on the topic...

And a very taboo one at that. Recent conversations touched on the emotional sensitivities of divorced couples. There is a term in malay and very frequently used to describe divorced couples that still want to reunite but can’t seem to work out bad memories to start afresh. Apparently, to hide that desire of wanting to stay together, they (either one or both) still fight on occasion. So a tragicomedy ensues to the hilarity and jibes of those who care (or rather much ado with nothing of consequence hehe).

I was warned about this seemingly ubiquitous virus when I went through mine. And advice on how to avoid and if possible totally immunize oneself of its poisonous sting poured in from all over. I had a general idea about how the inflicted person would react and behave but couldn’t rationalize the logic of wanting to marry again the person you just divorced. Or rather, I didn’t put much thought into it. Nevertheless, dutifully I took the necessary precautions and prayed to be saved from its painful jaws.

So the story goes, a few days back I heard from a friend, che beng. He called to touch base and we did the usual rounds of how are the kids and all. Of course we did the parent thing of trying to fix a date to get the kids to play together when he told me that his ex wife, whom I also have the pleasure of knowing sprung him yet another surprise. They have been separated for four years now? His ex has custody of the daughter and he has his weekly visits and all is SUPPOSEDLY well *ladeeda* she’s happily married and currently expecting so I was surprised when che. Beng told me that the ex just hauled his ass up to court next week. She now wants to shorten his weekend visits to just 10 to 6pm (or something like that) on Saturdays. Family law has a standard that they follow. The parent who has no custody of kids will get all weekends’ sleepovers and holidays are subject to mutual agreement. And as a parent with no custody myself, this was bad news.

Of course I barked at him and asked why would his ex do that?? Did he do something bad to deserve this? I mean that sucks!!! And to make it official and all by having the decree changed and all takes effort and money! Obviously it’s no freaking fun to be interrogated in court and all right? He mumbled his don’t know and then proceeded to ask me for my point of view of her motives. He’s angry of course but sadder with what if it gets approved by the courts! And damn if I didn’t feel for him there and then. The letter didn’t reveal anything instead it just stated plainly the place, time and date for him to show up and defend himself. She hired a lawyer and he’s just going to represent himself.

I scanned my brains for any missing or forgotten update on these two. I was trying to remember if there was any incident that could have lead to this drama. You know, as heard from the grapevines or our usual rant and vent on someone sessions. I am one of those few of their shared mutual set of friends that didn’t get to pick a side hehehe. I mean she left him to marry his best friend , so its kinda tricky sometimes. *blank* nope, I thought. No indication there was trouble brewing from either recently. Last when I met both individually of course, each has shown to have both feet firm in the ground. Che. Beng I must concede still has his wild party side but like all the recent fathers, he dotes on his daughter to the max! he stays with his parents and yeaps, OF COURSE there were stories about his shaggedalic return to singleton town. From the wreck that he was since his separation, che . beng has stabilized himself nicely.

I think it’s great that he adopts a live and let live attitude in all that he does. His ex didn’t do too shabbily either. Happily married and already with her second child, she shared that they’re applying for a flat soon much to my growing envy *sigh* she’s holding down a job she likes and yeaps, the past has been long buried. I could sense that there was still lingering memories between them but me is too shy to pry. I mean they HAD history man the both of them :)

I guess his only gripe was that he wasn’t able to keep it together and hers was just being him. She took custody of the cute one and didn’t want che. Beng to pay for any child maintenance, citing reason that she could afford it herself. He offered but she flat out refused. So it couldn’t be that he faulted on monthly payments? And I told him, he’d get it from me if it’s due to some complaint that he hurt the cute one! He reaffirmed he is NOT guilty of any charges except for wanting to spend his weekends with her!

Hence…the big question marks here. *?????????????* Of course, then the spectre of ‘gila talak’ loomed over our conversation making it creakingly uncomfortable. One just doesn’t want to even say it out loud afraid of being afflicted. Because ‘gila talak’ have been noted to go beyond extremes and it is so emotionally and physically draining to even watch by the sidelines sometimes. There have been cases where exacting revenge came in the guise of the supernaturals *eeek!!* And to be a participant of this undulated attention of the most annoying kind *UGH!* can you imagine trying to start a new relationship with this bugging you?
I told him that I experience my fair share of these kind of skirmishes myself and it’s hard not to react adversely ALL THE TIME! I could only offer him my assurance that it will all work out and best to leave the truth of the matter to show itself in time. Not unless, I teased…that he is actually enjoying this attention hehe >) but then, she has already remarried what…right? So then could this be a case of intentional malice? *gulps* anyway, he’s already prepared himself for the road ahead and that’s what is important.

Remember beb..blood is thicker than water and no matter what, no one can replace you as dad for time to come eternally :) and hey, like I always try to psyche myself up during these downturn of events..”Quality babe, not Quantity”.

Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee……………………………………..*gerams*

Stay sane,
Jahat