juno holidays

the terrors finally got a break and i will be picking them up after work tomorrow. i lost my phone again,yes NIFTYYYYYY! gahhhhhh so i'm really wishing for no glitches. how the hell are they going to call me? YET AGAIN...tsk tssssK.

yeaps, late movie nights, long walks and endless conversations are what i'm looking forward to and i know i'll have to choose between NOT letting the kids do what they want and they end up hating you but i really have to figure the part where i let them do things that they'll regret later :(

wise i want to be but clueless i am.

as a parent i believe i have the experience, i have what it takes to guide the kids. i so want to set the correct example but yet, i make mistakes too. like losing my phone when i had all the intention to KEEP it by my side all the times. take care of it and be responsible and all. what do i do? end up losing it for the umpteenth time. what was my reason? why did i fail in such a simple task? can i ever be a good role model for my kids??

sheesh~ some mom i am..not taking care if i wear matching underwear or any underwear even *hurhurhur* and the fact that i enjoy my smokes. my freedom to never have a day set out for laundry and eat only when you're hungry rule makes me a misfit mum. not to mention, i won't blink a eye if they roll about in mud, go to a rock concert and generally misbehave. i'll nag though and make sure the kids are never rude to anyone. do not steal, never lie and thou shall not kill unless in self defence *cough*

i wonder why the kids even love me or sometimes i know why they don't miss me. they don't call, they hardly have a routine to ask if i'm alive. makes me wonder if i'll ever get it right what it means to be a mom right?

wrong....because i was brought up to mind and make sure i leave nothing to chance. depend on anything but myself to get by. and so thats how i'm going to raise my kids. make mistakes, wander and ponder knowing that i'll always back you up and love you to bits. life is never about regrets, well sometimes but to always believe in greater good. the journey never ends and destinies never met. we love, we hate and we end up somewhere never just anywhere without willing ourselves to find meaning in all that we think and do.

much of a mouthful and even more so a headache to run through it all in my head. but i know, the terrors will have fun and know love. as how i'll show and tell in all my honesty. be rsponsible for all your actions and never back down a dare. espescially from yourself. and the rest....leave it to faith.

have faith, never falter.

well terrors, mama's ready for the rumble ahead. i'll jump up with joy, shout my excitements and never leave a moment unturned. to hell with the skeptics and being safe. you're never going to be a fighter or a lover if you don't or won't take risks.

i'll be here. i promise. and when i don't or can't (being morbid) never i won't...know that your mama never fit but i never quit.

:D

see you soonest!

stay sane,
emeelea

ps: its been a long time since we played in the rain and panadol works! or maybe its about time i tell you exactly what skinny dipping means >D