Inexcusably careless…

And I mean about everything. Its just who what and why I am. Hence the smiles. I am happy being me. Sometimes deliriously so :p And when I’m at the other end of the stick, it’s the same overwhelming feelings I get. Can kinda explain the shouts for me being DRAMA-mama.

To me, I am being me. I don’t expect you to get me. even I get muddled being me! For those who do GET me especially when i don’t get me AT ALL *sniff* all I can say is “thank you” and kalau gua ada bangsi hikmat! Gua tak mintak lu lompat katak confirm :D

Bobi and I got into another row a few weeks back that unsettled me very much. It’s been 3 years and counting and we both acknowledge that it hasn’t been easy for either of us. Needless to say after hanging up, I only went back home the next day. We didn’t speak that whole Sunday, each of us probably still wringing our own said contentions. It was tense but I did what I do best when highly wrung out mentally and physically. I slept.

I went to work the next day feeling beat blueness of Monday in its full glory. To keep up pace, I did what I promised bobi and sent him an sms to update on status. Bobi surprised me with a 2 part sms reply (after clarifying what needed to be done) and apologized for what transpired between both of us over the weekend. I was rendered speechless. For one thing, he didn’t do anything wrong and I already told him right after our conversation that I know he’s just being angry and concerned about me being me. yes, I am annoying what! it's part of OUR profile being the other sibling to be as annoying as possible!

The other thing is, Bobi doesn’t apologize very often because he’s one of those who are so inconspicuous about himself and others around him that there is never really an opportunity to be an apologist. Maybe except to shikino hehehehe…but to me? hari raya YES! But other than that, our relationship has always been in one word – felicitous! Even when we argue or debate, we do so felicitously somber till one of us crack up over something corny that either cracks us up to guffaw in stitches or then to storm away and sulk. Even when our dad died at the hospital, family members found us in the waiting room laughing (at our stepmother lar) so happy go lucky that we both are.

To others, we are just another pair of siblings. Dysfunctional maybe; if you are privy to our weird and corny pastime of trying to oust scare each other by hiding behind a corner and be jack in the box *POM!opocotmapakacowpehtoooooot* or the fact that I like to sneeze into his face when I can! But who is to say what is normal?

He got really got me good that day at “…even though I do not say it, I am sorry…..” I reeled from the mega emo-moment I was having and I didn’t reply till after 7pm that day to say aye okay I understand shit happens. It was a rerun of recent hari raya ah! *tidakkkkkkkkkkk!* minus kiss my hand for absolution to seal the deal.

Still, I am adamant about moving out. I’ve wanted to move out ever since I moved in…ultimately the reason why I moved in with them was so that I could use the extra moolah from NOT having to pay rent so that I can save up and purchase somewhere for myself. and he’s right, I am taking advantage of his hospitality by giving him next to nothing for staying in AND plus, I don’t mind shamelessly freeloading when it’s being offered ;p It’s been 3 years and counting and 2010 will be rolling in not soon enough >) we’ll get older and tomorrow I might get struck by lightning so that I can fulfill another’s wish *muahahaha* I recanted my intentions of moving out as a solution to all our bickering of late. Although I admit that the urgency I feel is partly fueled by confusion and anger rather than the contended feeling of peace as initially planned. Bobi gave me the assurance and I repeat!!! ASSURED me that although they will like to see me only move out when I am financially less burdened; they will leave it entirely up to me to make the decision.

*Blearghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….* So yes no yes no yes no no? I could definitely squeeze out and it ms. Wahtomyu just tempted me with a proposal to house sit for them (pay rent of course!) while they try to scale kaki5 heights in kayel. Definitely but then the dilemmamama is….

Bobi.

Will you understand that this is best for US?

Could I count on you to trust me on this?

Can you stand true to your assurances as promised?

It’s not you lar…it’s me ;)

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

The art of martial partial

GOTOSHU! *haiyak!*

Its rule is simple.
Kill or be killed.

With strengthened determination and perfecting mindful focus, every move and exhale must be accompanied by the sound “shuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!”.

Stand back and watch the enemy feign nonchalance. Maybe smirks at your way but have faith that each attempt cuts deep. why? FAITH mah!! have faithhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

*inhale*

PHOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…..so tiring!

:p

Looking ahead to more footie training and also muay thai workouts. I need to clean up my room slowly to help facilitate moving out *ad nauseum* (even i BARFED) Hopefully I can achieve loads this coming November break of 10 or more days. It sucks that most of what I hoped and planned for did not materialize! Still, I am very optimistic *forced* about the days of doing anything and everything I jolly well please woohoo!

One love letter coming up! ;)

Stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: love can easily be taught to lust BUT lust doesn't necessarily want to love *gotcha!*