as it happens when one has gone through a near death experience or something traumatic, they will do their damnest to feel alive at every opportunity. we plunge ourselves into the most adrenaline pumping experience we could think of even if it was just another round of futsal or a movie u slept through. hoping that somehow you could get your heart beating again.
distractions after distractions and there i was late for practice and we all had to hop into a cab to make sure coach would not be vomiting blood while we all strolled in late for the now extended run he had already warned us from last year. most of the gals were there today and the excitement built up to a near suicidal mission as we each contemplated the time it will take for each of us to complete the course. i never ran or been to bedok reservoir before. passing it at night through drives taken alongside the park, it has always given me goosebumps. today as we crossed the street, the water rippling gently in the breeze that was picking up and the leaves doing its joy of dance in shimmery greens, the serenity of it all gave me the encouragement i needed to pump just the right amount of adrenaline i craved.
the gals laughed alongside me and our coach announced that some of the gals have already started on their run. i grunted and then went o pick on my shoes and tried to stretch. i didn't want to die out of breath and i thought of all the late nights i have been keeping. "are you going to die later?" steph asked me. "yes" was my obvious answer. all around they giggled and we headed straight to the track to start. i had my new spanking g shock that i bought for training but decided against timing my run today. i told myself i needed to do it slow, ease out the tension i felt instead of trying to shock myself with a heart attack of sorts. beds ran alongside me and we talked about family stuff. beds was easy to talk to and her voice soothing which made running a lot easier. fun even.
of course i was LAST *muehehehe* but i had the privilege of kidd and lina to be late so they were running behind me. we had to wait for them. as i ran in to finish, this time yan beside me pushing me to the limit; she ran back to see if i had truly passed out hehe, so sweet! the cheers from the gals already resting up ahead instantly made me run faster. my heart felt like it could have broken my ribcage though. the compliments poured in and i reveled in them. hah! posh spice *smirk* lina and kidd came in just shy of the few minutes since i had arrived. my panting hasn't even slowed down. we picked up our bags and headed towards school.
we had a new physical instructor and we had to do circuits. the gals grumbled and complained but we all did great. i feigned unfit today but yet i just had to finish up because the shot i needed wasn't felt acutely. i wanted it to really render me helpless this time as i reminded myself to breathe and in between gulps of water. it finally came after situps and i excused myself to merlion in the toilet. the pitch was moving beneath me after that and it was another round of kicking and practice heading. i felt better in a weird sort of way and finally my head eased to be free of everything else espescially thoughts of eventful friday.
i didn't know why i said what i said but then it is all past now. turning another year older filled my head instead and of course another trip planned to escape. before that, celebrations! and i thought of what to wear. how droll and so frivolous. yet, another day passed and i was still alive. maybe reading the whole twilight series in a week and now having fantasies of being bella the torn heroine inspired me somehow. she made me realise that being practical and cautious was the way to move on ahead. a dash of extremity here and there, never losing the tenacity to surrender to ones feelings without regrets eventually made bella very happy. in her own dead way haha :) what were the odds anyway of finally getting all that you dreamed of when your goals were once thought impossible and unattainable *sigh* note to self....its time to switch to the real world and back to reality hehe..NO MORE ROMANCE TILL I FINISH 'The Origins and History of the Consciousness' by Erich Neumann ;)
yet again......reattunement was the key.
stay sane,
amyemeelea
ps: love never always come in convenient packages *kishforhead*
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