my catharsis...

Reality started to sink in while we did that goal setting practical for emotion, cognition and motivation class today. Also, the dateline to submit our assignments kept ringing in my ear making it hard to concentrate on everything else. I took a power nap of 5 mins tops before I could focus on the mechanics of goal-setting in the middle of somewhere. Consciousness slowly tried to keep its grip on me while whatever amount of motivation I felt slowly ebbed away as I could feel myself listlessly trying to follow what was being said by mr. Lam. We had to lists our extrinsic and intrinsic to dos and my heart pounded as the words leaped out at me with a huge boo!

Class ended early as I finalised the last of the questions on what exactly motivates a person with a loose strategy somehow reminding me of spaghetti al dente lost deciding between trying to immerse itself in delicious cream sauce or tangy tomato sauce laced with a good dose of Tabasco. I packed and focused on trying to make my way towards mr. Lam crowded by others. Maybe it was my empty stomach I mused as I overheard mr. Lam mentioning my name to another student. Their conversation stopped abruptly when I approached making my entry into their personal space a little too creepy even for me. was it something good or bad that thought flicked away by a casual sweep of my hands to steady my sunglasses resting lopsided on my head.I quickly mentioned I needed time to see him on Thursday to discuss or rather get tips for writing that essay on learning before I start social psychology with ms. Hope. done! And I triumphed at the thought of getting that struck of my list. A hand shot out to reach my shoulder and ms.librarianmar announced that she wanted to hook up on Thursday too but I quickly cut her off saying that I needed the hour fully and hands off my booty! *hehe* I did not detect any hurt feelings there so we filed out of class, a few of us moaned at the thought of having to write and write somemore but soon it will be over and normal life or whatever is left of it can resume after the end of the semester. I needed a fag like i needed a shot of morphine or so I tried to pull myself back with a shot of extremism but I needed to pee even badly. Campy humour didn’t work with no one to share. A whole hour discussing goals! And I can’t dispel the disappointment I felt when the words ran into a blur right before my eyes. Was there a frog hiding in my throat? At least I got ryan and deci’s self determination theory right *haha* seconds after being blasted off for rattling to it as ‘that theory’ earlier on.

A sweet soul offered 2 sticks of pure manna as we sat to round up the night after pee break. Cool! I could already feel my muscles again and before the heat of the lighted second last tip could touch my fingers, it was goodbyes till hello. I speed read angela davis, her autobiography on the way back. the coursing hate she wrote about growing up among fearful aryans fuelled her need to pick up arms. She chose education as weapon and as I speed read through the passages, all I could think of was my bed :P closed the page and I let memory of terror 1 calling me from school this afternoon, she was very proud to report she used part of her pocket money to call me *tugsatheart* and that she was all dirty from doing painting in art class. She had to go before the 3 minutes were up because bibik was already waving her goodbye so before class I called her again this time at home and she continued happy stories about sleepwalking and promised to meet this weekend. It was a hasty call but the sound of her laughter brought the spring back into my steps. Ahhh….the bus jolted to a stop and i was finally home. a quick wash and quickly gobbled microwaved food and then decided that I didn’t want to get even more distracted by the show brothers & sisters on teevee, which I found very amusing, so I switched it off once I stubbed the last of my after dinner stick. Oh well….

Back to the drawing board and tap tap tap I worked on the keyboard. The words references, explain, critical, discuss just didn’t want to get pass introduction so aha! A light bulb flashed and zapped quite a few brain cells into shock when I realised that its only here that I could; to bleed my veins of toxic Monday blues out of my system and damn if I could get any work done tonight!

Sleep tight don’t let the bed bugs bite : )

Stay sane,
Amyemeela

Ps: tomorrow red!! In celebration of the blood moon *aaaaaaauuuUuuuuu*