Does it really matter?

The flu I was down with lasted till today. My body still aches and life has been pretty much a whack! Two more people left the company either by force or willingly, I dare not even speculate. Another one is confirmed to go for greener pastures out there *PLEASEGOalready* and we have just Ms. Fake Lashes who can’t decide if she wants to leave or not. I think she is still hoping for that payrise. We are also moving soon to god knows where and I overheard over the grapevine that it might even be as far as Kaki Bukit. Oh! Ms. tub-o-shitte just told me that everyone is contributing to pay my salary, everyone is working hard to feed me and that money does not grow on trees! Just because I stood up to her and justified my actions of many Saturdays spent sick at home and the piled filing behind my desk and not to forget complaints about me behaving much more like a senior in the company than a junior. What else was there? How I must always tell everyone where I go and where I am because NO ONE except the TELEPHONE OPERATOR can pick and redirect all calls. Who cares if each of them has a direct line and that each department has their own hunting lines! then, mr. Owl in the pretext of trying to read as always, what is on my screen comes from behind and asks, “what are you always reading amy?” it is BUT my hotmail arhh! Because I can’t get incoming emails from our server you idiot >( and don’t tell me I need to NEVER visit hotmail siak! and what the hell! The big boss says in passing, that the reason I am so forgetful is because I smoke too much when I can’t even go pee, photocopy or do anything else in this snitches paradise. All this bad, negative vibes, talk and action I get from a company who has yet done an proper appraisal before confirming me and its been 2 months into confirmation without receiving my appointment letter. *rollseyes*

it seems to keep coming back to me, chronic mismanagement by middle managers who don’t seem at all secure or satisfied with what responsiblities they have. This feeling of being cheated just exploded the other day and I did the unthinkable….i screamed at ms. Tub-o-shitte. :P it is me, sick and very tired of repeating the same old coping mechanisms over and over again. But of course I apologised afterwards *ahems* I read in passing a reader sugeested that one should not blog about work? Ah-because?!!! I think the reason was because it is just so wrong to bite the hand that feeds you *whatadumbass* And just yesterday when I watched tv, students were arguing whether bloggers are getting more influential than journalists. It was a tough call but yes, I agreed with the judges…the boys were more tight in putting their points across and dumping it on the gals when they were hyperventilating already *hehe* with a smile to boot. I couldn’t really hear the boys at times because they were trying to squeeze a whole lot encyclopedia bits on blogging, ethics lar, area and level of influence lar! And I heard a bit about publishing and not to forget the ever present statistics of this and that to back up ones argument. I just sat there inspired still a couch potato *forthatmoment* nonetheless : )


IFEELCHEATED ah!!!!! But strangely, there my outbursts stop. More coping with distractions. At least the pay is way better than my last place. At least I don’t have to wear a jumpsuit. At least it is not shift work. At least once a day, there’s always someone telling me how much they appreciate my thoughtfulness :) or that I look like amy mastura! *blueek* add on enough for the blog it in bits on where I can remember and then go home watch something on tv *thatilikelar* and blow some steam off. Isn’t that ALL that we do? *seething* but at least I am not doing anything in particular toooOooooo much to distract from feeling bad, worst and dead. No..you can’t overdose on sleep; only slight side effects. Nothing that I can’t handle :P as I have comitted myself to do my very best and to stick around till god knows when! I will have to work the wheel like a good rat in training I am ;) just that this rat has a few tricks up my skinny tail.

Feel Bad ---> distract and do a reality check. is my perception of the situation correct? Did I make sure I everyone wore their I-am-stupid-sticker on their forhead? Frustrated ----> distract and analyse if the situation is unfair, meaning that they didn’t warn me of their stupidity by wearing their stickers, FORCE them to wear the stickers. Still persists and now leading to feeling Depressed -----> distract by asking one last time why they still refuse to acknowledge their stupidity with or without them stickers! then there is nothing left to do but forgive : ) just remember to smile very sweetly and hold in all that vomit before excusing yourself to the toilet and heave carefully into the toilet bowl. Make sure no one hears you though and none spilled on the floor……..weeeeeeeee! it sure is FUN >) it is good for the heart they say, these forms of exercise. but it does STOP these vicious cycles from eating you up. And remember to always have fun with people who know how to have fun.

“the heart has its reasons which reason does not know” – blaise pascal.. and i don't know why i can't bold unbold and do what not to my entry :( only blog knows...

Stay sane,
amyemeelea