posh, average 25 and everything nice...

as it happens when one has gone through a near death experience or something traumatic, they will do their damnest to feel alive at every opportunity. we plunge ourselves into the most adrenaline pumping experience we could think of even if it was just another round of futsal or a movie u slept through. hoping that somehow you could get your heart beating again.

distractions after distractions and there i was late for practice and we all had to hop into a cab to make sure coach would not be vomiting blood while we all strolled in late for the now extended run he had already warned us from last year. most of the gals were there today and the excitement built up to a near suicidal mission as we each contemplated the time it will take for each of us to complete the course. i never ran or been to bedok reservoir before. passing it at night through drives taken alongside the park, it has always given me goosebumps. today as we crossed the street, the water rippling gently in the breeze that was picking up and the leaves doing its joy of dance in shimmery greens, the serenity of it all gave me the encouragement i needed to pump just the right amount of adrenaline i craved.

the gals laughed alongside me and our coach announced that some of the gals have already started on their run. i grunted and then went o pick on my shoes and tried to stretch. i didn't want to die out of breath and i thought of all the late nights i have been keeping. "are you going to die later?" steph asked me. "yes" was my obvious answer. all around they giggled and we headed straight to the track to start. i had my new spanking g shock that i bought for training but decided against timing my run today. i told myself i needed to do it slow, ease out the tension i felt instead of trying to shock myself with a heart attack of sorts. beds ran alongside me and we talked about family stuff. beds was easy to talk to and her voice soothing which made running a lot easier. fun even.

of course i was LAST *muehehehe* but i had the privilege of kidd and lina to be late so they were running behind me. we had to wait for them. as i ran in to finish, this time yan beside me pushing me to the limit; she ran back to see if i had truly passed out hehe, so sweet! the cheers from the gals already resting up ahead instantly made me run faster. my heart felt like it could have broken my ribcage though. the compliments poured in and i reveled in them. hah! posh spice *smirk* lina and kidd came in just shy of the few minutes since i had arrived. my panting hasn't even slowed down. we picked up our bags and headed towards school.

we had a new physical instructor and we had to do circuits. the gals grumbled and complained but we all did great. i feigned unfit today but yet i just had to finish up because the shot i needed wasn't felt acutely. i wanted it to really render me helpless this time as i reminded myself to breathe and in between gulps of water. it finally came after situps and i excused myself to merlion in the toilet. the pitch was moving beneath me after that and it was another round of kicking and practice heading. i felt better in a weird sort of way and finally my head eased to be free of everything else espescially thoughts of eventful friday.

i didn't know why i said what i said but then it is all past now. turning another year older filled my head instead and of course another trip planned to escape. before that, celebrations! and i thought of what to wear. how droll and so frivolous. yet, another day passed and i was still alive. maybe reading the whole twilight series in a week and now having fantasies of being bella the torn heroine inspired me somehow. she made me realise that being practical and cautious was the way to move on ahead. a dash of extremity here and there, never losing the tenacity to surrender to ones feelings without regrets eventually made bella very happy. in her own dead way haha :) what were the odds anyway of finally getting all that you dreamed of when your goals were once thought impossible and unattainable *sigh* note to self....its time to switch to the real world and back to reality hehe..NO MORE ROMANCE TILL I FINISH 'The Origins and History of the Consciousness' by Erich Neumann ;)

yet again......reattunement was the key.

stay sane,
amyemeelea

ps: love never always come in convenient packages *kishforhead*

Better late than never..

And rolls in a scatter of words to usher in the new year. Hello 2009!
Novel did not materialize; it went the way of my assignments hehe. And terrors will be terrors as in they are just fine. Work is never ending till 530pm and this time *ahems* I am keeping it that way. Bobby is stuck with me, that’s year 3 in putting up with me :p I just hope shikino can bear with the madness of me and all for another wee longer. In summation, 2008 was a success and so shall 2009. Although I will really hate it if it turns out to be a mirror image or nightmare of all nightmares….exactly the same! *gasp* although I am fairly confident that, THAT can never happen UNLESS I am stuck in the twilight zone *cue music*

Curiously, the thing that stuck with me most alarmingly was the reluctance of my resolutions to resolute! It came and went and ebbed into my consciousness’ and by midnight when it should be me staring into the bold words of my new year’s sort of bucket list, I found myself looking directly into the eyes of love instead. So as you can tell, all matter and manner of order obliterated into chaos; worst!!! It’s all wrapped in enigma *not enema* I had very much wanted to force it out! But another exclamation brought me to another standstill. In hushed tones I was told that resolutions splayed in open will not come true hence this originator did not even want a single speck of his being known. I thought it was novel! And since I have never tried to keep mum about mine, this year mine too shall be cloaked in shrouds of silence. Who knows, maybe this year ALL of them will come true woohoo!

Still, it will not be fair if I were to keep mum about the highs in celebration of course. And it is not justice unless I could recapitulate my lows in reflection. I managed to travel once on an airplane and another on a boat ride before ending my jaunts with a long bus ride. I want to list the books acquired for 2008 but that would be too many of highs to note. Then of course my pride swelled to its peak when ALL the terrors are now officially able to operate the internet more effectively. Meaning that they ALL know how to chat on msn and the operative word here being also ‘email’ *rubs hands in glee* I want to say I officially graduated! But my results were dismal and we all know why. I still think of lalaLove as a success but then my miniscule partaking of DMU’s launch has proved to be much of value in returns. I got confirmed at work after the longest 6 months probation only to be severely reprimanded a bit later for ‘performance not up to standard’ *glares* and then of course there is S-O-C-C-E-R. Or rather what started as just futsal kick about every sunday has made me the official honorary social in charge of the Marine Parade Women’s Soccer Team. I bet Mew would have been a more suitable candidate. And how can I forget my on wanderlust jaunts with muses of all muses *hugsbiks* which are sporadic then always so so memorable! The pc got busted but I finally got my laptop!!!! *hyperventilate* but it has yet churned out more results I so desire *prrft* my road warrior aspirations made me realize maybe I am destined to be asphalt goop instead. Then there is the unforgettable, i-lost-my-handphone fiasco which lead into my possession my new spanking e71! Last but not least, I cut my hair! Sad but true, my saving grace is that I could still headbang muahahaha…

…”on time past and time future contained in time present…” I give you it’s all in full glory. May it inspire you as it did for me to stop looking back and forth for some kind of absolution or to scour at its most telling to perform abscission of the rotting and toxic ‘time’. Brings new dimensions to ‘forgive and forget’ aye? ;)

“Time present and time past
Are both perhaps present in time future,
And time future contained in time past.
If all time is eternally present
All time is unredeemable.
What might have been is an abstraction
Remaining a perpetual possibility
Only in a world of speculation.
What might have been and what has been
Point to one end, which is always present.
Footfalls echo in the memory
Down the passage which we did not take
Towards the door we never opened
Into the rose-garden. My words echo
Thus, in your mind.

.............

Time past and time future
Allow but a little consciousness.
To be conscious is not to be in time
But only in time can the moment in the rose-garden,
The moment in the arbour where the rain beat,
The moment in the draughty church at smokefall
Be remembered; involved with past and future.
Only through time time is conquered.”

~~ From Burnt Norton (1936) by Thomas Stearns ELIOT (1888-1965)

To all, Salam Maal Hijrah! And of course toast to a fantabulous new year ahead if not already.

Stay sane,
Jahatamyemeelea & the 3 terrors