i am one of those peeps who wll not own up to my own fart!
REVELATION!
*lol*
weekend came and went and although i must say i enjoyed every single second of it, i go feel a tiny twige of regret as well. BUT! in cases of self denial, i shall NOT own up to it instead....
i shall preservere to dig deep into my books!
and sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
for tomorrow is another day at the office :p
plus my papers to write and also to fill in my journal in big tent. wait! not forgettting countdown to a meeting with legal aid next week after work. hrmmmmmmm...so i shall get that spanking new phone right? shall i go with the android or not ehk? or should i stick to a symbian nokia? UGH...
why does surah An-Nisa keep popping up?
okay...investigate besok..
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
pity is as pity does..
damien rice does a mean cover of the song creep by radiohead and i'm in the mood. melancholy slips and under its heaviness i seek for the tiniest bit of warmth. ah well..
i had a conversation yesterday and somehow and somewhere goondu me got struck by a sense of vulnerabilty. you know how convos flow and one thing leads to another and then you kinda open up. aha! i thought...emancipation! release!!! *gulps* i swallowed my pride and in that moment opened that part of myself that i've kept so well hidden by my machoness. yeah~...why oh why do we feel strong by putting up that cold cold exterior of toughness? so hell lar! i beat my ego to a pulp and out gushed a question of self value. i needed external validation and so i seeked NOT caring to see what's truly in front of me. you could say i was lulled by a false sense of security. wanting this person to save you.
and in reaching out....instead of empathy, sympathy or compassion as i had expected. YES! i felt owed by my generosity to share my fear and was expecting all of the above when the life out of me got slimed instead by pity. i was dumbstruck. i fell into shock. it felt like a tingle for a second and then the slime of it all suffocated all the breath out of me and i...i...i went NINJA. i went poof! i went OFFLINE *gagggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*
i stared at the screen in front of me and i felt totally alone. the sense of betrayal made me out like somekind of a weirdo. without my armour of condesendance i was totally whacked out of rationality. there i was telling this person how dejected and lonely i felt. and he fucked me with "there..there person. don't worry God will help you. i was once like you." and what the hell was that suppose to mean??! *prfffffffft* so you know what i did?
i cried like a pussy.
:p
i believed my sudden dissapearence kinda made him think about what he said in reply. he reached out and guessed correctly that i was offended. TO HELL i was! but you know what? the tears cleared the slime away. i mean...he didn't intentionally mean anything bad. he was just being him. so i texted him and told him to forget it *gritteeth* i'm being a prick and it wasn't anything he said. i understand where he was coming from and GO BE HAPPY. i'm cool with it. i figured that he was trying to 'put himself' in my shoes and make me feel better by telling me to look at how well he turned out. isn't that what he was trying to do? >)share his success story a bit?
*puke*
i pulled up the covers and breathed in deep. switched on to youtube and yeah he succeeded to convince me to go back online. i shouldn't really succumb could i? to such mild ignorance? turn the other cheek i told myself. he's simple-minded and that's exactly what he expects if EVER he threw open his vulnerability open! i should have considered the facts about him waaaaaaaaaaay before opening my wounds to him like that. like fcuk me lar! so silly kan? by accepting that it's my fault to even begin with and promising myself that NO MORE fcuks ups this time or any other time, i managed to feel human again.
i shall give him credit lar for making the efforts to cover his tracks afterwards. we steered away from the emo crap whereby then i was already on my own cbt highway. yessiree...its okay to accept pity. its OKAY to be pitied because the danger is not in the pitied but in the PITIER.
Aristotle described pity in his Rhetoric: "Let pity, then, be a kind of pain in the case of an apparent destructive or painful harm of one not deserving to encounter it, which one might expect oneself, or one of one's own, to suffer, and this when it seems near". basically Aristotle said when people pity their acquaintance, taking into account that when one pities another, they are not close as in kinship. they need to be out the outside and know that its NOT them whose experiencing the tragedy. which is why pity is different of from empathy, sympathy and even compassion. David Hume observed that pity which has in it a strong mixture of good-will, is nearly allied to contempt, which is a species of dislike, with a mixture of pride. It is an emotion that almost always results from an encounter with a real or perceived unfortunate, injured, or pathetic creature.A person experiencing pity will experience a combination of intense sorrow and mercy for the person or creature, often giving the pitied some kind of aid, physical help, and/or financial assistance.
so you know..it works out at the end of the day. once the pitied understands how psychologically harmful this is, one can act with Nietzsche pointers and turn the tables on the pitier. in an act of defense! deal with the imbalanced powerplay and rip the negativity away. before...it turns extremely negative BUT well....what is done cannot be undone. one could choose to be ambivalent as i have in hopes to turn mystic *hurhurhur*
**above in some parts flinched in TOTAL from wikipedia ah. distracted from schoolwork! but yeah...GO-blog works as a purge-hellhole.
okay otak penat, hati pun macam bengkak-bengkak siots!
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: yer sayer emosik! da tua ah... :)
i had a conversation yesterday and somehow and somewhere goondu me got struck by a sense of vulnerabilty. you know how convos flow and one thing leads to another and then you kinda open up. aha! i thought...emancipation! release!!! *gulps* i swallowed my pride and in that moment opened that part of myself that i've kept so well hidden by my machoness. yeah~...why oh why do we feel strong by putting up that cold cold exterior of toughness? so hell lar! i beat my ego to a pulp and out gushed a question of self value. i needed external validation and so i seeked NOT caring to see what's truly in front of me. you could say i was lulled by a false sense of security. wanting this person to save you.
and in reaching out....instead of empathy, sympathy or compassion as i had expected. YES! i felt owed by my generosity to share my fear and was expecting all of the above when the life out of me got slimed instead by pity. i was dumbstruck. i fell into shock. it felt like a tingle for a second and then the slime of it all suffocated all the breath out of me and i...i...i went NINJA. i went poof! i went OFFLINE *gagggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg*
i stared at the screen in front of me and i felt totally alone. the sense of betrayal made me out like somekind of a weirdo. without my armour of condesendance i was totally whacked out of rationality. there i was telling this person how dejected and lonely i felt. and he fucked me with "there..there person. don't worry God will help you. i was once like you." and what the hell was that suppose to mean??! *prfffffffft* so you know what i did?
i cried like a pussy.
:p
i believed my sudden dissapearence kinda made him think about what he said in reply. he reached out and guessed correctly that i was offended. TO HELL i was! but you know what? the tears cleared the slime away. i mean...he didn't intentionally mean anything bad. he was just being him. so i texted him and told him to forget it *gritteeth* i'm being a prick and it wasn't anything he said. i understand where he was coming from and GO BE HAPPY. i'm cool with it. i figured that he was trying to 'put himself' in my shoes and make me feel better by telling me to look at how well he turned out. isn't that what he was trying to do? >)share his success story a bit?
*puke*
i pulled up the covers and breathed in deep. switched on to youtube and yeah he succeeded to convince me to go back online. i shouldn't really succumb could i? to such mild ignorance? turn the other cheek i told myself. he's simple-minded and that's exactly what he expects if EVER he threw open his vulnerability open! i should have considered the facts about him waaaaaaaaaaay before opening my wounds to him like that. like fcuk me lar! so silly kan? by accepting that it's my fault to even begin with and promising myself that NO MORE fcuks ups this time or any other time, i managed to feel human again.
i shall give him credit lar for making the efforts to cover his tracks afterwards. we steered away from the emo crap whereby then i was already on my own cbt highway. yessiree...its okay to accept pity. its OKAY to be pitied because the danger is not in the pitied but in the PITIER.
Aristotle described pity in his Rhetoric: "Let pity, then, be a kind of pain in the case of an apparent destructive or painful harm of one not deserving to encounter it, which one might expect oneself, or one of one's own, to suffer, and this when it seems near". basically Aristotle said when people pity their acquaintance, taking into account that when one pities another, they are not close as in kinship. they need to be out the outside and know that its NOT them whose experiencing the tragedy. which is why pity is different of from empathy, sympathy and even compassion. David Hume observed that pity which has in it a strong mixture of good-will, is nearly allied to contempt, which is a species of dislike, with a mixture of pride. It is an emotion that almost always results from an encounter with a real or perceived unfortunate, injured, or pathetic creature.A person experiencing pity will experience a combination of intense sorrow and mercy for the person or creature, often giving the pitied some kind of aid, physical help, and/or financial assistance.
so you know..it works out at the end of the day. once the pitied understands how psychologically harmful this is, one can act with Nietzsche pointers and turn the tables on the pitier. in an act of defense! deal with the imbalanced powerplay and rip the negativity away. before...it turns extremely negative BUT well....what is done cannot be undone. one could choose to be ambivalent as i have in hopes to turn mystic *hurhurhur*
**above in some parts flinched in TOTAL from wikipedia ah. distracted from schoolwork! but yeah...GO-blog works as a purge-hellhole.
okay otak penat, hati pun macam bengkak-bengkak siots!
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: yer sayer emosik! da tua ah... :)
Friday, March 12, 2010
another kickball day
kickball day and the usual bullshit about not needing or wanting complications. its all about FUN. OF course lar! who doesn't want to be funnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn?!!! GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...finger hurts cos i didn't wear gloves while playing goalie. then i also have nice raised welts on my right thigh from someones boots today. which means NO skirts or dresses! but its friday anyway and i shall have the weekend to recover.
all n all it was a good kick about session. i pespired like a pig and ate like one afters. shared a cab with kiddo back home. on the way back there was an accident. the suzuki swift went turtle! it was white and the cab driver also agreed the guy MUST have been speeding. ahhhhh....again, lebai came to mind. he drove a swift what! but i managed to shoo away the thoughts before they turn me bonkers with no sleep. let the past be where they are. rationalising and talking my way out of memories is a neat trick! as i told ismet, let time tell lar and heal *amin*
i won't be seeing mr. tee tomorrow. tired siaked. i don't think i can talk soccer after today. ENOUGH! tomorrow..i shall come back and settle in bed with lapicits and my beloved books. will i turn up for soccer with the lil tikes on saturday? maybe not, i should be typing away on my papers. all those can wait a while more. i have committed myself for 2 months of english tutoring *gah* but the extra 60 bucks or so will come in handy. also, i hope to do a little bit for girl-girl with what little i can offer. after may, with any improvement, THEY can find a REAL tutor!
is this how mama felt before? trying to help in little ways?
so its another weekend with the terrors this week. we are going to watch a puppet show yeayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....i have to pick up terror 2 and 3 from punggol first then terror 1 from school camp at 6pm on saturday. after that its home sweet home and lepak sunday! maybe this time we can play monopoly as a family and spend some quality time in front of teevee hehehe...
budget NOT helping! i screwed it again. well, there is NEXT month and Alhamdullillah...He's been kind. GOOD news is that i'm on leave this monday muahahahahahahahahaha....but right after i send the kids home. i have class at darul furqan. i've been reading up on prof syeh naquib al attas and his contributions. somehow, his writings on malay philosophy resonates.
i can't wait to see his papers! we are going through them line by line...which is sexciting :p halfway through zen and motorcycle right now and i wonder about quality too. i found stuff in there from the classics worth second and few more reflections. maybe i can share them with biks on our trip to batam. or maybe biks would just like to indulge in being still?
east west conundrum! i miss talking and discussing my thoughts with lebai :( even though he can be pretty daft with his replies. defensive most of the time! but i miss the banter and steady chatter. mr. supercop is quiet THANK GOD and another mini twin cop just got axed! NOPE....not gonna bend my rules and make the same mistake again. i WILL NOT and AM NOT about to go out with an attached guy. so the jack neo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hurhurhurhur.......he's the current local tiger woods making waves in the news. i missed out on parliment dehemit! but managed to catch up with priceless gems of top quotes from google reader. i believe a certain minister was caught sleeping on camera :p
now....sleep.
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: or insane?
all n all it was a good kick about session. i pespired like a pig and ate like one afters. shared a cab with kiddo back home. on the way back there was an accident. the suzuki swift went turtle! it was white and the cab driver also agreed the guy MUST have been speeding. ahhhhh....again, lebai came to mind. he drove a swift what! but i managed to shoo away the thoughts before they turn me bonkers with no sleep. let the past be where they are. rationalising and talking my way out of memories is a neat trick! as i told ismet, let time tell lar and heal *amin*
i won't be seeing mr. tee tomorrow. tired siaked. i don't think i can talk soccer after today. ENOUGH! tomorrow..i shall come back and settle in bed with lapicits and my beloved books. will i turn up for soccer with the lil tikes on saturday? maybe not, i should be typing away on my papers. all those can wait a while more. i have committed myself for 2 months of english tutoring *gah* but the extra 60 bucks or so will come in handy. also, i hope to do a little bit for girl-girl with what little i can offer. after may, with any improvement, THEY can find a REAL tutor!
is this how mama felt before? trying to help in little ways?
so its another weekend with the terrors this week. we are going to watch a puppet show yeayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy....i have to pick up terror 2 and 3 from punggol first then terror 1 from school camp at 6pm on saturday. after that its home sweet home and lepak sunday! maybe this time we can play monopoly as a family and spend some quality time in front of teevee hehehe...
budget NOT helping! i screwed it again. well, there is NEXT month and Alhamdullillah...He's been kind. GOOD news is that i'm on leave this monday muahahahahahahahahaha....but right after i send the kids home. i have class at darul furqan. i've been reading up on prof syeh naquib al attas and his contributions. somehow, his writings on malay philosophy resonates.
i can't wait to see his papers! we are going through them line by line...which is sexciting :p halfway through zen and motorcycle right now and i wonder about quality too. i found stuff in there from the classics worth second and few more reflections. maybe i can share them with biks on our trip to batam. or maybe biks would just like to indulge in being still?
east west conundrum! i miss talking and discussing my thoughts with lebai :( even though he can be pretty daft with his replies. defensive most of the time! but i miss the banter and steady chatter. mr. supercop is quiet THANK GOD and another mini twin cop just got axed! NOPE....not gonna bend my rules and make the same mistake again. i WILL NOT and AM NOT about to go out with an attached guy. so the jack neo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hurhurhurhur.......he's the current local tiger woods making waves in the news. i missed out on parliment dehemit! but managed to catch up with priceless gems of top quotes from google reader. i believe a certain minister was caught sleeping on camera :p
now....sleep.
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: or insane?
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
daze days i laze..
its was 1 hell of a day. its only tuesday and the requests from ms.menjeng, who i suppose is going through pmsey window calendar break now, vented and ranted her attitude at me. it didn't help that i was feeling bloated myself and slept only at 3am last. the whole day she was being such a bitch but ms. bijik kinda levelled my moods by becoming my pain drain. it just pours over her and she relishes it with hunger. go figure, some people thrive on bitterness :p yeay! hurrah for me *emptied*
class ended slightly later last night and ms. glumsugah just had to chat up the other 2 gals. it was nearly 11pm! and we both stay in woodlands for goodness sake. i had to literally scream her away. she's been on medical leave for FAR too long so i told myself to cut her some slack. lo and behold, i DID miss the bus home from the interchange. luckily i mananged to hop on 912 just in the nick of time. fooh! at least i didn't have to grab a cab or trek from the interchange back home. i was in HEELS yo! so hell NO WAY was i gonna do that. i finally reached home at about midnite or so and was ravenous. i heated asam pedas from the fridge and loaded it with an egg. surprisingly, i was still feeling peckish after a few bread slices later. what to do? flinched smoked salmon from fridge and warmed up the last crossaint. topped it with cream cheese and washed down everyting with a tall glass of milk *burp* while munching, i caught an episode of mentalist happily then tinkered with the journal on big tent. thoughts entered plus notes on class before i forced myself to quit the night. tick tock the clock chased fast to 6am!
the forum is still empty, the guys have all registered but none have made the attempt to introduce themselves. as reqyested IN PRINT. so you can visualise my class on Islamic Worldview :p the front row will be where all the guys are and then us gals rows behind. so far i believe there are 9 of us going strong but its been only our 3rd week. so far so good, progress on the slides and the topic has switchd on to higher gear. akhi always makes me laugh with his smooth delivery of content and the witty jibes at our own understanding . some didn't smart at all *smirk*
paradigm shifting.
instead, the personal anecdotes from akhi and also open calls for discussion interminent in class prove to be thought provoking. we are discssing Adab now..and there's a chance for me to pick up a smattering of arabic. ms. blushmerah and ms. cleopolitikus BOTH speak arabic since young! *gulps* all i know is i am enjoying class but need to focus some time on papers too.
yes, you read it right. i'm back hitting the books and writting academically now. GAH! APA format!!! i just had to review the points again and will set my sample papers and working papers in order tomorrow. shitte lar....terror 1 installed this avatar chat thingy that is still UNINSTALLING. that's it, they are banned without supervision on lapicits *belaibelai*
its a trip to the library tomorrow lapicits so now its time to hit the sack amidst my selected readings *prrrrrrrrrrrrrrft* i shall find time later in really LULL moments to write about taking the terrors on an urban trek last weekend. maybe while taking a break at lee kong chian :p
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: knowing that there are places for things, doesn't mean that you know how to place these things in thier proper places.~ Akhi last night..*ponderlazeeeeeeeeeeee*
class ended slightly later last night and ms. glumsugah just had to chat up the other 2 gals. it was nearly 11pm! and we both stay in woodlands for goodness sake. i had to literally scream her away. she's been on medical leave for FAR too long so i told myself to cut her some slack. lo and behold, i DID miss the bus home from the interchange. luckily i mananged to hop on 912 just in the nick of time. fooh! at least i didn't have to grab a cab or trek from the interchange back home. i was in HEELS yo! so hell NO WAY was i gonna do that. i finally reached home at about midnite or so and was ravenous. i heated asam pedas from the fridge and loaded it with an egg. surprisingly, i was still feeling peckish after a few bread slices later. what to do? flinched smoked salmon from fridge and warmed up the last crossaint. topped it with cream cheese and washed down everyting with a tall glass of milk *burp* while munching, i caught an episode of mentalist happily then tinkered with the journal on big tent. thoughts entered plus notes on class before i forced myself to quit the night. tick tock the clock chased fast to 6am!
the forum is still empty, the guys have all registered but none have made the attempt to introduce themselves. as reqyested IN PRINT. so you can visualise my class on Islamic Worldview :p the front row will be where all the guys are and then us gals rows behind. so far i believe there are 9 of us going strong but its been only our 3rd week. so far so good, progress on the slides and the topic has switchd on to higher gear. akhi always makes me laugh with his smooth delivery of content and the witty jibes at our own understanding . some didn't smart at all *smirk*
paradigm shifting.
instead, the personal anecdotes from akhi and also open calls for discussion interminent in class prove to be thought provoking. we are discssing Adab now..and there's a chance for me to pick up a smattering of arabic. ms. blushmerah and ms. cleopolitikus BOTH speak arabic since young! *gulps* all i know is i am enjoying class but need to focus some time on papers too.
yes, you read it right. i'm back hitting the books and writting academically now. GAH! APA format!!! i just had to review the points again and will set my sample papers and working papers in order tomorrow. shitte lar....terror 1 installed this avatar chat thingy that is still UNINSTALLING. that's it, they are banned without supervision on lapicits *belaibelai*
its a trip to the library tomorrow lapicits so now its time to hit the sack amidst my selected readings *prrrrrrrrrrrrrrft* i shall find time later in really LULL moments to write about taking the terrors on an urban trek last weekend. maybe while taking a break at lee kong chian :p
stay sane,
j.amyemeelea
ps: knowing that there are places for things, doesn't mean that you know how to place these things in thier proper places.~ Akhi last night..*ponderlazeeeeeeeeeeee*
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
all because of the iphone..
teror 1 called and she was threatening me with failings in her tests, dying of hunger and also tweaking on her sensitivities ALL because today she found out that m1is giving out the iphone for free. IF we signed up for a line with them.
apprently iphone fever has gripped her. she plays with the iphone, borrowed of course from bobi, shikino, anis manis, the supercop and loads of her otehr friends whom she says ALL have iphones. brought to school some more!
i listened patiently to her rant and did raise my voice at her when i heard her scream at her siblings to hurry up. she was on her way home from the center. i saw the clock and its just 20 mins to 8pm. i wonder what took her so long to take the bus home. i didn't dare say anyting but had thought its pretty normal. peak hours between 6pm to 7pm can be crazy. everybody rushing home and all.
she spoke to me all the way home from the center and at the doorstep, i heard the stepmom shouting about their lateness. she asked in her shrill voice, where did they go and terror 1 was about to explain or rather put the blame on terror 2 who lagged behind as always. she didn't say goodbye but she put down abruptly when she was asked by the stepmom who it was on the phone.
she texted me a few minutes later "I have my friend to talk to because you are not there for me". to which i replied immediately with "you put down the phone without saying goodbye and you can tell me i am not there? U want me to go over now?" and i totally emant what i said. i knew she was having a lousy day so i waited and she did call back with an explanation, "i TER-press red button and the line got cut off". I took her apology graciously and asked her again why the iphone was so important. i nagged of course and reminded her of the last debt of 700 bucks i still have t celar off with starhub due to her playing with the phone :( she calmed down a bit.
we tried to stike a deal and spoke about compromises. we had discussed about making silly bets, hedging risks against failing her exams and downright silly tantrums but she took on to the idea of saving quite well. that is if she could save all her daily pocket money and not die first of hunger. i pooh-poohed her threats and no way was it going to work on me!
just then, the stepmom peeked in again and asked in gruff if she had any homework and who was she talking to? terror 1 just squeaked and the step mom brushed her off with "why are you speaking/looking at me that way. If you can't be bothered to do your homework then thats your problem. just pull out the mattress and go to sleep." terror 1 swallowed her tears and i asked if that was the stepmom and enquired about what she said. Terror 1 just replied with a tired "you heard her right?"
I told myself to be strong and stiffled my peevishness by telling her to be patient and i know its rough. we talke somemore and planned for the weekend. i had hoped to see her and the rest to have fun. romp about and forget the week's horrors. they were all doing theier tests this week and after. i reminded her about the puppet show i had booked for ALL of us to go. she of course didn't thaw that fast to my warmth of happy thoughts but talking about animals made her cheer up a bit. we tlaked about horses and about going prawning. maybe visit her uncles and have a movie marathon somewhat.
which reminds me that i need to get that cable for the tv in my room. it was about 9pm and my e71 felt very warm. i soothed her some more with palns for a short getaway to club med, or maybe a place they could romp about with the sun, the sea, the sand. in that way they have always been my kids. my terrors always able to get up and go! think positive without losing that touch of sensibilties.
i reminded her that we all go thorugh bad days and good days. its all about being strong and starting on the right thoughts, followed by actions and always to be grateful for the little things. deep down, i know she just misses someone who would want to hear about her wants, her needs and her stories. i tried to smile thorugh the phone and said goodbye. i told her to rest as i needed to get back home too. i was at mama tina's having quick dinner hehe.
she yawned and i made her promise me to stretch like the lil kitten that she will always be to me and rest. go to sleep. we had our usual scuffle of who to hang up first and i lost. i hung up and then texted her. reminded her she was strong, brave and all more my sensitive princess always. she's the one who keeps me sane. it ended with goodnight sweetheart.
i hope she will remember to wake me up tomorrow and i shall remind myself to text her a good morning. the sun will be shining and so will the ripe pickings of hope and grace of the world out there for our takings. gosh....i miss them so much.
but i know...it shall be worth the sweet pangs of longing that will make our meet especially sticky sweet. please be patient awhile more my wee terrors! cos mama is coming with promise of fresh adventures however small and ordinarily mundane.
*prrfttttttttttt!* all because of an iphone! *gah*
stay sane,
j,amyemeelea
ps: AND the scorned woman has called. out of anger that her scam and all guiles has broken fallen apart. so apparently i have messed with the wrong person but as if i care. well i cared enough and well i have to bear the brunt of course >) come on over ms. hullaballo-of-hot-air. lu ingat GUA TAKOT KAPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! main darah? UGH~ please i don't EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR take scraps. cheyyyyyyyyyyyy...kalau tidak namer gua bukan jahat woo..i heard your aunt went HAH?! when just a few days before she was warbling mad woman taking sides of the the guilty one. too bad hombre...if you do really think you have a case. BINGIT on! ;)
apprently iphone fever has gripped her. she plays with the iphone, borrowed of course from bobi, shikino, anis manis, the supercop and loads of her otehr friends whom she says ALL have iphones. brought to school some more!
i listened patiently to her rant and did raise my voice at her when i heard her scream at her siblings to hurry up. she was on her way home from the center. i saw the clock and its just 20 mins to 8pm. i wonder what took her so long to take the bus home. i didn't dare say anyting but had thought its pretty normal. peak hours between 6pm to 7pm can be crazy. everybody rushing home and all.
she spoke to me all the way home from the center and at the doorstep, i heard the stepmom shouting about their lateness. she asked in her shrill voice, where did they go and terror 1 was about to explain or rather put the blame on terror 2 who lagged behind as always. she didn't say goodbye but she put down abruptly when she was asked by the stepmom who it was on the phone.
she texted me a few minutes later "I have my friend to talk to because you are not there for me". to which i replied immediately with "you put down the phone without saying goodbye and you can tell me i am not there? U want me to go over now?" and i totally emant what i said. i knew she was having a lousy day so i waited and she did call back with an explanation, "i TER-press red button and the line got cut off". I took her apology graciously and asked her again why the iphone was so important. i nagged of course and reminded her of the last debt of 700 bucks i still have t celar off with starhub due to her playing with the phone :( she calmed down a bit.
we tried to stike a deal and spoke about compromises. we had discussed about making silly bets, hedging risks against failing her exams and downright silly tantrums but she took on to the idea of saving quite well. that is if she could save all her daily pocket money and not die first of hunger. i pooh-poohed her threats and no way was it going to work on me!
just then, the stepmom peeked in again and asked in gruff if she had any homework and who was she talking to? terror 1 just squeaked and the step mom brushed her off with "why are you speaking/looking at me that way. If you can't be bothered to do your homework then thats your problem. just pull out the mattress and go to sleep." terror 1 swallowed her tears and i asked if that was the stepmom and enquired about what she said. Terror 1 just replied with a tired "you heard her right?"
I told myself to be strong and stiffled my peevishness by telling her to be patient and i know its rough. we talke somemore and planned for the weekend. i had hoped to see her and the rest to have fun. romp about and forget the week's horrors. they were all doing theier tests this week and after. i reminded her about the puppet show i had booked for ALL of us to go. she of course didn't thaw that fast to my warmth of happy thoughts but talking about animals made her cheer up a bit. we tlaked about horses and about going prawning. maybe visit her uncles and have a movie marathon somewhat.
which reminds me that i need to get that cable for the tv in my room. it was about 9pm and my e71 felt very warm. i soothed her some more with palns for a short getaway to club med, or maybe a place they could romp about with the sun, the sea, the sand. in that way they have always been my kids. my terrors always able to get up and go! think positive without losing that touch of sensibilties.
i reminded her that we all go thorugh bad days and good days. its all about being strong and starting on the right thoughts, followed by actions and always to be grateful for the little things. deep down, i know she just misses someone who would want to hear about her wants, her needs and her stories. i tried to smile thorugh the phone and said goodbye. i told her to rest as i needed to get back home too. i was at mama tina's having quick dinner hehe.
she yawned and i made her promise me to stretch like the lil kitten that she will always be to me and rest. go to sleep. we had our usual scuffle of who to hang up first and i lost. i hung up and then texted her. reminded her she was strong, brave and all more my sensitive princess always. she's the one who keeps me sane. it ended with goodnight sweetheart.
i hope she will remember to wake me up tomorrow and i shall remind myself to text her a good morning. the sun will be shining and so will the ripe pickings of hope and grace of the world out there for our takings. gosh....i miss them so much.
but i know...it shall be worth the sweet pangs of longing that will make our meet especially sticky sweet. please be patient awhile more my wee terrors! cos mama is coming with promise of fresh adventures however small and ordinarily mundane.
*prrfttttttttttt!* all because of an iphone! *gah*
stay sane,
j,amyemeelea
ps: AND the scorned woman has called. out of anger that her scam and all guiles has broken fallen apart. so apparently i have messed with the wrong person but as if i care. well i cared enough and well i have to bear the brunt of course >) come on over ms. hullaballo-of-hot-air. lu ingat GUA TAKOT KAPA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! main darah? UGH~ please i don't EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR take scraps. cheyyyyyyyyyyyy...kalau tidak namer gua bukan jahat woo..i heard your aunt went HAH?! when just a few days before she was warbling mad woman taking sides of the the guilty one. too bad hombre...if you do really think you have a case. BINGIT on! ;)
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