sunday morning...
woke up and smsed the gang, its our annual meet up on hari raya and i was excited. although sorely dissapointed that the terrors couldn't join us but the thought of seeing lil danial and em're filled in the sore spots right away. not to mention the idea that we'd be rolling around old school jokes the whole day. mounting expectations marked my every step out of bed and affirmative replies via sms set my mood on high.
138pm..
*ring ring*
me: eh lindot! tadi kau sms..'drop at 711' maksud kau 711 the kedai ke BLOCK 711 ah??
lindot: oi!! 711 kedai dar!!!!!! *sniggerlaughlaugh* kau pat maner nie?
me: *slaps forehead and made way to alight* lerrrrrr!!!!! mati-mati aku ingat block 711 dar. 711 da lepas! aku da turun nie so which way? aku pat block 619 nie.
*background more laughter and offered directions*
lindot: aku pun tak tahu maner tue *hehe* kau ambek teksi jer lar datang sinie!
me: *tak tahu nak nagis ke ketawa* ah okay lar! baru nak sep duit muahahahaha....
so, i tot she said to alight at blk 711 but as the bus drove pass a huge 711 store it occured to me that it could be IT, my designated stop. a phonecall confirmed my super sotong bluerness but i arrived safe. if with terrors i'd prolly be vomitting blood already because it was a SUNDAY and we all know how difficult it is to get a cab in smack middle of chua chu kang ON A SUNDAY.
FAST FORWARD >>>>>>>>>>
mr. nasir's house in tampines! he was our PE teacher in secondary school and we were his groupies *muahahaha* he just graduated from NIE and you can imagine the stuff he made us go through!! it was erobics lar, parading t-shirts lar, filling up all his ideal enthusiasm as a new teacher with our willingness to try everything at least once. it was GREAT to see him as we treid to pick his memories for traces of US. yes....it's our narcissistic tendencies going on overdrive. afters was nanin's for lil more chill time over her hubi's bestest 9-6 teh tarik then for aha's all the way over to sembawang. the home of the chilli crab ala travel cusine, apparently quite popular over multiply :p we didn't have chilli crab but aha whipped us kway teow goreng for dinner and then after more camwhoring we parted hilariously back home. nanin flinched aha's collection of past photos for a project to compile our past and present and i BET that will be all the TALK next year *muahahahah*
*perot cramp kejap*
and i can't go on.
too..........many.........side-splitting rewinds for go-blog today on my sunday out.
ITS MONDAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!
work was good. interview went well. friday and saturday was duly struck off as tuned out to the world day. and hopes for the week uP...UUUUUUPPPPP and awayyyyyyy.....till the cramp subsides ;)
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Monday, October 29, 2007
Saturday, October 20, 2007
Salam Eid and what's left....
"Hi amy after much consideration i hate to make this decision to dismiss your employment with the company with immediate effect. Reasons being the company is not satisfied with your performance during probation plus your poor attendance. You need not have to have to report to work anymore. Your salary will be calculated accordingly to your bank account at month end. Appreciate your understanding. Cc Sebina" - Boss from hell with no one iota of professionalism.
I knew way back in my 4th week with the company that things do not bode well. Bobby and Shikino were first to jump and tell me to work harder at work, to make things right. After all, I was the one who chose to leave and try it out in this 8 man outfit. Even though Bobby felt that I would have much better success working in a bigger and brand named outfit where teamwork shines and the only heads that will roll in lieu of crisis will be the people on top. :P But I digress, work will be work and all that could happen will happen. For a reason of course. So that was how i was fired last Wednesday, via SMS. I had the terrors over on Monday and Tuesday to make up for the weekend green eyed monster didn't let me see em and on Tuesday night after i sent them back I got caught in the rain. So I had the audacity to take an hour off to go see the doctor on Wednesday morning. I knew she wouldn't like it but well, I should have known better when the ads were out twice under the guise of 'expansion' and the hushed whispers behind my back escalated, and did tell myself, NOT to take the risk but I value my health. As it is, I haven't been well. I had thought that leaving my desk clean and EMPTY of to dos would suffice and putting in more extra effort in being a participant and hounding the rest for more work (i ended up clearing 2 yrs worth of filing) turned its table on me. As they say, when someone hates you....a speck of dirt could just render you totally insignificant. I could analyse and fight it through maybe give her a HUGE piece of my mind but hey...what will it be worth right? I'd rather wait for my pay to be creditted in before I send her that bouquet of flowers and an email to follow. Oh! must make sure I Cc copies to the rest 6 of the staff *weeeEEEeee!*
So anyway, Salaam Eidul Fitri to all!!! The wishes could have come sooner but both pcs at home crashed. I had wanted to fill in from work but *ahems* as you can see from the above, work hasn't been so fantastic. So am using shikino's lappy to work on this *waves* This is the sign to get my own lappy!! *hehe* but wahalau! Am suddenly jobless siak...the terrors especially terror 1 enjoyed raya with me. She finally got her MP3 player and filled it with songs from High School musical (she loves gabrielle) and then a spratly of rock songs (evanescence) to prove that she's still my lil rock chick. She's very much a loner nowadays and I think it's because she's always alone in the afternoons with the other 2 at school. She's already preparing for her PSLE *gahhhhh!* and can speak non-stop about schoolwork and more homework. I should be happy but I rather not have a geeky, afraid of her own shadow terror. She can plonk herself in front of the pc on the internet for a whole day!! Kinda reminds me of myself :p but so far so good, she still enthusiastically participates in our rough tumbles outdoors and indoors. Terror 2 and 3 have each shown peculiarities of their own. Terror 2 eats and eats! I just hope he's not eating due to being the middle child. The type that feels neither here nor there and then gorges on food to fill in the emptiness but I have much hope. He just needs more playtime and activities that could distract him away from tv and food. Terror 3 eats very little and she's goes on overdrive when she has any one's attention. She tries very very hard to fit in somewhere but never could find a niche. Its either they are too old that she can't play along or we are too old *busygossipinglar* to play with her. She usually hangs with the adults and my god her vocab!!! Its a national pastime for us ladies to gossip kan?? So I'm a wee bit worried, what if she becomes just like us old ladies always talking *coughgossipcough* not stopping ;)
i can't pick them up today because terror 1 has exams tomorrow so all of them are at home god knows what they'd be doing. We have many invites but you can guess the level of my enthusiasm :D i went out for breakfast and to see if I can grab a copy of yesterday's news but no such luck. These vendors take their recycling seriously. I wanted to pop by the library but forgot my books! Can't go around asking to borrow ICs so bought weekly farnie sundaytimes to chill. My other hand,was busy peeling oily, crispy and fatty chicken for brunch. I thought KFC's coffee was a tad too light so headed to the hot hot food court at tampines interchange for my coffee-cow fix. It helps too that they have a smoking section! Nosiy and very hot, not recommended but if you needa good fix equal to an espresso, head down and ask for a wee bit more sugar to that extra zing! Of course Strabucks or Coffee Bean would have been nice but right after being FIRED via sms....one has to be very careful with whatever money is left. I flipped and flipped and what caught my eye amidst all the tragic news is a letter in the forum about noisy karung guni (pro-enviromentalist guy who goes around collecting rubbish in exchange for a lil token of cash) man. Wait!! Is that the karung-guni man that got to buy a terrace house by just collecting rubbish?!!! >) Apparently this poor soul is so distraught by the noise that they make for hours on end that he decided enough was enough and went to report of the disturbances to the police! They told him to go to the town council and they told him to go back to the POLICE! *muahahahaha* hilarious! cos I kept humming the theme song to Ghostbusters but replacing "Ghost" with "karung-guni". There is no hope for my fellow countrymen. To think that they actually PUBLISHED his letter, I am sure his concerns mirror those around him. Nak ajer gua campak dia pat Myanmar nie skarang. Tengok dia complain tak pasal karung guni *hehe* No books, no lappy to fiddle with so I headed home. The bus ride usually cold turned out to be stifling stuffy. I tried to relax and stare out to the skies but the caffeine and chicken was tossing and churning various thoughts and my body ached to stretch and move it. I couldn't wait to get down. When I did, I was surprised to feel happy. Wasn't I supposed to be depressed? Distraught? Or maybe frustrated about losing a job? Fear was playing hide and seek but the focus was only that I was happy. I didn't want it to merely fleet away so dropped everything in the room and leafed through an old album that bobby saved of our growing up years. A walk down memory lane could help bouy this momentarily. They were the only pictures saved of our childhood and I laughed and savoured each photo as I remembered when, where, how and why they were taken. I looked so much like mama. And i swear Terror 2 has a picture somewhere that looks exactly like bobby when he was 12? That done, bobby and shikino left for their parent's place to help out with the open house and me right here plonked in front of the lappy to finish this.
Bobby was warning me to be very careful with their lappy and not to eat, drink or do anything remotely normal while using their lappy. It is after all...the only connection we have to the internet world at home right now and things borrowed can never have the enjoy the same rules as things owned :) reminds me of how desperate I am to STUFF myself with all that is MINE. And toodle-loo now I just need to email my resume to all that I know before logging off till with more good news! Wish I could put up pics and damn if I don't find proper e-storage for all my pics. Lest they share the same fate as the rest that died with the last 2 pcs *blearrrgh!* well...we'll just have to see won't we? ;)
Stay sane be always brave,
jahatamyemeelea
I knew way back in my 4th week with the company that things do not bode well. Bobby and Shikino were first to jump and tell me to work harder at work, to make things right. After all, I was the one who chose to leave and try it out in this 8 man outfit. Even though Bobby felt that I would have much better success working in a bigger and brand named outfit where teamwork shines and the only heads that will roll in lieu of crisis will be the people on top. :P But I digress, work will be work and all that could happen will happen. For a reason of course. So that was how i was fired last Wednesday, via SMS. I had the terrors over on Monday and Tuesday to make up for the weekend green eyed monster didn't let me see em and on Tuesday night after i sent them back I got caught in the rain. So I had the audacity to take an hour off to go see the doctor on Wednesday morning. I knew she wouldn't like it but well, I should have known better when the ads were out twice under the guise of 'expansion' and the hushed whispers behind my back escalated, and did tell myself, NOT to take the risk but I value my health. As it is, I haven't been well. I had thought that leaving my desk clean and EMPTY of to dos would suffice and putting in more extra effort in being a participant and hounding the rest for more work (i ended up clearing 2 yrs worth of filing) turned its table on me. As they say, when someone hates you....a speck of dirt could just render you totally insignificant. I could analyse and fight it through maybe give her a HUGE piece of my mind but hey...what will it be worth right? I'd rather wait for my pay to be creditted in before I send her that bouquet of flowers and an email to follow. Oh! must make sure I Cc copies to the rest 6 of the staff *weeeEEEeee!*
So anyway, Salaam Eidul Fitri to all!!! The wishes could have come sooner but both pcs at home crashed. I had wanted to fill in from work but *ahems* as you can see from the above, work hasn't been so fantastic. So am using shikino's lappy to work on this *waves* This is the sign to get my own lappy!! *hehe* but wahalau! Am suddenly jobless siak...the terrors especially terror 1 enjoyed raya with me. She finally got her MP3 player and filled it with songs from High School musical (she loves gabrielle) and then a spratly of rock songs (evanescence) to prove that she's still my lil rock chick. She's very much a loner nowadays and I think it's because she's always alone in the afternoons with the other 2 at school. She's already preparing for her PSLE *gahhhhh!* and can speak non-stop about schoolwork and more homework. I should be happy but I rather not have a geeky, afraid of her own shadow terror. She can plonk herself in front of the pc on the internet for a whole day!! Kinda reminds me of myself :p but so far so good, she still enthusiastically participates in our rough tumbles outdoors and indoors. Terror 2 and 3 have each shown peculiarities of their own. Terror 2 eats and eats! I just hope he's not eating due to being the middle child. The type that feels neither here nor there and then gorges on food to fill in the emptiness but I have much hope. He just needs more playtime and activities that could distract him away from tv and food. Terror 3 eats very little and she's goes on overdrive when she has any one's attention. She tries very very hard to fit in somewhere but never could find a niche. Its either they are too old that she can't play along or we are too old *busygossipinglar* to play with her. She usually hangs with the adults and my god her vocab!!! Its a national pastime for us ladies to gossip kan?? So I'm a wee bit worried, what if she becomes just like us old ladies always talking *coughgossipcough* not stopping ;)
i can't pick them up today because terror 1 has exams tomorrow so all of them are at home god knows what they'd be doing. We have many invites but you can guess the level of my enthusiasm :D i went out for breakfast and to see if I can grab a copy of yesterday's news but no such luck. These vendors take their recycling seriously. I wanted to pop by the library but forgot my books! Can't go around asking to borrow ICs so bought weekly farnie sundaytimes to chill. My other hand,was busy peeling oily, crispy and fatty chicken for brunch. I thought KFC's coffee was a tad too light so headed to the hot hot food court at tampines interchange for my coffee-cow fix. It helps too that they have a smoking section! Nosiy and very hot, not recommended but if you needa good fix equal to an espresso, head down and ask for a wee bit more sugar to that extra zing! Of course Strabucks or Coffee Bean would have been nice but right after being FIRED via sms....one has to be very careful with whatever money is left. I flipped and flipped and what caught my eye amidst all the tragic news is a letter in the forum about noisy karung guni (pro-enviromentalist guy who goes around collecting rubbish in exchange for a lil token of cash) man. Wait!! Is that the karung-guni man that got to buy a terrace house by just collecting rubbish?!!! >) Apparently this poor soul is so distraught by the noise that they make for hours on end that he decided enough was enough and went to report of the disturbances to the police! They told him to go to the town council and they told him to go back to the POLICE! *muahahahaha* hilarious! cos I kept humming the theme song to Ghostbusters but replacing "Ghost" with "karung-guni". There is no hope for my fellow countrymen. To think that they actually PUBLISHED his letter, I am sure his concerns mirror those around him. Nak ajer gua campak dia pat Myanmar nie skarang. Tengok dia complain tak pasal karung guni *hehe* No books, no lappy to fiddle with so I headed home. The bus ride usually cold turned out to be stifling stuffy. I tried to relax and stare out to the skies but the caffeine and chicken was tossing and churning various thoughts and my body ached to stretch and move it. I couldn't wait to get down. When I did, I was surprised to feel happy. Wasn't I supposed to be depressed? Distraught? Or maybe frustrated about losing a job? Fear was playing hide and seek but the focus was only that I was happy. I didn't want it to merely fleet away so dropped everything in the room and leafed through an old album that bobby saved of our growing up years. A walk down memory lane could help bouy this momentarily. They were the only pictures saved of our childhood and I laughed and savoured each photo as I remembered when, where, how and why they were taken. I looked so much like mama. And i swear Terror 2 has a picture somewhere that looks exactly like bobby when he was 12? That done, bobby and shikino left for their parent's place to help out with the open house and me right here plonked in front of the lappy to finish this.
Bobby was warning me to be very careful with their lappy and not to eat, drink or do anything remotely normal while using their lappy. It is after all...the only connection we have to the internet world at home right now and things borrowed can never have the enjoy the same rules as things owned :) reminds me of how desperate I am to STUFF myself with all that is MINE. And toodle-loo now I just need to email my resume to all that I know before logging off till with more good news! Wish I could put up pics and damn if I don't find proper e-storage for all my pics. Lest they share the same fate as the rest that died with the last 2 pcs *blearrrgh!* well...we'll just have to see won't we? ;)
Stay sane be always brave,
jahatamyemeelea
"Minta maaf, minta ampun atas segala yang tersurat-tersirat. Kalau tersinggung atau mungkin segelintir dikecewa, aku minta maaf ;) dari seluruh pelusuk zahir dan batinku, moga doa mu menjadi harapan ku juga....Selamat Hari Raya!"
Tuesday, October 02, 2007
here i am...
Rambling again…
I saw the gals for iftar and a trip to sma to check out the degree programme the have there. I kept repeating 20 thousand dollars much the the chagrin of the ladies. There was ms. Mar the young and ambitious librarian. Then there was giggly and very much tickly ms.nadiaH who came JUST in time for ifthar and of course our jaunts will not be complete with ms. Sanee the seriously insane policewoman in disguise as a paper crazy student *mueheheh* who came like at 730pm and saved me from seriously ransacking next door 711 for a blarrdy lighter. Yeaps….yours truly has started her smoking BUT I am very much trying to lay it low. Because yes..after that bout of being seriously ill, we all need to take care of ourselves a wee much better :D we had a lousy and noisy iftar at tong seng just opposite bugis but it was nice to meet up and fire the rage of enthusiasm for higher learning. For all the reasons we all have for taking up the diploma and contemplating the degree programme it was nice to humble oneself and bask in the ideal glory of others. Refreshing to say the least, because suddenly not making sense was serious making a lot of sense.
We all suddenly wondered aloud why each of us is doing the deed. Switching from a diploma programme to a degree is serious major mojo to contend with. Then a sudden epiphany! From current book in bag, “ It would be sane now NOT to be an emperor of one idea; to start from the position that everyone is right from their own point of view; and to take for granted that everyone is more confused than they seem. Havoc is always wrecked in fast cures for confusion. The sane believe that confusion, acknowledged, is a virtue; and that humiliating another person is the worst thing we ever do. Sanity should not be our word for the alternatives to madness; it shoud refer to whatever resources we have to prevent humiliation.” – Adam Phillips, Going Sane. A bit of truth there? Aren’t we all the selfish bastards we are born to be? But hey! We shouldn’t go crazy for wanting and desiring for meaning. Please let’s not bring genetics into this or religion! I am trying to stay coherent here *haha!*
But it was the lingering question of the nazi’s and their past brutality that clinked and d clanked much in my brains. I did read about those Nazi experiemnts. All those senseless and nasty evil ones they did on the jews. What was their motive? Why so extreme?! And so creative some more..but on the whole it was the mental experiments that lasted throuhout history and how it premeated layers upon layers of people and not only of jewish descendants nor of origins. It affected us colelctively and universally, most definitely. I once read, Victor Frank’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning' while doing research on Logos. 'Logos’ is the the greek word for ‘meaning’ and found it very rewarding. It was a gripping account of his time in a Nazi concentration camp and of his fellow prisoners who either devloped a survival mindset or simply gave up on life. Frankl apprecaited the multidimensional nature of humans and while he didn’t deny that biology or conditioning shapes us, he insisted that there is room for free will. We are able to choose to develop certain values or aprituclar course in life, or to retain our dignity in difficult situtations. Excerpts:-“What I term the existential vacuum constitutes a challenge to psychiatry today. Ever more patients complain of a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, which seems to derive from two facts. Unlike an animal, man is not told by instincts what he should do. Often he does not even know what he basically wishes to do. Instead, he either wishes to do what other people do (conformism), or he does what other people wish him to (totalitarism).” So as not to confuse his theory with the existentialsim of Sartre or Camus, Frankl wanted to convince people that life will always have meaning. Even if it is not yet clear what it is. We may not discern or pick on a its meaning in difficult or painful situations until later, when we have grown as a result of what happened. Easier said than done when in this age and time what we all chase after is ‘closure’ the simplicity of having it done and away with. Its over, NADA…KAPISH! But how many of us take the time to think about the courage, the quiet strength of sitting it through. Of bawling ones eyes out and feeling better that you did because you realised that through it all…you are still alive. Each person, he wrote, comes into life with a unique set of potential meanings to fulfill. It is up to us whether we decide to grasp these meanings and accept them, or try to avoid them. There is no ultimate “meaning of life” or why we want to do or have to do. Only individual meanngs of lives of individual people. And boy did I have a headspin while I was sick. But bleak situations don’t necessarily do that. A perfect sunrise could give you the inspiration to hunt for many more. A soft blowing breeze may whet your appetite for the chill of the mountains? Be careful of bears or rather monkeys then. If you are like most Singaporeans and have only encountered animals in the zoo *hehe* so how the hell all this get tied with and into the jews and the nazi’s and concentration camps? Errr….blame it on the trailing effects of the drugs :p but *ahemssss* please do a twirl and ask youself if we are not living in a Nazi camp right now ;)
So even though muddleheaded and very much so disorientated last weekend. The sleep, the rest and okay the drugs helped to bring back a sense of equilibrium that I so desire. The zest is slowly creeping up and although I see no meaning in episodes of humiliation I see and taste at work, I am reminded yet again, how fragile we each hold our lives on tether to. And what for? The concious acceptance of suffering or fate can be transformed into one of our greatest achievements. So the nazi’s….didn’t they have anything better to do than meddle with other people’s minds? Believe it or not but the legacy of the nazi’s tortures are still very much alive. Subtley it has premeated our daily lives in silence and killing every little nuace of free will we have. Any oppressive enviroment will do just that. Kill you softly or gently with much worry about freedom of speech, healthcare and the care of the aged. In midst of the young chasing after paper after paper, our natural compassionate nature to understand and give support without prejudice is slowly but steeply eroding our sense of humanity. So onward we march gals!! There is yet much to acclaim for. Don’t let the numbers or time and critism bog you down. What matters most is that you empower yourself with the tools and stay determined on course to do what every little thing we can to make this life better for everyone. The point of melding what you have with what you want to apply to life is tricky but we will all get to the point soon enough. See you guys for another round of serious and not so serious mental jaunts before class. And be the riot you are! No one cares really :p we have the law on our side *points to ms.sanee* albeit she can be very ham-sup or seriously uncensored for your both very young ears. But that is life….all about preparation darls. We all are going to die but how we will end it ultimately can still be a choice. None but your’s…..errrm…..okay I think I’m a bit off here but we can shove it in more next next Thursday?
Quote biksetan from summer breeze….
::: quand les chiens mordent, quand les abeilles piquent, quand je sens le mauvais.. Remembering stuffs you like & being happy.:::
and while you chew on that; it doesn’t take much to create that meaning yourself….and not if you won’t let me do it for you. Even while I’m sick dammit!!! So I so owe the many many of you! And the amount of conversations lost! First iftar out and I must say, I have missed out on many!! Apologies to aha, nanin and lindot again. and to the many many many others who have tried relentlessly to get me OUT. Sorry guys..it’s a week break and its back to hitting books :) still….InsyaAllah, Eid will bring many other opporturnities. I owe the 3 terrors BIG time for this coming week so we’ll work something out.
*happy thought happy happy thoughts happy thoughts happy happy thoughts*
powwsters – be bothered already! And hope you had a blast getting older.
Minah gebu gua aka lynn maharet – congrats darl!!! May you muntah *vomit* your way to the 2nd trimester and enjoy it *muahahahah*
Wombat & mrs – another pair of soulmates I see and I spy! We’ll celebrate BIG time soonest
Biksetan! - *sings you are my sunshine my only sunshine* oh! Beware of spiders but don’t kill any will you while playing archeologist? :p
Sham – oits!!! Gua rindu lu but as usual, no news is good news just better if we can have another day out aye? Jom kita jalan raya!!!! Gua pegi rumah lu, then kita hike pegi rumah gua :D the boys not to mention the terrors will definitely hate me already after the hike from telok blangah to woodlands….
Hugsy and the missus! – spied you on multiply! And congrats with the incoming! It is a mat or a minah? Pray that both of you well…..
More happy thoughts? Hrmmm……I hope I passed!!!
Stay sane,
jahatamyemeelea
I saw the gals for iftar and a trip to sma to check out the degree programme the have there. I kept repeating 20 thousand dollars much the the chagrin of the ladies. There was ms. Mar the young and ambitious librarian. Then there was giggly and very much tickly ms.nadiaH who came JUST in time for ifthar and of course our jaunts will not be complete with ms. Sanee the seriously insane policewoman in disguise as a paper crazy student *mueheheh* who came like at 730pm and saved me from seriously ransacking next door 711 for a blarrdy lighter. Yeaps….yours truly has started her smoking BUT I am very much trying to lay it low. Because yes..after that bout of being seriously ill, we all need to take care of ourselves a wee much better :D we had a lousy and noisy iftar at tong seng just opposite bugis but it was nice to meet up and fire the rage of enthusiasm for higher learning. For all the reasons we all have for taking up the diploma and contemplating the degree programme it was nice to humble oneself and bask in the ideal glory of others. Refreshing to say the least, because suddenly not making sense was serious making a lot of sense.
We all suddenly wondered aloud why each of us is doing the deed. Switching from a diploma programme to a degree is serious major mojo to contend with. Then a sudden epiphany! From current book in bag, “ It would be sane now NOT to be an emperor of one idea; to start from the position that everyone is right from their own point of view; and to take for granted that everyone is more confused than they seem. Havoc is always wrecked in fast cures for confusion. The sane believe that confusion, acknowledged, is a virtue; and that humiliating another person is the worst thing we ever do. Sanity should not be our word for the alternatives to madness; it shoud refer to whatever resources we have to prevent humiliation.” – Adam Phillips, Going Sane. A bit of truth there? Aren’t we all the selfish bastards we are born to be? But hey! We shouldn’t go crazy for wanting and desiring for meaning. Please let’s not bring genetics into this or religion! I am trying to stay coherent here *haha!*
But it was the lingering question of the nazi’s and their past brutality that clinked and d clanked much in my brains. I did read about those Nazi experiemnts. All those senseless and nasty evil ones they did on the jews. What was their motive? Why so extreme?! And so creative some more..but on the whole it was the mental experiments that lasted throuhout history and how it premeated layers upon layers of people and not only of jewish descendants nor of origins. It affected us colelctively and universally, most definitely. I once read, Victor Frank’s book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning' while doing research on Logos. 'Logos’ is the the greek word for ‘meaning’ and found it very rewarding. It was a gripping account of his time in a Nazi concentration camp and of his fellow prisoners who either devloped a survival mindset or simply gave up on life. Frankl apprecaited the multidimensional nature of humans and while he didn’t deny that biology or conditioning shapes us, he insisted that there is room for free will. We are able to choose to develop certain values or aprituclar course in life, or to retain our dignity in difficult situtations. Excerpts:-“What I term the existential vacuum constitutes a challenge to psychiatry today. Ever more patients complain of a feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness, which seems to derive from two facts. Unlike an animal, man is not told by instincts what he should do. Often he does not even know what he basically wishes to do. Instead, he either wishes to do what other people do (conformism), or he does what other people wish him to (totalitarism).” So as not to confuse his theory with the existentialsim of Sartre or Camus, Frankl wanted to convince people that life will always have meaning. Even if it is not yet clear what it is. We may not discern or pick on a its meaning in difficult or painful situations until later, when we have grown as a result of what happened. Easier said than done when in this age and time what we all chase after is ‘closure’ the simplicity of having it done and away with. Its over, NADA…KAPISH! But how many of us take the time to think about the courage, the quiet strength of sitting it through. Of bawling ones eyes out and feeling better that you did because you realised that through it all…you are still alive. Each person, he wrote, comes into life with a unique set of potential meanings to fulfill. It is up to us whether we decide to grasp these meanings and accept them, or try to avoid them. There is no ultimate “meaning of life” or why we want to do or have to do. Only individual meanngs of lives of individual people. And boy did I have a headspin while I was sick. But bleak situations don’t necessarily do that. A perfect sunrise could give you the inspiration to hunt for many more. A soft blowing breeze may whet your appetite for the chill of the mountains? Be careful of bears or rather monkeys then. If you are like most Singaporeans and have only encountered animals in the zoo *hehe* so how the hell all this get tied with and into the jews and the nazi’s and concentration camps? Errr….blame it on the trailing effects of the drugs :p but *ahemssss* please do a twirl and ask youself if we are not living in a Nazi camp right now ;)
So even though muddleheaded and very much so disorientated last weekend. The sleep, the rest and okay the drugs helped to bring back a sense of equilibrium that I so desire. The zest is slowly creeping up and although I see no meaning in episodes of humiliation I see and taste at work, I am reminded yet again, how fragile we each hold our lives on tether to. And what for? The concious acceptance of suffering or fate can be transformed into one of our greatest achievements. So the nazi’s….didn’t they have anything better to do than meddle with other people’s minds? Believe it or not but the legacy of the nazi’s tortures are still very much alive. Subtley it has premeated our daily lives in silence and killing every little nuace of free will we have. Any oppressive enviroment will do just that. Kill you softly or gently with much worry about freedom of speech, healthcare and the care of the aged. In midst of the young chasing after paper after paper, our natural compassionate nature to understand and give support without prejudice is slowly but steeply eroding our sense of humanity. So onward we march gals!! There is yet much to acclaim for. Don’t let the numbers or time and critism bog you down. What matters most is that you empower yourself with the tools and stay determined on course to do what every little thing we can to make this life better for everyone. The point of melding what you have with what you want to apply to life is tricky but we will all get to the point soon enough. See you guys for another round of serious and not so serious mental jaunts before class. And be the riot you are! No one cares really :p we have the law on our side *points to ms.sanee* albeit she can be very ham-sup or seriously uncensored for your both very young ears. But that is life….all about preparation darls. We all are going to die but how we will end it ultimately can still be a choice. None but your’s…..errrm…..okay I think I’m a bit off here but we can shove it in more next next Thursday?
Quote biksetan from summer breeze….
::: quand les chiens mordent, quand les abeilles piquent, quand je sens le mauvais.. Remembering stuffs you like & being happy.:::
and while you chew on that; it doesn’t take much to create that meaning yourself….and not if you won’t let me do it for you. Even while I’m sick dammit!!! So I so owe the many many of you! And the amount of conversations lost! First iftar out and I must say, I have missed out on many!! Apologies to aha, nanin and lindot again. and to the many many many others who have tried relentlessly to get me OUT. Sorry guys..it’s a week break and its back to hitting books :) still….InsyaAllah, Eid will bring many other opporturnities. I owe the 3 terrors BIG time for this coming week so we’ll work something out.
*happy thought happy happy thoughts happy thoughts happy happy thoughts*
powwsters – be bothered already! And hope you had a blast getting older.
Minah gebu gua aka lynn maharet – congrats darl!!! May you muntah *vomit* your way to the 2nd trimester and enjoy it *muahahahah*
Wombat & mrs – another pair of soulmates I see and I spy! We’ll celebrate BIG time soonest
Biksetan! - *sings you are my sunshine my only sunshine* oh! Beware of spiders but don’t kill any will you while playing archeologist? :p
Sham – oits!!! Gua rindu lu but as usual, no news is good news just better if we can have another day out aye? Jom kita jalan raya!!!! Gua pegi rumah lu, then kita hike pegi rumah gua :D the boys not to mention the terrors will definitely hate me already after the hike from telok blangah to woodlands….
Hugsy and the missus! – spied you on multiply! And congrats with the incoming! It is a mat or a minah? Pray that both of you well…..
More happy thoughts? Hrmmm……I hope I passed!!!
Stay sane,
jahatamyemeelea
Thursday, September 27, 2007
Doctor tales...
It was maybe me dancing the chacha or really it was a brush with dengue or I will never know if it really was an allergic reaction to the antibiotics I was taking right after the op?! But me much better now. Feeling very much myself over the sun, moon and stars thanking Him for another day to be breathing. It was supposed to be a rock and rolling weekend with the terrors and my ex school mates whom I so so much dearly miss but oh my god! I was in so much pain. The never ending fevers through the nights and the ache in my bones finally breaking out in rash all over. My face was all blotchy, you wouldn’t have recognised me. I was also teary…I kept crying and thinking if this was ‘the end’. *hehe* yeaps…me the sick wimp. I was thinking about my will of debts :p but most of all my loved loved ones *snnnnIFFFFFFFsnoort*
So with all I’ve got plus a helping hand from a concerned one, I took the trip to the docs and hurray! The doc confirmed nothing cept for the leftover cyst to be smaller *saysmuchthankyoutoHim* then prescribed me more meds for the combo of fever and rash. I still saw the terrors last weekend but I think I freaked them out because I distinctly remember the 3 terrified terrors all around me telling me not to die *bawlseeyesout* and there I was not being able to move or say much cept to calm them down and tell them that mama’s going to be ALLRIGHT so keep praying hard. Hats off to Sham when I think of the times she was down and still had to cook, clean and care for the boys. Gosh! I felt so helpless and aha, nanin and lindot, “I heart you guys so much and thank you for the bbq we didn’t manage to attend! The food looked yummylicious and you guys were picture perfect as usual!” I never want to be sick ever again! Kak tina and Guy were so accomodating, they made sure I had the support when needed, the coconut juice was refreshing ;) The kids roamed around freely and did complain that this was the most boring weekend evar! A short stint lighting lanterns and then fireworks at the corridor. Best was that, terror 2 scored major points when he refused to go bazaar a walking to take care of me at home. We watched Harry Potter, then he tucked me in, rubbed calamine lotion all over my red hot body and told me how much he loved me. THAT is my hero in the making. Nope! Hands of all those girls out there, this is here mama’s BOY! :P I.just.can’t.forget. HOW.so spaced out by the drugs I was! The weekend was like a really bad trip or when tempered down, a cool pink floyd clip *muehehee* I thought of what shikino must have gone through while doing radiotheraphy and school! Wahlau! She deserve those 2 gold medals man! Give my sis in law a baby already! :) so please take care of yourselves peeps…morbidity in small doses can be really painful and when escalates! *gahhhhhhhhhh!* like me…turn into such a baybeee!
Maybe it could be seen still from my entry today? So scatterbrained still. so many conversations to pick up from where they have been shelved for time outs. Nazi concetration camps that’s one. Is humiliating another the worst thing you can do to someone? Is revenge the sweetest when its right on the jugular and more? On sanity versus madness, that’s another one. On why a certain someone says no to a perfectly planned day out, that’s another good one. On doing the dissapearing act and go ‘tata…goodbye and so long’ that’s another good one. On cheating tales! Wah very juicy *winkwink* and for the rest that I can’t really remember cos my arms so very the ache now and I don’t know why. So its to pen and paper till I can properly type again :)
Stay sane, <---- that’s another one! What is the meaning of being sane??
Jahatamyemeelea
ps: salam ramadhan to all...although i haven't been able to fufill my ends very well. Salam Nuzul Al Quran to those who are a looking :) May the night of all nights be yours for the taking..
So with all I’ve got plus a helping hand from a concerned one, I took the trip to the docs and hurray! The doc confirmed nothing cept for the leftover cyst to be smaller *saysmuchthankyoutoHim* then prescribed me more meds for the combo of fever and rash. I still saw the terrors last weekend but I think I freaked them out because I distinctly remember the 3 terrified terrors all around me telling me not to die *bawlseeyesout* and there I was not being able to move or say much cept to calm them down and tell them that mama’s going to be ALLRIGHT so keep praying hard. Hats off to Sham when I think of the times she was down and still had to cook, clean and care for the boys. Gosh! I felt so helpless and aha, nanin and lindot, “I heart you guys so much and thank you for the bbq we didn’t manage to attend! The food looked yummylicious and you guys were picture perfect as usual!” I never want to be sick ever again! Kak tina and Guy were so accomodating, they made sure I had the support when needed, the coconut juice was refreshing ;) The kids roamed around freely and did complain that this was the most boring weekend evar! A short stint lighting lanterns and then fireworks at the corridor. Best was that, terror 2 scored major points when he refused to go bazaar a walking to take care of me at home. We watched Harry Potter, then he tucked me in, rubbed calamine lotion all over my red hot body and told me how much he loved me. THAT is my hero in the making. Nope! Hands of all those girls out there, this is here mama’s BOY! :P I.just.can’t.forget. HOW.so spaced out by the drugs I was! The weekend was like a really bad trip or when tempered down, a cool pink floyd clip *muehehee* I thought of what shikino must have gone through while doing radiotheraphy and school! Wahlau! She deserve those 2 gold medals man! Give my sis in law a baby already! :) so please take care of yourselves peeps…morbidity in small doses can be really painful and when escalates! *gahhhhhhhhhh!* like me…turn into such a baybeee!
Maybe it could be seen still from my entry today? So scatterbrained still. so many conversations to pick up from where they have been shelved for time outs. Nazi concetration camps that’s one. Is humiliating another the worst thing you can do to someone? Is revenge the sweetest when its right on the jugular and more? On sanity versus madness, that’s another one. On why a certain someone says no to a perfectly planned day out, that’s another good one. On doing the dissapearing act and go ‘tata…goodbye and so long’ that’s another good one. On cheating tales! Wah very juicy *winkwink* and for the rest that I can’t really remember cos my arms so very the ache now and I don’t know why. So its to pen and paper till I can properly type again :)
Stay sane, <---- that’s another one! What is the meaning of being sane??
Jahatamyemeelea
ps: salam ramadhan to all...although i haven't been able to fufill my ends very well. Salam Nuzul Al Quran to those who are a looking :) May the night of all nights be yours for the taking..
Friday, September 14, 2007
from the harem network..*cough*
Spent the day at work yesterday walking around like a zombie and actually took a 1 hour lunch nap in the office toilet. I was feeling dat bad from the flu and mounting fever. Towards the end of the day, felt better and managed to get through social psychology mcq test :) it wasn’t so bad so I took heart and rest. I had thought that the small day op for the cyst might not have been able to go through but with His grace, I mananged fine this morning, the fever came down and all went well. I think it was the shock of it all, my exams, new job sucks, new colleagues suck, lady boss is a *ho-hum* and to know that my grogginess and bouts of flu and all was about this rambutan tree growing in my stomach was a bit too much. After my last few skrimishes with all manner of growth from neck down, of course I didn’t want to take any chances so opted for the fastest way to get things done. Way more expensive if you ask me! >( but better now then say when medical expenses in singy start to really be the biggest bugger of all. This was all a bit last minute in informing the office though so da boss was very sceptical about my sick leave. Especially when I told her that I was going to do this small op and will be knocked out for 2 days. Her reason was that her friend went for this op too and got sick leave for 1 week so ‘how can she only get 2 days’, also heard through the grapevine *whywhycan’theysayittomyface* that she isn’t too happy about me being sick cos its unfair for the rest of the staff. Seeing that I’m new and everything. Well, I think it is because she’d rather have me infect the whole office with my blues *theflu!too* and have a slumping, do it for the company kinda very loyal work till I die type of employee than someone who is conscientious about her health and wellbeing hence taking time of to rest and generally only give off good vibes at the office. Arghhh! What we all do for money ehk? :)
Ramadhan is here again, and the weather has been very cool and forgiving. I don’t think I can start fasting soon enough because I have to take my antibiotics *amust!* for at least 5 days. Lets see how well I can juggle that. The two bright spots of my day came from biksetan and wombatman! Who took the blues away with simple smses *hehe* i want your breakfast ah!!!! and then the other was very kind to pick me back home to make sure I have enough rest from the op. At home, Bobby was bright and cheery! He has finally decided on a degree course at SIM and hopefully will get that scholarship to start his semester in january 2008. I have been thinking about that Specialist diploma too and thinking if it would be better for me to go straight for my degree in Psychology by just adding a few bit more to my current study loan *shivers* but other was right. Concentrate on my current responsibilities and don’t stretch myself too thin.
Health is IMPORTANT! And good friends, family and close loved ones. Life is not all about MONEY, STATUS and leading a company. No matter how much you think you are giving back to society by paying us salary, its not the dollars and cents at the end of the day that makes you a good boss. A respected and look upon leader as someone whom you can emulate must be able to connect and integrate positive values with the company’s goals and vision to grow. And its rewards are rarely short-term. A company with a leader, all at once who is compassionate and who can provide meaning to the core work being done daily will not have to worry about having staff with the wrong attitude. They will simply just ‘attract’ the right people and these people will be loyal and hardworking after working out the pros and cons. The office is your 2nd home is it not? Or maybe you do not have a home? Or never knew what and where home is and will be for you? :( are people to you another set of values in numbers? Have we no pride that you can scream, “I am going to kill you!!!” at the top of your lungs and take it that you have pms? Well, there is something about you that I can’t put my finger on but let time tell.
You may pride yourself for being “right” all the time, but such inflexibility does not always guarantee a future. What about conscience and morality? “Man is not a moral animal in the sense of possessing a special trait or virtue; he has built a kind of social enviroment which induces him to behave in moral ways” wrote B.F Skinner as he once observed in his book about how, like all animals, humans are creatures shaped by their environment – but we also have the ability to adjust or create new environments. So if you want to built a successful company with a loadful of self motivated employees, think about the culture and environment that YOU are building and projecting yourself. WE can’t change a mind. WE can only change the environment that may prompt someone to act differentl... so think about it boss! Your irritability and many faced attitudes are making frankensteins out of us. Or haven’t you realised that already maybe thinking that its all just a touch of side effects to your midas touch? For now, after 3 weeks, I am merely an observer. Thinking what have I gotten myself into for a jump up of 300 bucks to my end month pay packet. Of course I owe you my gratitude for bringing me on board to maybe and hopefully share and be able to create a difference. But seriously ah….I rather be wise and compassionate than another Sir Napoleon Bonarparte! Be how like God rather How like Dog!
so its another roll in the hay for me while i look over yonder for much much greener pastures *blueeeeeek!* see you in the office tomorrow! with a huge smile on my face that says i am thankful i have sooooOoooo many people concerned about my health and wellbeing which is why this skip in my walk, whereas you have only profit and loss to balance your love and concern chequebook *ouch!*
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Ramadhan is here again, and the weather has been very cool and forgiving. I don’t think I can start fasting soon enough because I have to take my antibiotics *amust!* for at least 5 days. Lets see how well I can juggle that. The two bright spots of my day came from biksetan and wombatman! Who took the blues away with simple smses *hehe* i want your breakfast ah!!!! and then the other was very kind to pick me back home to make sure I have enough rest from the op. At home, Bobby was bright and cheery! He has finally decided on a degree course at SIM and hopefully will get that scholarship to start his semester in january 2008. I have been thinking about that Specialist diploma too and thinking if it would be better for me to go straight for my degree in Psychology by just adding a few bit more to my current study loan *shivers* but other was right. Concentrate on my current responsibilities and don’t stretch myself too thin.
Health is IMPORTANT! And good friends, family and close loved ones. Life is not all about MONEY, STATUS and leading a company. No matter how much you think you are giving back to society by paying us salary, its not the dollars and cents at the end of the day that makes you a good boss. A respected and look upon leader as someone whom you can emulate must be able to connect and integrate positive values with the company’s goals and vision to grow. And its rewards are rarely short-term. A company with a leader, all at once who is compassionate and who can provide meaning to the core work being done daily will not have to worry about having staff with the wrong attitude. They will simply just ‘attract’ the right people and these people will be loyal and hardworking after working out the pros and cons. The office is your 2nd home is it not? Or maybe you do not have a home? Or never knew what and where home is and will be for you? :( are people to you another set of values in numbers? Have we no pride that you can scream, “I am going to kill you!!!” at the top of your lungs and take it that you have pms? Well, there is something about you that I can’t put my finger on but let time tell.
You may pride yourself for being “right” all the time, but such inflexibility does not always guarantee a future. What about conscience and morality? “Man is not a moral animal in the sense of possessing a special trait or virtue; he has built a kind of social enviroment which induces him to behave in moral ways” wrote B.F Skinner as he once observed in his book about how, like all animals, humans are creatures shaped by their environment – but we also have the ability to adjust or create new environments. So if you want to built a successful company with a loadful of self motivated employees, think about the culture and environment that YOU are building and projecting yourself. WE can’t change a mind. WE can only change the environment that may prompt someone to act differentl... so think about it boss! Your irritability and many faced attitudes are making frankensteins out of us. Or haven’t you realised that already maybe thinking that its all just a touch of side effects to your midas touch? For now, after 3 weeks, I am merely an observer. Thinking what have I gotten myself into for a jump up of 300 bucks to my end month pay packet. Of course I owe you my gratitude for bringing me on board to maybe and hopefully share and be able to create a difference. But seriously ah….I rather be wise and compassionate than another Sir Napoleon Bonarparte! Be how like God rather How like Dog!
so its another roll in the hay for me while i look over yonder for much much greener pastures *blueeeeeek!* see you in the office tomorrow! with a huge smile on my face that says i am thankful i have sooooOoooo many people concerned about my health and wellbeing which is why this skip in my walk, whereas you have only profit and loss to balance your love and concern chequebook *ouch!*
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Monday, September 03, 2007
Another wedding!
Interesting…
“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations” – Khalil Gibran
Two of my nephews finished their Al Quran studies and so my elder bro; the fourth in the family decided to have a prayer session to give thanks for their achievements. My sister-in-law’s niece was getting married so they had both events together last weekend. It was somewhere in Jurong as usual under the voideck, yet another opportunity for all of us, close cousins and family to get together. ALL of my siblings were present except for my dear sis in states and I felt so girly out of a sudden to be the only girl flanked my 3 elder bros and bobby. We ate and sat around catching up after hearing the careful renditions of the surahs by both Zulfikar and Luqman to mark end their studies while congratulations were offered all around. Its not easy okay to actually read the Al Quran in front of soooooo many people! Zulfikar the older one, faltered and looked so tense while Lukman was confident and managed to carry a tune even. Nevertheless, we were very proud of both of them. I for one, can't read the Al Quran *blush* but learnt the surahs by memory so this was another reason to buck up! The dais was then taken up by the bride and groom who hogged the limelight. The family taking the opportunity to take pictures and we were just basking in good company when my aunt broke the reverie by asking my elder bro to find a girl for my cousin. She wanted him to act as matchmaker! *gasp* for her eldest son who is still single. She specifically asked for a ‘good girl’ and we all knew what that meant. The intended girl must fulfil all the basics and even more. Isn’t that all we mothers hope for our sons one day? To marry an honourable, virtuous, graceful and beautiful woman? My bro replied that no mother will get what she asks for to the incredulous looks around him. And for maximum impact he added that no mother in law will get a kind daughter in law. I could see the contorted faces and I pressed closer to dare ask my bro to explain.
It is simply difficult my brother said because of the following reason :-
“that the girl was brought up and fed by another family so how can what we deem as good and kind as a family be ever the same?”
BUT as long as these basics were fulfilled then chances are that the daughter in law will be the best that she can be for her husband, her children and family. Which is:-
1) she has the blessing of both her in laws to be part of the family. They too must like, respect and honour her as a person.
2) The husband is willing to act as guide and not fail to fulfil any one of the basics that is to provide her with her basic needs for food, shelter and protection.
3) And to not stop ‘hoping’ (to pray ler) to be blessed and fulfilled with a girl who is able and willing to be part of the family. Even after the wedding okay…
“It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations” – Khalil Gibran
Two of my nephews finished their Al Quran studies and so my elder bro; the fourth in the family decided to have a prayer session to give thanks for their achievements. My sister-in-law’s niece was getting married so they had both events together last weekend. It was somewhere in Jurong as usual under the voideck, yet another opportunity for all of us, close cousins and family to get together. ALL of my siblings were present except for my dear sis in states and I felt so girly out of a sudden to be the only girl flanked my 3 elder bros and bobby. We ate and sat around catching up after hearing the careful renditions of the surahs by both Zulfikar and Luqman to mark end their studies while congratulations were offered all around. Its not easy okay to actually read the Al Quran in front of soooooo many people! Zulfikar the older one, faltered and looked so tense while Lukman was confident and managed to carry a tune even. Nevertheless, we were very proud of both of them. I for one, can't read the Al Quran *blush* but learnt the surahs by memory so this was another reason to buck up! The dais was then taken up by the bride and groom who hogged the limelight. The family taking the opportunity to take pictures and we were just basking in good company when my aunt broke the reverie by asking my elder bro to find a girl for my cousin. She wanted him to act as matchmaker! *gasp* for her eldest son who is still single. She specifically asked for a ‘good girl’ and we all knew what that meant. The intended girl must fulfil all the basics and even more. Isn’t that all we mothers hope for our sons one day? To marry an honourable, virtuous, graceful and beautiful woman? My bro replied that no mother will get what she asks for to the incredulous looks around him. And for maximum impact he added that no mother in law will get a kind daughter in law. I could see the contorted faces and I pressed closer to dare ask my bro to explain.
It is simply difficult my brother said because of the following reason :-
“that the girl was brought up and fed by another family so how can what we deem as good and kind as a family be ever the same?”
BUT as long as these basics were fulfilled then chances are that the daughter in law will be the best that she can be for her husband, her children and family. Which is:-
1) she has the blessing of both her in laws to be part of the family. They too must like, respect and honour her as a person.
2) The husband is willing to act as guide and not fail to fulfil any one of the basics that is to provide her with her basic needs for food, shelter and protection.
3) And to not stop ‘hoping’ (to pray ler) to be blessed and fulfilled with a girl who is able and willing to be part of the family. Even after the wedding okay…
so many fulfillments siak, i felt full full *hehe* but this was no time to be joking around so very serious looking elders. ... but in all the full fulls...i know it is for the greater good ;)
Basically, he didn’t want the family to worry about my cousin. No intrusion needed was what he tried to emphasise. SUKA-SUKA or willing-willing errr….happy-happy? But I think it was brilliant! Why add the pressure right? My aunts then went to pick on the rest of the girls from his last relationships. One didn’t want to convert to be a muslim. Another went on ahead to marry another but still wants to be ‘friends’ and bla bla bla when suddenly as they turned the question to me. When was I getting married?! “If He wills” was all that I could reply. My recently widowed cousin who lost his wife to cancer became my scapegoat and add, “I’m actually waiting for him to remarry!” but he said he’s afraid that his wife will haunt him from the grave if he ever did and we all laughed it away. He whispered that, it’d be easy then for my future husband because he doesn’t have to worry about the blessing part from my parents as both of them have passed on but then there is a question about my siblings ;) to which shikino exclaimed bobby’s importance in my future union. Somehow, his whisper managed to move around the table. Yeaps, bobby vowed to check his account balance and whatever before my intended could ever get approval *prrft* with support from kak fatimah, who said it is imperative for our siblings to final aprrove my choice. Arghhh! That’s what usually happens at weddings isn’t it? Whose getting married next is always a very popular question.
So just remember folks….the key is “Spiritual affinity”. And to the mothers out there, imagine if it was your daughter being put under scrutiny. I am not saying to pick any minah, jambu or manis but it will be suffice that your son raise up to the plate; have the courage to court a suitable girl and prove to himself to be the leader that he should be, rather than have his mummy, daddy or whoever pick his other half for him. Wives....DO NOT DROP OUT OF THE SKY and DO YOU REALLY WANT TO BE MATCHMADE? >) If either side takes on the same stand then wouldn’t it be all just made in heaven just as it is intended to be?
Stay sane,
Amyemeelea
hmmm.......choosing the lesser of two evils? does that always work? *ponder ponder ponder*
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
my catharsis...
Reality started to sink in while we did that goal setting practical for emotion, cognition and motivation class today. Also, the dateline to submit our assignments kept ringing in my ear making it hard to concentrate on everything else. I took a power nap of 5 mins tops before I could focus on the mechanics of goal-setting in the middle of somewhere. Consciousness slowly tried to keep its grip on me while whatever amount of motivation I felt slowly ebbed away as I could feel myself listlessly trying to follow what was being said by mr. Lam. We had to lists our extrinsic and intrinsic to dos and my heart pounded as the words leaped out at me with a huge boo!
Class ended early as I finalised the last of the questions on what exactly motivates a person with a loose strategy somehow reminding me of spaghetti al dente lost deciding between trying to immerse itself in delicious cream sauce or tangy tomato sauce laced with a good dose of Tabasco. I packed and focused on trying to make my way towards mr. Lam crowded by others. Maybe it was my empty stomach I mused as I overheard mr. Lam mentioning my name to another student. Their conversation stopped abruptly when I approached making my entry into their personal space a little too creepy even for me. was it something good or bad that thought flicked away by a casual sweep of my hands to steady my sunglasses resting lopsided on my head.I quickly mentioned I needed time to see him on Thursday to discuss or rather get tips for writing that essay on learning before I start social psychology with ms. Hope. done! And I triumphed at the thought of getting that struck of my list. A hand shot out to reach my shoulder and ms.librarianmar announced that she wanted to hook up on Thursday too but I quickly cut her off saying that I needed the hour fully and hands off my booty! *hehe* I did not detect any hurt feelings there so we filed out of class, a few of us moaned at the thought of having to write and write somemore but soon it will be over and normal life or whatever is left of it can resume after the end of the semester. I needed a fag like i needed a shot of morphine or so I tried to pull myself back with a shot of extremism but I needed to pee even badly. Campy humour didn’t work with no one to share. A whole hour discussing goals! And I can’t dispel the disappointment I felt when the words ran into a blur right before my eyes. Was there a frog hiding in my throat? At least I got ryan and deci’s self determination theory right *haha* seconds after being blasted off for rattling to it as ‘that theory’ earlier on.
A sweet soul offered 2 sticks of pure manna as we sat to round up the night after pee break. Cool! I could already feel my muscles again and before the heat of the lighted second last tip could touch my fingers, it was goodbyes till hello. I speed read angela davis, her autobiography on the way back. the coursing hate she wrote about growing up among fearful aryans fuelled her need to pick up arms. She chose education as weapon and as I speed read through the passages, all I could think of was my bed :P closed the page and I let memory of terror 1 calling me from school this afternoon, she was very proud to report she used part of her pocket money to call me *tugsatheart* and that she was all dirty from doing painting in art class. She had to go before the 3 minutes were up because bibik was already waving her goodbye so before class I called her again this time at home and she continued happy stories about sleepwalking and promised to meet this weekend. It was a hasty call but the sound of her laughter brought the spring back into my steps. Ahhh….the bus jolted to a stop and i was finally home. a quick wash and quickly gobbled microwaved food and then decided that I didn’t want to get even more distracted by the show brothers & sisters on teevee, which I found very amusing, so I switched it off once I stubbed the last of my after dinner stick. Oh well….
Back to the drawing board and tap tap tap I worked on the keyboard. The words references, explain, critical, discuss just didn’t want to get pass introduction so aha! A light bulb flashed and zapped quite a few brain cells into shock when I realised that its only here that I could; to bleed my veins of toxic Monday blues out of my system and damn if I could get any work done tonight!
Sleep tight don’t let the bed bugs bite : )
Stay sane,
Amyemeela
Ps: tomorrow red!! In celebration of the blood moon *aaaaaaauuuUuuuuu*
Class ended early as I finalised the last of the questions on what exactly motivates a person with a loose strategy somehow reminding me of spaghetti al dente lost deciding between trying to immerse itself in delicious cream sauce or tangy tomato sauce laced with a good dose of Tabasco. I packed and focused on trying to make my way towards mr. Lam crowded by others. Maybe it was my empty stomach I mused as I overheard mr. Lam mentioning my name to another student. Their conversation stopped abruptly when I approached making my entry into their personal space a little too creepy even for me. was it something good or bad that thought flicked away by a casual sweep of my hands to steady my sunglasses resting lopsided on my head.I quickly mentioned I needed time to see him on Thursday to discuss or rather get tips for writing that essay on learning before I start social psychology with ms. Hope. done! And I triumphed at the thought of getting that struck of my list. A hand shot out to reach my shoulder and ms.librarianmar announced that she wanted to hook up on Thursday too but I quickly cut her off saying that I needed the hour fully and hands off my booty! *hehe* I did not detect any hurt feelings there so we filed out of class, a few of us moaned at the thought of having to write and write somemore but soon it will be over and normal life or whatever is left of it can resume after the end of the semester. I needed a fag like i needed a shot of morphine or so I tried to pull myself back with a shot of extremism but I needed to pee even badly. Campy humour didn’t work with no one to share. A whole hour discussing goals! And I can’t dispel the disappointment I felt when the words ran into a blur right before my eyes. Was there a frog hiding in my throat? At least I got ryan and deci’s self determination theory right *haha* seconds after being blasted off for rattling to it as ‘that theory’ earlier on.
A sweet soul offered 2 sticks of pure manna as we sat to round up the night after pee break. Cool! I could already feel my muscles again and before the heat of the lighted second last tip could touch my fingers, it was goodbyes till hello. I speed read angela davis, her autobiography on the way back. the coursing hate she wrote about growing up among fearful aryans fuelled her need to pick up arms. She chose education as weapon and as I speed read through the passages, all I could think of was my bed :P closed the page and I let memory of terror 1 calling me from school this afternoon, she was very proud to report she used part of her pocket money to call me *tugsatheart* and that she was all dirty from doing painting in art class. She had to go before the 3 minutes were up because bibik was already waving her goodbye so before class I called her again this time at home and she continued happy stories about sleepwalking and promised to meet this weekend. It was a hasty call but the sound of her laughter brought the spring back into my steps. Ahhh….the bus jolted to a stop and i was finally home. a quick wash and quickly gobbled microwaved food and then decided that I didn’t want to get even more distracted by the show brothers & sisters on teevee, which I found very amusing, so I switched it off once I stubbed the last of my after dinner stick. Oh well….
Back to the drawing board and tap tap tap I worked on the keyboard. The words references, explain, critical, discuss just didn’t want to get pass introduction so aha! A light bulb flashed and zapped quite a few brain cells into shock when I realised that its only here that I could; to bleed my veins of toxic Monday blues out of my system and damn if I could get any work done tonight!
Sleep tight don’t let the bed bugs bite : )
Stay sane,
Amyemeela
Ps: tomorrow red!! In celebration of the blood moon *aaaaaaauuuUuuuuu*
Monday, August 27, 2007
the blue screen....
Better..i need to write better…
But my mind is blank. Fingers jammed.
Where is maria hertogh now. Google failed me yet again.
I have seen guys with better skills and more feel for color. Much is over-rated. Save for one very talented artfakeme.
National day rally, it will be fun to count the number of friends I have who actually watched. OR cared about what was being said.
I do not think that fashion is only for the rich. So I’ll bloody well buy that trench coat and wear it to work if I want!
All the literature I have is on social politics to get away from schoolwork. I like it better when I can talk and discuss about it BUT who wants to for fear of the ISA or ISD. Whatever! Anything! I love that ad on teevee *heheheh*
I can’t show YOU my true feelings and you know why. I’m such a bitch that’s why.
H.P Lovecraft sounds interesting.
I need to renew my premium membership at the library. 4 books to go really sucksssssssssssss.
I am so bored I can eat my shoe.
Lunar eclipse tomorrow! Blood moon…somehow the one person I would love to share my enthusiasm with doesn’t think it’s a big deal at all *bahhh!* go go go biksetan! Makes me think if these peeps have any sense of fun at all!! *go look for fake fangs*
My ciggs ration is running low. Please donate generously...
passion is now froot-tea?!
Not that I hate weddings but I overdosed on the many updates on multiply. I’d rather go to a real one. Invites puhlease!!! Maybe like powwster said, da hilang steam ah *phoooot* it’s like a really weak fart that doesn’t give you any satisfaction.
Writers block. I really think I have writer’s block.
Why didn’t odex run after the people who ran the sites to download from instead chased after the end users? You mean like what they did to napster?? Because the ones that run these websites are based overseas? Not traceable so they fine the end users using the same universal principle which is to teach by example. Err… so others will think twice about illegal downloading. But that’s what I think; you can go ask someone you TRUST for answers that would satisfy you. boy am I so glad I am not a singnet user. U go pacnet!!! *nods at wombat for the irony* ;)
“Kak miiiiiii~~~~~ no more youtube!” heart my shikino for the gentle nudges. For I need to finish my assignments!
“Figaro! FigarooooooOooo! Figaro..figaro!!” *chuckles* a big hug for bobby for making fun of my mood music and making me feel lighthearted. Suddenly the mountain of school work feels lighter.
*focus on happy tots happy happy tots happy happy tots happy tots happy happy tots*
stay sane,
amyemeelea
But my mind is blank. Fingers jammed.
Where is maria hertogh now. Google failed me yet again.
I have seen guys with better skills and more feel for color. Much is over-rated. Save for one very talented artfakeme.
National day rally, it will be fun to count the number of friends I have who actually watched. OR cared about what was being said.
I do not think that fashion is only for the rich. So I’ll bloody well buy that trench coat and wear it to work if I want!
All the literature I have is on social politics to get away from schoolwork. I like it better when I can talk and discuss about it BUT who wants to for fear of the ISA or ISD. Whatever! Anything! I love that ad on teevee *heheheh*
I can’t show YOU my true feelings and you know why. I’m such a bitch that’s why.
H.P Lovecraft sounds interesting.
I need to renew my premium membership at the library. 4 books to go really sucksssssssssssss.
I am so bored I can eat my shoe.
Lunar eclipse tomorrow! Blood moon…somehow the one person I would love to share my enthusiasm with doesn’t think it’s a big deal at all *bahhh!* go go go biksetan! Makes me think if these peeps have any sense of fun at all!! *go look for fake fangs*
My ciggs ration is running low. Please donate generously...
passion is now froot-tea?!
Not that I hate weddings but I overdosed on the many updates on multiply. I’d rather go to a real one. Invites puhlease!!! Maybe like powwster said, da hilang steam ah *phoooot* it’s like a really weak fart that doesn’t give you any satisfaction.
Writers block. I really think I have writer’s block.
Why didn’t odex run after the people who ran the sites to download from instead chased after the end users? You mean like what they did to napster?? Because the ones that run these websites are based overseas? Not traceable so they fine the end users using the same universal principle which is to teach by example. Err… so others will think twice about illegal downloading. But that’s what I think; you can go ask someone you TRUST for answers that would satisfy you. boy am I so glad I am not a singnet user. U go pacnet!!! *nods at wombat for the irony* ;)
“Kak miiiiiii~~~~~ no more youtube!” heart my shikino for the gentle nudges. For I need to finish my assignments!
“Figaro! FigarooooooOooo! Figaro..figaro!!” *chuckles* a big hug for bobby for making fun of my mood music and making me feel lighthearted. Suddenly the mountain of school work feels lighter.
*focus on happy tots happy happy tots happy happy tots happy tots happy happy tots*
stay sane,
amyemeelea
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
!! I do not understand what you are saying at all !!
Articulate is not a vegetable....
Artichoke is a vegetable.....
"I repeat...one is a word and the other is a vegetable that is also considered a sensuous vegetable."
*sniff* in point form it will go like this * courtesy of merriam websters online* emphasis all mine.
word 1 ) ar-ti-cu-late
1 a : divided into syllables or words meaningfully arranged : INTELLIGIBLE b : able to speak c : expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively; also : expressed in this manner 2 a : consisting of segments united by joints : JOINTED b : distinctly marked off
and then we have *ahemsssssss*
word 2) ar-ti-choke
1 : a tall Mediterranean composite herb (Cynara scolymus) resembling a thistle with coarse pinnately incised leaves; also : its edible immature flower head which is cooked as a vegetable2 : JERUSALEM ARTICHOKE
so i'd rather be not understood then be a vegetable comprehende? pahe? tak pahe?!!! tak pahe tido! *understand? no understand? go sleep!* or have i just wasted your time? *glares* because I am AGAIN being long winded and could never keep it simple? What?! Pardon me, it is too difficult to understand? You couldn't make any meaning of it? *prfft*
What comes to mind is the irrepressable Oscar Wilde who said, 'It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.' I will not stop you if you prefer to 'read' others more coherent and those who can keep it simple for you to understand.
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
"As is all that stirs our soul, mine I stoke with my pointy thrusting curiosity. It is rare do I find another's as lucious as the sown fruits they speak of those grown on the tree of paradose, but when I spy one, this self sidles up nochalantly and gaze upon your subtle reflections. The slow stir begets a quick strike. The sting of my curiosity tears the hymen of your soul, to mark you forever with the stain of your blood on the tip of my hardened shaft. Our lips unlock, your eyes open in shock at the sweet obscenities while I langourly revel in the nakedness of your form. No passionate lovemaking should be bare in silence! Higher and deeper ring the octaves, we want to drown the deafening inane idle chatter. In full bloom kaledescopic color each our heady orgasms unfolds, the waves each taste of heaven. The is air heavy and humid as we both float above unbearably light cojoined, simply two beings caught in the act of ripe pickings. Our bodies bear witness in quiet harmony as the winds of fate blow gentle lullabies of farce realities below. Whispers of wonder and shyly bowing to amazement; we found each our truths. While the rest of the world grows weary of endless trysts, smilling we let them blissfully rest in ignorant satiety."
Artichoke is a vegetable.....
"I repeat...one is a word and the other is a vegetable that is also considered a sensuous vegetable."
*sniff* in point form it will go like this * courtesy of merriam websters online* emphasis all mine.
word 1 ) ar-ti-cu-late
1 a : divided into syllables or words meaningfully arranged : INTELLIGIBLE b : able to speak c : expressing oneself readily, clearly, or effectively
and then we have *ahemsssssss*
word 2) ar-ti-choke
1 : a tall Mediterranean composite herb (Cynara scolymus) resembling a thistle with coarse pinnately incised leaves; also : its edible immature flower head which is cooked as a vegetable2 : JERUSALEM ARTICHOKE
so i'd rather be not understood then be a vegetable comprehende? pahe? tak pahe?!!! tak pahe tido! *understand? no understand? go sleep!* or have i just wasted your time? *glares* because I am AGAIN being long winded and could never keep it simple? What?! Pardon me, it is too difficult to understand? You couldn't make any meaning of it? *prfft*
What comes to mind is the irrepressable Oscar Wilde who said, 'It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it.' I will not stop you if you prefer to 'read' others more coherent and those who can keep it simple for you to understand.
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Monday, August 20, 2007
After a long hiatus..
Work at the new office is slow as compared to the last but not less scary. The guys warm up pretty good after a week ;) except for Ms. DA-accountant. Office is very DA open with everyone looking into my 15” LCD screen and no matter how I shifted the screen, its still visible dar! As wombatman remarked after I sent them a pic of the new office, “open is an understatement…” err….yes….my mouth was open *hehe* Am trying to be as low key as possible and lurk under the radar but that’s always hard to do being moi :P so, this ms. DA-accountant has been giving me the attitude but I’m just keeping it cool. She gives me orders and expects me to fulfill them without giving me guidelines or take into consideration that I am new to her environment. She evens end marks her requests with a glare that looks like, “you just do as I say and you’d be fine. Don’t ask too may questions or else!” *ho-hum* I just and have never clicked well to those of the i-feel-inferor-i-need-to-talk-you-down-types. Which reminds me; I haven’t changed a bit as I’m still as fiery as ever but experience has taught me not to try fight on every front – just pick those worth fighting for. So I avoid ‘un-winnable’ battles, still for fun (with those who can appreciate it) I still do as a form of sparring. And everything I do, I do it with love *saaaap* Says much about my submissive attitude :) *to me, I still win nyah nyah nyah* too cool to care :D
Reminds me of an incident about managing my own expectations…..
The birthday girl refused to mingle with her party guests and I nagged and told her that I expect her to bear with it and to please leave her presents and come into the living room. I must have looked to her just like ms.DA-accountant is to me right now *maybe* She threw me such a mighty blow of attitude by brushing me off and had the cheek to sulk away. Who likes to be commented on in public so I took her away to the park to have a heart to heart talk. I asked why she was being how she is and she said, “Why did you scold me? Why must I always do what you say?" And I replied, “If you don’t want me to care or have expectations of you…its fine by me. You can do and think of whatever; and act on anything whenever and it’ll be okay for me. I’ll still love you as you are.” I painfully *with halted tears* explained to her why I insist on my ways is because i have expectations. It could be according to situations sometimes I might be jealous, it could be for selfish reasons and of course I’d always be questioning her every move and eventually we’ll have those spot on arguments because of my expectations. It is with that very reason that I care and i warned that my expectations could even rival those of famous lovers!…..only because I do love her and care. She sulked and refused to speak to me so we sat on that park bench till I made the decision for her and said from her actions, I think she’d be happier I didn’t have any expectations from her. I was crestfallen but I’d try anything to work things ‘our way’. And to prove it, I smiled and wiped those tears away from my eyes, picked up the cheeriness in my voice and told her to let’s walk back home. She doesn’t have to do what I tell her to do and I try my damnest not to even scold her for anything. IF that is what she wants. Or she could put up with my bluntness and oft-handed comments on my expectations as to how she should behave, think and feel because this relationship is going long term. Better set the perimeters down now before something bigger than either of us crops up.
It then rained and I took off my sweater to cover her pretty little head and I think that, that did it for her. Glad to report my 7 year old was smart *ENOUGH* and showed how much maturity she had by picking the other and said, “I want you to scold me mama. I don’t want you not to care.”
Wouldn’t a relationship without expectations be riddled with many doubts? Does she love me or not? Does she even care or not? But if that is so how you want it, I’d gladly oblige as who am I to say your point of view is anymore less right than mine :) why should such a small imperfection be the wedge of tension between us when its much better for the whole good that we try to accommodate and work out our differences *touché* I just ‘prefer’ a relationship with expectations as markers to guide us together and reach for the highest top of infinity together, rather than walk the plains of a soulless plateau to find out that its vastness will finally reach an end and then what’s left? Another oasis? Multiple orgasms are always better than phantamogarsmic ones init? >)
So thank you for appreciating my expectations for those who have, I will try to limit them to achievable ones and we’ll match it to your capabilities *its’ only right* and we’ll learn of each our limits together yes? All the while we shall have fun with stretching the short and long ends of our goals *claps hands* Back to now, so maybe this ms.DA-accountant is also setting her expectations of me as a new colleague? *heheheh* but I doubt so lar…people who have much fear face you with ultimatums. They give you no leeway for mistakes and have no room for discussions because they have stunted their own growth. They don’t like feedback either because it makes them seem weak rather than compassionate. So pay head peeps, the next time you have expectations from another, pay attention to exactly what you want and how you ask for it.
When someone tells you they are fine with NO EXPECTATIONS in your relationship, it could well be the sword that rips you in half. Or maybe not ;) it could just be that they are self flagellators! They have no expectations from you but only on themselves, the sight of their bloody pulp of a beaten heart at every not met request is proof of their love of you…….*gah!!!* and then they die a slow painful death smiling and what do you have left? If not just blood on your hands too.
I would really like to indulge in much more forlorn images of loneliness and isolation but life is already as drabby as it is so I’ll hold it in for those who matter :P
“To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.” Jean Paul Sartre.
Stay sane peeps!!!
Amyemeelea
Reminds me of an incident about managing my own expectations…..
The birthday girl refused to mingle with her party guests and I nagged and told her that I expect her to bear with it and to please leave her presents and come into the living room. I must have looked to her just like ms.DA-accountant is to me right now *maybe* She threw me such a mighty blow of attitude by brushing me off and had the cheek to sulk away. Who likes to be commented on in public so I took her away to the park to have a heart to heart talk. I asked why she was being how she is and she said, “Why did you scold me? Why must I always do what you say?" And I replied, “If you don’t want me to care or have expectations of you…its fine by me. You can do and think of whatever; and act on anything whenever and it’ll be okay for me. I’ll still love you as you are.” I painfully *with halted tears* explained to her why I insist on my ways is because i have expectations. It could be according to situations sometimes I might be jealous, it could be for selfish reasons and of course I’d always be questioning her every move and eventually we’ll have those spot on arguments because of my expectations. It is with that very reason that I care and i warned that my expectations could even rival those of famous lovers!…..only because I do love her and care. She sulked and refused to speak to me so we sat on that park bench till I made the decision for her and said from her actions, I think she’d be happier I didn’t have any expectations from her. I was crestfallen but I’d try anything to work things ‘our way’. And to prove it, I smiled and wiped those tears away from my eyes, picked up the cheeriness in my voice and told her to let’s walk back home. She doesn’t have to do what I tell her to do and I try my damnest not to even scold her for anything. IF that is what she wants. Or she could put up with my bluntness and oft-handed comments on my expectations as to how she should behave, think and feel because this relationship is going long term. Better set the perimeters down now before something bigger than either of us crops up.
It then rained and I took off my sweater to cover her pretty little head and I think that, that did it for her. Glad to report my 7 year old was smart *ENOUGH* and showed how much maturity she had by picking the other and said, “I want you to scold me mama. I don’t want you not to care.”
Wouldn’t a relationship without expectations be riddled with many doubts? Does she love me or not? Does she even care or not? But if that is so how you want it, I’d gladly oblige as who am I to say your point of view is anymore less right than mine :) why should such a small imperfection be the wedge of tension between us when its much better for the whole good that we try to accommodate and work out our differences *touché* I just ‘prefer’ a relationship with expectations as markers to guide us together and reach for the highest top of infinity together, rather than walk the plains of a soulless plateau to find out that its vastness will finally reach an end and then what’s left? Another oasis? Multiple orgasms are always better than phantamogarsmic ones init? >)
So thank you for appreciating my expectations for those who have, I will try to limit them to achievable ones and we’ll match it to your capabilities *its’ only right* and we’ll learn of each our limits together yes? All the while we shall have fun with stretching the short and long ends of our goals *claps hands* Back to now, so maybe this ms.DA-accountant is also setting her expectations of me as a new colleague? *heheheh* but I doubt so lar…people who have much fear face you with ultimatums. They give you no leeway for mistakes and have no room for discussions because they have stunted their own growth. They don’t like feedback either because it makes them seem weak rather than compassionate. So pay head peeps, the next time you have expectations from another, pay attention to exactly what you want and how you ask for it.
When someone tells you they are fine with NO EXPECTATIONS in your relationship, it could well be the sword that rips you in half. Or maybe not ;) it could just be that they are self flagellators! They have no expectations from you but only on themselves, the sight of their bloody pulp of a beaten heart at every not met request is proof of their love of you…….*gah!!!* and then they die a slow painful death smiling and what do you have left? If not just blood on your hands too.
I would really like to indulge in much more forlorn images of loneliness and isolation but life is already as drabby as it is so I’ll hold it in for those who matter :P
“To believe is to know you believe, and to know you believe is not to believe.” Jean Paul Sartre.
Stay sane peeps!!!
Amyemeelea
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Another Glimpse..
I once earned the label an idealistics ass *keldaiIdealis* from few back while we harp on the pangs and sweetness of LOVE. So I take offence when faced with someone..goes on to have an opinion like this….
“My opinion TRUE love no more longer exist coz we don't even know how to love ourselves. You, ME, THEY all of us are only making use of one other this is the fact.Like what you said, people need "companionship, to be supported & especially the need of lust". Fallen in love or to be loved are gone what you can see & find is SELFISHNESS hahahahahh........”
The question to the above was ‘Why do we love when we know it hurts so much? Here comes my opinion.
"Shit you if Love does not exist. Bull shit if you do not know how to love yourself. You will not know stupid shit from good shit if you do not make use of others. Silly kau shit if you tag love to just another need. Pity shit if you have gave up falling in love. Hard ego shit when you are not loved and do not want to be loved. Damn hell shit if love is gone! U cannot shit shitte if you cannot handle selfishness. TRUE shit is you know nothing about Love. "
To realize Love is to joyfully discern its subtleties. To idolize Love is to make truth its highest pinnacle. To honor Love is to make war and taste its blood. To fulfill Love is to never fear folly capriciousness. To bind Love is to fill an ocean of tears with hopes. To have peace in Love is to respect merciless pain. To eternally be in Love is to be trusted to see your beloved through the veiled and unveiled.
*brainfreeze* but what do I know ;)
Newsflash! Singapore’s top most used word is……LOVE :) *ehehehehehe*
On the other side of things, I have finally relocated to the new office at Keppel Distripark. It has been two whole weeks and I have yet to settle down. I receive static reception on mental floss like above on and off but usually I completely slip into oblivion after work. The terrors lost their grandfather early last week and my weekend with them was somber but still fruitful. I went to pay my respects but was literally asked to leave by his son and lost my composure when I tried to explain how I still felt for the family and the man *alfatehah* but losing one's parent is always hard.
The books are stacking up on the sofa in my room, all read and waiting to be return. But not yet because I have loads to pick from the books and stash somewhere in my ever growing collections of writings to me, myself and…*kelipsatbiksetan* My bag is full of scribbled loose notes, an unfinished letter from March 07 to Susan *whoifinallyemailedtosayashorthi*, an unfilled journal for at least 3 weeks, half written blog posts!!!, post it reminders of things to do from god knows when and what manner of leftover bits from work and my rat race life. I will not mention the state of my room or the amount of laundry I have to do for obvious reasons. The good news is that I would be moving on to greener pastures, made the decision based on the chase for higher pay. I could be sentimental but I feel good about the move but also maybe because the boss man asked me today in attempt to hold me back, what is my designation at work *duhhh* I finally registered for the new semester and listed out the papers I have to hand in prompt! Met my ex classmates who are now doing their Specialist Diplomas!! *jealous* but I’ll get there *yeeehaaaa!* My lecturer actually thought I graduated already *muahahah* and good to know that I could book them for one on one sessions for when I can’t gatecrash class. The new campus at Bugis looks ORANGE and surprise, surprise it was the former police station beside Shaw Towers. A new phone!!! The N80 Interneck Edition, courtesy of a blessed soul *mayHereturnyouthefavourmanyfold* which will enable me to BLOG via wifi ler!! *drools* which I have yet to hook up to my pc anyway to synchronize and add songs for on the go *blastoff!* but will need BIGGER memory card. I really need a laptop and may one fall from the sky *haha* which is just wishful thinking on my part. So will have to stick to the traditional way of doing my assignments, WHICH means having to retype, edit and can only review on the pc at home. So yeaps…I really do not know what the heow am I busy with >)
Happy birthday YUNIS! Guapunya Pte Ltd! Ayincurrent! Sham! In addition, the many more I forgot about ;p I want to go CHO LON!! I miss the elegies gang very much much! Hope to meet wombatman soon! Lunch! Breakfast! Dinner! Mummy I want to see you too! I am dreaming of archery lessons and the scenes of the Lourve. I want to BUY books on sale at the substation! The new novel by Paulo! The whole MPH...TIMES...KINOKUNIYA! and last but not least Borders :p oh! congrats norticataitai for getting that jimmy choo bag though i wish you had gotten the jimmy choo shoes AND a chanel handbag :p
But now…its sleep :)
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
“My opinion TRUE love no more longer exist coz we don't even know how to love ourselves. You, ME, THEY all of us are only making use of one other this is the fact.Like what you said, people need "companionship, to be supported & especially the need of lust". Fallen in love or to be loved are gone what you can see & find is SELFISHNESS hahahahahh........”
The question to the above was ‘Why do we love when we know it hurts so much? Here comes my opinion.
"Shit you if Love does not exist. Bull shit if you do not know how to love yourself. You will not know stupid shit from good shit if you do not make use of others. Silly kau shit if you tag love to just another need. Pity shit if you have gave up falling in love. Hard ego shit when you are not loved and do not want to be loved. Damn hell shit if love is gone! U cannot shit shitte if you cannot handle selfishness. TRUE shit is you know nothing about Love. "
To realize Love is to joyfully discern its subtleties. To idolize Love is to make truth its highest pinnacle. To honor Love is to make war and taste its blood. To fulfill Love is to never fear folly capriciousness. To bind Love is to fill an ocean of tears with hopes. To have peace in Love is to respect merciless pain. To eternally be in Love is to be trusted to see your beloved through the veiled and unveiled.
*brainfreeze* but what do I know ;)
Newsflash! Singapore’s top most used word is……LOVE :) *ehehehehehe*
On the other side of things, I have finally relocated to the new office at Keppel Distripark. It has been two whole weeks and I have yet to settle down. I receive static reception on mental floss like above on and off but usually I completely slip into oblivion after work. The terrors lost their grandfather early last week and my weekend with them was somber but still fruitful. I went to pay my respects but was literally asked to leave by his son and lost my composure when I tried to explain how I still felt for the family and the man *alfatehah* but losing one's parent is always hard.
The books are stacking up on the sofa in my room, all read and waiting to be return. But not yet because I have loads to pick from the books and stash somewhere in my ever growing collections of writings to me, myself and…*kelipsatbiksetan* My bag is full of scribbled loose notes, an unfinished letter from March 07 to Susan *whoifinallyemailedtosayashorthi*, an unfilled journal for at least 3 weeks, half written blog posts!!!, post it reminders of things to do from god knows when and what manner of leftover bits from work and my rat race life. I will not mention the state of my room or the amount of laundry I have to do for obvious reasons. The good news is that I would be moving on to greener pastures, made the decision based on the chase for higher pay. I could be sentimental but I feel good about the move but also maybe because the boss man asked me today in attempt to hold me back, what is my designation at work *duhhh* I finally registered for the new semester and listed out the papers I have to hand in prompt! Met my ex classmates who are now doing their Specialist Diplomas!! *jealous* but I’ll get there *yeeehaaaa!* My lecturer actually thought I graduated already *muahahah* and good to know that I could book them for one on one sessions for when I can’t gatecrash class. The new campus at Bugis looks ORANGE and surprise, surprise it was the former police station beside Shaw Towers. A new phone!!! The N80 Interneck Edition, courtesy of a blessed soul *mayHereturnyouthefavourmanyfold* which will enable me to BLOG via wifi ler!! *drools* which I have yet to hook up to my pc anyway to synchronize and add songs for on the go *blastoff!* but will need BIGGER memory card. I really need a laptop and may one fall from the sky *haha* which is just wishful thinking on my part. So will have to stick to the traditional way of doing my assignments, WHICH means having to retype, edit and can only review on the pc at home. So yeaps…I really do not know what the heow am I busy with >)
Happy birthday YUNIS! Guapunya Pte Ltd! Ayincurrent! Sham! In addition, the many more I forgot about ;p I want to go CHO LON!! I miss the elegies gang very much much! Hope to meet wombatman soon! Lunch! Breakfast! Dinner! Mummy I want to see you too! I am dreaming of archery lessons and the scenes of the Lourve. I want to BUY books on sale at the substation! The new novel by Paulo! The whole MPH...TIMES...KINOKUNIYA! and last but not least Borders :p oh! congrats norticataitai for getting that jimmy choo bag though i wish you had gotten the jimmy choo shoes AND a chanel handbag :p
But now…its sleep :)
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
The decline of desire…
Shikino and bobby were looking through the papers for school project work last night and asked me nonchalantly what I thought about the prime minister’s pay of 3million and the question ended with a full stop of a ‘I don’t think its too much for a person managing country!’. Adding fuel to the fire was the fact that we had a *iforgot* percentage increase in the number of millionaires in Singapore as of to date. Do the math; it’s all the ministers’ lerrr. My opinion is simple, “And look at what, where and when policies did he and his compatriots think and execute for the people? For the country?” *nuffsaid*
Yes, I do agree..he is managing the WHOLE country! And that itself is a HUGE task. Bigger than say USA? Switzerland? Germany perhaps? Or what about Malaysia, Indonesia? China? And why shouldn’t our government is paid as well as those from the commercial, industrial or financial institutions? ;) Why not indeed. But are we really attracting the right mix of people for our government? Are the academic and scholastic types really better than those poorly educated candidates like Mr. Chiam See Tong?
From an open letter to the government written by Yeo Toon Joo, Peter, 61 an Ex-news editor for the Straits Times from http://www.littlespeck.com/content/politics/CTrendsPolitics-070504.htm- I would like to quote….
“Do not intimidate or beat down all dissenters or those with alternative views, but judge them on their integrity, and do not swamp and swallow up those with potential for leadership into the PAP and high ministerial salaries. You end up with many ‘yes’ men.”
For all fellow dissenters, haven’t you been challenged with a direct “What then is the solution?” or “Why don’t you pick up arms and join the party?” What I do not understand is this; is our discussion done? Have we exhausted ourselves with the question already that you throw me a dare and another question?!! *blinks* or is that merely and exasperated attempt to quit the topic and move on to another? Like I have mentioned…the art of conversation is DEAD and lesser still the people who appreciates the little nuances of a discussion.
On a lighter note; while waiting for dinner to be delivered and over dinner itself we talked about the many sales going on, holiday trips and generally caught up on each our lives. It’s rare to be sitting over dinner with my siblings :p and when I am quite used to huge family, rowdy but fiercely intimate dinners with my loved ones. Last night was nice. I missed the outing with another set of loved ones. Namely biksetan, powwsters, sham and naza and could have only imagined the ruckus they created along jalan sultan. Earlier I missed dinner with my loved ones from years past namely aha, lindot and nanin. My absence from that dinner outing was glossed over with the fact that titot and Adrian was missing in action too. Still I missed the laughs over silly memory details from school days. My reasons most very cliché and most times irrepressibly dejavu-istic :p but!! The DESIRE is not lost, just wavering gently in life’s breeze, taking care it will never be snuffed out by materialism, ageism and what isms exist now. Eh! More places now are clamping down on smokers and booby said a club was only giving free drinks to those under 35 *muahahah* In the very least I hope not to lose the bit of integrity I hold close to my names. May it be the naughty but nice jahatism of jahat, or the flighty distracting amyism of amy, I hope searching essence of emeelea-ism will stick if not convincing enough for date picks? :D
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
ps: so who wants to be a millionaire!!!!
Yes, I do agree..he is managing the WHOLE country! And that itself is a HUGE task. Bigger than say USA? Switzerland? Germany perhaps? Or what about Malaysia, Indonesia? China? And why shouldn’t our government is paid as well as those from the commercial, industrial or financial institutions? ;) Why not indeed. But are we really attracting the right mix of people for our government? Are the academic and scholastic types really better than those poorly educated candidates like Mr. Chiam See Tong?
From an open letter to the government written by Yeo Toon Joo, Peter, 61 an Ex-news editor for the Straits Times from http://www.littlespeck.com/content/politics/CTrendsPolitics-070504.htm- I would like to quote….
“Do not intimidate or beat down all dissenters or those with alternative views, but judge them on their integrity, and do not swamp and swallow up those with potential for leadership into the PAP and high ministerial salaries. You end up with many ‘yes’ men.”
For all fellow dissenters, haven’t you been challenged with a direct “What then is the solution?” or “Why don’t you pick up arms and join the party?” What I do not understand is this; is our discussion done? Have we exhausted ourselves with the question already that you throw me a dare and another question?!! *blinks* or is that merely and exasperated attempt to quit the topic and move on to another? Like I have mentioned…the art of conversation is DEAD and lesser still the people who appreciates the little nuances of a discussion.
On a lighter note; while waiting for dinner to be delivered and over dinner itself we talked about the many sales going on, holiday trips and generally caught up on each our lives. It’s rare to be sitting over dinner with my siblings :p and when I am quite used to huge family, rowdy but fiercely intimate dinners with my loved ones. Last night was nice. I missed the outing with another set of loved ones. Namely biksetan, powwsters, sham and naza and could have only imagined the ruckus they created along jalan sultan. Earlier I missed dinner with my loved ones from years past namely aha, lindot and nanin. My absence from that dinner outing was glossed over with the fact that titot and Adrian was missing in action too. Still I missed the laughs over silly memory details from school days. My reasons most very cliché and most times irrepressibly dejavu-istic :p but!! The DESIRE is not lost, just wavering gently in life’s breeze, taking care it will never be snuffed out by materialism, ageism and what isms exist now. Eh! More places now are clamping down on smokers and booby said a club was only giving free drinks to those under 35 *muahahah* In the very least I hope not to lose the bit of integrity I hold close to my names. May it be the naughty but nice jahatism of jahat, or the flighty distracting amyism of amy, I hope searching essence of emeelea-ism will stick if not convincing enough for date picks? :D
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
ps: so who wants to be a millionaire!!!!
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Dismabiguate…
“The point of philosophy is to start with something so simple as to seem not worth stating, and to end with something so paradoxical that no one will believe it.” – Betrand Russel
Much philosophy *modern* in this period concerns itself with explaining the relation between the theories of the natural sciences and the ideas of the humanities or common sense. Very much like how I like to keep on thinking all day without stop and am able to incoherently at all times come up with the most irritating, nonsensical mumbo jumbo when you have a conversation with me. questions come fast and the conversation flows like fast like an engaging river. Or they float like foam on the edges of the waves only to evaporate under the heat of the rays. It could also envelope the whole you in solitary muteness that could only mean…..i’m thinking about greek words!
Sophia
name, gender female, origin greek meaning wisdom. Also title of my favourite book ‘Sophie’s World’ by Jostein Gaardner. A tale about her journey looking for her truths. She is my all time fave Alice in Wonderland. and so now you know why its 'looking for sophie'. i am looking for a lost book of mine and *ahems* lost truths along the way?
Philo
Philo
friend or lover. Usually paired with sophia to form ‘philo-sophy’. Altohugh it is very difficult to put single definition to the word ‘philosophy’, it is generally agreed that philosophy is a method, rather than a set of claims, propositions or thoeries. One sets on an inverstigation based on reason, always careful not to make sure no butt cheeks are left unexamined and lest you make the jump based on faith and pure analogy and therefore look, sound like a donkey. Although all lovers of wisdom will naturally dance the tango with reason once awhile and eventually step on each others toes. As long as you find meaning in the dance, there is no saying where you’d end up.
Logos
Logos
word or logic if you must. This refers to the internal consistency of the message – the clarity of the claim, the logic of its reasons, and last but not least the effectiveness of its supporting evidence. The impact of logos on an audience is sometimes called the argument’s logical appeal. *younotalklogicmehaverightdon’twanttounderstand* not to be confused with the word loco which means crazy in mexican? Or was it spanish?
Ethos
Ethos
character or one’s code of ethics? Ring a bell? This refers to the trustworthiness or credibilty of the writer or speaker. So can you trust your lawyer? Your doctor? Your family, friends or lover?!!! Just play attention to the tone ans tyle of the message and through the way they refer to differing views. Google them, buy them dinner, ask them out for a movie, flirt!! As their reputation can exist independantly from the message – his or her expertise in the field, previous criminal records maybe :p
Pathos
Pathos
suffering or experience, very often associated with emotional appeal. a highly emotional word for those already diagnosed by whomever to appeal to the audience’s sympathies and imagination. Through narratives or stories, an appeal to pathos causes an audience not just to respond emotionally but to identify with the writer’s point of view. Stories of broken hearts, betrayal, infidelity, forms of selfishness, power and life works turn abstarctions of logic into something palpable and present. Pathologically power!
no.dramas.no dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.
how boring, how stale, how ugly, how plain, how irksome, how silly, how slutty, how whorish, how incorrigible, how much more can one be?!!!!!! If my life was to be rid of no.dramas. but just this no.dramas persona that I am eyeing, just with the slit from the corner of my hearts eye, your no.dramas has set my zealous fire aplomb silently. And you know what that means….may you rise form the brashness of heat not as the ashes of the dead but the longed for phoenix once you and I set a date, time and place for the END. DRAMAS.
Stay sane, amyemeelea
no.dramas.no dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.no.dramas.
how boring, how stale, how ugly, how plain, how irksome, how silly, how slutty, how whorish, how incorrigible, how much more can one be?!!!!!! If my life was to be rid of no.dramas. but just this no.dramas persona that I am eyeing, just with the slit from the corner of my hearts eye, your no.dramas has set my zealous fire aplomb silently. And you know what that means….may you rise form the brashness of heat not as the ashes of the dead but the longed for phoenix once you and I set a date, time and place for the END. DRAMAS.
Stay sane, amyemeelea
Friday, June 08, 2007
Quaestio crocodilina…
‘A crocodile stole a child from its mother. On being asked to give it back to her, the crocodile replied that he would grant her wish if she could give a true answer to his question, “Shall I give the child back?” If she answers. “Yes.”, it is not true, and she won’t get the child back. If she answers “No.”, it is again not true, so in either case the mother loses the child.’
Moral of the story… stay away from ALL gender of crocodiles that talk!!! Lest they steal away your child from you.
And now how will I end this story?
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Thursday, May 31, 2007
Nuff said..
Bimbang – Melly Goeslaw
"Pertama kali aku tergugah
"Pertama kali aku tergugah
Dalam setiap kata yang kau ucap
Bila malam tlah datang
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan
Terkadang ingin ku tulis semua perasaan
Kata orang rindu itu indah
Namun bagiku ini menyiksa
Sejenak ku fikirkan untuk ku benci saja dirimu
Namun sulit ku membenci
Pejamkan mata bila kuingin bernafas lega
Dalam anganku aku berada disatu persimpangan jalan yang sulit kupilih
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Ku peluk semua indah hidupku
Hikmah yang ku rasa sangat tulus
Ada dan tiada cinta bagiku tak mengapa namun ada yang hilang separuh
diriku"
I finally got round to register myself with you tube in my hunt for music and am reading neatorama for mental floss. I wanted to translate the above lyrics to english but it doesn’t have the same feel. I can get the humor of having it grossly multilated at babel but nah…the feel of loss of this magnitude does not deserve slapstick humor or cheapthrills of any kind. The words heavy burden is carried light by melly’s vocals as they skip and do pirouettes on the lazy acoustic jazzy feel that the song has. I feel like death in my deck of cards and listening to Melly with the image reminds me how important it is to try to look at Death "in context", taking everything that surrounds the change into account. A broader view can help us alter our perspective of something that at first seemed threatening.
The King of Death is smiling, “His stance is somewhat tentative, as if he might begin to dance at any moment. Death does not want to be feared, for he stands for transformation, re-birth and renewal and for the end that comes to all things." The card represents profound change — change that may be painful — the overriding message is one of liberation and release. Only by destroying old patterns can we reveal a new, more rewarding path. Of course transition can be hard to deal with, and many times we try to resist change, especially if it seems to us that we stand to lose from it rather than gain. However, in some cases, change is inevitable. It is merely a question of how we will react or respond, and that is up to us. "Death walks in a universal garden of vibrant, fiery flowers. Next to a life-giving stream under a sky whose stars are linked together, by their common fate." the deck's creators point out. "
My punishment and my imminent remorse is everytime I lost you. Unchain my fear of unfairness by telling me that the past of 3 will never repeat itself. Promise me equality and honesty that will forever bind me faithfully to you for eternity. Love's still reflections of you keeps anxiety fooled as I fervertly pray, "May each our loses liberate us. " - me my monologues
The King of Death is smiling, “His stance is somewhat tentative, as if he might begin to dance at any moment. Death does not want to be feared, for he stands for transformation, re-birth and renewal and for the end that comes to all things." The card represents profound change — change that may be painful — the overriding message is one of liberation and release. Only by destroying old patterns can we reveal a new, more rewarding path. Of course transition can be hard to deal with, and many times we try to resist change, especially if it seems to us that we stand to lose from it rather than gain. However, in some cases, change is inevitable. It is merely a question of how we will react or respond, and that is up to us. "Death walks in a universal garden of vibrant, fiery flowers. Next to a life-giving stream under a sky whose stars are linked together, by their common fate." the deck's creators point out. "
My punishment and my imminent remorse is everytime I lost you. Unchain my fear of unfairness by telling me that the past of 3 will never repeat itself. Promise me equality and honesty that will forever bind me faithfully to you for eternity. Love's still reflections of you keeps anxiety fooled as I fervertly pray, "May each our loses liberate us. " - me my monologues
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
Excerpts..
Of days past and the situations we get ourselves into and trying to find the answers to how and when I found your quirky characteristics turned into enduring traits led me to work it this way:-
You and I are prisoners in a given time, place and current situation. Serving our joined jail term and the classic prisoner’s dilemma game presents itself. Where as a pair, we could choose to cooperate and treat it as ‘win-win’ game or compete and treat it as a competitive ‘I win you lose’ game.
The logical and often cited endings of either picked scenario is simple. If both parties were honest and cooperative, both were rewarded well and equally. If both were competitive, then both will get screwed *haha* with a low score. If one person competed and the other cooperated, then the competing person will have the huge scores wihile the other eat/hit the shits. Then we are also told that people who don’t cooperate in prisoner’s-dilemma situations often lie, telling their partner that they are going to cooperate but then turning agaisnt their partner in the end, grab all of the goodies for themselves.
Win – win result is always best! But to come to that it takes a lot of superhuman effort. Lose-win result is always mediocre but satisfying if the agreement was reached in all fairness of competition but all goes to hell when there’s any evidence of non-cooperation. Prisoner’s-dilemma situations have been used in thousands of experiments and mathematical simulations, including work done by several Nobel Prize winners but can someone !”$%&^&)&_* please tell me why we can’t even bring ourselves to acknowledge that we are prisoner’s in the first place?
Must it always be about gender? about rank and file? about why my grandmother married again or why dogs like to eat homework and alarm clocks? >( must I be the one to tell you that it is all play pretend. Role playing helps us come to decisions, scenarios make it easier for us to see things as they are, as they is. Don’t you want to make this world a better place to live in for you and me? *saaaap* or would you understand if I were to simply tell you the ultimatum is, “Discuss and commit” *already!!!!!!!!!* stop being such a !£%*^*)(*)(*_(_*)&*%^$%£!
FRAGER!! FRAGER!! FARK DA FRAGER!!! We are ALL THE SAME even after all the labels and false assumptions. Must you annoy me still by being such a jerk and treat me like I am non existent? Is being a rude as*hole necessary to put your points across? Do you think provoking envy and hostility is really ‘just’ another way reliable way of testing means and consistency? Must you wear me down with your insistent whining to do things your way all the time and then tell me that I’m stale and boring after? Will you finally turn me into the asshole you have been dreaming to turn me into, by constantly reminding that I have my imperfections?!
*burp*
I just like spinning stories. And burping and farting ;P
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Note: the book, ‘The No Asshole Rule – Building a Civilised Workplace and Surviving One that Isn’t’ by Robert Sutton is a MUST read which I highly recommend for those of us perpetually suffering from repressed pain being just human, people like ourselves. Thoughtful insights and a riot considering the use of language contained, guaranteed to illuminate the darkest and bleakest of futures at work, in love or life by simply reminding ourselves that ‘you are allowed to walk out’.
You and I are prisoners in a given time, place and current situation. Serving our joined jail term and the classic prisoner’s dilemma game presents itself. Where as a pair, we could choose to cooperate and treat it as ‘win-win’ game or compete and treat it as a competitive ‘I win you lose’ game.
The logical and often cited endings of either picked scenario is simple. If both parties were honest and cooperative, both were rewarded well and equally. If both were competitive, then both will get screwed *haha* with a low score. If one person competed and the other cooperated, then the competing person will have the huge scores wihile the other eat/hit the shits. Then we are also told that people who don’t cooperate in prisoner’s-dilemma situations often lie, telling their partner that they are going to cooperate but then turning agaisnt their partner in the end, grab all of the goodies for themselves.
Win – win result is always best! But to come to that it takes a lot of superhuman effort. Lose-win result is always mediocre but satisfying if the agreement was reached in all fairness of competition but all goes to hell when there’s any evidence of non-cooperation. Prisoner’s-dilemma situations have been used in thousands of experiments and mathematical simulations, including work done by several Nobel Prize winners but can someone !”$%&^&)&_* please tell me why we can’t even bring ourselves to acknowledge that we are prisoner’s in the first place?
Must it always be about gender? about rank and file? about why my grandmother married again or why dogs like to eat homework and alarm clocks? >( must I be the one to tell you that it is all play pretend. Role playing helps us come to decisions, scenarios make it easier for us to see things as they are, as they is. Don’t you want to make this world a better place to live in for you and me? *saaaap* or would you understand if I were to simply tell you the ultimatum is, “Discuss and commit” *already!!!!!!!!!* stop being such a !£%*^*)(*)(*_(_*)&*%^$%£!
FRAGER!! FRAGER!! FARK DA FRAGER!!! We are ALL THE SAME even after all the labels and false assumptions. Must you annoy me still by being such a jerk and treat me like I am non existent? Is being a rude as*hole necessary to put your points across? Do you think provoking envy and hostility is really ‘just’ another way reliable way of testing means and consistency? Must you wear me down with your insistent whining to do things your way all the time and then tell me that I’m stale and boring after? Will you finally turn me into the asshole you have been dreaming to turn me into, by constantly reminding that I have my imperfections?!
*burp*
I just like spinning stories. And burping and farting ;P
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Note: the book, ‘The No Asshole Rule – Building a Civilised Workplace and Surviving One that Isn’t’ by Robert Sutton is a MUST read which I highly recommend for those of us perpetually suffering from repressed pain being just human, people like ourselves. Thoughtful insights and a riot considering the use of language contained, guaranteed to illuminate the darkest and bleakest of futures at work, in love or life by simply reminding ourselves that ‘you are allowed to walk out’.
Friday, May 25, 2007
My melon collie
“the unexamined life is not worth living” – Socrates
Versus
“if you don’t use your head, you might as well have two as*es. "– Someone’s Father
*hiccups*
@------&---------
Ku harus menemui cintaku Mencari tahu hubungan kita Apa masih atau telah berakhir
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana Kasih…Sampai kapan kau gantung Cerita cintaku memberi harapan Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang Teganya kau menggantung cintaku Bicaralah biar semua pasti Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu Membuat ku sakit Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu
Kau menggantungkan hubungan ini Kau diamkan aku tanpa sebab Maunya apa ku harus bagaimana Kasih…Sampai kapan kau gantung Cerita cintaku memberi harapan Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu Detik-detik waktu pun terbuang Teganya kau menggantung cintaku Bicaralah biar semua pasti Tentunya hubungan cinta denganmu Membuat ku sakit Hingga mungkin ku tak sanggup lagi Dan meninggalkan dirimu
_ .._.._
And reading the link biksetan passed me on msn brought a tweak of a smile to my face. I also chatted with my niece about her hypnotherapy experiments on her tuition students. Then I noticed that I wiped out 95% of the music that had been passed on to me since I hooked up to the internet seriously 10yrs ago *bummer* so I am listening to whatever is left and all of em *dehem* good :) trying very hard NOT to grind my teeth *noamNOTonmdma* the world IS not looking so fine right now. Another line from the comments left at the page biksetan makes me giggle before I go back to ‘One Hundred years of Solitude’ by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. And stilllllllllllll the numbers 13 and 14 separated by 1000 zeros from lunch date today refuses to leave me in peace.
Obat nya melly! *thumbsUP*
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
another dotty *pottu* connected...
"There are three kinds of intelligence: one kind understands things for itself, the other appreciates what others can understand, the third understands neither for itself nor through others. This first kind is excellent, the second good, and the third kind useless. – N. Machiavelli"
Me at home now. Quickly emailed this so that I can finish it at home. While at the office, I flipped through and fro pages *workrelatedplusthispage* to ease the monotony of boredom. I very much wanted to write last night but I flipped open the thriller novel “The Insider” to fall asleep to. Millions have always fascinated me too; Gordon Gecko ‘was’ my idol :P so it was to be that I could not really sleep as the storyline was gripping my eyelids apart for the next page. My fingers itched to sms the lost soul but I told myself the last sms clearly stated that he’s not lost now so what will my reason be, to jolt him with another cloyingly sweet sms of encouragement? Hope tickled my fingers again but instead of receding to impetuosity, I tossed to my left and buried myself deep to try to see if I could entice mr. sandman for a bit of much needed happy dreams. HE was funky so no sleep for me. I ended up drinking redbull at work today. Anyway, I finished the book today on the way back. Worked until I can’t work no more and i could have went on until ms. kakakku2, who drove today; asked if I wanted to hitch a ride back and of course! Needed to get home fast and finish this entry before it starts to eat away more sleep time. I FEAR insomnia so it was tense waiting abated by loads of work and a breezy easy way home so that I can just drop dead at smell of my blankie.
Earlier on last night, I had dinner and finally met wombatman! The coquettish bikbayu was present of course and sorely missed was the wonderdiva powwsters. She had to give us a miss because family duty beckons. I got lost on the way to dinner at bugis. Partly because another half of me was with lost soul but the other part of me was, firmly bent on trying to get my way to dinner without being late. Plans for tonight were made way in advance and a promise is a promise. I even stated disclaimers to avoid misunderstandings should the need to cancel arose; should it be that I needed to cancel, it must be that the terrors needed me or I had a serious case of the runs :p I was experiencing major dis-EASE but it soon settled far back into the darker recesses of my shadow self. We had to switch to a smoking table because I had to smoke. Then the table was shaky so we switched seats again. However, we had to move the table because it was not in the smoking area! :P we started on dinner, ceasar salmon and then the seafood platter for two *ahemsthree* utensils went missing but all in all the experience at fish & co, bugis was all right. It was then full steam ahead with much laughter and get to know me and you strings of conversation. Yes, politics included *muehehe* Steamy!! My armpits were dripping wet hehehe…and I was just glad that wombat and bikbayu played cool and along with my antics. The tempo to the night’s concerto was just picking up.
*burp* it was change of venue for laterssssssss.
Wombatman the gentleman that he is, picked up the tab and they both made me seriously blush when they insisted that dinner was on them. *aaaarghhhh!soflatteredmeguestofhonour* and we made our way to the secret garden. The start of our next adventure was when bikbayu suddenly exclaimed she forgot where the secret garden was! So I called the restaurant to ask for directions and boy was Ronnie *theheadwaiterithink* very good at giving very precise directions. After chasing after buses and looking out for a small very intimate crook nestled comfortably hidden in between two buildings, we finally arrived at our coffee and deserts place. Red walls lit by framed candles, their flickering light dancing flirtatiously set the mood for our second session. We were served by shhh! :p and we all had coffee and shared ice cream. The Ronnie guy totally flipped me when he asked if I went to this primary school and that secondary school. I was of course shell-shocked. For *once* I was really caught speechless. Then he went away, the hoots around me coming from bikbayu and wombat familiarly turned into the theme song twilight zone. I was convinced someone somewhere recognizes me from school but I did not see anyone familiar. I did not think so much about it and continued our tete a tete. BUT!!! Creepy Ronnie coolly came back for returns abit later, probably having to much fun seeing me squirm in my seat to ask me if I was a girl guide in school and if I was a bad student *gahhhhhh* but I was too engrossed already lost myself in the camaderie to give any conspiracy theories any attention *hehe* we did got to know each other better and I read wombat’s cards. We were shooed away at 11pm because they had to close and the night soon ended with all three of us taking the walk back to the train station. I found a neat surprise of a napkin, a fork and a knife courtesy of fish & co *hahahaah* while rummaging through my bag for my ezlink card. We all took the same train and bikbayu left for home at jurong while wombat and me took another train back up north. Bikbayu sent me an sms to make confirm I did not get lost and wombat sent me an sms to meet again *blowskisheslikems.universe* Pleasure was all mine guys, free food *nexttimeonme*, good laughs and meaningful conversations plus the on and off the cuff remarks is always fun.
The train was nearly empty by then when wombat alighted at kranji for some quiet :D I was tired happy but my DIS-eased heart was nagging me groggy. The DIS-ease in stealth mode came back and my thoughts fly over the cloudless sky. Its nice to feel understood : ) Even nicer to finally able to ‘get’ someone. We live with constant contradictions and it is hard to hear yourself over the din sometimes. The din in your head when let loose and the din combined with the ruckus always going on in your hearts can be deafening. Then when it gets to heave heavy; you just react. Classic cases of fight or flight instincts and then you just have to deal with the leftovers. Sometimes its yummilicious to the soul and maybe at times cuts it to pieces till all bloody and gory and it will be painful to even swallow a mouthful of spit. Does your soul crave for understanding? Do we need exceptional intelligentsia to be understood and to understand? On the other hand, maybe a sense of humility can do wonders in pursue of getting that attention and focus we crave for? Humor is always good to add to anything but I know that mule stubbornness will not get you anywhere. Often I just have to be everywhere at the same time, never taking the time to connect the dots. So, patience then is the key?! *nodsnods*
Eh?! Isn’t this supposed to be a happy entry? With me calm and collected at the end? well, I did my best and sometimes my best is just not enough, not even for me.
I think therefore I am. I see therefore I think I understand. I know therefore I must understand. I feel therefore it will be understood.
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Ps: biksetan! I will survive clip was a riot :P and thank you. Truly.
Me at home now. Quickly emailed this so that I can finish it at home. While at the office, I flipped through and fro pages *workrelatedplusthispage* to ease the monotony of boredom. I very much wanted to write last night but I flipped open the thriller novel “The Insider” to fall asleep to. Millions have always fascinated me too; Gordon Gecko ‘was’ my idol :P so it was to be that I could not really sleep as the storyline was gripping my eyelids apart for the next page. My fingers itched to sms the lost soul but I told myself the last sms clearly stated that he’s not lost now so what will my reason be, to jolt him with another cloyingly sweet sms of encouragement? Hope tickled my fingers again but instead of receding to impetuosity, I tossed to my left and buried myself deep to try to see if I could entice mr. sandman for a bit of much needed happy dreams. HE was funky so no sleep for me. I ended up drinking redbull at work today. Anyway, I finished the book today on the way back. Worked until I can’t work no more and i could have went on until ms. kakakku2, who drove today; asked if I wanted to hitch a ride back and of course! Needed to get home fast and finish this entry before it starts to eat away more sleep time. I FEAR insomnia so it was tense waiting abated by loads of work and a breezy easy way home so that I can just drop dead at smell of my blankie.
Earlier on last night, I had dinner and finally met wombatman! The coquettish bikbayu was present of course and sorely missed was the wonderdiva powwsters. She had to give us a miss because family duty beckons. I got lost on the way to dinner at bugis. Partly because another half of me was with lost soul but the other part of me was, firmly bent on trying to get my way to dinner without being late. Plans for tonight were made way in advance and a promise is a promise. I even stated disclaimers to avoid misunderstandings should the need to cancel arose; should it be that I needed to cancel, it must be that the terrors needed me or I had a serious case of the runs :p I was experiencing major dis-EASE but it soon settled far back into the darker recesses of my shadow self. We had to switch to a smoking table because I had to smoke. Then the table was shaky so we switched seats again. However, we had to move the table because it was not in the smoking area! :P we started on dinner, ceasar salmon and then the seafood platter for two *ahemsthree* utensils went missing but all in all the experience at fish & co, bugis was all right. It was then full steam ahead with much laughter and get to know me and you strings of conversation. Yes, politics included *muehehe* Steamy!! My armpits were dripping wet hehehe…and I was just glad that wombat and bikbayu played cool and along with my antics. The tempo to the night’s concerto was just picking up.
*burp* it was change of venue for laterssssssss.
Wombatman the gentleman that he is, picked up the tab and they both made me seriously blush when they insisted that dinner was on them. *aaaarghhhh!soflatteredmeguestofhonour* and we made our way to the secret garden. The start of our next adventure was when bikbayu suddenly exclaimed she forgot where the secret garden was! So I called the restaurant to ask for directions and boy was Ronnie *theheadwaiterithink* very good at giving very precise directions. After chasing after buses and looking out for a small very intimate crook nestled comfortably hidden in between two buildings, we finally arrived at our coffee and deserts place. Red walls lit by framed candles, their flickering light dancing flirtatiously set the mood for our second session. We were served by shhh! :p and we all had coffee and shared ice cream. The Ronnie guy totally flipped me when he asked if I went to this primary school and that secondary school. I was of course shell-shocked. For *once* I was really caught speechless. Then he went away, the hoots around me coming from bikbayu and wombat familiarly turned into the theme song twilight zone. I was convinced someone somewhere recognizes me from school but I did not see anyone familiar. I did not think so much about it and continued our tete a tete. BUT!!! Creepy Ronnie coolly came back for returns abit later, probably having to much fun seeing me squirm in my seat to ask me if I was a girl guide in school and if I was a bad student *gahhhhhh* but I was too engrossed already lost myself in the camaderie to give any conspiracy theories any attention *hehe* we did got to know each other better and I read wombat’s cards. We were shooed away at 11pm because they had to close and the night soon ended with all three of us taking the walk back to the train station. I found a neat surprise of a napkin, a fork and a knife courtesy of fish & co *hahahaah* while rummaging through my bag for my ezlink card. We all took the same train and bikbayu left for home at jurong while wombat and me took another train back up north. Bikbayu sent me an sms to make confirm I did not get lost and wombat sent me an sms to meet again *blowskisheslikems.universe* Pleasure was all mine guys, free food *nexttimeonme*, good laughs and meaningful conversations plus the on and off the cuff remarks is always fun.
The train was nearly empty by then when wombat alighted at kranji for some quiet :D I was tired happy but my DIS-eased heart was nagging me groggy. The DIS-ease in stealth mode came back and my thoughts fly over the cloudless sky. Its nice to feel understood : ) Even nicer to finally able to ‘get’ someone. We live with constant contradictions and it is hard to hear yourself over the din sometimes. The din in your head when let loose and the din combined with the ruckus always going on in your hearts can be deafening. Then when it gets to heave heavy; you just react. Classic cases of fight or flight instincts and then you just have to deal with the leftovers. Sometimes its yummilicious to the soul and maybe at times cuts it to pieces till all bloody and gory and it will be painful to even swallow a mouthful of spit. Does your soul crave for understanding? Do we need exceptional intelligentsia to be understood and to understand? On the other hand, maybe a sense of humility can do wonders in pursue of getting that attention and focus we crave for? Humor is always good to add to anything but I know that mule stubbornness will not get you anywhere. Often I just have to be everywhere at the same time, never taking the time to connect the dots. So, patience then is the key?! *nodsnods*
Eh?! Isn’t this supposed to be a happy entry? With me calm and collected at the end? well, I did my best and sometimes my best is just not enough, not even for me.
I think therefore I am. I see therefore I think I understand. I know therefore I must understand. I feel therefore it will be understood.
Stay sane,
amyemeelea
Ps: biksetan! I will survive clip was a riot :P and thank you. Truly.
Thursday, May 17, 2007
Buat Putera Ku....
Ucapan syukur dan selamat hari jadi mama hadiahkan
Buat penyejuk dendam rindu membara putera kesayangan
Bisikan darimu tercungkil bibit memori mama menunggu kelahiran mu
Angan angan tiap guggurnya pahlawan zuhud mama layangkan
Sehalus sutera tenunan selembut kasih jiwamu mama idamkan
Seputih salju kulit mu biar cerah cahaya sayang tiada tertara
Kucupan bibir mu merah kelopak mawar harum syurga
Tiap gerakan zahir mu biar tanpa ragu penuh damba rindu pada Satu
Susunan hak hukum tak terlepas dikepal erat genggaman kiri dan kanan mu
Tiap ungkapan dari mu sayu memukau indah dicorak alunan kalimah syahdu
Julungan harapan suci mama menjadi detik tiap degupan jantung mu
Tepat pada hari yang di janjiNya utusan tanggung jawab berdengus memerih
Nama mu dipilih penuh bermakna biar besar jasa mu di rasakan bersama
Putera Emir Hafeez di bendung manja tiada sedikit pun tertanda cela
Tiap hari silih berganti pergi, biar ia pergi bersamanya gugur benci
Namun janji tetap janji akan mama berpegang teguh tak gentar caci maki
Tiada yang dapat merangkul pergi bahagia tiap corak senyuman mu dari ku
Walau memori tinggal memori, tetap tiap hari jadi mu mama jadikan tanda
Kerana tiap doa diberi seorang pembela yang nama mu Putera dimabrulkan
Buat penyejuk dendam rindu membara putera kesayangan
Bisikan darimu tercungkil bibit memori mama menunggu kelahiran mu
Angan angan tiap guggurnya pahlawan zuhud mama layangkan
Sehalus sutera tenunan selembut kasih jiwamu mama idamkan
Seputih salju kulit mu biar cerah cahaya sayang tiada tertara
Kucupan bibir mu merah kelopak mawar harum syurga
Tiap gerakan zahir mu biar tanpa ragu penuh damba rindu pada Satu
Susunan hak hukum tak terlepas dikepal erat genggaman kiri dan kanan mu
Tiap ungkapan dari mu sayu memukau indah dicorak alunan kalimah syahdu
Julungan harapan suci mama menjadi detik tiap degupan jantung mu
Tepat pada hari yang di janjiNya utusan tanggung jawab berdengus memerih
Nama mu dipilih penuh bermakna biar besar jasa mu di rasakan bersama
Putera Emir Hafeez di bendung manja tiada sedikit pun tertanda cela
Tiap hari silih berganti pergi, biar ia pergi bersamanya gugur benci
Namun janji tetap janji akan mama berpegang teguh tak gentar caci maki
Tiada yang dapat merangkul pergi bahagia tiap corak senyuman mu dari ku
Walau memori tinggal memori, tetap tiap hari jadi mu mama jadikan tanda
Kerana tiap doa diberi seorang pembela yang nama mu Putera dimabrulkan
Selamat Hari Jadi yang ke enam sayang…yang ini dari hati ke hati....nanti yang jam transformer ke spiderman tue mama carik kan otey :)
kishes,
your SECRET mama *shhhhhhhh*
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