the grapevine..

a very intresting question hugsy....would it be an opporturnity for me to be 'something' other than who i am now. what my current roles are and how i see myself fitting in. but if you know me well, i'd always be simulating some degree of surface conformism in order to mask my inherent unconventiality. i've had my fair share of 'better safe than sorry' experiences and at this time, i hope my willingness to 'work at it' will bear sweet fruit of personal satisfaction.

being a self confessed intuitive person, there are many times where i get jammed in stiutations where others may see what is and wonder why; i'd see what might be and say "Why not?!" Paradoxes, antinomies, and other contradictory phenomena aptly express my intuitors' amusement at those whom i feel may be taking a particular view of reality too seriously. i just wish i have friends at work who'd enjoy developing unique solutions to complex problems. to add to that, my sense of acute pessimism often act as more of a boon than any help espescially when relationships involving another human being are usually complex and intricate to even begin with. i do miss a sparing partner :( or maybe at times i miss somebody i could rant and bitch with hehehe...*yeay!fortheselfcentered*

saw nyce bebe for lunch the other day. we ended up sharing a subway meal together and china square or was it central? she paid for lunch got me a cookie and then later i saw raphael! from my days at parkmall. we swapped stories and caught up with each other's lives. it hasn't been easy these past few days. the main man is out of town and i'm put in charge of looking for our new office. tons of filing to do and with all the melodrama at work after our impromtu general meeting last tuesday, i am feeling a lil bit blue. all these days being swamped at work and keeping many late nights with indiscretions of indulgence, very likely expressions of the unconscious vengeance my feelings of inferiority at work and personally has drained me out considerably.

thoughts tipping close to the borders of sweet revenge constantly plough my mind. mantra of the week which is to 'let go of all my expectations' is wearing down. it is a constant challenge each day to keep mum and suffer in excrutiating silence when all i want to do is take these perpetrators to justice. i have yet managed to complement my intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express my insights, and often find myself frequently misunderstood. *bah!!!* :P In these cases, i tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on my own difficulty in expressing myself. and this tendency i know may have caused me to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist. which i am NOT in the least :D am i another tt durai in the making perhaps?! *muahahaha*

i read the sunday times with vigour on the way back on the bus this morning. bought it because i forgot my book and since my mind needs to constantly be in association with as many thoguhts and ideas at all times, 80 cents was a small price to pay to cram my head with what's going on with the rest of the country *forlaughsreally*. we are trying to hit a target of 6.5million people dunno when. the death of anna nicole smith is still a mystery. polytechnic students are making waves in the stock market and the big hoo-haa of valentines mark the pages. dr. mahathir mohamad is still going round making his disgruntled views of singapore and his premier very much known. so singapore won the asean cup and indra shadan wants to be an errant teenager's counsellor when he's too old to play football. and how come WE didn't know he quit polytechnic *gasp!!!* after 2 years to play pro football! oh why did you ever think there could be another fandi?! we are going to have a HUGE ferris wheel up in singapore soon! and some people in indonesia is saying that the reason that the country is facing so many natural disasters recently simply because thier president is jinxed. malaysia just thinks it is singapore getting bigger and richer by day and see what happened in johore! all the water caused by our presistent land reclamation is causing many families in malaysia to eat, sleep and everything underwater ;P

"To me it suffices to wonder at these secrets and to attempt humbly to grasp with my mind a mere image of the lofty structure of all that there is." - Anon

stay sane,
amyemeelea