juno holidays

the terrors finally got a break and i will be picking them up after work tomorrow. i lost my phone again,yes NIFTYYYYYY! gahhhhhh so i'm really wishing for no glitches. how the hell are they going to call me? YET AGAIN...tsk tssssK.

yeaps, late movie nights, long walks and endless conversations are what i'm looking forward to and i know i'll have to choose between NOT letting the kids do what they want and they end up hating you but i really have to figure the part where i let them do things that they'll regret later :(

wise i want to be but clueless i am.

as a parent i believe i have the experience, i have what it takes to guide the kids. i so want to set the correct example but yet, i make mistakes too. like losing my phone when i had all the intention to KEEP it by my side all the times. take care of it and be responsible and all. what do i do? end up losing it for the umpteenth time. what was my reason? why did i fail in such a simple task? can i ever be a good role model for my kids??

sheesh~ some mom i am..not taking care if i wear matching underwear or any underwear even *hurhurhur* and the fact that i enjoy my smokes. my freedom to never have a day set out for laundry and eat only when you're hungry rule makes me a misfit mum. not to mention, i won't blink a eye if they roll about in mud, go to a rock concert and generally misbehave. i'll nag though and make sure the kids are never rude to anyone. do not steal, never lie and thou shall not kill unless in self defence *cough*

i wonder why the kids even love me or sometimes i know why they don't miss me. they don't call, they hardly have a routine to ask if i'm alive. makes me wonder if i'll ever get it right what it means to be a mom right?

wrong....because i was brought up to mind and make sure i leave nothing to chance. depend on anything but myself to get by. and so thats how i'm going to raise my kids. make mistakes, wander and ponder knowing that i'll always back you up and love you to bits. life is never about regrets, well sometimes but to always believe in greater good. the journey never ends and destinies never met. we love, we hate and we end up somewhere never just anywhere without willing ourselves to find meaning in all that we think and do.

much of a mouthful and even more so a headache to run through it all in my head. but i know, the terrors will have fun and know love. as how i'll show and tell in all my honesty. be rsponsible for all your actions and never back down a dare. espescially from yourself. and the rest....leave it to faith.

have faith, never falter.

well terrors, mama's ready for the rumble ahead. i'll jump up with joy, shout my excitements and never leave a moment unturned. to hell with the skeptics and being safe. you're never going to be a fighter or a lover if you don't or won't take risks.

i'll be here. i promise. and when i don't or can't (being morbid) never i won't...know that your mama never fit but i never quit.

:D

see you soonest!

stay sane,
emeelea

ps: its been a long time since we played in the rain and panadol works! or maybe its about time i tell you exactly what skinny dipping means >D

ave atque vale

its been interesting to watch the reactions i get after i installed the 'who isn't my friend' application on facebook. it wasn't a spam and fairly works well. useful especially to track friends who changed their names on facebook and *evilgrin* nice to know whose been cleaning up their friends list too hehehehe...

one time i had this ex schoolmate add me back again the very next day when others commented on her deleting me. she was having an affair with another friend of ours but in unfavourable light because technically she's still married. they asked why the hell would i get deleted since i've never say nay or aye about the whole fiasco. err..maybe in confidence but since she's way of the 6th degree anyway, our mere mention and discussion was purely for self-reflection.

then my housemate as well did the deed and cut me off the page. he was angry at something random..like i was totally dissing him with smart comebacks on his status updates. it was fun for a while but i knew that it ticked him off so i stopped. needless to say after a few days i was back on as a friend. BUT, nothing was the same agian between us at home. i try as much as i can to ignore him. since he's sensitive anyway :p

a few of my workmates have barred me from their wall. that was when i clumsily pointed out their blatant work skiving moments. AS IF i wasn't guilty too!!! but i saw the logic of that and blocked them from my wall updates. i just learnt that about 90% of my colleagues do not genuinely want to be friends. its purely work so hell yes, i'm okay with that too. its a highly competitive (read fake) environment property management. everyone thinks they are better than the next guy and we are work at different sites :p azrullah, a workmate will be quiting in a few months, he couldn't stand the environment he said. too much work stress where even during bonding time (fully funded by company) we'd all speak, talk about work anyway. i totally get him. unlike the last company i worked for. when we dine and during parties, its informal and we do enjoy ourselves.

a few friends i hold very dear to myself too have did that. we are still friends but i get it they do not want to share their wall with me. well, point taken. i just reach out to them in other ways. on msn, via emails and calls. and slowly, my family, mostly my nieces and cousins are blocking and deleting me from their pages too. thankfully, my nephew in states didn't decide to cut me off because it was through his updates that i got the hints that my sister has been terribly sick :(

well, the terrors used to be active on facebook until thier dad and stepmum came onboard. terror 2 had to create another account just so he can add his dad and i had to block completely the green-eyed monsters because the terrors said they have been spying and hate it when it becomes conversation topics. i tell the kids the same thing i tell myself, if it bugs you much do something about it but facebook is generally about connecting. allabout communication so you have to be smart about it.

i learnt much about myself through my interactions online as much as i do offline. sometimes it sucks but more often than not its been an awesome experience. way before it was guapunya.com, then mric before i tested out frenster! all those have since long faded into the past. now at present is my love hate relationship with facebook *sigh*

of course, kama sends me nice long updates via facebook now while he's in paris. so, its here to stay for awhile more hehehehehehe...

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: to sha~ was it me liking your bikini photos? did you really think i'd be such the tattle tale and tell your mum? TSSSK...slightly annoyed but its okay. we all need the privacy we crave and entitled to.

its the rain..

angry loud knocks today woke me up and i completely forgot i had a date in batam. it was raining hard and so shiok was my bed. i figured if it was anyone of the guys, they would have called my mobile if they were stuck without their keys. i never found out who it was because by the time i got to the door there wasn't anyone. i felt quite scared actually and funny that neither dito or gail heard the knocks.

spent the day reading and then cooked dinner. watched teevee and logged off with a salute to the besties. i got teary when i saw photos from yesterdys footie birthday bash for aqil who turned 7. i was the guest referee haha for the boys and games marshall. of course, i was missing the terrors too. it was madagascar the animated movie and the lines reminded me of the kids. espescially the part when alex when "boo~!" hehehehe...terror one likes to say that :D

then kama called to tell me about his adventures in paris. its expensive to call but he does it anyway to check on my shoe size :p ahh...absence does make the heart grow fonder.nuff said already *zippinit*

while munching on dinner i also watched this reality show where where top bosses (COOs, CEOSand the likes) go undercover and do a little spy workon their employees. it piqued curious nature so i watched as this COO of a horse racing company work a day in entry level jobs in company. he turned up as a guy doing a documentary on entry level jobs. so for a week he traded his ties and suits to learn about working as a horse trainer, a cleaner doing the night shift and then also a jockey valet. its was funny when he was described as too slow and aslo teased about not making it by his colleagues. he noted that it was hard workand theseemployees stay on and slug it out for more than just to put food on the table.

most touching part where i cried was when he was learning the ropes to be a valet and had to keep trackof the races reading of the list on a clipboard. it was taking the laundry, polishing boots and then cheering on the jockeys kinda list. then all the while on the clip there was a photo of a young girl on the clip board. mr COO didn't ask who the girl was until at the end of the day the former jocket turned valet told him that it was a picture of his 20 year old daughter who died of a heart complication. he keeps her photo to remind himof her love for horses and dream to be a jockey but died without fufilling her wishes. he said she's his angel now and i bet he had dreams about becoming her valet.

mr. coo then later realised that he was so caught up about the job and was looking at the clipboard all the time without realising that the photo also said, in memorium and listed her birth and death dates. mr. COO regretted very much he didn't notice that something personal about the person he was working with. i obviously by then had snot dripping from my nose.

the show ended on happy notes. all of them received something in return for their show of kindness. the trainer got new stalls for more horses. the front office girl got transferred to marketing to learn the ropes and then the cleaning lady got a raise. ultimate was the valet guy who got a race day named in her memory. the lucky guy will get to award the champion trophy to the race champion *sniff*

so yeah~ my teevee session was sweet.

stay sane,
j.amyemeelea

ps: i want my kitty pelok back soon.