Happy ever after…

I went to my cousin’s wedding last night, it wasn’t technically her wedding yet as its actually today that she’s getting married or has she gone through the solemnisation ceremony earlier or what? Well, I’m just glad I managed to squeeze in a bit of time and congratulate her myself yesterday. She was taking pictures on the dais and I just walked up to her to congratulate her and tell her that I can’t be present for her wedding reception tomorrow (and it doesn’t mean I love her less) but I promised to get her a real cool wedding gift. I told her she looked pretty and I’m being biased here *heh* and I could sense in her eyes the fear of uncertainities :P I was brought back to my wedding and yes it was intimidating for suddenly I was mrs somebody. All that responsibilties sure can weigh down a someone including make you look drab and listless.

Everyone (the rest of my siblings) and most of my cousins were there too and I had fun talking (gossiping) and ended up terrorising the young ones. It felt like I was there but yet not there at some point because I found myself laughing and then crying (almost) the next minute and all the while I was fliting around like a moth, hugging and kissing family whom I haven’t met in awhile. I regret not eating man! All because they served ‘tulang’…you know..’barbarian soup’ and I didn’t want to look oh so unglam hehe that I didn’t feel like eating anything (I haven’t done laundry thanks to the wet wet wet weather). Then it hit me on the way back, I found myself asking nobody in particular, “can a relationship work between two people who both decide to do away with physical attraction to each other?” So I took the subject back to cylernkilla to hear what he would have to say about it.

He said it was possible if they’ve been friends for a very long time and if it was a mutual agreement then why wouldn’t it last? So my thoughts ended just there. So much for a guy’s perspective huh? :D still feeling unsatiated I asked nyatangel for her opinion and even if it sounded ridiculous she answered me objectively and said that personally she won’t even agree to a relationship based on such terms. Why would anyone of the right mind do that?!!! But as with any other kind of relationships, ‘it’ has to start from somewhere and who knows where ‘it’ would lead us. What the end (we live, we die..what’s new?) is going to be and we all hope…hope for the best!

Well, I didn’t tell my cousin (or anybody else at the wedding) truly how I thought she looked last night and I thank god she was too busy smiling for the camera and batting her eyelashes at the other half to pay attention to anyone or anything else hehe…but of course I wish her all the happiness in the world and to live happily ever after but OF COURSE!!! You don’t really think I am such an evil person right?! Maybe I would if she’s reads this and then ask me later :D

Stay sane,
Jahat

self deals with truth..

They say kids can’t lie and more often than not the things they say about the observations they make of people, things around them is so instantaneously outrageous it’s enough to overwhelm even the most cynical or jaded. Love em or hate em (especially if they’re your own) I find myself in awe every time I care to spend time with my own 3 little terrors. How many of us have our little terrors to deal with and actually I am such a big baby too. Would I then be able to say I can’t lie when lying has become somewhat second nature to me? White lies are lies too isn’t it? So I have to decide what and which is the truth for myself and how do I do it?

I keep wishing for the pants (or underwear) of liars to combust and catch fire every time (which don’t! bah!) or lightning to strike or anything, as a sign but is the truth really out there? Once I cried my eyes out and got depressed when the terrors kept repeating that I don’t love them when I told them (again) the truth as to why I don’t come home anymore or the time he said he loved me but his actions told me otherwise. Or that instance when I found out my best friend was lying to me. Do we have the determination to seek it? Have the strength to face truth if and when it shows its face? Swallow bitter acceptance if you will allow?

I’ll admit I have taken a few liberties in the past and am not shy to say there were times when the decision to free myself from any form of restraint were usually outrageous by normal standards but I have only done what others would have liked to have done, had they had the chance! *nyehnyeh* but sometimes lies do help to ease a current situation but i firmly believe nothing beats the truth. Just as much as I want to promise never to lie ever again...reality is i suck :P but i need to try harder for the sake of my self.

We lie to ourselves each day (I know I do) in hope to be the perfect person we think we are and maybe the above proclamation is just that but I realized that if I were to take it just as that then it will never be anything more but just another ‘lie’. I wonder if I should have to strap a lie detector to myself just so that chosen others will believe me when I say….”I love you”.

Stay sane,
jahat

what crap..

haven't been able to do anything about the lack me time at the new showroom...my daily mantra now reads :-

"without passion there's no redemption..."

when i get better and more decided (whether or not to kill that someone!)....and get that new lappy!!!! >( i will come back with a vengence! *bencikbencikbencik!!*

It is time!

I have always been battling with my online persona ever since I created this this this monster :P and after countless, numerous confusing and downright heart wrenching battle episodes of confused identities with or without my friends (not to mention family), I have finally decided to stop thinking about being the personas I would be and instead just be me. After all, jahat is me and I am jahat and then my online or offline friends are still technically all categorized as ‘friends’ and the sole main purpose (one of many actually :P) is really widen my circle of friends (also family...err to avoid inbreeding? muahahaha). Then also keep a log of any polemical conversation that is of any importance and interest hehe….let’s power polarize our forged relationships!!

It is also this time that I will not be another hidden faceless name, protected by distance and shielded by handle but I will not guarantee that you will be able to generalize, even find me remotely familiar through this blog. Isn’t change constant? And if you agree then you might not even be the same person yesterday as you were today right?

And so I welcome you to my little own corner where what matters is the sharing and keeping it ‘real’. However stupid, small, insignificant, shallow or high-minded you think your thoughts are (as mine often are hehe) let’s decide over time if we would still be friends or that we will hate each other’s guts each swearing never to have anything to do with each other anymore!! Yet…you and I know for that briefest of time we did make the effort to keeping it ‘real’.

Welcome to the self-center friends, may you find you’re way in here and stay dammit!

Stay sane,
Jahatamyemeelea *waves to bobby & orashikino, pausters, stinks, hugsy, noorticataitai, pinkfloydmama and ritzlin* and *hugs to cylernkilla* :P