Lump in my throat..

“It is important to pay attention to what you like to hear. It is more important to pay attention to what you don’t like to hear.” I read that somewhere and then I started to think about all those around me that like to zero in on only one of our senses and use it to make, pass judgements.

I see.
I hear.
I touch.
I smell.
I feel.

Out of all the above, which do you, use most? I have a friend who uses “I see” for everything that he decides for. And in my most recent hypnotherapy class, my lecturer said and pointed out clearly how “I see, I believe” has been the way of life for many of us. Have any one of you heard or said this very same phrase at one time or another?
“Ampun datuk, anak cucu tumpang kencing/lalu etc”….but that’s another story altogether. I mean how can you believe what you don’t see right but are all those people who see what you don’t see crazy? Lacking? Maybe selfish??

Usually when we get into arguments, we try to make each other or everyone involved looking at the evidence, to see what can be done and then agree on its solution. Or I personally have been through cases where I try to make my pitch by making the other party understand what I think, I see, I feel, I touch, I hear, I smell only to be thwarted with “I have already told you what I need to say, I just want to see”. And all the while you’ve been making that pitch of yours, he haven’t even said anything! >( its people like these I have most trouble with. The wait and see what happens and put in no blarrdy effort to contribute to solve the current problem. My boss also told me the other day, “We are glad to confirm you but not going to give you that $50 dollar increment because we have to see how you perform in the next 1 or 2 months.” And this is after they have actually extended my probation for another month!!!!!! Of course I pressed on and she did share with my with the areas the management are looking in and *hehe* I’m quite tardy when it comes to punctuality. So I didn’t feel too angry about not getting that $50 bucks increment, because they have all the right in the world to not increase my pay if I do not deserve it. La di da di da…..

But my personal gripe will be with this particular friend of mine who probably has a reason not to give me his time of day but refuses to point it out to me. Instead his only solution and encouragement is, “I want you to figure it out yourself” so I did, I figured that I know what I was doing and I’m going to be a great success about it and walked away. As I walked away feeling guilty about not explaining to him what I was doing, a small voice at the back of my head told me, “he doesn’t care to know and if he did he would ask you why” so onward march I go. The guilt slowly melted and turned into sadness and then slowly turned into feelings of unfairness towards him. I was sad at the thought of losing a friend at the thought of my selfishness. But then again, selfish is when you are concerned excessively or exclusively with oneself, seeking or concentrating on one's own advantage, pleasure, or well-being without regard for others or when you act arising from concern with one's own welfare or advantage in disregard of others (a selfish act).

Yes. By walking away I was selfish because I was concerned that I would be hurting both parties to go on with the argument at hand. That was my immediate response. But I am not selfish when my main intention of selling my pitch to him was to make him feel better and hopefully ease his unwanted feelings and hurt? But I now know he totally shut me off when he fully blames me for being the source of his hurt. I am entire responsible for his source of unhappiness and he was only making his stand by withholding his comments. Or whatever that he withheld…

So I do understand and I hope they all do understand that whatever I do in the future, I will do with all my full sense of being and I did give them a chance to have a hand to make the future better for all of us. Since they gave me the empowerment to act solely with my best abilities, I will honor that trust and do what I do best which is to be true to myself and be the best in whatever I set myself out to do :P well, they did give me that job and he did want to be my friend so I thank you. And forgive you if you didn’t catch no balls as I made my pitches.

Imgigi : Jahat – whats your excuse for waking up today?

Jahatamyemeelea : I woke up purposeless…on purpose

Imgigi : All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us...

Jahatamyemeelea: how true when I have already decided

Oh…and I found another lump in my throat :( and flashes of my last surgery to remove a lump in my thyroids haunt me. I don’t like needles and I hate any kind of surgery and I would want my whole face to be blown up like a potato head no more. So I’m going to leave it for a few days and go back to my doctor maybe next month to have a check on it. It’s a sign to QUIT I tell ya!!!!

Stay sane,
amyemeelea