So it would seem I am forever hankering after the wrong guy? Or am I really following the ‘type’ that I am which is to be said to be ‘loyal to the fault’? I still prefer the rationality that I only go for the ‘posh kind’ *huh?* But please people! I am OKAY, will be OKAY and is OTEY : )
The terrors asked about the other, why he doesn’t seem to hang around anymore. And I told them frankly that he’s busy and soon to be married I think. To which terror 2 went, “To you right?” I told him in reply, “Nope, he didn’t ask me so I am not sure to whom” *smilegoat* Then, I kinda remembered what the ex said before about not wanting to get too close to the kids, my family, my friends and what not; his reason being ‘less complications should we not work out’. And I TOTALLY agreed with him. The gangbang of course raised alarms and the usual ruckus about how lame and pessimistic giler my choice was. BUTTTTTTTTTTT…noooooooooOOOoooooooooo. I agreed with him. The gangbang protested vehemently but accepted that fact that I was blind. Nuff said.
What was distinct here to terror 2’s response was how the heow did he guess of our *ahems* intimate relationship of 4 years when we were very very careful around them. We never had any outings together. Save for that time he offered to join us at Suntec for shopping that one time during the tug and pull days of indecision. Believe me, the terrors were as surprised as I was when he agreed to join us. Anyway, all he did was drove us there and back lar. We went shopping and he went to do his stuff. We met only when it was time to go back home. Now that I realized, the most he will agree to do is to drop the terrors off back home since we had plans for later. It was just convenient. But, I think the terrors noted the innocuous gestures *not so harmless afterall* the habitual phone calls, the obligatory kiss on his hand and my incessant mania of seeking his approval for everything we did. It’s the seek permission and please report base stuff that made him stand out from the rest of the boyfriends I have. I wanted to tell the terrors that he was like the Pope or something hehe but that will be too extreme. Nak bedek biar possible, jangan IMPOSSIBLE! Still, all in all I am glad that we did what we did because I don’t think I could have carried the weight of their longing added on top of mine.
The terrors are fine. You are just another somebody that came and went, hardly left any impressions on their so fragile hearts save for your ‘politeness’. That’s not bad right? Ehk wait? He never even asked me about them duh!!! So Ms. Ritzlin, based on my own personal experience. If he can’t even bring himself to say your daughter’s name then please send him to SCRAP the bugger. Or it’s been just a few weeks lar dey! So can you please cut the new guy some slack. EVEN I am bearing this in mind for future too haha..
Anyway, Che. Beng’s prayers came through the other day. They have come to a fair arrangement of alternate weekends but I think he was more amused with the fact that the ex was heavily reprimanded for ‘wasting’ the courts time and energy to work something so simple. I was laughing too as the reason she said was so that they had witnesses and to keep tempers in check. Then again, the one who got beaten up and almost blind in one eye was che.beng *lolol* so amen to that and till the next chapter. Yeah blood, live and let go woohoo!!
Che. Baby is my ex school mate. We knew each other even way before that but then it was only in secondary school we got closer. We stayed just a few blocks away from each other back then so he was my partner for most things. He also approached me for advice about his impending counseling mission. Here, I want to echo Cik Esah, “Counselling is only for people who really want to change and make things for the better” (her posts are just too close to heart at times) but in Singapore, yes, it is mandatory that you go through the sessions so that couples can avoid the trap of taking the easy way out. If you know the way forward and am clear about your goals and objectives. God willing, you will find your way ahead to be of ease. But, if your intentions are not clear and still hinged on revenge, malicious intent or just plain stupid, then it will be hell. Interventions, especially from the external perimeter will be riddled by loads of prodding questions. Very touchy tau, especially when it’s ‘couple/family counseling’. And of course all your bedroom, bathroom and if you clip your nose hairs kind of questions will be asked and pondered over. The counselors are trained to never trust anyone and to listen to facts without forming any judgments. Their role is merely to guide and provide support. So please do not blame the system or the counselors involved if the outcome you’re looking for is not what you expected. I know it’s not easy, nothing is ever easy. Eggs can be made over-easy :p so please lar! Take it easy can?? Ingin aku nyatakan sini, walau seberaper banyak hantaran kau jolok, disini aku menyatakan yang bukan aku tak sudi. Tetapi sememangnya aku kerek dan sangat hidung tinggi tak memandangkan kau yang abadi sebagai teman yang aku kentutkan diwaktu dulu. Apsal aku reject kau macam hamlau pong kau tak paham-paham nie? Pie saner pujuk bini kan lagik baik! *jotos* But i know its all in jest. takbley gurau duduk surau!
I am open to dating *thankgod* Even though it’s been confusing and very hard. It’s either I come across too cold or too complicated or just plain not his/her type. It’s sexhausting and no wonder so many of us lament the process and just chuck ourselves into the ‘used & abused so fark off not interested’ category. So many I know prefer to live hedonistically where we just fark anybody lar. To live gay! And to be as gay as one can be has become points of contentions worthy of the world’s attention in fact. You ask the 5 whys and most likely their reasons will be due to past failed love stories. But I bet these are the same people that horde by the thousands to know more about finding ‘love’ *guilty as charged* Just Google Nicholas Sparks (message in a bottle anyone?) or remind yourself why love ballads almost always make it to the top of the charts. No man is an island. That’s why the question is always (almost) “Who/what would you bring if you are alone on an island?” as opposed to, “Would you like to be alone on an island?” So no fun man!
I asked myself the latter and I do not want to be alone. I have tried all of the above *coughcough* but it still left me feeling alone. Alienated somewhat, disjointed in many parts. We all do, I am no different than you. Hence the see-saw of conflicting attitudes I had with the ex (recent not the horror of horrors the ex-hubbs). I was so intent on making him be the ONE, and not care that he DIDN’T want me to the the one for him. And you know how super kental buah keduak I was? I couldn’t bring myself to call him Mr. X till I spied that the photos of me in his wallet were gone. And I am still working on it damn it!
I was a runner! I ran away from him many times when it hurt. I buried myself even deeper when I wanted his approval but hey, “it’s better to be hated for who you are than to be loved for someone you are not”.*hugstitemimikus* THAT my compadres is the lesson I had to learn and understand. MORE than TWICE thank you. The more you run, the harder they chase you. And when they do catch up with you, it’s going to be even harder to keep the same pace.
Next time JOG *lol*
So ingat tau kengkawan..JOG….don’t run! This could avoid mati katak in so many damn ways.
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Ps: mati katak = die like a frog. Expression used to refer to dying pointlessly. Or you know the game of the frog crossing the road on the very early ibm pcs? Where your’re the frog crossing a very busy highway full of cars and lorries. In the game, a wrong move (rather indecision) could cause you to mati katak.
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