sunday morning...
woke up and smsed the gang, its our annual meet up on hari raya and i was excited. although sorely dissapointed that the terrors couldn't join us but the thought of seeing lil danial and em're filled in the sore spots right away. not to mention the idea that we'd be rolling around old school jokes the whole day. mounting expectations marked my every step out of bed and affirmative replies via sms set my mood on high.
138pm..
*ring ring*
me: eh lindot! tadi kau sms..'drop at 711' maksud kau 711 the kedai ke BLOCK 711 ah??
lindot: oi!! 711 kedai dar!!!!!! *sniggerlaughlaugh* kau pat maner nie?
me: *slaps forehead and made way to alight* lerrrrrr!!!!! mati-mati aku ingat block 711 dar. 711 da lepas! aku da turun nie so which way? aku pat block 619 nie.
*background more laughter and offered directions*
lindot: aku pun tak tahu maner tue *hehe* kau ambek teksi jer lar datang sinie!
me: *tak tahu nak nagis ke ketawa* ah okay lar! baru nak sep duit muahahahaha....
so, i tot she said to alight at blk 711 but as the bus drove pass a huge 711 store it occured to me that it could be IT, my designated stop. a phonecall confirmed my super sotong bluerness but i arrived safe. if with terrors i'd prolly be vomitting blood already because it was a SUNDAY and we all know how difficult it is to get a cab in smack middle of chua chu kang ON A SUNDAY.
FAST FORWARD >>>>>>>>>>
mr. nasir's house in tampines! he was our PE teacher in secondary school and we were his groupies *muahahaha* he just graduated from NIE and you can imagine the stuff he made us go through!! it was erobics lar, parading t-shirts lar, filling up all his ideal enthusiasm as a new teacher with our willingness to try everything at least once. it was GREAT to see him as we treid to pick his memories for traces of US. yes....it's our narcissistic tendencies going on overdrive. afters was nanin's for lil more chill time over her hubi's bestest 9-6 teh tarik then for aha's all the way over to sembawang. the home of the chilli crab ala travel cusine, apparently quite popular over multiply :p we didn't have chilli crab but aha whipped us kway teow goreng for dinner and then after more camwhoring we parted hilariously back home. nanin flinched aha's collection of past photos for a project to compile our past and present and i BET that will be all the TALK next year *muahahahah*
*perot cramp kejap*
and i can't go on.
too..........many.........side-splitting rewinds for go-blog today on my sunday out.
ITS MONDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
work was good. interview went well. friday and saturday was duly struck off as tuned out to the world day. and hopes for the week uP...UUUUUUPPPPP and awayyyyyyy.....till the cramp subsides ;)
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Salam Eid and what's left....
"Hi amy after much consideration i hate to make this decision to dismiss your employment with the company with immediate effect. Reasons being the company is not satisfied with your performance during probation plus your poor attendance. You need not have to have to report to work anymore. Your salary will be calculated accordingly to your bank account at month end. Appreciate your understanding. Cc Sebina" - Boss from hell with no one iota of professionalism.
I knew way back in my 4th week with the company that things do not bode well. Bobby and Shikino were first to jump and tell me to work harder at work, to make things right. After all, I was the one who chose to leave and try it out in this 8 man outfit. Even though Bobby felt that I would have much better success working in a bigger and brand named outfit where teamwork shines and the only heads that will roll in lieu of crisis will be the people on top. :P But I digress, work will be work and all that could happen will happen. For a reason of course. So that was how i was fired last Wednesday, via SMS. I had the terrors over on Monday and Tuesday to make up for the weekend green eyed monster didn't let me see em and on Tuesday night after i sent them back I got caught in the rain. So I had the audacity to take an hour off to go see the doctor on Wednesday morning. I knew she wouldn't like it but well, I should have known better when the ads were out twice under the guise of 'expansion' and the hushed whispers behind my back escalated, and did tell myself, NOT to take the risk but I value my health. As it is, I haven't been well. I had thought that leaving my desk clean and EMPTY of to dos would suffice and putting in more extra effort in being a participant and hounding the rest for more work (i ended up clearing 2 yrs worth of filing) turned its table on me. As they say, when someone hates you....a speck of dirt could just render you totally insignificant. I could analyse and fight it through maybe give her a HUGE piece of my mind but hey...what will it be worth right? I'd rather wait for my pay to be creditted in before I send her that bouquet of flowers and an email to follow. Oh! must make sure I Cc copies to the rest 6 of the staff *weeeEEEeee!*
So anyway, Salaam Eidul Fitri to all!!! The wishes could have come sooner but both pcs at home crashed. I had wanted to fill in from work but *ahems* as you can see from the above, work hasn't been so fantastic. So am using shikino's lappy to work on this *waves* This is the sign to get my own lappy!! *hehe* but wahalau! Am suddenly jobless siak...the terrors especially terror 1 enjoyed raya with me. She finally got her MP3 player and filled it with songs from High School musical (she loves gabrielle) and then a spratly of rock songs (evanescence) to prove that she's still my lil rock chick. She's very much a loner nowadays and I think it's because she's always alone in the afternoons with the other 2 at school. She's already preparing for her PSLE *gahhhhh!* and can speak non-stop about schoolwork and more homework. I should be happy but I rather not have a geeky, afraid of her own shadow terror. She can plonk herself in front of the pc on the internet for a whole day!! Kinda reminds me of myself :p but so far so good, she still enthusiastically participates in our rough tumbles outdoors and indoors. Terror 2 and 3 have each shown peculiarities of their own. Terror 2 eats and eats! I just hope he's not eating due to being the middle child. The type that feels neither here nor there and then gorges on food to fill in the emptiness but I have much hope. He just needs more playtime and activities that could distract him away from tv and food. Terror 3 eats very little and she's goes on overdrive when she has any one's attention. She tries very very hard to fit in somewhere but never could find a niche. Its either they are too old that she can't play along or we are too old *busygossipinglar* to play with her. She usually hangs with the adults and my god her vocab!!! Its a national pastime for us ladies to gossip kan?? So I'm a wee bit worried, what if she becomes just like us old ladies always talking *coughgossipcough* not stopping ;)
i can't pick them up today because terror 1 has exams tomorrow so all of them are at home god knows what they'd be doing. We have many invites but you can guess the level of my enthusiasm :D i went out for breakfast and to see if I can grab a copy of yesterday's news but no such luck. These vendors take their recycling seriously. I wanted to pop by the library but forgot my books! Can't go around asking to borrow ICs so bought weekly farnie sundaytimes to chill. My other hand,was busy peeling oily, crispy and fatty chicken for brunch. I thought KFC's coffee was a tad too light so headed to the hot hot food court at tampines interchange for my coffee-cow fix. It helps too that they have a smoking section! Nosiy and very hot, not recommended but if you needa good fix equal to an espresso, head down and ask for a wee bit more sugar to that extra zing! Of course Strabucks or Coffee Bean would have been nice but right after being FIRED via sms....one has to be very careful with whatever money is left. I flipped and flipped and what caught my eye amidst all the tragic news is a letter in the forum about noisy karung guni (pro-enviromentalist guy who goes around collecting rubbish in exchange for a lil token of cash) man. Wait!! Is that the karung-guni man that got to buy a terrace house by just collecting rubbish?!!! >) Apparently this poor soul is so distraught by the noise that they make for hours on end that he decided enough was enough and went to report of the disturbances to the police! They told him to go to the town council and they told him to go back to the POLICE! *muahahahaha* hilarious! cos I kept humming the theme song to Ghostbusters but replacing "Ghost" with "karung-guni". There is no hope for my fellow countrymen. To think that they actually PUBLISHED his letter, I am sure his concerns mirror those around him. Nak ajer gua campak dia pat Myanmar nie skarang. Tengok dia complain tak pasal karung guni *hehe* No books, no lappy to fiddle with so I headed home. The bus ride usually cold turned out to be stifling stuffy. I tried to relax and stare out to the skies but the caffeine and chicken was tossing and churning various thoughts and my body ached to stretch and move it. I couldn't wait to get down. When I did, I was surprised to feel happy. Wasn't I supposed to be depressed? Distraught? Or maybe frustrated about losing a job? Fear was playing hide and seek but the focus was only that I was happy. I didn't want it to merely fleet away so dropped everything in the room and leafed through an old album that bobby saved of our growing up years. A walk down memory lane could help bouy this momentarily. They were the only pictures saved of our childhood and I laughed and savoured each photo as I remembered when, where, how and why they were taken. I looked so much like mama. And i swear Terror 2 has a picture somewhere that looks exactly like bobby when he was 12? That done, bobby and shikino left for their parent's place to help out with the open house and me right here plonked in front of the lappy to finish this.
Bobby was warning me to be very careful with their lappy and not to eat, drink or do anything remotely normal while using their lappy. It is after all...the only connection we have to the internet world at home right now and things borrowed can never have the enjoy the same rules as things owned :) reminds me of how desperate I am to STUFF myself with all that is MINE. And toodle-loo now I just need to email my resume to all that I know before logging off till with more good news! Wish I could put up pics and damn if I don't find proper e-storage for all my pics. Lest they share the same fate as the rest that died with the last 2 pcs *blearrrgh!* well...we'll just have to see won't we? ;)
Stay sane be always brave,
jahatamyemeelea
I knew way back in my 4th week with the company that things do not bode well. Bobby and Shikino were first to jump and tell me to work harder at work, to make things right. After all, I was the one who chose to leave and try it out in this 8 man outfit. Even though Bobby felt that I would have much better success working in a bigger and brand named outfit where teamwork shines and the only heads that will roll in lieu of crisis will be the people on top. :P But I digress, work will be work and all that could happen will happen. For a reason of course. So that was how i was fired last Wednesday, via SMS. I had the terrors over on Monday and Tuesday to make up for the weekend green eyed monster didn't let me see em and on Tuesday night after i sent them back I got caught in the rain. So I had the audacity to take an hour off to go see the doctor on Wednesday morning. I knew she wouldn't like it but well, I should have known better when the ads were out twice under the guise of 'expansion' and the hushed whispers behind my back escalated, and did tell myself, NOT to take the risk but I value my health. As it is, I haven't been well. I had thought that leaving my desk clean and EMPTY of to dos would suffice and putting in more extra effort in being a participant and hounding the rest for more work (i ended up clearing 2 yrs worth of filing) turned its table on me. As they say, when someone hates you....a speck of dirt could just render you totally insignificant. I could analyse and fight it through maybe give her a HUGE piece of my mind but hey...what will it be worth right? I'd rather wait for my pay to be creditted in before I send her that bouquet of flowers and an email to follow. Oh! must make sure I Cc copies to the rest 6 of the staff *weeeEEEeee!*
So anyway, Salaam Eidul Fitri to all!!! The wishes could have come sooner but both pcs at home crashed. I had wanted to fill in from work but *ahems* as you can see from the above, work hasn't been so fantastic. So am using shikino's lappy to work on this *waves* This is the sign to get my own lappy!! *hehe* but wahalau! Am suddenly jobless siak...the terrors especially terror 1 enjoyed raya with me. She finally got her MP3 player and filled it with songs from High School musical (she loves gabrielle) and then a spratly of rock songs (evanescence) to prove that she's still my lil rock chick. She's very much a loner nowadays and I think it's because she's always alone in the afternoons with the other 2 at school. She's already preparing for her PSLE *gahhhhh!* and can speak non-stop about schoolwork and more homework. I should be happy but I rather not have a geeky, afraid of her own shadow terror. She can plonk herself in front of the pc on the internet for a whole day!! Kinda reminds me of myself :p but so far so good, she still enthusiastically participates in our rough tumbles outdoors and indoors. Terror 2 and 3 have each shown peculiarities of their own. Terror 2 eats and eats! I just hope he's not eating due to being the middle child. The type that feels neither here nor there and then gorges on food to fill in the emptiness but I have much hope. He just needs more playtime and activities that could distract him away from tv and food. Terror 3 eats very little and she's goes on overdrive when she has any one's attention. She tries very very hard to fit in somewhere but never could find a niche. Its either they are too old that she can't play along or we are too old *busygossipinglar* to play with her. She usually hangs with the adults and my god her vocab!!! Its a national pastime for us ladies to gossip kan?? So I'm a wee bit worried, what if she becomes just like us old ladies always talking *coughgossipcough* not stopping ;)
i can't pick them up today because terror 1 has exams tomorrow so all of them are at home god knows what they'd be doing. We have many invites but you can guess the level of my enthusiasm :D i went out for breakfast and to see if I can grab a copy of yesterday's news but no such luck. These vendors take their recycling seriously. I wanted to pop by the library but forgot my books! Can't go around asking to borrow ICs so bought weekly farnie sundaytimes to chill. My other hand,was busy peeling oily, crispy and fatty chicken for brunch. I thought KFC's coffee was a tad too light so headed to the hot hot food court at tampines interchange for my coffee-cow fix. It helps too that they have a smoking section! Nosiy and very hot, not recommended but if you needa good fix equal to an espresso, head down and ask for a wee bit more sugar to that extra zing! Of course Strabucks or Coffee Bean would have been nice but right after being FIRED via sms....one has to be very careful with whatever money is left. I flipped and flipped and what caught my eye amidst all the tragic news is a letter in the forum about noisy karung guni (pro-enviromentalist guy who goes around collecting rubbish in exchange for a lil token of cash) man. Wait!! Is that the karung-guni man that got to buy a terrace house by just collecting rubbish?!!! >) Apparently this poor soul is so distraught by the noise that they make for hours on end that he decided enough was enough and went to report of the disturbances to the police! They told him to go to the town council and they told him to go back to the POLICE! *muahahahaha* hilarious! cos I kept humming the theme song to Ghostbusters but replacing "Ghost" with "karung-guni". There is no hope for my fellow countrymen. To think that they actually PUBLISHED his letter, I am sure his concerns mirror those around him. Nak ajer gua campak dia pat Myanmar nie skarang. Tengok dia complain tak pasal karung guni *hehe* No books, no lappy to fiddle with so I headed home. The bus ride usually cold turned out to be stifling stuffy. I tried to relax and stare out to the skies but the caffeine and chicken was tossing and churning various thoughts and my body ached to stretch and move it. I couldn't wait to get down. When I did, I was surprised to feel happy. Wasn't I supposed to be depressed? Distraught? Or maybe frustrated about losing a job? Fear was playing hide and seek but the focus was only that I was happy. I didn't want it to merely fleet away so dropped everything in the room and leafed through an old album that bobby saved of our growing up years. A walk down memory lane could help bouy this momentarily. They were the only pictures saved of our childhood and I laughed and savoured each photo as I remembered when, where, how and why they were taken. I looked so much like mama. And i swear Terror 2 has a picture somewhere that looks exactly like bobby when he was 12? That done, bobby and shikino left for their parent's place to help out with the open house and me right here plonked in front of the lappy to finish this.
Bobby was warning me to be very careful with their lappy and not to eat, drink or do anything remotely normal while using their lappy. It is after all...the only connection we have to the internet world at home right now and things borrowed can never have the enjoy the same rules as things owned :) reminds me of how desperate I am to STUFF myself with all that is MINE. And toodle-loo now I just need to email my resume to all that I know before logging off till with more good news! Wish I could put up pics and damn if I don't find proper e-storage for all my pics. Lest they share the same fate as the rest that died with the last 2 pcs *blearrrgh!* well...we'll just have to see won't we? ;)
Stay sane be always brave,
jahatamyemeelea
"Minta maaf, minta ampun atas segala yang tersurat-tersirat. Kalau tersinggung atau mungkin segelintir dikecewa, aku minta maaf ;) dari seluruh pelusuk zahir dan batinku, moga doa mu menjadi harapan ku juga....Selamat Hari Raya!"
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
here i am...
Rambling again…
I saw the gals for iftar and a trip to sma to check out the degree programme the have there. I kept repeating 20 thousand dollars much the the chagrin of the ladies. There was ms. Mar the young and ambitious librarian. Then there was giggly and very much tickly ms.nadiaH who came JUST in time for ifthar and of course our jaunts will not be complete with ms. Sanee the seriously insane policewoman in disguise as a paper crazy student *mueheheh* who came like at 730pm and saved me from seriously ransacking next door 711 for a blarrdy lighter. Yeaps….yours truly has started her smoking BUT I am very much trying to lay it low. Because yes..after that bout of being seriously ill, we all need to take care of ourselves a wee much better :D we had a lousy and noisy iftar at tong seng just opposite bugis but it was nice to meet up and fire the rage of enthusiasm for higher learning. For all the reasons we all have for taking up the diploma and contemplating the degree programme it was nice to humble oneself and bask in the ideal glory of others. Refreshing to say the least, because suddenly not making sense was serious making a lot of sense.
We all suddenly wondered aloud why each of us is doing the deed. Switching from a diploma programme to a degree is serious major mojo to contend with. Then a sudden epiphany! From current book in bag, “ It would be sane now NOT to be an emperor of one idea; to start from the position that everyone is right from their own point of view; and to take for granted that everyone is more confused than they seem. Havoc is always wrecked in fast cures for confusion. The sane believe that confusion, acknowledged, is a virtue; and that humiliating another person is the worst thing we ever do. Sanity should not be our word for the alternatives to madness; it shoud refer to whatever resources we have to prevent humiliation.” – Adam Phillips, Going Sane. A bit of truth there? Aren’t we all the selfish bastards we are born to be? But hey! We shouldn’t go crazy for wanting and desiring for meaning. Please let’s not bring genetics into this or religion! I am trying to stay coherent here *haha!*
But it was the lingering question of the nazi’s and their past brutality that clinked and d clanked much in my brains. I did read about those Nazi experiemnts. All those senseless and nasty evil ones they did on the jews. What was their motive? Why so extreme?! And so creative some more..but on the whole it was the mental experiments that lasted throuhout history and how it premeated layers upon layers of people and not only of jewish descendants nor of origins. It affected us colelctively and universally, most definitely. I once read, Victor Frank’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning' while doing research on Logos. 'Logos’ is the the greek word for ‘meaning’ and found it very rewarding. It was a gripping account of his time in a Nazi concentration camp and of his fellow prisoners who either devloped a survival mindset or simply gave up on life. Frankl apprecaited the multidimensional nature of humans and while he didn’t deny that biology or conditioning shapes us, he insisted that there is room for free will. We are able to choose to develop certain values or aprituclar course in life, or to retain our dignity in difficult situtations. Excerpts:-“What I term the existential vacuum constitutes a challenge to psychiatry today. Ever more patients complain of a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, which seems to derive from two facts. Unlike an animal, man is not told by instincts what he should do. Often he does not even know what he basically wishes to do. Instead, he either wishes to do what other people do (conformism), or he does what other people wish him to (totalitarism).” So as not to confuse his theory with the existentialsim of Sartre or Camus, Frankl wanted to convince people that life will always have meaning. Even if it is not yet clear what it is. We may not discern or pick on a its meaning in difficult or painful situations until later, when we have grown as a result of what happened. Easier said than done when in this age and time what we all chase after is ‘closure’ the simplicity of having it done and away with. Its over, NADA…KAPISH! But how many of us take the time to think about the courage, the quiet strength of sitting it through. Of bawling ones eyes out and feeling better that you did because you realised that through it all…you are still alive. Each person, he wrote, comes into life with a unique set of potential meanings to fulfill. It is up to us whether we decide to grasp these meanings and accept them, or try to avoid them. There is no ultimate “meaning of life” or why we want to do or have to do. Only individual meanngs of lives of individual people. And boy did I have a headspin while I was sick. But bleak situations don’t necessarily do that. A perfect sunrise could give you the inspiration to hunt for many more. A soft blowing breeze may whet your appetite for the chill of the mountains? Be careful of bears or rather monkeys then. If you are like most Singaporeans and have only encountered animals in the zoo *hehe* so how the hell all this get tied with and into the jews and the nazi’s and concentration camps? Errr….blame it on the trailing effects of the drugs :p but *ahemssss* please do a twirl and ask youself if we are not living in a Nazi camp right now ;)
So even though muddleheaded and very much so disorientated last weekend. The sleep, the rest and okay the drugs helped to bring back a sense of equilibrium that I so desire. The zest is slowly creeping up and although I see no meaning in episodes of humiliation I see and taste at work, I am reminded yet again, how fragile we each hold our lives on tether to. And what for? The concious acceptance of suffering or fate can be transformed into one of our greatest achievements. So the nazi’s….didn’t they have anything better to do than meddle with other people’s minds? Believe it or not but the legacy of the nazi’s tortures are still very much alive. Subtley it has premeated our daily lives in silence and killing every little nuace of free will we have. Any oppressive enviroment will do just that. Kill you softly or gently with much worry about freedom of speech, healthcare and the care of the aged. In midst of the young chasing after paper after paper, our natural compassionate nature to understand and give support without prejudice is slowly but steeply eroding our sense of humanity. So onward we march gals!! There is yet much to acclaim for. Don’t let the numbers or time and critism bog you down. What matters most is that you empower yourself with the tools and stay determined on course to do what every little thing we can to make this life better for everyone. The point of melding what you have with what you want to apply to life is tricky but we will all get to the point soon enough. See you guys for another round of serious and not so serious mental jaunts before class. And be the riot you are! No one cares really :p we have the law on our side *points to ms.sanee* albeit she can be very ham-sup or seriously uncensored for your both very young ears. But that is life….all about preparation darls. We all are going to die but how we will end it ultimately can still be a choice. None but your’s…..errrm…..okay I think I’m a bit off here but we can shove it in more next next Thursday?
Quote biksetan from summer breeze….
::: quand les chiens mordent, quand les abeilles piquent, quand je sens le mauvais.. Remembering stuffs you like & being happy.:::
and while you chew on that; it doesn’t take much to create that meaning yourself….and not if you won’t let me do it for you. Even while I’m sick dammit!!! So I so owe the many many of you! And the amount of conversations lost! First iftar out and I must say, I have missed out on many!! Apologies to aha, nanin and lindot again. and to the many many many others who have tried relentlessly to get me OUT. Sorry guys..it’s a week break and its back to hitting books :) still….InsyaAllah, Eid will bring many other opporturnities. I owe the 3 terrors BIG time for this coming week so we’ll work something out.
*happy thought happy happy thoughts happy thoughts happy happy thoughts*
powwsters – be bothered already! And hope you had a blast getting older.
Minah gebu gua aka lynn maharet – congrats darl!!! May you muntah *vomit* your way to the 2nd trimester and enjoy it *muahahahah*
Wombat & mrs – another pair of soulmates I see and I spy! We’ll celebrate BIG time soonest
Biksetan! - *sings you are my sunshine my only sunshine* oh! Beware of spiders but don’t kill any will you while playing archeologist? :p
Sham – oits!!! Gua rindu lu but as usual, no news is good news just better if we can have another day out aye? Jom kita jalan raya!!!! Gua pegi rumah lu, then kita hike pegi rumah gua :D the boys not to mention the terrors will definitely hate me already after the hike from telok blangah to woodlands….
Hugsy and the missus! – spied you on multiply! And congrats with the incoming! It is a mat or a minah? Pray that both of you well…..
More happy thoughts? Hrmmm……I hope I passed!!!
Stay sane,
jahatamyemeelea
I saw the gals for iftar and a trip to sma to check out the degree programme the have there. I kept repeating 20 thousand dollars much the the chagrin of the ladies. There was ms. Mar the young and ambitious librarian. Then there was giggly and very much tickly ms.nadiaH who came JUST in time for ifthar and of course our jaunts will not be complete with ms. Sanee the seriously insane policewoman in disguise as a paper crazy student *mueheheh* who came like at 730pm and saved me from seriously ransacking next door 711 for a blarrdy lighter. Yeaps….yours truly has started her smoking BUT I am very much trying to lay it low. Because yes..after that bout of being seriously ill, we all need to take care of ourselves a wee much better :D we had a lousy and noisy iftar at tong seng just opposite bugis but it was nice to meet up and fire the rage of enthusiasm for higher learning. For all the reasons we all have for taking up the diploma and contemplating the degree programme it was nice to humble oneself and bask in the ideal glory of others. Refreshing to say the least, because suddenly not making sense was serious making a lot of sense.
We all suddenly wondered aloud why each of us is doing the deed. Switching from a diploma programme to a degree is serious major mojo to contend with. Then a sudden epiphany! From current book in bag, “ It would be sane now NOT to be an emperor of one idea; to start from the position that everyone is right from their own point of view; and to take for granted that everyone is more confused than they seem. Havoc is always wrecked in fast cures for confusion. The sane believe that confusion, acknowledged, is a virtue; and that humiliating another person is the worst thing we ever do. Sanity should not be our word for the alternatives to madness; it shoud refer to whatever resources we have to prevent humiliation.” – Adam Phillips, Going Sane. A bit of truth there? Aren’t we all the selfish bastards we are born to be? But hey! We shouldn’t go crazy for wanting and desiring for meaning. Please let’s not bring genetics into this or religion! I am trying to stay coherent here *haha!*
But it was the lingering question of the nazi’s and their past brutality that clinked and d clanked much in my brains. I did read about those Nazi experiemnts. All those senseless and nasty evil ones they did on the jews. What was their motive? Why so extreme?! And so creative some more..but on the whole it was the mental experiments that lasted throuhout history and how it premeated layers upon layers of people and not only of jewish descendants nor of origins. It affected us colelctively and universally, most definitely. I once read, Victor Frank’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning' while doing research on Logos. 'Logos’ is the the greek word for ‘meaning’ and found it very rewarding. It was a gripping account of his time in a Nazi concentration camp and of his fellow prisoners who either devloped a survival mindset or simply gave up on life. Frankl apprecaited the multidimensional nature of humans and while he didn’t deny that biology or conditioning shapes us, he insisted that there is room for free will. We are able to choose to develop certain values or aprituclar course in life, or to retain our dignity in difficult situtations. Excerpts:-“What I term the existential vacuum constitutes a challenge to psychiatry today. Ever more patients complain of a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, which seems to derive from two facts. Unlike an animal, man is not told by instincts what he should do. Often he does not even know what he basically wishes to do. Instead, he either wishes to do what other people do (conformism), or he does what other people wish him to (totalitarism).” So as not to confuse his theory with the existentialsim of Sartre or Camus, Frankl wanted to convince people that life will always have meaning. Even if it is not yet clear what it is. We may not discern or pick on a its meaning in difficult or painful situations until later, when we have grown as a result of what happened. Easier said than done when in this age and time what we all chase after is ‘closure’ the simplicity of having it done and away with. Its over, NADA…KAPISH! But how many of us take the time to think about the courage, the quiet strength of sitting it through. Of bawling ones eyes out and feeling better that you did because you realised that through it all…you are still alive. Each person, he wrote, comes into life with a unique set of potential meanings to fulfill. It is up to us whether we decide to grasp these meanings and accept them, or try to avoid them. There is no ultimate “meaning of life” or why we want to do or have to do. Only individual meanngs of lives of individual people. And boy did I have a headspin while I was sick. But bleak situations don’t necessarily do that. A perfect sunrise could give you the inspiration to hunt for many more. A soft blowing breeze may whet your appetite for the chill of the mountains? Be careful of bears or rather monkeys then. If you are like most Singaporeans and have only encountered animals in the zoo *hehe* so how the hell all this get tied with and into the jews and the nazi’s and concentration camps? Errr….blame it on the trailing effects of the drugs :p but *ahemssss* please do a twirl and ask youself if we are not living in a Nazi camp right now ;)
So even though muddleheaded and very much so disorientated last weekend. The sleep, the rest and okay the drugs helped to bring back a sense of equilibrium that I so desire. The zest is slowly creeping up and although I see no meaning in episodes of humiliation I see and taste at work, I am reminded yet again, how fragile we each hold our lives on tether to. And what for? The concious acceptance of suffering or fate can be transformed into one of our greatest achievements. So the nazi’s….didn’t they have anything better to do than meddle with other people’s minds? Believe it or not but the legacy of the nazi’s tortures are still very much alive. Subtley it has premeated our daily lives in silence and killing every little nuace of free will we have. Any oppressive enviroment will do just that. Kill you softly or gently with much worry about freedom of speech, healthcare and the care of the aged. In midst of the young chasing after paper after paper, our natural compassionate nature to understand and give support without prejudice is slowly but steeply eroding our sense of humanity. So onward we march gals!! There is yet much to acclaim for. Don’t let the numbers or time and critism bog you down. What matters most is that you empower yourself with the tools and stay determined on course to do what every little thing we can to make this life better for everyone. The point of melding what you have with what you want to apply to life is tricky but we will all get to the point soon enough. See you guys for another round of serious and not so serious mental jaunts before class. And be the riot you are! No one cares really :p we have the law on our side *points to ms.sanee* albeit she can be very ham-sup or seriously uncensored for your both very young ears. But that is life….all about preparation darls. We all are going to die but how we will end it ultimately can still be a choice. None but your’s…..errrm…..okay I think I’m a bit off here but we can shove it in more next next Thursday?
Quote biksetan from summer breeze….
::: quand les chiens mordent, quand les abeilles piquent, quand je sens le mauvais.. Remembering stuffs you like & being happy.:::
and while you chew on that; it doesn’t take much to create that meaning yourself….and not if you won’t let me do it for you. Even while I’m sick dammit!!! So I so owe the many many of you! And the amount of conversations lost! First iftar out and I must say, I have missed out on many!! Apologies to aha, nanin and lindot again. and to the many many many others who have tried relentlessly to get me OUT. Sorry guys..it’s a week break and its back to hitting books :) still….InsyaAllah, Eid will bring many other opporturnities. I owe the 3 terrors BIG time for this coming week so we’ll work something out.
*happy thought happy happy thoughts happy thoughts happy happy thoughts*
powwsters – be bothered already! And hope you had a blast getting older.
Minah gebu gua aka lynn maharet – congrats darl!!! May you muntah *vomit* your way to the 2nd trimester and enjoy it *muahahahah*
Wombat & mrs – another pair of soulmates I see and I spy! We’ll celebrate BIG time soonest
Biksetan! - *sings you are my sunshine my only sunshine* oh! Beware of spiders but don’t kill any will you while playing archeologist? :p
Sham – oits!!! Gua rindu lu but as usual, no news is good news just better if we can have another day out aye? Jom kita jalan raya!!!! Gua pegi rumah lu, then kita hike pegi rumah gua :D the boys not to mention the terrors will definitely hate me already after the hike from telok blangah to woodlands….
Hugsy and the missus! – spied you on multiply! And congrats with the incoming! It is a mat or a minah? Pray that both of you well…..
More happy thoughts? Hrmmm……I hope I passed!!!
Stay sane,
jahatamyemeelea
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
