finally did it..

i made myself happy and many others very very unhappy with my choices. i self preserved my own interests at the expense of the tons of advice those closest to me. so many bridges i burned but the ones linked with my own sweat and blood are the hardest to burn.

i just had another blow up with the golden boy. and its these that i hate most. i know he has only my interests at heart, it just shows he cares. they wake me up every morning to make sure i'm not late for work. give me the support when i ask for. be it standing up for me. putting a good word for me. lying for me hehe. making sure there's food. entertainment. someone to talk to. my bro is all that for me and more. i used to write for him. he still asks me for advice about gift ideas. we still have our private jokes. but ever since moving in, it has been nothing but squabbles after squabbles. something is not right and it was said outright it was the choices i made for myself. i never took his advice when it mattered and he's hurt :(

i can't take back anything that i did or said bobby. i can't keep on lying to myself anymore than i can lie to anybody about how i really feel. i know i can't expect everyone to agree or to understand or to ACCEPT the choices i make. but i do. thats me. if you wonder why i dig my own grave and you wonder how the hell we came from the same womb then don't! just don't! don't wonder and live! tonight is not going to be any different from any other just because we had this fight. in fact i welcome it. in hopes that we could learn where the mistakes are and how i could learn to show you more.

i didn't know i hurt you, and i may have taken you for granted. we have only each other and you'll be the only one i'll let to give me away *again* :P kalau dulu kita gado pasal tengok wrestling nie kita gado pasal kakak degil. tapi kita gao-gado pon pasal adek beradek kan kan kan? tiga hari tak bebual dosa tau! *hugs*

wish me well...cos that's all i need for you to do.

stay sane,
kakak