Finally the call came for me to pick up my cheque!! But immediately after I plagued by daymares. The thought of trying to do everything at once and the thought of having to think of where the next pay cheque comes. Everytime I see someone, the first thing they ask is whether I have gotten a job *sheesh* and then I stutter before affirming their heartfelt, practical question. I went back to sleep in hopes that I could really enjoy the feeling of lying in bed and drowning whatever sleepiness from before. I wanted to just drown in the smells of my bed. I just wanted to block the incessant cries of get up and do something…I just wanted to enjoy being in bed.
I know I won’t be able to do this when I finally start work. It is something that I really look forward too. it is something that I hope will drown the howling cries of responsibilities I need to fulfill. As my being is being pulled in different directions I try to focus on only one. Which is to fill my self with gratitude. No matter how small no matter how big it might shine at me, I wouldn’t give anything up to truly be in the NOW. full stop. end guilt *muehehehe*
So, off I go to collect and my dues and run some errands. In hopes that the wind blows at me gently to bring me close to all that I hold dear. Every step I take will be in prayer that I will be able to experience life as it is. no more no less. I wonder what today brings! But I know that whatever comes I’ll be ready, no more stuttering, no more sheepish smiles, no more blushing cheeks and no more halted steps!
Onward walk, march then to run. To grab the moment as it comes.
"I think the reason we don't organise society in that way can be summed up in the aphorism, 'idle hands are the devil's tool'. In other words, institutions fear idle populations because an Idler is a thinker and thinkers are not welcome addition to most social situations. Thinkers become malcontents, that's almost a substitute word for idle, 'malcontent'. Essentially we are all kept very busy...under no circumstances are you to quietly inspect the contents of your own mind. Freud called introspection 'morbid' - unhealthy, introverted, anti-social, possibley neurotic, potentially pathological." - Terence Mckenna
Yahoo! Yeabedabedooo!!! The rain has stopped and away the fleeting memories of my daymares :) floating away above the winds, that still reminds me! Gua bau busyuk ah…belum mandi hehehehehehe……yea yea…anak dara femalas! Matahari da naik dinihari baru nak bangun :p *oops* otey so I’m not the anak dara ah! >)
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
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