is also mommy’s day! So it is going to be busy, busy, busy and I am so looking forward to receive my prezzies. I already know what they are, my prezzies. They each come tagged as terror 1, 2 and 3 :) I already received mommy day’s wishes from friends, some early but all so drippingly sentimental sweet. The wallet I bought for one special mommy was refused so it is going to be given to another special mommy. I probably could guess why it was refused, but I shall not dwell on it. One’s lost, is another’s gain I firmly believe so all is still going to be well.

I miss my mom. And I wish she was still with me so that I could go about fussing around her. I think I saw that small wooden plaque I had made for her for mommy’s day once lying around somewhere. I had it say, ‘World’s Best Mom’ and gave it to her because it was so difficult for me to say it to her. She has mantle where she collects her oddities of china and rocco and stuff, so how better than to remind her of how much she means to me than have it up where she could be reminded of my feelings while dusting her favourites! :D but now, I can only hope my shout will reach her wherever she is.

“HAPPY MOMMY’S DAY MAMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” I hope you’d be proud to know that I am now a mama myself and that I have the highest respect for everyone who is, are and will be once and always a mother. No. I don’t make plaques for everyone *hehe* but yes! I’d be obstreperous! I’d shout over the highest mountain to make it known and make sure she’s right there beside me to make sure the police don’t catch me and put me in IMH otey ;P

stay sane,
amyemeelea
ps: think about someone you care about, and do something about it :)

hmmm.....

testing....

Obstreperous!!

Addled minds...

Something is wrong because I keep missing datelines and apparently appointments! I was getting ready for the night out to welcome fusae and Mustafa and we were supposed to head out to the night safari and supper at jalan kayu. I couldn’t convince anyone to join me for the tram ride so I called the hotel to leave them a message to say I would be picking them up after their night safari adventure. The hotel then informed me that they will only be arriving today!! :p with nothing on my hands I still got ready and went out to run errands and generally to loose myself in the crowds. I trimmed my hair and so now it looks more unruly then ever and bought my toiletries and such. After that I went for an indulgent dinner before dozing off.

Woke up fresh and made a point to flip through my date book to check my plans for this week and it looks packed *yeay!* will be entertaining fusae and Mustafa tonight and tomorrow before they fly off to another choice destination of lovers’ paradise. And I wonder how all the animals are coping in this wet, wet weather? Am wearing a dress because it is the easiest thing to slip on but what about mosquito bites?! *packsmedicatedoiljustincase*

So here I’m back to the office after ditching work yesterday, thinking that with much rest I could take on the challenges at work with a perpetual smile on my face. *imaginesselfascheshirecat* alas, the situations I run into at work makes me want to pull all my hair out and then run screaming out to the streets naked *shudder* of course after that they will fire me and I could never come back to the cbd again *that'stheplananyway* so daily I learn to nod and smile and say yes to the silliest going arounds in my office. And come to think of it, real life in the office is exactly what you can find in the Dilbert comics we read in the papers. Aha! Another one for my booklist – DILBERT COMICS!

This brings to mind the recent Labor Day celebrations. Did you receive your well wishes? Did you read about the death of the early twenty-something girl to a blot clot? Work got to her apparently and the journalist was reminding us how work should be as important as one’s health. Newspaper clip said her boss was the first to attend her wake and when questioned if she was overworked, the boss replied negatively *duuuuuuh!!!!* Then I came across another blog that wrote about how her mum is working for a company that lists below requirements as reasonable or fish off!

1. The pay is reduced to S$500 (from $700 bucks a month) 2. Now it has to be a 5.5 days working week (from a 5 day work week) 3. There will be a cut in manpower as there should not be more than 3 people working at an area, regardless how large the area space (!!!!!!)4. No annual leave and sick leave for the first year (one wonders if the man himself has elderly parents or maybe his parents are robots?)

But I think this post here will best some up my thoughts :) -
http://stressed-teacher.blogspot.com/2007/05/have-happy-cursed-may-day.html.... *trainingratgoesexcusie* and how come I missed THIS:-

"The key goal, said the Prime Minister, is to enable workers to work longer and retire later" - CNA Report on PM Lee's 2007 May Day Speech.

*GASPGASPGASP*

And as a joke, I smsed bobby and shikino, ‘The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win – WORKING MEN OF ALL COUNTRIES, UNITE! – Karl Marx, May Day Comradeship Wishes. Amy’…*sniggers* I of course didn’t receive a reply from either of them and I can almost picture both of them horribly mortified *muehehehe* fear is supposed to keep us from making *toomanyorlackofem* mistakes not swallow our pride and so I hope for all courage this labor day or what’s left of it. And a short message to mr. imgigi who aspires so much to be a minister one day with such high hopes to create a better future for everyone.."I’ll be there babe” *evilgrin* I’ll be going back to seek laughs from my Dilbert comic. Eh?!!!! In the comic there’s this big rat right? Or was it a cat?!!! *scramblestolook*

Stay sane,

amyemeelea

When objective clashes with subjective..

"Love" is Angela Carter's fifth novel and was first published in 1971. With surgical precision it charts the destructive emotional war between a young woman, her husband, and his disruptive brother as they move through a labyrinth of betrayal, alienation, and lost connections. This revised edition has lost none of Angela Carter's haunting power to evoke the ebb of the 1960s, and includes an afterword, which describes the progress of the survivors into the anguish of middle age.

“The Bloody Chamber" is a invoking novel which reappropriates patriachal western fairy tales, such as 'Bluebeard', to challenge notions of male superiority and the objectification of women. Carters talent as a writer enables her to utilize the most vivid and violent use of imagery and language to demonstrate the way in which women have been explioted in western society. This powerful novel will appeal to all who are prepared to open their minds and accept feminist ideology over patriachal ideas.

That is making decisions based in a situation you have kicked, banged your head and threw yourself over to find that a part of you still mourns and wails in agony. And when that happens I try to drown its deafening tones with distractions. I spy the moon peeking over at the back of my mind as I looked over to the pride of singapore skylines. The thorny blue lights from the esplanade a night twinkle cool and the stuffy hot air blowing behind me from the kitchen vents of the foodcourt I am at, condenses my sweat to stick my blouse to my skin.

No stars as the skies continued to be polluted by the ground lights below. Red, green yellow sparkles flourescenct in the distance. I couldn’t reconcile the blistering coldness I felt inside with the dank humidity which marks most tropical nights here in singapore. Mummy dearest was on her way here for dinner and as I lit a fag, my eyes wandered to take in the muffled conversations and dinner fare of the rest of the diners. I wasn't feeling very famished when i realised how the beautiful almost sad scenery over the balcony its soft pride lost to mere hunger. Absentmindedly I glanced again to my phone and smiled at the latest replies to the hint of anguish sms I just sent to my targets accompanying a snapshot of the skyline I took. *picksatscabfromrecentbattlescars* and as typically of me, silent musings trailed the smoke from my lit fag. I settled down with the 2 books I just bought at mph. The 20% discount poster was too loud for my palpating heart; weak to the lure of cheap books to ignore, so in I went to browse and succumbed to its promise of sweet distractions. Happily, I flipped the pages and an array of paper and pens littered the table.

Mummy shares the same passion for books and we both have a penchant for love stories. She loved paulo coelho and already warned me not to get her another. It is mother’s day *sson* so a book would be nice, no? I caught sight of ‘The Sadeian Woman : An exercise in Cultural History by Angela Carter’ but I my strings were pulled to the need for something more lyrical and perhaps, mummy would be too overwhelmed with the brass provocations of ms. Carter as she was and still remembered as a prominent icon of the feminist movement. I wanted to introduce her to the ms.carter for the sexy elucidity of her versions of truth first. She can peel ms. carter later at her pleasure. So I trooped over to the counter to ask for the rest of the titles available and picked perfect *yeay!* 'LOVE' for her and for being so smart, ‘THE BLOODY CHAMBER and other stories’ for me to carnivourishly devour. In a relationship, where does one being end and the other begin, what happens to the individuals who become co-dependant? Love, ms. carter suggests, is not the romantic vision we hold esteemed but, often, a cruel and injurious game in which there are no victors.

Doesn’t it so mirrors our own questions about love? Just that when the overshadows of both begin to merge and when the black petulant darkness hinges to break forth, it then snatches one unaware into an abyss unknown; without the light of courage, the life as we know it snuffs submissively itself out. Why blame it on ego? Why blame it on gender? Why blame it of incongruity? I hastily scribbled my thoughts to trail after on my journal and enjoyed dinner with mummy dearest. ms. mermaid was the center of our conversations and of course the rants and vents of work. Explanations offered for lost time and the familiarity shared between us followed the trickle of time till it was time to go. The night could have been endless but all good things have to end ;p

Back home, I shared my latest find with shikino. She looked at me and asked if I consider myself a feminist when she recounted her impressions of ms.carter as a student at ntu *errrrm* “no..not really.” I stammered my reply, trying to be rational about my answer and bobby interjected with his own views about feminism being too extreme for his taste. Aren’t alllllllllll ‘-Isms’ frivolously tut tutted away as extremes, I silently fumed. but shikino glossed over the conversation to the form of characters ms. carter conjures. And that was the cue for me to excuse myself and retreat to my den for my date with ms. carter into the bloody chamber.

Holiday was spent langourously in bought solitude and today weather brought on the perfect excuse to be sick. In a bit I will get ready for my date to meet fusae and mustafa all the way from japan. Promised them supper at Jalan Kayu and am waiting for her to call to annouce touch down. I think i'll give the visit to the night safari for another time if I can't have no one agree for a hop on the tram. Meeting one stranger per night is more than i could bear for today. Updates of the love story of fusae of japan and mustafa of turkey will ensue ;)

stay sane,
amyemeelea