After a long hiatus..

Work at the new office is slow as compared to the last but not less scary. The guys warm up pretty good after a week ;) except for Ms. DA-accountant. Office is very DA open with everyone looking into my 15” LCD screen and no matter how I shifted the screen, its still visible dar! As wombatman remarked after I sent them a pic of the new office, “open is an understatement…” err….yes….my mouth was open *hehe* Am trying to be as low key as possible and lurk under the radar but that’s always hard to do being moi :P so, this ms. DA-accountant has been giving me the attitude but I’m just keeping it cool. She gives me orders and expects me to fulfill them without giving me guidelines or take into consideration that I am new to her environment. She evens end marks her requests with a glare that looks like, “you just do as I say and you’d be fine. Don’t ask too may questions or else!” *ho-hum* I just and have never clicked well to those of the i-feel-inferor-i-need-to-talk-you-down-types. Which reminds me; I haven’t changed a bit as I’m still as fiery as ever but experience has taught me not to try fight on every front – just pick those worth fighting for. So I avoid ‘un-winnable’ battles, still for fun (with those who can appreciate it) I still do as a form of sparring. And everything I do, I do it with love *saaaap* Says much about my submissive attitude :) *to me, I still win nyah nyah nyah* too cool to care :D

Reminds me of an incident about managing my own expectations…..

The birthday girl refused to mingle with her party guests and I nagged and told her that I expect her to bear with it and to please leave her presents and come into the living room. I must have looked to her just like ms.DA-accountant is to me right now *maybe* She threw me such a mighty blow of attitude by brushing me off and had the cheek to sulk away. Who likes to be commented on in public so I took her away to the park to have a heart to heart talk. I asked why she was being how she is and she said, “Why did you scold me? Why must I always do what you say?" And I replied, “If you don’t want me to care or have expectations of you…its fine by me. You can do and think of whatever; and act on anything whenever and it’ll be okay for me. I’ll still love you as you are.” I painfully *with halted tears* explained to her why I insist on my ways is because i have expectations. It could be according to situations sometimes I might be jealous, it could be for selfish reasons and of course I’d always be questioning her every move and eventually we’ll have those spot on arguments because of my expectations. It is with that very reason that I care and i warned that my expectations could even rival those of famous lovers!…..only because I do love her and care. She sulked and refused to speak to me so we sat on that park bench till I made the decision for her and said from her actions, I think she’d be happier I didn’t have any expectations from her. I was crestfallen but I’d try anything to work things ‘our way’. And to prove it, I smiled and wiped those tears away from my eyes, picked up the cheeriness in my voice and told her to let’s walk back home. She doesn’t have to do what I tell her to do and I try my damnest not to even scold her for anything. IF that is what she wants. Or she could put up with my bluntness and oft-handed comments on my expectations as to how she should behave, think and feel because this relationship is going long term. Better set the perimeters down now before something bigger than either of us crops up.

It then rained and I took off my sweater to cover her pretty little head and I think that, that did it for her. Glad to report my 7 year old was smart *ENOUGH* and showed how much maturity she had by picking the other and said, “I want you to scold me mama. I don’t want you not to care.”

Wouldn’t a relationship without expectations be riddled with many doubts? Does she love me or not? Does she even care or not? But if that is so how you want it, I’d gladly oblige as who am I to say your point of view is anymore less right than mine :) why should such a small imperfection be the wedge of tension between us when its much better for the whole good that we try to accommodate and work out our differences *touché* I just ‘prefer’ a relationship with expectations as markers to guide us together and reach for the highest top of infinity together, rather than walk the plains of a soulless plateau to find out that its vastness will finally reach an end and then what’s left? Another oasis? Multiple orgasms are always better than phantamogarsmic ones init? >)

So thank you for appreciating my expectations for those who have, I will try to limit them to achievable ones and we’ll match it to your capabilities *its’ only right* and we’ll learn of each our limits together yes? All the while we shall have fun with stretching the short and long ends of our goals *claps hands* Back to now, so maybe this ms.DA-accountant is also setting her expectations of me as a new colleague? *heheheh* but I doubt so lar…people who have much fear face you with ultimatums. They give you no leeway for mistakes and have no room for discussions because they have stunted their own growth. They don’t like feedback either because it makes them seem weak rather than compassionate. So pay head peeps, the next time you have expectations from another, pay attention to exactly what you want and how you ask for it.

When someone tells you they are fine with NO EXPECTATIONS in your relationship, it could well be the sword that rips you in half. Or maybe not ;) it could just be that they are self flagellators! They have no expectations from you but only on themselves, the sight of their bloody pulp of a beaten heart at every not met request is proof of their love of you…….*gah!!!* and then they die a slow painful death smiling and what do you have left? If not just blood on your hands too.

I would really like to indulge in much more forlorn images of loneliness and isolation but life is already as drabby as it is so I’ll hold it in for those who matter :P

“To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.” Jean Paul Sartre.

Stay sane peeps!!!
Amyemeelea