“Your intentions create the reality that you experience until you become aware of this, it happens unconsciously. Therefore be mindful of what you project. That is the first step toward authentic power.” ~ Gary Zukav as smsed to me on August 26th , 2008 by my wanderlusts muse.
A few more days to Holidays and bummer are the facts that my pay is not in yet, or that some going ons in my life are not as how I would want them to be. The terrors mope and cry about not being able to see me today but I steeled myself against the erosion of salty tears to come with the slick warmth of glowing positive thoughts. Hard as it may be but very very possible.
It’s hard to accommodate to every whim and request. Especially when it comes from people and values that you put way high up on the top of your table of priorities. I can be bitter and cynical, even stoically calm at times but at the end of the day....I am still human. Although at each time or in such instances, I like to comfortably slink back into anyone of my personas for ease of easy to read moulds. I could be the Cheshire cat, weird and gaunt in looks and feel. Maybe even the ubiquitous desktop giggle dispenser in bright neon pink! *thatistheonlytimeilikepink!* Then I could be also Amie, my hair blowing in the winds of cold melancholic nights beside the beach under the moon, my eyes grey with specks of green and gold reading aloud from the book of O to a chosen one mouthing silent arguments; pleas of understanding. My favourite has always been the confusion and gamut of jahatamyemeelea, a mix of extreme hyper confusion sometimes wanting to be known yet at all times in search of solitude. Yes..I revel in my wide array of personas and not a single one of them is less real than the other. They will bleed and overlap in each other, fighting for space to exist but never have I been saner than just being one. Accusations of what is real and spotting of who is the paragon of my true self never bothered me. Jolts of cheers and the scores of boos will boost my life to steer me in its ups and downs but I never felt lost *oteyonceortwice* as I knew and respect each and every of myself intimately for what they each believe in and hold close to their hearts. I am who I am because of the presence I feel and that I still hold true to validate what it means to be present in any situation even when I feel vehemenantly that I do not belong.
We could be one and then we could be all.
What struck me most very recently is the constant reminder that one should keep silent if there isn’t anything good or pleasant to say. So the assumption to non replies is logically ‘not positive’. Silence can be deafening and that is worst punishment one can be able to endure and seek meaning in. Why, music without words is not without the tugs and pull of the heartstrings and no wonder souls seek the purity of the unspoken rather than rely on the accompanied words. Because words are meant to clarify and enunciate what is in the heart, mind and spirit but yet because of its nature of duplicity and fragility it always is just gets lost in translations. It is just another vehicle to set life at still in motion isnt it? The combination of all that exist is up for grabs for those who have the courage and knowledge hence, pick your weapon of choices with care and the clarity, hold to the ideal of peace not unlike a general heading to war. Isn’t life worth fighting for? And whose life is most important and not precious as yours and those who matter.
We communicate at all times be it consciously or under the stealth of anoyminity, riding on the our vehicle communication of choice, but all that it means is the need rise against the struggle to be ourselves by associating ourselves with common labels strewn under the guise of how, who, what and why we mean to others. To seek that delicate balance so that that we don’t fall into our dark mean recesses is a very general role ideal to most of us. Actions lead to who we are; I think therefore I am. And I quote because I can! *muahahah* as to me nothing is original *teehee* ;) And I stay silent because I want to believe my aunthenticity is real just misunderstood because the other is ignorant. It is difficult to walk the less trodden path but who is to say that being happy running the wheel as a rat or cute hamster is less fulfilling? :) Be what you want! Work for that utopia you want to realise as there is none but the written destiny in your stars to realise.
Slash/ignore *ifimaycreditittoanoriginalsoulorsoulswholayclaim*
So to some, I honour your intentions as I receive them through the universe and I shall still pick and choose my personas as I deem fit. Just so you know that I was never silent and I was never out to hurt or maim. I seek only to live and find my own meaning of what it is to be myself. My past, my present and what the future unfolds to be read in my actions or maybe as laid out by the cards or swayed by the winds of change is me and non other. And if you had any inkling of how everything has truly a meaning, you won’t be silent or leave it to the universe to make me understand you. Leaving life to fate could take to mean anything. How about those ass-u-me assumptions that we so often fall prey to? ;) You eat and can still be eaten *hehehehe* puns always intended *jeng!*
Then again, the roles we take on and the meaning we seek changes every minute and every second. I pray and hope that your choices and eliminations will give you the meaningful life that you seek. Your prerogatives are my guides because I choose to be human neither a thing nor an animal. I truly believe enlightment only comes to those who endure and have the determination to push against any moulds or barriers and once found it will be murderously difficult to fathom its forceful directions. Maybe I could be deemed as lost and as misguided by any but we all look at the same stars and we all hold on to our own interpretations of faith. There you sit on your high horse or look down on from your pedestal of truth. Yet humility touches us at random and at times, we seek the solace and ambiguity of just needing to be. You, me, they and all are only as different and unique as our own fingerprints yet to the core basics we all bleed blood - o, a, b or separated by the negatives and positives. So please don’t mind my ramblings nor are my actions when it gives you any sensations because you have decided, THAT is IF to YOU.....I am NOTHING.
Yes...depersonalize me, and judge me all you want. Place me where nothing dwells if that is where you want to place me and I promise you nothing will I be. I am who, what and why you want or need me to be. No rationalisations needed nor will there be regrets and apologises needed because I just have ceased to be in your world of being. If you do believe that nothing is really nothing *checkoutthevalueofvaccumsmuahahaha* My wish and hopes always have been and will be; to be given the freedom of life as it is given to me and to honour and respect yours with very breath I am allowed to take.
Stay sane yous,
Jahatamyemeelea is looking up to the heavens and gives thanks for the moisture i emit that runs from the cold surfaces from the mirrors of life.
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