its been 6 days into the new year and counting.....down as well to another birthday for terror 1 and me! *indenialmode* i can now step-dunno its my birthday and push all the glory of being a year older (and suposedly wiser) to puteri isabella. she's gonna be 10! planning for a concert nite out but its a school night so i doubt she'd be allowed to go on a concert with her mama.
terror 2 aka budak da sunat whose real name is putera emir hafeez called me today from the centre. he's like the degsinated 'call-mama' person and it still puzzles me why the gals do not like to call me *sigh* boys are still mama's darlings huh? it took countless of calls and numerous smses to terror 1! but all is well, they reported happy and adjusting well to life at the student care services centre. what can i say? the green-eyed monster alias thier dad made another very practical arrangement for the kids to go to a student centre after school because they'd be well 'tutored' for over there, rather than at home? says much about your chosen other mr. monster! *clapclap* well at least they are surrounded by friends :) nte to self : visit centre soon
the wee terror 3 starts primary 1 this year and she bought a truckload of stationery to last her till primary 3! provided she doesn't use them up next week. how many colors does a primary 1 gal need??! i have lost count the number of times we went to the bookshop and she got YET another set of colors. this time it was a set of 48 colors! and terror 1 had to assure her many many times that school will provide her with the stuff she needs. i heart my tiny one, she seems so lost as compared to the elder 2. it doesn't help that she's always misunderstood as a tattle-tale. i knw she doesn't mean to rat on them but its just another way for her to gain much huggies from the dad. she knows the tricks of being the youngest! :p looks like she;s getting taller everytime i see her and IF she gets to be taller than me, i'm telling her to join the airlines and be part of a crew. see the world for dishing out coffee, tea and *ahems* good service hehehehe...
all in all, resolution to be a better mom accomplished. by my standards of course!
i shelved my plans to move out to 'cough hill' *bukit batok* because i didn't have the guts to share my plans with bobi. no matter what, his go ahead was what i craved. well, the terrors are moving to woodlands in april! or so my sources tell me. i'm just glad i followed my gut and held it in for a bit more before i spill it all to bobi. god knows how miscontrued it could get, my need for solitude. so smsed bobi today and we agreed to discuss issues (more like updates on the errant sister) over email because either i'm down with migraine right after work or thrashing my melancholy and anger doing something else *kickballs* i miss muay thai and am seriously contemplating doing it more often. gaining weight is still a problem and che. tony even recommended i take steroids *gulps* i was seriously contemplating it! but i remembered the pron flick i 'mistakenly' *ahahahahah* downloaded the other day, featuring *gasppppppppppppppp!* a she who looked more like a HE in terms of muscle composition. *delete!delete!!! DELETE!!!* ugh MY EYES! *arrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh* no more PRON for me! *NOThurhurhruhur*
i can't say i am happy being single. i crave for another but 2009 was a list of nearly but then barely there skirmishes. i haven't gotten over che.diambunoh :) traces of denial still apparent. all in all, many still count as good buds *nobenefitsceptfortheoccasionalkissonthecheek* but hell lar! i had a huge share of sucky sucky major ICKY bad dates. mind you, sometimes the 1st date doesn't at all create that impression till you go on the 2nd, then the 3rd to realise that you're just not into the guy. so you cut the crap and tell it like it is. lately, i don't seem to get the message across quickly enough though. it kinda saddens me that my claws been clipped away and i'm just another tame pussycat *hissscat* and they keep coming BACK for MORE! being nice has never been so depressing.
the recurring message for 2009 was to let go. of everything. of everyone!! of seeing how we all friend/unfriend people and stuff by just a click of a button made me more of a hoarder of the unwanted. my personal space on the internet and elsewhere looks very much like my room hehe. what i really need to do is to clean up and give myself good fengshui perhaps? when i know i'd just rearrange everything and take my time to rummage through the lot, not different from fliiping through an old photo album. that's why my dad made me in charge of painting the house and polishing the knick knacks because HE knew i'd never throw anyting out UNLESS ultimately harmful to myself. yeaps, still a very selfish bastard i am into 2010.
so what did i do on new year's eve? i was trying to say goodbye. plan failed and i still where i am, unable to leave all behind me. no matter how deep i bury them, they each come back to life! every memory, every regret, everything that made me who i am today. here i am now, nothing has changed for me. still single, still gila-gila, very much in doubt and the pessimist streak is still shining brightly amongst the light fluffy clouds of idealistic dreams that is....me. yet, hope smiles at every turn i manage to squeeze myself into. and damn it *tebahbooooooom!* if i don't get THE NUMERO uno message which is to LET GO. empty the cup so that it may fill again.
URGHHHHHHH....sembelit ah... :p
i might just need to think of an enema of sorts to let IT go. well, good luck to me then huh? i shall celebrate small victories then. like making myself eat a whole plate of rice and finishing this entry.
*patpat*
stay sane,
jahatamyemeelea
ps: tata titi tutu? muka awak mcm hantu? eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! otey sayer gelik membaca nyer hehehehe....but sumpah TAK SENGAJA! Dia hanya sekadar memberi aku ruang untuk kembali sedar akan kejalangan petualang yang bernama kau. *syukur* Moga aku cepat sembuh dari gila ini...dan pasrah, tegar lagi kekar berinjak di muka bumi ini. yang setulusnya pasti memberi manis harapan TANPA kehadiran susuk busuk bernama *sekalilagi!* KAU...lebah! abis madu dibuang sepah~ *jeng!*
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