found!

i found this very intresting blog, presumbly a singaporean studying? working in kuala lumpur, malaysia. and the most best-est thing about this blog is that is written in malay (quite good) and each entry begins with a psychology theory then the writter (blogger ah?) goes into a story spin. very much like those 'cerpens' or short stories you get to read (when you bother to) in newspapers, magazine (eg reader's digest :P) or a skinny paperback locally published and stuck hidden from view on the shelves till you're forced to read something (school, boredom....ignorance at gunpoint!).

i remembered nyce challenged me to write a full entry in malay (think i mentioned this before..sudden dejavu) and never had the guts to *yet* hehe. random scribbles aside, i haven't written, thought or spoken in fluent malay for a very long time! i used to have so much passion for the language. yeap, i was one of those geeks that loved my 'deklamasi sajak' sessions or poetry recitations and stayed, hung around whenever there was one (very 80's lar i know). the rousing emotions it raised, the pounding consonants and the ringing urgency.....the shrill thrill of going up there (anywhere) and spilling your guts out with so much feel that sometimes you can actually 'forget' the lines which you have learnt so hard. mohd latif mohd, suratman markasan....*bleah* names dwindle away from this faltering memory due to old age *haha!* but i was lucky to have met azizfakir who taught me the beauty of language. i have always liked reading but my accidental foray into elocution, debating, poetry recitations, dance, acting, directing and generally having the time of my life was only because i was most talkative in class and those who know will agree i might have swallowed a microphone when very young (no need to learn voice projection *beams*) so my teachers sorta always volunteered me into participating those deemed doomed (deemed doom cos nobody wants to participate one lah) ECAs. viva la indra kirana!! sweet sweet memories *dehem!*

well back to this guy nizam zakaria of nizamzakaria.diaryland.com, he's pretty good and creatively uses his 'personal space' to the max! go check him out okay then we can try hold a proper conversation in malay one of these days (i see many going 'gah!!!!!") or relive those orbit malay/english ldds days *muahahahahahaha*

quoted from nizamzakaria;
"bakat hanya boleh dipupuk dalam pengasingan" *suuuuuUweeeet*

stay sane,
amyemeelea

first day at school..

i was there at school by 7pm last night and it is definately the best feeling in the world to be able to feel like a student again! (otey so i know this feeling will not last :P) i got my student card *hehe* and 'scanned' myself into class *smirk* taking seat second row from the whiteboard *lepak* in my head i was chanting 'latebloomers' over and over again to keep me from hyperventilating. that was how jumpy i was for class yesterday.

*inbeiklinadmode* class was good..i like it and am definately going back again tonight :P on a serious mode. i did a lot of scribbling while out of action and thought i could share with you guys snatches of it :)

hitam kepulan darah bergelumang aku dalam kesal

berputar dunia tanpa walaupun sedikit cahaya nur iman

rintihan belas kasihan berbalas-balas tiada yang menyahut

aku terkapai mencari pegangan dalam meraung bebinggungan

resah dan batinku pilu dalam kesedaran

dalam celik tak dapat jiwaku nafikan tanpa

cahaya nur menjadi pengajaran duniaku akan tetap berulang

berputar gelap dalam kesedihan

tiada yang dapatku ulang menahan kesakitan tapi

ku pohon belas kasihan

tiap titik darah hitam mengalir aku kembali mengerti

balasan sekecil resah dan tumpahan darah mengalir

tidak akan bisa setimpal mengubati kegelapan yang aku akan alami

hangat pelukkan nur iman aku dahagakan

mungkinkah dapat aku merasakan panas pelukkan itu

atau nanti sejuk gumpalan daging mati menjadi hati

so there! i cant't translate it directly to english *yet* but now that's OFF my chest :P~ *heh*

stay sane,

amyemeelea

The thing about those black clouds…

Pessimism. As much as I hate (otey..dislike) pessimists, I think there’s something about being down and in the rut that makes you go reach for higher, further beyond the yonder to quit being in the rut and you end up soaring like a bird! Yes, everything else is or would always be a vicious cycle, like endless relationship problems hehe or that hateful *coughdislikecough* person you keep bumping into every now and then. It would begin creeping up your leg (mine does) first and slowly tingle by the back spine, stop and burn your heart for awhile before exploding in your brains into many a million little tiny light bulbs that flash so brightly that sometimes I shed tears *sniff* and we all know tears (especially with girls) can be induced by almost everything and anything. And mine just has to come from pessimism! They make an appearance almost always to show the feelings and emotions we all feel at that moment and usually misinterpreted too *pout* Its always together there when you’re happy, sad, angry, frustrated, melancholic, dreamy, grateful, remorseful this view called pessimism. And how I wish I could have the window to that particular view of those black clouds closed! *yeahright* And then probably I won’t waste so much damn tears and maybe just maybe will be able to see the silver lining that lines every cloud : ) black or white!

I realize how powerful our feelings are and how we are capable of changing the course of our destiny if only we could be able to seek that balance or push the extremes into our favour recently and the concept isn’t even new. It took a visit, a chat on msn, a phonecall and being shut out (hopefully momentarily) to make me realize what I wuss I have been to have wasted so much of those tears for nothing *hmmph* everything that has a function should be used to achieve its optimum charge and in this case I must find a way to tame me creepy crawlies pessimism so that I wont cry myself blind and not see those silver linings ;)

Heart to those whose still smiling and salut to those who has managed to always see that silver lining in every cloud!! I’ll remember how it is part of getting to know someone every time I run into a misunderstanding with the ahems and hate is really just a waste of energy on that someone or somebody when I do bump into you so instead I would sincerely smile and wave you off *likeafly* :P and yes…you’re never alone (quit thinking of Liverpool ehk :D and no matter if you do really really feel so cos its wrong ok..) and things will never be the same again at least for awhile but nothing, nothing would ever change the fact that we are all destined to be reaching for the stars! *cedeylargua!*

Stay sane,
Amyemeelea

dedicated to dew...

its always amazing how the words just roll off you like light frothy seafoam, not without weight always with cause. i wish i knew how to say happy birthday without being cliche! *gualagiknarcissist* but hepi beshday burstday che dew....moga dipanjang umur dan sihat walfiat selalu~~ *didampingiyangdisayangtersayangselalu* :P

only well wishesto her who describes herself best in her own words che dewbaby *salut* i always make a point to read and re-read your 'about me' ;) cakap-cakap pasal mirror nie kan i've never really gotten the real meaning of that fairytale, "the icequeen" lah....but that's just me always off tangent. oh puh-lease kidnap me!!! hehe..i wanna be trapped in the mirror you call 'yourself'.

oOoops...yeah back again to my dedication. *presentsdewwithsinglerose'purple'color* to someone who writes so so beautifully and to someone i hope to keep on reading for a vey long time to come :) have a blast dew! not just on birthdays lar ehk *wink*

stay sane,
amyemeelea