fire my imagination...

wouldn't it be great if you could be someone who could fire another's imagination? imagine how sexy it would make you feel when that someone whispered, "you're my fire of imagination". then add, "which will never die".....:P

then imagine the opposite. not being the fire of someone's imagination. it could be equal to having very bad imaginations! you are the fire of thier imagination but imagine yang bukan-bukan! i mean, everytime they think of you they imagine... you're trying to hurt them or break thier heart and somehow it all makes sense even when the reality is just probably as simple as buying cheesecake as a surprise. doesn't it fell sucky? *bleargh* puts a full stop to almost anything for me. must be this very needy side of me. the one that always craves for attention and wish for a little bit of romantic-Ism everyday hehe.

*dehem* i can't really be sure now if i want to be anyone's anything *pout* don't think just do! or don't do till you think enough? its just a subtle distinction between that 2 but how many of us are sensitive enough to spot and feel the difference?

and sometimes i just wish these eyelids will close at will.....

stay sane,
amyemeelea

school visit...

so i signed up for this school visit to buangkok green medical park or used to be formerly known as woodbridge mental hospital. we were treated to a tour and a short intro talk on the history of the institute and a sexy clinical psychologist asked us why we wanted to join the profession.

the place was HUGE! and i really mean HUGE!! they've recently (march 2005) opened the 'sayang wellness center' and it caters to the rich and crazy hehe. then they showed us slides of long term patients and the wards THEY stay. the stark difference between these two will have to be the amount of beds they have for these classes. the c ward compared to the a ward has a total difference of 46 beds between them. yeap.....its 46 beds between them! my jaws drop literally. so anyway, stats show that we are not only going to have more older people in singapore over the next few years but more people will have tendencies to fall into depression, stress and ultimately go crazy more sooner. and the scary part is that i spied more than half the class smiling! what's so good about those stats?!! ;P but yeah you know, i know and everybody pretends not to know what we all already know.

and i met many intresting new characters in my course of studies! there's a girl of 24 years old and she spent the last 4 years in the army as a combat signaller and quit due to severe depression. then there's the baby of the group, another girl of 18 and a barperson at sebastian's and she hopes to do her masters and practice overseas then later come back to singapore when the integrated resorts get built, up and running (go figure) and then i also had the pleasure of getting to know another guy who recently quit his 3rd year at NUS to pursue psychology in hopes that he can emulate adam khoo (got his millionaire at age 26 teaching neuro linguistic programming) his current idol *phew*

repression is different from regression but both is equally painful. later today i will sit for my first exam *gulP* and i'm trying to put my heart and head together so that i will be able to breathe better. the day so far sucks save for memory specks of intense stimulation and i can't wait to find a solution for my anxiety attacks *breathesintobag*

till then stay sane,
amyemeelea

ps: happy beshday burstday powwsters!!

lessons..

i dropped the kids off last night but it wasnt a pleasant ending for my hansome prince. he was his pouty, sulky and helplessly drowned in selfless egocentric trip; all of it at four and half years old. i just had to smack his left hand when he used it to give terror 1 a good sock in her right eye. maybe i hit too hard? :s anyway....i felt very, very guilty and my heart cracked open a lil bit more to bleed unprofessed love, all too oblivious for my handsome prince to see hence understand that mama was just being 'mama' :) true....i don't get to see you everyday unlike most mamas and yes....i think i am pretty eccentric but FUNNY too!!! if you choose to remember all those happy family scenes we still have. the kisses, the cuddles, the drawing-on-pne-wall only policy and our nightly ritual of doas and stories. my only wish is you'd remember me simply as mama amy :) and to continue to 'hope' for me till you breath your last breathe. how could i ask for anything more when He has given me everything i could and would wish for when i already have YOU. and this is for the other two princesses too when i say, "if there was such a thing as unconditional love at this time of unthinkable and trying times ...i wish for all of you to remember and SING! Abang Barney's gay (as in happy) love song (yes...you know the one) and think of US".

"i love you, you love me

we are happy family

with a great big hug

and a kiss from me to you

i love you, you love me

TOO!"

stay sane,
amyemeelea

unconditional love?

for someone seeking for balance, the need to give and receive something so extreme is mind boggling. contradicting values...sense of morality depicts a tortured soul never at peace, not at rest..looking for perfection when it is already right here and now under our noses.

been busy at work (got caught surfing again by BIG boss this time!) and school. whatever little time i get to myself i spent it all on making the frayed ends of my poor poor braincells to rest. vitamins b and c is good for you and trying again not to relapse and start smoking again. nope, i haven't totally quit :P but hopefully i'd be able to keep on keeping these itchy fingers from reaching into my purse to buy a pack!

will be back soon to write and share with you guys stuff ;) and finally, just finally i have found my answers to the truth about altruism!!! :D

stay sane,
amyemeelea

the reason..

"All that remained was the scientific specialist, who knew "more and more about less and less", and the philosophical speculator, who knew less and less about more and more. The specialist put on blinders in order to shut out from his vision all the world but one little spot, to which he glued his nose. Perspective was lost. "Facts" replaced understanding; and knowledge, split into a thousand isolated fragments, no longer generated wisdom. Every science, and every branch of philosophy, developed a technical terminology intelligible only to its exclusive devotees; as men learned more about the world, they found themselves ever less capable of expressing to their educated fellow-men what it was that they had learned. The gap between life and knowledge grew wider and wider; those who governed could not understand those who thought, and those who wanted to know could not understand those who knew. In the midst of unprecedented learning popular ignorance flourished, and chose its exemplars to rule the great cities of the world; in the midst of sciences endowed and enthroned as never before, new religions were born every day, and old superstitions recaptured the ground they had lost. The common man found himself forced to choose between a scientific priesthood mumbling unintelligible pessimism, and a theological priesthood mumbling incredible hopes.

... For if knowledge becomes too great for communication it would degenerate into scholasticism, and the weak acceptance of authority; mankind would slip into a new age of faith, worshipping at a respectful distance its new priests, and civilization, which had hoped to raise itself upon education disseminated far and wide, would be left precariously based upon a technical erudition that had become the monopoly of an esoteric class monastically isolated from the world by the high birth rate of terminology...

.... Let us not, then, be ashamed of teaching the people. Those jealous ones who would guard their knowledge from the world have only themselves to blame if their exclusiveness and their barbarous terminology have led the world to seek in books, in lectures, and in adult education, the instruction which they themselves have failed to give. Let them be grateful that their halting efforts are aided by amateurs who love life enough to let it humanize their teaching."

- Will Durant, preface to the 2nd ed, Story of Philosophy

i spoke to my bro just last week and he asked me about school ;) i of course went on a spiel and yapped non stop for maybe 30 mins hehe before ending with a desperate i-need-help for assignments pleas. he, of course laughed at them and it distinctly sounded maniacally gleeful (dun ask me to mimic it pls) and said i should ask shikino to help me (tolak balak) and shikino (his wifey) smsed this morning and agreed to help tutor me!! *yeay* yes! i now have the 2 brainiacs to help me mueheheheh...

*eyesglazeddejavu*

We're just a year apart you see and once we had to 'coincidently' sit for o'levels in the same year together :p it was late evening and i think it was my day off from work and we decided to study together (more of a show for my dad i think! or was it the exams the next day?? :P) and so we sat on the dining table (bo, i can't remember how the table looks like :( ) to work on our 10 year series. it started off fine and i was happy that we were doing something that made our dad very happy and of course we scored major points that is until i looked through my e-math 10 year series questions and started to cry. i tried to laugh my tears away but it got worst and i started bawling! it was a mess of snorts cum giggles, mixed with a wee bit of tears and snot and then i did the pulling-out-my-hair sequence, going into spasms and slump over book scene; much to the amusement and astonishment of my said bro.

me: ahahahha *sobchoke* ahahawaaaaaaah~ *sobsobsniff*

bobby: eh?! *tryingveryhardtolookshocked* what's wrong with you? da giler ker?

me: aku tak tau buat ah benda nie!! *panicdistressedcrazy*

bobby: aper jer! kena belajar abeh nangis *manicgleefullaugh*

me: *sobers* :P~ panic wot!

eversince then he never passed over an opporturnity to relate that incident to anyone! so i learnt (yeah right) to never wait till the last minute to study for exams, and i still don't understand how my bro could sail pass o'levels and actually score distinctions just by squatting and rolling about his bed studying just before exams (tak fair!!). i tried but didn't work bah! and we share like the same genes!!

well, thank you shikinbo for the much needed support and the inspiration (memories too! haha) both of you provided. may the optimist in me prevail and i'd be able to get past writting argumentatively and understand the theories bla bla cconcepts bla bla AND most importantly able to form resolutions in prefect grammar lar aper kejadah lar ehk...*poohkananpoohkiri* and i promise not to quote p. ramlee in my essays :D

stay sane,

amyemeelea