“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations” – Khalil Gibran
Two of my nephews finished their Al Quran studies and so my elder bro; the fourth in the family decided to have a prayer session to give thanks for their achievements. My sister-in-law’s niece was getting married so they had both events together last weekend. It was somewhere in Jurong as usual under the voideck, yet another opportunity for all of us, close cousins and family to get together. ALL of my siblings were present except for my dear sis in states and I felt so girly out of a sudden to be the only girl flanked my 3 elder bros and bobby. We ate and sat around catching up after hearing the careful renditions of the surahs by both Zulfikar and Luqman to mark end their studies while congratulations were offered all around. Its not easy okay to actually read the Al Quran in front of soooooo many people! Zulfikar the older one, faltered and looked so tense while Lukman was confident and managed to carry a tune even. Nevertheless, we were very proud of both of them. I for one, can't read the Al Quran *blush* but learnt the surahs by memory so this was another reason to buck up! The dais was then taken up by the bride and groom who hogged the limelight. The family taking the opportunity to take pictures and we were just basking in good company when my aunt broke the reverie by asking my elder bro to find a girl for my cousin. She wanted him to act as matchmaker! *gasp* for her eldest son who is still single. She specifically asked for a ‘good girl’ and we all knew what that meant. The intended girl must fulfil all the basics and even more. Isn’t that all we mothers hope for our sons one day? To marry an honourable, virtuous, graceful and beautiful woman? My bro replied that no mother will get what she asks for to the incredulous looks around him. And for maximum impact he added that no mother in law will get a kind daughter in law. I could see the contorted faces and I pressed closer to dare ask my bro to explain.
It is simply difficult my brother said because of the following reason :-
“that the girl was brought up and fed by another family so how can what we deem as good and kind as a family be ever the same?”
BUT as long as these basics were fulfilled then chances are that the daughter in law will be the best that she can be for her husband, her children and family. Which is:-
1) she has the blessing of both her in laws to be part of the family. They too must like, respect and honour her as a person.
2) The husband is willing to act as guide and not fail to fulfil any one of the basics that is to provide her with her basic needs for food, shelter and protection.
3) And to not stop ‘hoping’ (to pray ler) to be blessed and fulfilled with a girl who is able and willing to be part of the family. Even after the wedding okay…
so many fulfillments siak, i felt full full *hehe* but this was no time to be joking around so very serious looking elders. ... but in all the full fulls...i know it is for the greater good ;)
Basically, he didn’t want the family to worry about my cousin. No intrusion needed was what he tried to emphasise. SUKA-SUKA or willing-willing errr….happy-happy? But I think it was brilliant! Why add the pressure right? My aunts then went to pick on the rest of the girls from his last relationships. One didn’t want to convert to be a muslim. Another went on ahead to marry another but still wants to be ‘friends’ and bla bla bla when suddenly as they turned the question to me. When was I getting married?! “If He wills” was all that I could reply. My recently widowed cousin who lost his wife to cancer became my scapegoat and add, “I’m actually waiting for him to remarry!” but he said he’s afraid that his wife will haunt him from the grave if he ever did and we all laughed it away. He whispered that, it’d be easy then for my future husband because he doesn’t have to worry about the blessing part from my parents as both of them have passed on but then there is a question about my siblings ;) to which shikino exclaimed bobby’s importance in my future union. Somehow, his whisper managed to move around the table. Yeaps, bobby vowed to check his account balance and whatever before my intended could ever get approval *prrft* with support from kak fatimah, who said it is imperative for our siblings to final aprrove my choice. Arghhh! That’s what usually happens at weddings isn’t it? Whose getting married next is always a very popular question.
So just remember folks….the key is “Spiritual affinity”. And to the mothers out there, imagine if it was your daughter being put under scrutiny. I am not saying to pick any minah, jambu or manis but it will be suffice that your son raise up to the plate; have the courage to court a suitable girl and prove to himself to be the leader that he should be, rather than have his mummy, daddy or whoever pick his other half for him. Wives....DO NOT DROP OUT OF THE SKY and DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MATCHMADE? >) If either side takes on the same stand then wouldn’t it be all just made in heaven just as it is intended to be?
Stay sane,
Amyemeelea
hmmm.......choosing the lesser of two evils? does that always work? *ponder ponder ponder*
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